Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. Nine Perfect Strangers - I've only watched 3 episodes so far, but it is soooooo sloooooowww. I bought the book earlier this year, but I haven't read it yet. I did like Liane Moriarty's What Alice Forgot (it wasn't great, but it was a solid summer read), but I'm not the biggest fan of the series Big Little Lies (it's ok, but severely over-praised in my opinion). This seems like the same type of story (privileged middle-aged wealthy white people doing privileged middle-aged wealthy white people stuff). The first episode serves as a character introduction of our "nine perfect strangers", and while the cast is incredible, the actual characters are really boring, predictable, cliched as fuck. I have a huge, gigantic, massively insane crush on Samara Weaving - and she does a good job in the role, but it's basically your typical spoiled shallow influencer and I have no interest in learning anything else about her (although I'm sure there is something "deeper" to her story. *rolls eyes*). There is also Luke Evans, Bobby Cannavale, and Michael Shannon as "asshole", "nice guy but also an asshole" and "nice guy", respectively. And then to top it all off, there is Nicole Kidman with a very jarring Russian accent being super "mysterious" as this new age cult leader/personality. I don't feel like the role fits her at all (she's just always cold to me, which isn't necessarily a bad thing when that's what the role calls for). I'll keep watching, hoping that it gets more interesting, but I'm kind of dreading reading the book now. 

2. American Horror Stories - Wow. I was not expecting this to be this bad. I'm a fan of American Horror Story, as a whole. Although some seasons are clearly better than others - Coven and Asylum are miles better than the rest of the series. But all of them have interesting ideas and solid performances. This, however, is wildly uneven with horrible performances, and really, really cliched horror "stories". I think the idea of a spin-off is actually interesting, but I definitely feel like this is aimed at a younger audience (which is also how I felt about the Fear Street movies). I think the most glaring problem is the acting. I truly appreciate that this is taking the idea of "the next generation" quite literally by casting Paris Jackson, Kaia Gerber, Billie Lourd and Noah Cyrus - but none of them can actually act (Paris has great screen presence, though, and Kaia has the most potential). Also, I'm devastated that the worst offender, the actress playing Scarlett, is the same girl from The Vast of Night because I adored her in that. The character is just a really overdone teenage rebel cliche, that is more laughable than it is disturbing. Every episode gets worse, and the first episode is downright terrible...so....I don't have much else to say. 

3. Cooking with Paris - Fun fact about me: I actually love Paris Hilton. I love Nicole Richie way more, and she is usually the one that instigated the hijinks during their The Simple Life times, but Hilton is hilarious in her own right. I don't, however, like any of the Kardashians - I don't even know which one is which, except for Kim, who unfortunately appears in the first episode of this. This show would be so much better if it was "cooking with Paris and Nicole", but also I'm pretty sure Nicole would set the house on fire, so it's probably not a good idea. Another fun fact about me: I'm a really, really good cook. I absolutely hate doing it, but sometimes I amaze myself at the results. I don't usually like watching cooking shows for the same reason I don't like cooking - it usually grosses me out. Like when I touch raw chicken I have to shut down my brain or else I feel nauseous. But the good thing about this cooking show is that it's obviously not really about the cooking - it's about how ridiculous (and funny) Paris is. We, surprisingly, have a lot in common - our love of cereal and McDonalds french fries, our hate at how many milk options there are (it's seriously an entire aisle at my grocery store - why are there that many different milks???), not knowing what common kitchen appliances are (I am constantly googling for pictures), and somehow the ability to make delicious meals. It's like we are twins. 

4. Dr. Death - I wasn't really planning on watching this show - I didn't even realize that I have Peacock as a streaming service (I literally have so many streaming services and I can't even keep track if I'm paying extra or not? Why do I have this but not Paramount+? I never signed up for it?). But the thought of Pacey in doctor scrubs just reeled me in and then Christian Slater really cinched it. I'm 2 episodes in, and so far it's kinda boring. And mostly predictable. It reminds me a little of the "Dirty John" story - how he is not really who he says he is (maybe?). I think there is definitely an interesting story here, but I don't know when they are going to get to it, and also once they do, I'm not sure how they can continue. It's based on a true story, but I'm not familiar with how it turns out. 

5. The Pursuit of Love - The first episode of this mini-series is really boring, but thankfully it picks up, and the next two are absolutely wonderful (it's only 3 episodes long). Obviously I am a bit biased by my love for Lily James (just pure sunshine, in my opinion), but I think this is a very lovely story of friendship that changes and grows as their lives continue in different directions. It reminded me a lot of my friendship with my college bff - she had that same personality as Linda; always the center of attention, unpredictable, incredibly impulsive (the exact opposite of me, really) and never, ever boring. But after about 10 years, I realized how incredibly toxic she was to my mental health because she was also very selfish and inconsiderate so I gave up on our friendship (I still miss her and love her dearly and I hope that she is well). Anyway, I recommend this if period dramas are your thing - especially for the costume design. And back to Lily for a sec - she's incredible in this, but I was a bit distracted by the fact that this is the project that she had that very publicized affair with Dominic West and now I definitely question her life choices. Nothing against West, but she is waaaaay too good for him (ok, I guess that is obnoxiously against West, but facts are facts). Wouldn't she be cute with someone like, say..., Taron Egerton? He's single and adorable and they have friends in common. He's RIGHT THERE GIRL. Also, WHY is she doing this Pam Anderson project?! Who let her do this? I don't care how good the makeup is - the project is fucked (let Pam Anderson tell her own story, when she wants to do it - that's the only way to make it good). 

Thoughts on Films

1. The Resort - I was in the mood for a fun, cheesy horror movie and this seemed like it had the same vibe as The Rental (which I liked), but, oh man, this movie is bad. I don't think I have anything nice to say about it at all. You would think that, at the very least, I could praise the scenery considering that it takes place in Hawaii (and was actually filmed there), but it barely scratches the surface of the beauty that exists there (still on my list! Volcano tour here I come!). The dialogue, combined with that Chris Hemsworth wannabe's acting is just truly horrendous. The plot is a very typical haunted building mystery tale, but it takes a full 45 minutes before anything remotely creepy happens (which is more than half of the total runtime). Instead we are given 45 minutes of banter, that is neither interesting nor is it funny, and an overly long scene of them swimming in a lake, which is an obvious excuse to have these four show some skin. I don't usually have problems with that, but these four people are not hot and it doesn't even make sense that the girls are conveniently wearing bikinis even though the lake was not a planned stop. Once the "haunted" part kicks in, I was already really bored and I was rooting for their deaths. It all felt very amateur. 

2. A Quiet Place Part II - I really liked the first one (I believe it was in my top 3 movies of 2018). I think horror is probably the genre that I am the most skeptical of - it has to be done really well for me to enjoy it. And horror sequels are generally terrible. I didn't really want a sequel to this - it seemed unnecessary and *spoiler* since Krasinski's character dies in the first one, I thought it would just make me sad to watch more of the story without him. BUT, I'm extremely happy to say that I loved this one almost just as much as the first one. The intensity of it is still there - and that's really why it was so successful for me. And it made me happy that they found a way to still include his character (via flashback). And Cillian Murphy is a great replacement - I definitely consider him underrated. He's always good but rarely talked about. The rest of the cast is, once again, wonderful. I actually didn't realize that Noah Jupe was in the first one (he was excellent in Honey Boy. What a talented kid!). Also, it's the PERFECT length - roughly an hour and forty minutes (just like the first one), every moment is necessary and nothing is wasted. It just grabs you right from the beginning, is incredibly tense with a pitch-perfect pace. Right now, it's my favorite movie of 2021 (even though it was technically premiered in the U.S in 2020, but then quickly delayed a wide release due to the pandemic. I think most are considering it 2021). 

3. Wrath of Man - Guy Ritchie and Jason Statham...I AM ALL IN. It's a very typical Ritchie production with very fast-moving dialogue (I wish I had the subtitles on because I KNOW that I missed some of the humor), and non-linear narrative. Overall, I liked it, but I wanted to love it. I think something about it just didn't feel fresh enough. It gets very repetitive and it's quite obvious (from the very beginning - it's even in the title) as to what this guy is doing. But it's also very satisfying watching everything unfold. I wish Josh Hartnett had more to do - he seems kind of wasted in this as a clueless sidekick character. Also, *spoilers* the end "heist" is incredibly stupid - as it's talked about as being a big score because they hit the armored car depot on Black Friday as if the money would be automatically there the day of (most stores don't balance out their deposits until that night and it doesn't get picked up until the next day - so if you want to hit the Black Friday jackpot then you would hit the trucks on Saturday...DUH. But also not many people use cash anymore, anyway. Just so dumb). I would recommend it to anyone who is a Guy Ritchie fan because it feels like he's back to doing what he does best (with this and The Gentleman, I have high hopes that he is ditching doing stuff like the live-action Aladdin - what the fuck was he thinking?).

4. Beckett - *slight spoilers* Really, really slow-moving and unfortunately, it's just not worth the effort it takes to watch it. But, John David Washington redeems himself (I like him, but he really lost me with his performance in Tenet, in which he seemed like he was about to fall asleep at any moment). He's really engaging in this - and probably the only reason that I didn't end up completely hating this movie. He also does a brilliant job at getting the audience to feel how defeated he is - he's in a car accident, is shot and stabbed, and still continues - but not in a typical action-hero kind of way. Instead, you are genuinely left wondering if he's just going to collapse at any moment. I think I was expecting some sort of twist or something, especially with Alicia Vikander's character (again, another OSCAR-WINNING actress taking a bit part in an action thriller. WTF), but it ends up being a fairly straight-forward story about a normal guy just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's not a bad movie - but I can't say that there is anything memorable about it. I think if they established the characters better in the beginning then I might have cared more about them, but it just starts off instantly slow and dull. 

5. The Last Letter from Your Lover - Not a terrible romance drama. It actually held my attention and has a satisfying conclusion. I also really like 3/4 of the cast - Shailene Woodley gets better and better with every role, Felicity Jones is always a delight, and Joe Alwyn has a really intriguing presence. Honestly, if Alwyn was in the "lover" role, the movie would have been even better. Callum Turner is the worst part of the movie - he has no screen presence, no charisma at all, which definitely hurts the *most* essential part of this story - the chemistry that is necessary for the audience to fall deep for this love story. The older version of this couple had more chemistry just in their 2 minutes of screen time together. The best part of this movie, though, is the costume design. Her outfits are TO DIE FOR (wouldn't it be wonderful to just lounge all day in a white bathing suit and big white sun hat?? But honestly, just the thought of it stresses me out - I would most definitely get something on the white bathing suit, or worry that it's see-thru, and with my luck it would be a windy day and that hat would just go flying right off my head. But in movie land, it just seems like such a relaxing, peaceful experience). The film is definitely not for everyone - it's a slightly better Nicholas Sparks type story about unrequited love, but there is something very charming and lovely about it. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Jolt - It's not the worst movie of 2021, but it's certainly not good. There are certain parts that I can stick up for - the concept is actually pretty interesting and it's satisfying watching Kate Beckinsale beat the shit out of mean & rude assholes. And speaking of Beckinsale, I've been a fan since Pearl Harbor, and she does her very best to have some fun with the clunky dialogue. Plus, she's hot (it seems it's become sort of a faux pas to mention how hot actors/actresses are in movie/tv reviews, which I think if you're writing professionally, then, sure, I guess that's something that should be fazed out. But I don't write professionally (clearly), so you will never get me to stop talking about how hot Taron Egerton is, even if he isn't in the movie I'm writing about). There are also some funny/memorable moments - *slight spoiler ahead, but just so you understand what you're in for* she throws newborn babies at a cop to get away. I mean, like hurls them across the room. It would be totally offensive if it weren't so ridiculous and just fucking funny). Unfortunately, everything else about the movie is just really awful. I think it's supposed to take place in NYC (??) or maybe just an undetermined city (??), but definitely America - and it's very clearly not filmed in America and they do an absolutely abysmal job in hiding that fact (even the license plates aren't American). I also hate the narration in the beginning (show don't tell, and obviously that is a very famous person's voice who will likely appear in the movie at some point). Also, *spoiler* it's clear, and unfortunate, that Jai Courtney would have a bigger role - he's too big of a name to only be in it for a few minutes. And on a side-note, doesn't Beckinsale look like Ashley Benson in the poster or is that just me? 

2. Fear Street Part 3: 1666 - Well, this is definitely the worst of the three films. I have to say, though, overall I respect what the trilogy accomplishes. And it's something of a different strategy for streaming services to attempt - weekly feature films released more as an anthology (I think that if this is what Small Axe did, then I would have less of a problem with them being considered "films"). The movies, though, just fell flat to me. There is nothing new to add to the horror genre - instead they relied on old cliches and nostalgia to tell a rather dull ghost/witch story. They were smart in releasing the 94 one first, and working backwards because if they released this one first, I don't think I would have continued. I knew that the theme of the third film would be the one that I liked the least - it's basically a colonial witch hunt story (which reminds me of The VVitch, and no thank you) and, as many have noted, the Irish accents are hilariously bad (and unnecessary?). I do think that it's weird that they spent the last part of this one going back to the 94 one because it felt so jarring. I don't think it necessarily had to end so tightly - they could have left a lot of things open for interpretation. But I guess it would be even weirder to release a Part Two of Fear Street Part 1. 

3. The Forty-Year-Old Version - What a fitting movie to watch the week after I turned 40. I absolutely adored this movie. It feels refreshing, inspiring & genuine. Plus, it's really fucking funny. Just 12 minutes in and I laughed out loud four times ("this isn't Dangerous Minds" LOL). But, the laughs don't stop there - I think my favorite part is the multiple references to an "all female production of 12 Angry Men", but it's honestly too difficult to pick a favorite part. It's all just funny. There are also parts that really hit at your emotions too - her first rap performance is just devastating and I think really represents how hard it is to do something new. And I love the focus on the art, poetry, and talent that goes into rapping. I feel like that's been lost nowadays, but I'm also 40 so I'm very aware that there is a generational gap between what I'm used to and what rap has become. There is also a lot to say about depictions of blackness in the theater community (and is the same in films/tv) and how white people are continually utilizing performative gestures to combat racism instead of actually listening to what POC are telling us. It honestly must be infuriating, and I'm glad that Radha Blank doesn't sugarcoat it. The end dialogue with all the different meanings of FYOV ("Find Your Own Voice", "Fuck You Old Vultures", "Fund Your Own Vision, and finally "Forty-Year-Old Version") is so empowering and beautiful. My only two critiques are: that I hate that it's in black & white (I just feel like there is so much vibrancy to the story - I would have preferred if that translated to the visuals) and that it's too long (just like every single other movie made nowadays). But honestly, fuck my opinion, because Blank tells her story how she wants to and it is wonderful. 

4. Every Breath You Take - I already knew that this was going to be a trashy thriller just by the poster and title alone, but I do love me some Michelle Monaghan. I've been a huge fan of hers since Boston Public, and I'm so disappointed that she hasn't become a massive star. Instead, she's always relegated to the "wife" roles (although I think she does these roles well, and sometimes this role becomes the bigger role, like in The Path which deserved a lot more attention than it received). I would love to see her do something different, though, like take a big risk. Anyway, I also had some hope that this might be more than a "trashy thriller" simply because Casey Affleck is in it? You know, ACADEMY AWARD WINNER Casey Affleck. Does that not mean anything, anymore? Why is he acting in and producing Lifetime quality thrillers? Make it make sense. So, the movie is bad, obviously. The cast is great, but the plot is just really slow-moving and seemingly predictable. My mind started to wander about half-way through, in which I started wishing I had a lap pool (like the one featured in the movie). I would love to be able to go for a swim every day. And about how I could swear that Sam Caflin was older than me (he's only 35!). But then suddenly, the twist happens and it's kind of unexpected (*spoiler* I knew that his patient probably didn't commit suicide - because, um...who commits suicide by jumping off of a two-story house? Nobody, that's who.). I wasn't expecting the "other" twist, though, and it kind of makes the whole movie work. It's still a trashy thriller, but definitely a well-written one. 

5. The Suicide Squad - Just a whole lot of fun. This is what I want out of comic book movies, honestly. When I think back to when I first started to enjoy this genre, my mind automatically goes to Spider-Man, but in reality, my love of this genre goes back deep with Howard the Duck. I can't even tell you how many times I watched Howard the Duck as a kid - it was just on, endlessly. And I used to sing the song ALL the time. So much so, that one of my biggest memories of my mom is her banning Howard the Duck. She was just so fed up with it that I was suddenly not allowed to watch it anymore (and I don't think I've seen it since then?). It's odd that as a kid, I became so obsessed with certain movies that I would watch them on repeat (at that time, I also did this with Uncle Buck, Adventures in Babysitting and Flight of the Navigator, then later I did it again with Speed), but now I rarely re-watch movies. And back to my point, the only ones in this genre that I find rewatchable are the more fun ones - specifically Guardians of the Galaxy. I've tried watching others if they are on tv (there is always Marvel marathons on any given channel at any given time) and I always get bored and turn it off. That's not to say that I don't enjoy the more "serious" ones, like The Dark Knight trilogy etc. (also, I guess I should be more specific that I'm talking about superhero comics because I obviously re-watch the Kingsman movies endlessly). Anyway, back to this movie, it just revels in its ridiculousness and I enjoyed every second. It's obnoxious and crass at times and completely unapologetic in killing innocent people, but I'm not sure why people expected otherwise? They are all criminals - we aren't supposed to, like, idolize any of them (again, why people do this with Harley Quinn is fucking baffling to me). It's basically a combination Guardians (a bunch of unlikely heroes forming a bond and saving the world) mixed with The Boys (the unlikely heroes are all villains, plus the violence and unapologetic nature of it puts it in this category). Honestly, I expected the violence to be worse (I mean nothing in it comes close to the dolphin scene in The Boys). I also think that they did a much better job at creating the comradery in this (sequel? reboot? It's not important), instead of focusing on just two main characters - every single one of them (and there's a lot) are given memorable moments. I actually look forward to re-watching it (someday...).