Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Italian Studies - So fucking boring I almost had to turn it off. Vanessa Kirby makes it somewhat watchable, but just barely. There isn't really a plot or a strong narrative at all - this woman meanders through the streets after losing her memory and then she writes about her experience, but it jumps back and forth in time (but is never really clear about which timeline it is in). It doesn't really make sense, either, because if you suddenly forgot who you were, you would seek help via hospital and/or police station instead of going into convenience stores and stealing food or going to hotels and trying to trick them into giving you a key to a room. It's just so...dumb. I think the worst part, though, is definitely any scene featuring the students. They are all just really annoying and they say "like" repeatedly - it made my brain hurt (I say "like" a lot, too. It's very natural for a valley girl, but it's also extremely irritating so I try my best to pay attention to it when I'm speaking so that I don't annoy the fuck out of everyone around me - it's called courtesy, people!). Nothing they say holds any value, it's just random conversations that make no sense. Also, why is Maya Hawke in this? She feels above this to me. Vanessa is definitely above this, but at least she's the star?! Hawke only has a handful of lines - and if you blink you might literally miss her. 

2. The Fallout - I really wasn't prepared enough to watch this. I think I watched it about a week before the school shooting in Uvalde, but it's so heartbreaking to think about how relevant this story is and how many children and teenagers can relate to it. Just devastating that this is...normal. I truly watched this for Jenna Ortega. If there's one good thing I can say about getting sucked into the dumbest show on the planet (You), it's that, at least, Ortega steals the show with every one of her scenes. I was also interested to see Maddie Ziegler in something that wasn't offensive. Both actresses excel this story into something so personal and emotional, it's really satisfying to witness. I think when it comes to tragic events like this, the focus is often on the victims and their families, but it's such a traumatic thing to survive something like this - it effects your entire life from that moment on. It's devastating that the expectation for these kids, is just to go back to school (the place of the tragedy that they witnessed, like having their friends murdered) and just pretend like everything is okay? I think this movie does a really great job at showing how people handle tragedy differently - for some it's debilitating and they shutdown, but for others it will motivate them to take action, and neither of these things are wrong or right. I also really like the relationship that is formed between these two girls - nothing more than acquaintances in different circles at school. It felt very real (often I feel like teenage girls are portrayed as either cliquey or as enemies, but often it's just like "this girl I know from school"). But it turns into an undeniable bond between two people who don't feel like they can connect to the rest of the world. There are some really brilliant little moments too - like when Maddie's character goes to open the door and she pretends like she's not waiting impatiently for her new friend to arrive by stomping her feet towards the door. I also like that it feels a bit directionless, because it mirrors their lives now. This is definitely one of my favorite movies from this year (I'm including it as 2022, even though it was released at SXSW in 2021 - it took a whole year for a wide release. I usually go by IMDB U.S. release dates, but the pandemic really fucked that system). 

3. Firestarter (2022) - Absolutely pointless. I recently rewatched the original because I also recently read the novel, and I wanted to compare. I'm a big fan of the original - it's not a great movie, exactly, but I have a lot of nostalgia for it and it is the first horror film that I remember vividly watching. I'm not sure if I think this remake is such a disaster because the original is so fresh in my mind, or if it is just that much of an actual disaster (although other reviews seem to point to complete disaster, so it's not just me). First, they changed SO MUCH. And they cut SO MUCH. And they do nothing to update or modernize it in any way, which is why my initial reaction is that it's pointless. I think having Zac Efron in a dad role is probably really hard for a lot of people in their mid-30s (I was too old for the High School Musical craze, but I get it). I'm actually a big fan of Zac (it surprised me too - but he's super charming in everything I've seen him in), but he is miscast in this role. The young girl is fine, I guess, but she's no Drew Barrymore (hard shoes to fill, but not impossible). As for the changes, none of them are for the good of the film. I think it's very confusing - if I didn't already know the story, I'm not sure I would understand what was happening. Also, why on Earth do we need a sympathetic Rainbird, and WHY did they give him powers?? He was TERRIFYING in the original and in the book - his obsession with this little girl is unnerving and so disturbing, but in this, I'm supposed to understand his motives? Fuck that. But the absolute worst part, that is also completely unnecessary, is that she kills a cat...ON PURPOSE. I guess it's not really on purpose but at this point she has more control over her powers and still uses her abilities to SET A CAT ON FIRE. Why would any producer/filmmaker think "yeah...that will win over audiences"? How does this person still have a job? 

4. Ambulance (or AmbuLAnce if you prefer, but it's a total copy of SouthLAnd...) - It's a Michael Bay heist movie, what's not to love??? I, for one, will always love Michael Bay. Always and Forever. And he's discovered DRONES! LOL. I know this is a lot of people's version of Hell, but I absolutely dig it. Plus Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II,  AND Eiza Gonzalez??!! The plot is absolutely preposterous and the actual bank job wasn't really thought out very much - just horribly planned from day one. It reminded me of the time when I lived in Philly and someone robbed the bank across the street from my work and he just tried to walk out the front door with the money in an open bag on a very windy day. Money was just flying everywhere and the crowds of people trying to grab at it all was just absolute chaos (hilarious, though). Anyway, it's also really convenient storytelling that this guy is in desperate need of money so he hits his brother up the exact day that he's planning a bank robbery! And obviously it's ridiculous because it's not like you can walk up to a hospital and pay a hospital bill with cash from a bank robbery - he would have to launder it somehow first. WHERE ARE THE PLANS, PEOPLE?! But, it's still a highly entertaining action movie with some wildly chaotic performances - especially from Jake, who just gets more and more unhinged with every performance (I love it!). I can see how the camerawork can be a distraction for some, but for the most part I enjoy all of the overly complicated and completely unnecessary shots (the drones, but also the oddly placed circular shots). It's peak Bay, even if it's not one of his best. 

5. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers - I think I was led to believe that this was much better than it actually is, but it is super cute and very nostalgic. However, the pop culture references are overwhelming. It's just too much - and the audience (i.e ME) becomes too focused on figuring out every one of them, so the story gets lost. There are just too many references and cameos it's such a distraction. The only one that was really laugh out loud funny is ugly Sonic. I have no idea how they pulled that off, but it's absolutely genius. Actually it's amazing how they pulled all of this off - if you search the wiki page for all of the references, it's mind-blowing - and to think of the years of work that people had to do in order to get permission for all of this! And for that, I definitely have an appreciation for it. OF COURSE I watched Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers when I was a kid. It was never among my favorite cartoons, but I definitely fell into the nostalgia trap of this "reboot". But, objectively, it's not actually a good movie - the story is so bland and it's very long. I do like the different animation styles used together, but ultimately it's an average animated film. Not something that will stick with me at all.