Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Eternals - I was never really looking forward to this. I tried to convince myself that it might be good because of the cast, but I knew, in my heart, that it would be bad. The trailer was horrendously boring, and unfortunately, is a reflection of the final product. First, let's discuss the only thing I was excited about - the cast. Because with a cast this good, you really have to work hard to make this movie the mess that it is. Certain cast members stood out for me - Jolie, in particular (perhaps the only one that can actually show emotion with her face instead of relying on the awful dialogue?). It works in her favor that she is not in a leading role, because I do feel truly bad for Gemma Chan having the weight of this movie on her shoulders. Luckily, I know that she can act, but if this was the first time I had seen her, I would definitely doubt that. Also, on the plus side, Kumail Nanjiani provides the much needed, but still very minimal, comedic relief, and Lauren Ridloff is pure sunshine (and severely underused). I wanted this to be the movie that I fell in love with Richard Madden (the pieces are all there), but he's still so blank. Disappointed that I have to dump him in the Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Henry Cavill pile of "hot but bores the fuck out of me". But, perhaps, I'm most disappointed by Barry Keoghan because I am a huge fan of his, but he is terrible in this. I also think whoever played Sprig or Sprite or whatever the fuck their name is GOD AWFUL. Like, so painful that I wanted to shield my eyes whenever they appeared. I expected to hate Kit Harrington (not a fan), but he's not really in this enough to matter (although clearly will be a part of the absolutely dreadful sequel that they have planned). Overall, I didn't feel any chemistry or comradery among them (aside from maybe Jolie and Don Lee - they had a sweet friendship) and I didn't care if any of them...lived or died by the end. I appreciate the diversity among them, but also, if you think about it...isn't it weird that they are diverse? Like, why does Ikaris have a Scottish accent? It would have been more interesting if they were all influenced by their surroundings instead of already being created that way (probably harder to do on film, but...still...). Anyway, this kind of leads me to the next point - the plot is nonsensical (and not in a fun way like Guardians of the Galaxy). It's also...pointless? It feels weird to have these superhero alien beings spend two hours feeling guilty for not stopping major human atrocities. Who wants to see that?? Really, who? Plus, I think the benefit of having someone like Chloe Zhao direct is because, as I understood it, she was going to make it beautiful, but honestly, most of it looks really ugly - very CGI heavy, overly saturated in color in some parts, while being too muted and grey in others. It's just a confounding mess. 

2. Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard - I watched the first one about a week before this and it's ok. Some mindlessly fun action, with a solid cast, but the obvious standout is Salma Hayek (I didn't mean to do a Salma Hayek double bill with this and Eternals, but I'm not complaining. I didn't mention her above because she's pretty inconsequential to the movie - meaning anyone could have done that role because it was so under-written). This sequel is also ok, but slightly less fun, even though the plot is even more ridiculous. I like the addition of Frank Grillo and the hot guy from The Umbrella Academy (sorry, I don't know his name. I also didn't know he had an English accent. Very sexy.). I think it could have done without the whole part of Salma's character obsessing over becoming a mother (Salma is in her 50s - so it just makes it sad, which is not something audiences necessarily want to see from a fun action movie like this). There's a fun *surprise* casting - and the look on Jackson's face when he appears is priceless, but I think the casting also makes it obvious as to who "the bad guy" is. There is a reference to Overboard (one of my favorite comedies of all time), and that's always appreciated. I don't really have much else to write, other than the title is very, very stupid (and kind of sexist - why is her title "wife"?, it could have been The Hitman, The Bodyguard & The Con Artist or something to that effect). 

3. The Kid Detective - I like this movie! It's far darker than I was expecting (even though I read that it's a dark comedy - I still didn't expect it to go the the depths that it does). I watched it for Seth Cohen (obvi), but was excited by the multiple great things I read about it. He (Adam Brody) deserves to be a much bigger star - he's been in some recent stuff with Ready or Not and Shazam!, but still mostly in side character roles. He plays the same character A LOT, but it's a good character - he's got the right combination of snark and charm that makes him irresistible. I also really like the girl from Yellowjackets and the girl from Veep (sorry, I'm being super lazy today and I do not feel like looking up names). The mystery is set up very nicely, with an outcome that I don't think anyone could predict even though it's kind of right in front of you from the beginning. There are some weird tonal shifts, though. I get that it's supposed to be a "dark comedy", but it also feels a little immature for such a dark story. There is something really interesting about it, and I think it could have been a very successful tv series. Or even a solid spin-off could be made because I definitely would watch this guy solve more crimes. 

4. Ron's Gone Wrong - Completely unmemorable animated movie. It's not bad, necessarily, but considering it's released the same year as the wonderful The Mitchells vs. The Machines, there's just no competition. It's cute, but everything about it has been done before and better (even Ron has an extremely similar vibe to Baymax, but not nearly as cute and loveable). I do like what it is trying to do, which is teach the dangers of social media to a young audience. It's crazy to me that children need to learn this message (as in it's beyond teenagers, it's now infecting even younger minds). While I do think that social media can be a great place to make friends, share interests, and learn about other cultures, it can also be a dangerous place for impressionable young minds. Specifically, Instagram seems to be the most concerning (and the one that this movie seems to reference the most  - "would you like to comment on this picture?" LOL), because it's really easy to just post a bunch of pictures that make it seem like your life is exciting and then rely on "likes" to confirm that you've convinced everyone. This movie does a good job of showing how it could all go wrong - and the importance of staying in "the real world". I also think there is a bit of a digging at Apple products (although not stated outright, but the whole "you must have this product" feels definitely against Apple), which I wholeheartedly agree with (I hate Apple products, although their streaming service is, unfortunately, excellent). I wish the movie was funnier, and more original, because I'm pretty sure that I won't remember a thing about it in a few months. 

5. Last Night in Soho - Boy do I have a lot of thoughts about this movie, and not many of them are good. It's a very well-made movie, no doubt. It held my attention, there are some stunning scenes, fabulous use of mirrors and reflections, and a seamlessly edited dance sequence that blew me away. So, for that, it's a 3 (out of 5) star movie. But there are just so many problems with the story. I'm definitely not alone in my opinion, it seems like it's been widely discussed as a bit problematic. Most focus on the awful ending, which is definitely a big part of the problem. I'm very confused on what exactly the message is supposed to be here: *major spoilers ahead* Am I supposed to feel bad for a murderer? It definitely leaves a bad taste in my mouth to have this "sex workers are evil" twist. Or, even worse, are we supposed to believe that men who hire sex workers deserve to be murdered??? Because aside from being incredibly bored by their banter, the film never shows any of them treating her badly (except one). They are paying for a service that she is providing - they don't know the circumstances behind her work. And even if "the twist" wasn't so tonally confusing, it is incredibly obvious because they use a famous actor (Sam Caflin) in one of the "John" roles, so I assumed he was more important than the rest of them, which led my head spinning as to how his role connects to the present day. I also saw a few critics question whether a male filmmaker (Edgar Wright) should be making a film that is essentially a commentary on the "me too" movement, and to that I say...bullshit. There have been thousands of female-centric stories made by men that are wonderful - to discourage a group of people of creating art about something they might not fully understand is inherently...bullshit. People USE art and creativity to grow and learn. However, I would LOVE to see more films like these made by women (two things can exist at the same time!). This critique is also nonsense because, while Wright directed and wrote the story, he had a woman write the screenplay; so he did what we've been asking for - hired a woman to tell a female-centric story! I was actually surprised at this, because, to me, this did feel like it was written by a man. Nothing about it felt genuine - especially her interactions with her classmates. My initial thought was "clearly a man who knows absolutely nothing about fashion wrote this", but apparently it's written by two people (and man and a woman) who clearly know nothing about fashion. It's like they assume everyone at fashion school is a Kim Kardashian type? This may seem like a small thing to focus on, but for me, it's super frustrating. Yes, Kardashian and the like, are huge in the fashion world, but they didn't *go to school for fashion*. The school would be filled with our main character type girl - people creating their own clothes, overwhelmed by inspiration surrounding her in a big city, instead of the anomaly that she's portrayed as. And, furthermore, the way the teacher ogles her not-so-original designs inspired by the 60s is kind of hilarious and would not thrive in such a cutthroat industry. It's weird because I think the costume design in this film is great for all the "past" parts - but they do absolutely nothing to modernize it or conceptualize it for the present day. It's just so...basic. My last criticism is the cast - I adore Anya, and she is incredible in this even though she doesn't really have much to do. But Thomasin Mackenzie gets under my skin. I was trying to not focus on it (and I didn't even mention how awful she was in Old...restraint!). She's not terrible in this, but there is just something about her voice that makes me cringe. And I feel like a stronger actress could have made this work for me more than it did - someone like Elle Fanning (although she did a very similar movie already, with The Neon Demon, and at least that movie had something to say...). Anyway, as I said in the beginning - it's a very well-made movie. Wright knows what he's doing - and I'll always happily watch his films, but he just got the story wrong here. It could have been a strong statement on the impact that sexual assault has on mental health (the root behind a lot of "crazy woman" stories), or even something smaller like how we, as a society, glamorize the sexual exploitation of young women - but it's literally just a ghost story.