Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Peninsula - Train to Busan is my favorite film of 2016 (and I can't believe that was 5 years ago, but I still feel like I *just* watched it). This is a huge disappointment. The actual title of the movie - Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula is a really weird flex. A movie can't "present" another movie. And it's clear that they realized they made a bad movie and that attaching it to its predecessor will still force people to watch it even after the bad reviews (i.e ME. I'm such a sucker). Where Train to Busan is concise and thrilling, this is dull, slow, and filled with pointless scenes. It moves more into The Walking Dead territory (a show that I hate, but yes, I'm still watching it) - by having the "humans are scarier than the zombies" trope - they've formed gangs and capture other humans for sport and entertainment. But it doesn't really have anything to say that hasn't already been said. And the CGI with the car scenes is overwhelmingly bad. It's just not engaging at all. The characters are really stereotyped and predictable too. It doesn't even feel like it's in the same universe as Train to Busan. 

2. Stardust - It's crazy that they couldn't get the rights to David Bowie's music and they still decided to go forward with this biopic. The film follows Bowie during his first (and mostly disastrous) trip to the United States. It's also "unauthorized" and highly criticized by Bowie's family (I always forget that Duncan Jones is Bowie's son, so it always feels like new information, and then I go..."no wait...I knew that already"). As awful as this film is - there are a few things that I appreciate. First, this is the type of biopic that I like - one that focuses on an important part of someone's life instead of trying to tell the "whole" story. And, since they couldn't get anyone "official" to help with the story - most of it is probably highly dramatized or completely imagined (I find this an interesting concept). Second, I had no idea who Johnny Flynn is and, at first, was really put off by his interpretation of Bowie. However, as the film goes on, he starts to win me over. I looked him up and was surprised to find out that he's the guy from Emma. - so it's clear that he has range. And I appreciate that he sang the songs himself (even though they aren't Bowie songs). Otherwise, though, this is a really bad movie. There's no passion, no heart, no imagination. It's the opposite of everything Bowie would have wanted. And just when I thought it couldn't get worse - it ended in that laughable freeze-frame. Wow. 

3. Zack Snyder's Justice League - Ok, so when this whole "Snyder cut" thing started to come around, I was really confused. I think I missed a step with what happened with the 2017 Justice League. I thought he left as director because of his very tragic family issue, but that the film was still very much "his". And I thought that's why it was so jumbled - because he couldn't let it go and there were "too many cooks in the kitchen" as they say. Plus, Snyder is always so criticized - I think I got swayed by all the hate he receives, so I automatically blamed him (and it's so ironic that Whedon was always someone I thought could do no wrong. I think it's time to admit I was definitely wrong on that one). But I also think Snyder gets a lot of hate because some of his fans are...a bit over-the-top. Anyway, I'm happy that they were successful in giving Zack the resources to release his version. But, I'm also disappointed in the result. While it was miles better than the first version, it's still just...an okay movie. It's more cohesive and the characters are given a little bit more to do, but I was still bored. And it's nice that Cyborg and The Flash are given a backstory and a purpose, but maybe they were originally cut because the acting is so questionable (partly because the dialogue is clunky, but also because they were both miscast)? I'm also stunned that people claim that the FOUR HOUR movie goes by quickly - do you not feel time??? Because I felt every single minute of it. I just kept thinking "when is it going to get good?" "I've already seen this before", "yes, it looks better, but it's still the same movie", "why am I watching this again?", "ok...how much more is left? 3 hours??? Fuck my life", etc. I made it to the 2 hour mark and decided to break it up into 2 parts so that I didn't hate myself as much. I think part of why I had such a hard time with it is because I rarely rewatch movies - it feels pointless and like a waste of time when there is SO MUCH NEW TO WATCH. For me to rewatch something, it has to be something I really love and brings me joy (or star Taron Egerton - because I really love him and he brings me joy). So this just felt like torture. A solid 3 star torture. 

4. Relic - I really like Emily Mortimer. She's just a really consistently strong under-rated actress. I actually questioned for a minute into in this if she was actually Australian - the accent just fits her so well. I also like Bella Heathcote (although I've always confused her with Bella Thorne and Bella Hadid - I've got them straightened out now: Heathcote is the one that can act, Thorne is the OnlyFans girl, and Hadid is the model who married one of the One Direction boys. NAILED IT. Oh wait...there's a different Hadid. I'm so old.). Anyway, this movie is ok - nothing special. I always get bored with these types of movies, anyway, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by my indifference towards it. Old people (and kids) are super creepy - we get it. I hope when I get old someone just puts me in a nice home with a very large tv that I can stare at all day (and maybe a few cats that I can cuddle with?). The atmosphere is superbly creepy, but overall I don't think it offers anything new. I did like the end, though (although I hope it's not setting up for sequels - just leave it alone). 

5. Wild Mountain Thyme - I don't think I've ever seen a funnier trailer for a movie. I saw it trending on twitter - so I watched it and then thought it must be a parody (which is why it was trending, but no...it was trending because people were like "holy shit, this is a real movie!"). Widely criticized for the depiction of Irish people and the awful accents, my favorite comment is "this movie to Irish people is what Cats is to actual cats". Then it was released, and the dialogue changed to talk about a ridiculous twist - and boy, let me tell you, it is damn-near the craziest thing I've ever seen for a movie like this. And I'm going to spoil it for you - so if you really care, stop reading this, but honestly, it's so dumb and hilarious that you won't even believe it's real. OK...here goes: He thinks he's a bee. Really. You read that correctly. The whole movie leads you to question his "big secret" and the reveal is that HE THINKS HE'S A BEE. Oh, man, I'm laughing all over again just thinking about it. Anyway, as for the rest of this movie, it's all really bad. I think it would have been better if it was about people in their late teens/early 20s because none of this feels like actual adult interactions. I'm also not sure that I really understand the plot - why was he not going to inherit the farm? Just because he wasn't married? And how much time has gone by between scenes? Because sometimes they act like they haven't seen each other in ages, but they were just in the previous scene together (and they are neighbors...). I do like the intent behind the "twist", that people hide from their true identities and often imagine themselves living a different reality, but the execution of this idea is WILD. Also, this is the least sexy Jamie Dornan has ever been - and you'd think it would be the opposite with his Irish accent and lovely grey streak. I'm not sure I'll ever look at him the same after this bee fiasco.