Saturday, July 2, 2011

4 Things I Learned About Paris Hilton From 'The World According to Paris'

I have something quite embarrassing to admit - I watch 'The World According to Paris'. It is really bad and I have no excuse as to why I didn't stop watching after the first awful episode. It just keeps getting worse and I can't even use the excuse of it being a "guilty pleasure" because it is not the least bit pleasurable. The show does shine some light on who Paris is - and is it sure ain't pretty....

1. She's not funny without Nicole - So, I willfully admit back in the day that I used to watch The Simple Life. I wasn't obsessed or anything, but when it was on....I would watch....and I would laugh my ass off. It actually made me give a smidgen of respect for Paris Hilton because she seemed to "get it". She understood the ridiculousness of her existence and she used it to her advantage and capitalized on it - In theory that would make her a smart business woman. She made fun of herself for being vacant, self-obsessed and elitist. On The World According to Paris, I don't laugh at all - which made me realize it was really Nicole all along that was the "funny" one and Paris just went along with the joke. This show is almost painfully unfunny, it is downright disturbing. The only time I laughed was when she thought she might be pregnant because she was gaining weight - she steps on the scale and her gigantic feet took up the whole scale - but it just made me long for Nicole's presence, surely she would have said something witty. And - FYI Paris it takes like a minute to take a pregnancy test it doesn't need to fill up a whole episode. And, you really shouldn't tell everyone before you even take a test. Dumb ass.

2. She's a walking contradiction - literally, she walks on the beach with a camera crew filming her romantic getaway all while complaining that she doesn't get any privacy. She drives a puke pink, obnoxiously obvious car around Beverly Hills, but doesn't understand why the paparazzi always knows where she is. She talks about being "almost 30" and needing to grow up but admits that she uses her "baby voice" to get what she wants. Here is my advice Paris - embrace the fact that you are an attention whore - at least you would gain that ounce of respect I had for you back.

3. She's a backstabber - She constantly talks about her assistant behind her back (and on camera) as well as her friends assistant but then is really nice to their face. She also doesn't really say the greatest things about her mom, her now ex-boyfriend and Brooke. If I were any of these people I would be really offended by her show.

4. She is not even interesting enough to fill up her own show - Why is this show about Brooke Mueller going to rehab? Seriously, I could give a fuck about this woman.

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