Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Black Adam - I wasn't really looking forward to this for multiple reasons - and it started way before the bad reviews started rolling in. I like The Rock in certain projects (pretty much the family adventure films he's done, like Jumanji and Jungle Cruise), but he's in wayyyyy too many things now. He's not a very good actor, which isn't always necessary in comic book movies, but I feel like it is in this case because it's not part of an ensemble. He's the lead, and he needs to be charismatic (he's not). Also, I think the release of this felt a little bit pointless because it was super clear that DC were going to reboot themselves (they had no choice, really), so even when they made the announcement of Cavill returning as Supes, I was really skeptical. It just didn't make any sense whatsoever. I don't even think they should release The Flash, at this point - just take the L (it's a big expensive L, but releasing it will be embarrassing). I don't know why people are still so attached to this universe - so much of it has ranged from mediocre to terrible. I don't see how anyone can deny that? And yet...! Anyway, I think Gunn is the perfect person to put in charge of creating a new cinematic DC universe - he's super passionate about comics, has a clear vision, and all of his projects have been fun (Guardians, Peacemaker, The Suicide Squad - all a blast!). I know none of this has to do with this movie, but I feel like even reviewing it is pointless? It's awful. On every level. The Justice Society are filled to the brim with the blandest characters I've ever seen in a comic book movie (and I say this as a big fan of Aldis Hodge, but fuck me he is absolutely awful in this). The plot doesn't even really make sense nor is it interesting. And Black Adam is one of those characters that has a different superpower every time I blink, which makes him very, very boring. And the whole "heroes don't kill people" is moronic. Do they not think there is collateral damage every time they have those huge fights with thousands of people around? Like when Cyclone does her little weather phenomenon, a piece of furniture doesn't go flying through the air and hit an innocent person? Like, can we just assume that A LOT of people die during these fights and movie on? It's a movie. 

2. BARDO, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths - Not gonna lie, I rolled my eyes hard at this title. Just so pretentious. But I'm a huge fan of Alejandro G. Innaritu. I've mentioned it before but I feel like I definitely don't talk about it enough - 21 Grams is one of my all-time favorite movies. It was a life-changing experience when I saw it in the theater 20 years ago. I had the poster on my wall for years. I'm also a big fan of Amores Perros. As for his more recent films, I think they all have moments of brilliance - but none compare to those two. I liked this movie, a lot, but it didn't make my Top 10 which I expected it to (probably in Top 20, though - and I think the Screenplay is among my favorite of the year). I love movies that play with perspective, "truth", and memories. It's *most definitely* self-indulgent, but it's the point as it's a partial autobiography. I think it handles the loss of a baby in a really beautiful way. It just has to be the most painful experience imaginable, and Innaritu pulling from personal experience really made the emotion and underlying sadness of the characters feel really authentic. The "closure" scene is so hard to watch, but it's absolutely stunning - just unforgettable imagery. I also like his grappling with fame and feeling the loss of his Mexican identity. Unfortunately, because of the length, I started to lose interest. This is a rare time in which I will concede that watching it in a theater would have been better. At a theater, I would have been forced to pay attention, but at home, my mind wanders (Did I get the mail? I'm hungry, I should make a snack. Oooooh Lily wants to play with her springs! The mess by the door has been bothering me for days, let me clean that up real quick. etc.). The dialogue kept pulling me back in, but I know at a theater, I would have been more focused and I would have loved every second of it. 

3. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - Another dumb title. I totally agree with Rian, it did not need the Knives Out attached to it; anyone that is a fan of the first will recognize this as the sequel. But also, they lost a partial audience specific to Netflix (of people who may have not watched the first, but feel like they need to before watching this. Which isn't necessary at all as it's a completely different story). I wasn't the biggest fan of Knives Out. I enjoyed it, sure, it's a solid murder mystery, but the way people rave about it is really crazy. I wanted it to be a bit more fun, embrace the campiness a little more, etc. I wasn't that excited for this because at least with Knives Out, I love the cast. Not so much with this one (going in to it: love Kathryn Hahn & Janelle Monae. Daniel Craig was the least interesting character in the first, aside from his weird accent. But Kate Hudson and Leslie Odom Jr? Should they really be seen in the same room together after that Music disaster? And Jessica Hardwick was awful in The Grey Man. One of the worst acting performances of 2022. Edward Norton can very easily tip into the over-acting scale), but I'm happy to say that they all work really well together. I think everyone's highlight is Janelle Monae, but mine is the relative newcomer, Madelyn Cline. It must have been overwhelming to be among this super-cast, but she holds her own brilliantly. The beginning is a little shaky (that puzzle invitation is Ridiculous with a capital R), and watching all the "look at me, I'm rich" stuff is really tiring. It's very obvious that the "murder" he is investigating is not the actual "murder", and I think it's fairly obvious as to who invited Blanc to the island. I'm glad that they don't drag this out, and cut to the chase very quickly ("I hired Gillian Flynn" is hilarious). And then *major spoiler alert although it's probably been spoiled because some dumbass on twitter criticized it and instead of everyone ignoring him, they retweeted him endlessly as some sort of burn*, there is a complete misdirect and we get to the actual mystery. It is sort of true that the whole first hour of the movie is a little pointless, but I find it interesting to revisit those conversations and interactions under different a different context. It's weird that people assume that it's trying to be "complex and self-important", when the title is literally Glass Onion. It's not that deep. It's a movie. Have fun!

4. Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio - Well, this seems to be a post all about film titles, because it's weird to attach the director's name to a movie title, and yet, it seems totally acceptable here. The audience automatically knows that they are in for a new version of this classic story - a darker, deeper story with incredible visuals. I absolutely loved it. The passion that del Toro has for filmmaking is incredible and he shows it here. I think I've been hyper-critical of del Toro's most recent films because they've all felt way too referential and...unoriginal, which is disappointing coming from someone who is beyond creative (Nightmare Alley was obviously a remake, but it also copied the tv show Carnivale. The Shape of Water is obviously inspired by The Creature of the Black Lagoon but it also felt deeply "inspired by" Amalie. Even Crimson Peak, while beautiful, didn't seem any different than any other ghost story.). But with this, del Toro seemed to embrace the concept, taking one of the most well-known stories of all-time and making it his. It didn't feel like anything I've ever seen before, even though these are well-known characters, with well-known dialogue and plot points. The stop-motion animation is STUNNING. It truly feels magical, innovative, and epic. Ewan McGregor has a lovely voice for animation and I adore the song at the end. Overall, the whole thing is just lovely.

5. Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris - I mean, I guess I'll stick to the theme here and mention the title, because it's super cute (and catchy)! And it's very fitting for the movie. The premise is fairly simple, but it's a super cute movie with some lovely moments and a very likeable main character. I'm not exactly an expert on designer fashion, but I do have an interest in it. And as someone who works in retail (currently for a company that sells higher end fashion, including some excusive designer fashion), I can see, firsthand, how a great dress can transform someone's mood. I know for myself that if I wear a colorful, fun dress to work, my mindset will be "happier" (and honestly, getting compliments throughout your day is never a bad feeling - and it's also how I approach customer service/striking up a conversation. Just find something to compliment and people instantly talk to you and trust you). This may seem like a tangent but it's directly related to this movie because I completely understand that feeling of falling in love with a dress and feeling like having that dress will make your life better (the term "retail therapy" exists for a reason). And that Dior dress that she falls in love with is stunning - the lavender color, the beadwork, the flowers - just so much detail. The story becomes a little predictable, and some of the characters feel a little one-note (Isabel Huppert is such a great bitch, though). The ending is a little ridiculous (lending the dress is a great message about being kind and giving back, but there is no way they would wear the same size...). Overall, though, I really liked this. I have a really crazy side note, though, that is probably going to make me seem like a judgmental bitch, but whatever. So, I couldn't figure out how I recognized the model in this, and IMDB didn't really help because her biggest project is called Warrior Nun (LOL), but then I realized Alba Baptista is Chris Evans' new girlfriend and I was just talking about her with my husband the day before I watched this. I was telling him how I think it's CRAZY that the guy trying to take down all the NFT/Crypto crap is none other than my soulmate Ryan Atwood. And how he wrote a book about it and isn't scared to call out all of the celebrities who are promoting that crap. I then went on a whole tangent about how he's also married to one of the most beautiful women alive (Morena Baccarin) and my husband said "well of course he is, all those movie stars only date the most beautiful women" and that's just not true at all. And I used Chris Evans as an example because I heard about his new girlfriend and I googled her and was like...."um....really?". He could literally have any woman in the world, so I was a little shocked. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her picture (I even picked a good one) and he said "you're so judgmental, she's really cute!" UM "really cute" and "one of the most gorgeous women in the world" are not comparable. "Would you look at her if she passed you in the street?" "Well, no probably not". EXACTLY. So, my point is that Ben McKenzie is really playing his A-game, living his best life, and definitely married up (I'm so happy for him!). I feel bad that I used Alba as an example to prove my point, but it is what it is. This is the first thing I've seen her in and she's very cute. Cute enough for me to look up who she was at least. That video of them scaring each other is nauseating and they seem like the kind of couple who call each other "babe" (fucking kill me), but whatever floats their boat.