Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Bad Guys - I saw the trailer for this before The Lost City and I thought it looked really, really cute and funny. And it is, but it's also terribly unmemorable and very predictable (**spoiler** obvi the super rich guy is the bad guy because super rich guys are always the bad guy...duh *said with the same inflection as Billie Eilish in her song...."bad guy"*). Sam Rockwell has an excellent voice for animation (and in general), but the rest of the cast, well, I have a hard time with - Marc Maron sounds like Danny DeVito?? Which he doesn't usually so it was a weird choice. And don't even get me started on Awkwafina! I mean, her voice is probably the worst part of her??? It's like nails on a fucking chalkboard. God I feel like every post I do just gets meaner and meaner, and I really don't try to be mean, but it just comes out as I write. The whole thing is also really weird - like how they are all "scary" animals that can talk and do human-like activities, but then there are also actual animals that are just animals - like the cat stuck in the tree and the guinea pigs being used as...um...guinea pigs. Overall, it just feels odd. There are some funny/amusing parts, but nothing really laugh-out-loud funny - and most of the funny stuff is in the trailer (which is why I usually only watch trailers when I'm at the movie theater). The animation is fine. And there's really not much else to say about it. Meh. 

2. Senior Year - I watched this, even though it looked really, really stupid, because I surprisingly enjoyed Rebel Wilson in Isn't it Romantic? and that movie is actually super cute. This looked similar, so I thought maybe it would be just as cute and funny? I didn't like it quite as much as that movie, but I did find this highly entertaining. I think a lot of it has to do with the timeline - being that it matched up to my high school experience (I had that *N SYNC poster on my wall, loved TRL, and wore my hair in those stupid butterfly clips). The only thing I can't really get behind is the often over-used trope of cheerleaders being the popular girls (it's so weird? The popular people in my high school were not involved in school activities at all because they were "too cool" for it. I honestly can tell you the name of only one cheerleader in my high school. ONE.). I did expect the cheerleading routine to be a bit more risque ala the Glee "Push it" scene, but the routines were actually really good. It is interesting to see how much has changed in 20 years. They've already done the "the nerds are now the cool kids" thing with the updated 21 Jump Street movies, but it's gone even further now with performative activism, eco-friendly, overly politically correct, Instagram drenched high school experience. And I'm with Rebel Wilson's character - it all seems terribly boring. And I just don't think it's setting teenagers up for success because the real world is fucking harsh and you WILL be offended by something. And you need to learn how to deal with that in a mature way early in life or you won't survive. It's just facts. Anyway, I laughed quite a few times with this (her "three ways to gain popularity" is hilarious and the cheerleaders motioning the plastic straws. I died. And the line "Madonna is called...Lady Ga..ga now?" It's also funny how she pronounces the "Gaga" part), but the best part is the recreation of the Britney Spears "Crazy" video. Just absolutely perfect. 

3. X - I absolutely love Jenna Ortega and I totally dig her as the next generation "scream queen" (she was also in the new Scream movie). I also like Mia Goth and I had NO IDEA that Brittany Snow had such a big role in this. She is adorable. Also, that's Kid Cudi??? I don't think I've ever seen him before, but I definitely expected him to be...younger? He's three years younger than me, but if you told me he was 50, I would believe you. He's also a terrible actor. The film is slightly disappointing - it's basically Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but instead of a mentally ill man with a chainsaw, it's a creepy 100 year old lesbian with a knife. It's very slow, and nothing really happens for the first 40 minutes of the film (aside from some cheesy porno sex). I do admit that I was highly distracted for most of the movie because The Love of My Life (Taron Egerton) did a Twitter Q&A and answered my question (!!!). I actually had to restart the movie, but I still was definitely looking at my phone more than usual while watching a movie (hangs head in shame). There are a few things I really liked - *spoiler* the alligator (or crocodile, I don't know the difference) attack is fucking HILARIOUS and so unexpected that it actually made me jump (and I never jump during horror movies) and then I laughed for a good 15 minutes. And the ending has a nice little twist that I wasn't really expecting, either. Oh and there's a Debbie Does Dallas reference that made me laugh. While I was disappointed, I am still looking forward to the Mia Goth starring prequel. And I do feel like if I watched this again, I might enjoy it more - now that I don't have the high expectations or the distractions. I highly doubt I'll ever watch it again, though. 

4. Lightyear - And speaking of being disappointed - Jesus, is this movie a mess or what? It's soooo boring. Like, most animated movies are cute and funny and enjoyable for kids, so they usually automatically get 3 stars from me. But this is none of those things. First, I should point out that I am not the biggest fan of the Toy Story movies (but I would never rate them below three stars - I just don't see why everyone raves about them). I thought this was actually a great idea to keep the franchise going, while giving it an update instead of repeating the same thing over and over. And it could potentially continue with other Toy Story characters. It's just overly complicated and really hard to pay attention to. And, if I had problems with it, then I can't imagine children enjoying it. I'm not an expert on what children like, though, but I was at a birthday party with a bunch of parents of 5 year olds and I overheard a parent say that they went to see this with their daughter and she fell asleep within the first 20 minutes and all the other parents started to agree and say how terrible it was and how disinterested their kids are in it. So, I'm clearly not on my own in thinking that it's not really made for kids to enjoy (although the party was minions themed, so you can't always trust kids...). Also, Chris Evans has such a monotonous boring voice, I can totally understand why a 5 year old would fall asleep listening to him. The only good part was the cat, obviously. 

5. Thirteen Lives - It's so weird to me when a movie like this suddenly appears on a streaming service and I've seen ZERO people talking about it. It's Colin Farrell! And Viggo Mortensen! Directed by Ron Howard! About an incredible true story! Why is nobody talking about it?? It's *exactly* what you would expect it to be, but with such an amazing story like this, that is hardly an insult. The bravery, self-sacrifice, and heroism that went into rescuing these 13 people is truly astounding (and I totally just googled how many people were rescued as if it's not in the fucking title. Use your brains, Michelle!). Colin and Viggo do a satisfying job - most of their roles are underwater, but there are these really small scenes where you see their internal struggle and the pure torture of not knowing if they were going to be able to get these kids out. The accents are...weird. Not because they are bad, necessarily, but because you just don't expect either of them to have British accents (I think we've only seen them with their own or an American accent? And Viggo with that Italian accent in Green Book? Have they done a British accent before?? It just feels weird). But I was able to get passed it pretty quickly. It's rightly intense, but it does drag out the whole cave diving part (there's just a LOT of cave diving scenes - it becomes a bit tedious). I remember when this story happened and SO MANY people (at least in America) were very quick to judge everything and place unnecessary blame on certain people. But the reality is that the cave they went in was a well-known and visited cave, they just had very unfortunate timing. I would totally visit a cave like that (and I have - I even did one of those lava tube tunnels in Iceland). And then people were like "why can't they just swim out" as if a professional cave diver didn't die trying to get to them?? Like, obviously children can't handle that kind of danger. What's weird, though, is that I actually had no idea how they rescued them! I just remember hearing that they all were rescued and all had survived, but I never questioned how it happened. And how it happened is FUCKING WILD. I mean just imagine if that *didn't* work??? The responsibility of that decision is just mind-blowing.