1. Planet of the Apes (1968) - A perfect movie. The greatest movie ending of all-time. Huge cultural impact. Outstanding makeup and effects for the time period. Engrossing allegories for racism and political corruption, along with long-standing battles between religion and evolution. A superb performance from "bright eyes" Charlton Heston. And my grandfather's favorite movie! My favorite line isn't the one you'd expect - instead it's "Remember, never trust anyone over 30". It became a popular tagline with the growing frustration of the Vietnam War, but ultimately is about the common idea that the older people get, the more corrupt they become. It's like younger generations saying "ok, boomer". I think the original sentiment does hold some truth - a lot of people become more concerned with self-interest as they age, instead of others and the future of the planet. Anyway, as mentioned, the greatest ending of all-time - and not just because of the delicious twist. Just from a filmmaking perspective, it's glorious. The way that you see the shapes formed by the Statue of Liberty without realizing what it is until the camera zooms out - just spectacular. And the sound of the crashing waves as the film ends. Hasn't been topped in 56 years!
2. Beneath the Planet of the Apes - As far as the original films go, I think I've watched them all (with my grandfather), but the only one I've rewatched and remember clearly is the first one - so all these sequels feel like first-time watches for me. I feel like none of the sequels are held to any high regard, but I liked this one. I'm surprised that this film starts right from where the first one ends - I definitely thought there would be a bigger jump forward. I like the way it focuses on nuclear war (or "weapons of peace" as it's referred to) because it seems like a natural progression of the story. I do think they just rehash the first one a little too closely and they got an actor who looks just like Charlton Heston but HOTTER. He's so handsome! I think they definitely also try to do another shocking ending, and it's good but nowhere near the levels of the first. The visual effects also seem to decrease in quality as these movies go on, which doesn't make sense. Shouldn't they get better?
3. Escape from the Planet of the Apes - I also liked this one! I like that it flips the story so that the apes are now on a planet with humans, so that they are now the minority - but the whole time travel thing is starting to do my head in (like, traveling to the future makes sense in this world, but traveling to the past...does not? I don't know how to explain it). The success of these films is definitely the way they show both sides of the stories, and we understand where they are both coming from. It's also because within these sides they show both good and evil within them (meaning they show both good and evil apes, and also good and evil humans). There are a lot of funny moments, but it also does get very boring. The ending is also CRAZY - but not in like a twisty way, just shocking in the violent nature. I wasn't expecting it.
4. Conquest of the Planet of the Apes - This is where the franchise started to lose me. It should have just been a trilogy. I found this very boring - there's some interesting and disturbing scenes that show the inhumanity of torture and slavery, but I think we already kind of got that with the first one so this, once again, feels repetitive. It starts to pick up again with the rioting apes towards the end, and I like the line "the king is dead, long live the king". But overall, it's very meh.
5. Battle for the Planet of the Apes - Oh man, enough is enough! I had no idea that there were FIVE whole movies before the 2001 reboot! Honestly, I was so over them, that I could barely pay attention to this and therefore have very little to say about it. It feels like I'm just watching the same movie over and over again! I would still rather watch this one than the next one on the list, though....
6. Planet of the Apes (2001) - By far the worst one. It's insanely bad. A one-star disaster. And still somehow not Mark Wahlberg's worst movie (that would be The Happening!). I saw this in the theater originally, but I blocked most of it from memory. I did wonder if it was connecting to the next series of movies (I couldn't remember if they connected it. They don't.). I think it's most disappointing because it's Tim Burton, who seems like the perfect person to do a remake of this story, but somehow he really fucked up. The makeup is terrific, and the apes are genuinely terrifying immediately, but the way they dress up the female apes with the hair and makeup is ridiculous. Also, remember Estella Warren???!!! I wonder what happened to her?! I'm too lazy to look into it, but I remember really liking her and thinking she was stunning. I was also surprised to hear Paul Giamatti voice one of the apes - his voice is so distinct, that I instantly recognized it (had to look up the others, though - Tim Roth!! Helena Bonham Carter! Michael Clarke Duncan!). I love Marky Mark, but he's in over his head with this. Plus, the plot is non-sensical. And the ending is even worse! Them tricking the audience with it being his ship is so disappointing and you could tell that the creators thought they were being super clever or something. The dialogue is bad, and Marky Mark does not do well with bad dialogue ("let's go explain evolution to the monkeys" LOL). It also feels about 3 hours long.
7. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - So I don't think this movie is that great, but it led the way for the next two and for this franchise to truly get the reboot it deserved. Still has a problematic star who doesn't do well with bad dialogue (James Franco) and an actress that was supposed to be a big star (Frieda Pinto! Where has she been??), but overall I liked it (originally and with this rewatch). First of all, the motion-capture technology is incredible and Andy Serkis really made himself known with this role of Caesar. Second, it's a great place to start the story - from the human side showing how the "planet of the apes" came to be. I think the story is done well, with the focus on animal testing and trying to find a cure for Alzheimer's. But I also think that they kind of make a case for animal testing because it's the only way we're going to find cures for things. Would people prefer to use human testing during these initial drug trials??? I don't understand (and I LOVE animals!). The film definitely pulls at the heartstrings, but it does fail with the human part of the story. There is zero depth or nuance within the characters. And the middle drags a bit. There's some good references to the original, like "take your stinkin' paw off of me, you damn dirty ape!". I remember laughing at that line when I first watched it and then Caesar says "NO" and it was chilling. Such a great scene.
8. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - This was my favorite one after the original one. I instantly loved it and rated it 4 stars (which is high for me! It means I loved it!). It's still my favorite one after these rewatches. But it also hits WAY different after experiencing a world-wide pandemic. Like all movies about an apocalyptic event - it originally felt like something that our current world would never experience, but that's simply not true anymore (my husband always likes to remind me that the San Andreas fault line could rupture any moment or Yellowstone volcano could erupt and both of those things would cause world-wide disaster). Like, this pandemic plotline could absolutely happen (maybe not the apes part, but who knows anymore?!), and that's genuinely terrifying. Anyway, this is finally a modern Planet of the Apes movie with a TERRIFIC cast - Keri Russell, Toby Kebbell, Gary Oldman, Jason Clarke, Kirk Acevedo, and Serkis returning in the motion-capture role of Caesar. There is a perfect balance of emotion - and occurring on both sides of the argument. It also has a really strong pace (there's no fat or boring stretch in the middle), and the effects continue to astound.
9. War for the Planet of the Apes - Originally, I didn't love this one as much as everyone else did (I rated it 3 stars, which means "good"). I was interested in my reaction to it for this rewatch, and I'm a little surprised to say that I actually really loved it. I think if it had some stronger editing I might have even preferred it over Dawn. It instantly grabs me with the beginning description of the "new world" with the use of the words "Rise", "Dawn", and "War". It's far more poignant than I remember, and there are terrific emotional beats that feel earned. Woody Harrelson is a great bad guy too. Steve Zahn as Bad Monkey is the sneaky highlight of the film, and gives a little lightness to the story that is probably the heaviest of the bunch. Unfortunately, the middle does drag, and it's not very realistic that they keep Caesar alive. They would kill him the second they had the chance, but instead they keep him alive and do a whole "over-explaining" the plot by the villain scene. I really like the whole Nova plotline too - connecting it to the original. Plus, they end it with *spoiler alert* the death of Caesar, which is really impactful.
10. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - I figured since I was doing this marathon I should just continue it with the newest one - but, quite honestly, this franchise needs to die. A modern trilogy with Rise, Dawn, & War would have been perfect. Hollywood can never let things go and end on a high note, but no, instead they make a movie that is set 300 years in the future (closer to the original film's timeline - I think?). I also wasn't keen on a new director (Reeves did such a wonderful job with Dawn and War, but I was willing to give Wes Ball a chance (I liked the Maze Runner movies!). I like some of it - the way Caesar has become a myth (basically a Moses figure - which was hinted to in the previous film), and used not only for representing peace, but also as a way to argue for war - it definitely feels timely and relevant. But overall, it's a slog to sit through. It's so boring! I kept pausing it and being like "oh god, there's still 50 minutes left!". Also, no Andy Serkis feels wrong (and on an aside - while it's SUPER COOL that they released a pre-effects film showing all the actors work, but they should have done that with one of Serkis' films? He's the one that MADE these movies what they are!). Also, I can't stand Owen Teague (I finally learned his name, because he keeps popping up in things, and I keep complaining about it so I figured I should, at least, know his name. I'm happy that he's one of the apes, so I didn't actually have to see him). I do like the girl from The Witcher, though. The most disappointing part, though, is that the ending implies that they are going to make even more of these movies???! Dichen Lachman appears at the end in a weird cameo, but also a lead up to the sequel that nobody wants (yes, my thoughts represent everyone...duh!).
My Ranking:
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