3 Thoughts on The Beekeeper

1. The Stupidity - Oh my God, it's just about the dumbest thing I've seen in ages! The plot follows along with similar type movies like John Wick, The Equalizer, etc., in which the main character has "retired" from some elite assassin group but comes out of retirement to seek justice for personal reasons. But this guy, after retiring from a group called "The Beekeepers" actually becomes a beekeeper. And they call him "The Beekeeper" as if we're supposed to be terrified of those words multiple times in the movie. I laughed every single time. They explain to us (the dumb audience) multiple times that beekeepers protect the hive and sometimes that means they have to kill the queen if she has produced bad bees, so if you didn't see where that story was going, then maybe go back to school? I don't know, it's just so fucking stupid. But the even stupider part is the actual story that revolves around tech bros scamming old people. Seriously, that's what the movie is about. 

2. The Stath - I rate this film 2.5 stars, but if Jason Statham was not the star of this, I think it would be considered unwatchable. Statham is excellent. He's got the line between serious action star and comedic charm down to a fucking science. The fight scenes are spectacular and highly entertaining - I particularly love the one towards the end when you can feel the exhaustion between them but they still keep going. But, when he's not onscreen, this movie is fucking dire. I like Josh Hutcherson, but what the fuck was he doing here?? His "tech bro" persona is hopefully the worst acting I'll see all year. And Emmy Raver-Lampman??? Perhaps the least believable FBI agent I've ever seen in my life. She tries so hard to come off as this badass, FBI savant, and it's just so wildly performed. The dialogue between her and her partner is supposed to be funny, I think, but man, it's just so awful. I like her in The Umbrella Academy, but this role did her no favors. Also, not sure why she gets to wear ripped, tight, skinny jeans to work while everyone else is in professional FBI clothes? But the scene that takes the cake in ridiculousness is when the "new" beekeeper appears to kill Statham. They describe the character as basically unhinged, and then this little tiny woman with crazy hair appears. TO KILL JASON STATHAM. She's, like, me sized. I'm talking tiny. It's HILARIOUS. Anyway, there's also legitimate actors in this too, like Jeremy Irons and Minnie Driver (but I think Driver's role must have been cut down? I can't imagine she would take this role for those tiny scenes?). 

3. The Experience - You guys! I haven't been to the movie theater in over a year!!! 15 months to be exact (to see Don't Worry Darling). In 2020, one of my goals for the year was to get back into seeing movies in the theater (it suffered since I moved to my current house), but then, well, you can guess how that went since we suffered a WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC! I was nervous to make that my goal, again, for this year, but I really do want to make it a habit again - even if it's just once a month. Other than some personal life changes, I also just stopped making theaters a priority because other people were ruining it for me, but then once the pandemic hit - and everything became so available via streaming, it seems a little pointless and like waste of money. I already pay so much for all these streaming services, I might as well wait until the film I want to see appears on one of these services at no additional cost, right? It usually takes no longer than, like, 6 months, and I am a very patient person. Anyway, even though this movie was terrible, I'm glad I saw it in a theater. I appreciate things a little more, especially the sound design during the fight scenes. I think that's usually the biggest thing I notice when I see movies in a theater - the sound. But, even though I saw this in a fairly empty theater during a Thursday matinee, I still had to listen to two different couples chit-chatting through the whole thing. Also, when it ended, one of the women asked her partner "I don't understand, why was he a beekeeper?", so I guess, yeah, people are fucking dumb.