Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Spider-Man: No Way Home - Uhhhhhh...this movie is...a....mess?! I know Marvel movies get over-praised, but I'm genuinely surprised at the universal love for this movie? It's not even close to being anything above average. And did I mention that it's a total mess? First, I guess my expectations for the movie were obviously high - and I *think* I might have been the last person on the planet to watch it. But I don't even think it's the best of the Marvel Spider-Man movies, let alone up there in the top of the MCU overall. Second, I was under the impression that it was a Spider-Man movie that would introduce the multi-verse at some point, but for, like, a quick fun moment, not that it was the entire plot. I sat there for 2 hours and 28 minutes wondering when the actual plot was going to...start. Nothing about this plot makes any sort of sense. And I know that's a dumb thing to complain about when we are talking about a comic book movie that is introducing a multi-verse, but they could still attempt to explain things that are non-sensical - like how the villains arrive in this new universe only remembering their last moment before they die, but don't question why they are all...older? But the biggest, most ridiculous part is that why on Earth does he care if these villains die? I realize that he is sympathetic towards them because their abilities have taken over and made them evil, but...but...isn't that the point of it all? He. himself, got abilities and used them for good because HE'S A GOOD PERSON, while others will use their super powers for their own gain, or in true supervillain form, to take over the world. They've all killed so many people! In other universes, but also this one! Does he think all of those people on the bridge where Doc Ock appears in the beginning...lived?? It was a major disaster! And what are they supposed to do now? Just go back to their own universe and live a normal life? Wouldn't they just repeat what they did in order to regain their powers and do it all over again because THAT'S THEIR NATURE?! Aside from the asinine plot, the appearance of all of these characters is fun. Briefly fun. But they overstay their welcome. Especially the other Spider-Men. When the three of them "riff" for what feels like 5 hours, I genuinely felt my whole body tense up. Like, what the fuck am I watching, it's so painful. Please make them stop talking. Toby Maguire looks exhausted for most of it and Andrew Garfield is so...dopey? I remember thinking he had a tough time with cheesy dialogue in the previous movies. He's kind of too goofy to make it work. Having them appear in this is definitely a WIN for Tom Holland because he out-acted them in every moment. I don't even know what else to say without seeming like I'm nitpicking. It's just...not great. Some tighter editing, a major overhaul of the dialogue and a...sensible plot would have helped it immensely. 

2. The Bubble - I'm hopeful that this will be the worst movie I see this year. Because this is a bad movie, and I cringe at the thought of watching something worse than this (actually, now that I think about it, I already have...will probably be in my next post). It's pretty insane that all of these talented people got together and made such an unfunny, annoying movie. I saw someone describe it as the film version of that viral Imagine video that celebrities did, and that is a great way to describe this. It's basically a movie about making a movie "in a bubble" because of the pandemic. I think it's super weird that film/television production still continued during lockdowns, but I guess the revenue is worth it? But I absolutely do not feel bad for actors being forced into a bubble in order to continue working (because most do not actually have to work - they are financially secure), so they are still choosing to be in this situation. Anyway, again, the cast is great - Karen Gillan, Pedro Pascal, Leslie Mann and her daughter Iris Apatow (nothing makes me feel older than seeing celebrity children as full-grown adults. Her and Maude are killing the acting game, though). And as annoying and unfunny 95% of this movie is, there are about a dozen really, really funny lines. Some of my favorites: "Don't say 'waitress' in that tone. She risks her life to feed people!", "Do you know how to fly that thing?" "Yeah, I took 8 lessons!" and the entire scene with *cameo spoiler alert* James McAvoy (I seriously can't believe he agreed to this, but obviously my favorite part). He plays himself, and the Professor X jab had me rolling, "I play a lot of different characters!", and the "I don't think you're allowed to run during a pandemic" (might be my favorite line of the whole thing because I literally yell at people all day long for running up and down our stairs at work - "NO RUNNING!!!", and once we re-opened after lockdown I started adding "NO RUNNING WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC!!" because I thought it was funny. I make myself laugh all the time. I'm hilarious, actually). I also laughed that when they pronounced Gal Gadot's name wrong (although I don't even know if they did it on purpose or if they actually think it's pronounced like Waiting for Godot). I did not laugh at the TikTok scenes. It's unbearable. I appreciate that Judd Apatow made this only two hours long (his films are usually far longer, even though it's always unnecessary), but this could have easily been a 90 minute movie and it would have been far better. 

3. French Exit - Michelle Pfeiffer and Lucas Hedges as mother and son?! Count me in! I hadn't really heard much about this - I'm pretty sure I only saw the poster briefly and added it to my list (I mean, there's even a cat on the poster. It's like it was specifically designed for me!). Unfortunately, it is very boring. It's not a bad movie, but it just moves very slowly and they do very little to make me care about any of the characters. They are all just very inaccessible (it's basically about rich, eccentric people, but I guess we are supposed to care because she has no money left?? But she does have a rich friend who is like "oh just use my fancy apartment in Paris, I don't need it", so why exactly should I feel bad for her? And why don't I have any friends with empty apartments in Paris? I'm doing life wrong, I think.). The cat is actually very important to the story, as she believes that her dead husband's soul is inside the cat (it's basically the episode of Friends in which Phoebe thinks the stray cat is her mom). But they never really go far enough with this, instead it feels like an afterthought. There's not much else to say. Oh wait, Danielle Macdonald is in this, too! I just recently talked about how much I enjoy her in my post about The Tourist. She's not in this much, but her scenes definitely standout. Oh, wait, one more thing - the scene when she starts the fire at the restaurant is hilarious. Completely unrealistic, but it makes for a cool, memorable scene nonetheless. 

4. Scream (2022) - I know that this received some pretty positive reviews, but I didn't really take that too seriously. I thought enough was enough with the Scream movies, especially after the disaster of the 4th film (which I've seen a lot of retroactive love for?! What?! It was terrible and the killer was ridiculous). But I liked this! Like, a lot! The cast is incredible - obviously there's the original trio of Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette, but the new cast is just so perfect. It definitely feels "next generation", but not in an obvious way (like the 4th one). I adore Jack Quaid, like if I were a few years younger I would have the HUGEST crush on him (he was born in the 90s so it's a NO for me now). I remember when I saw him in The Boys, and I couldn't figure out why he seemed so familiar - so it made sense that he's Dennis Quaid's son, but I only recently connected that MEG RYAN is his mom!!! But also, the real reason he seems so familiar is that he reminds me of Pacey from Dawson's Creek (not Joshua Jackson. Pacey. There's a difference. Trust me.). Jenna Ortega is a STAR. She stood out for me in You, and I'm so happy that she's getting all these huge roles. It's weird that being the first victim in a Scream movie is such a big deal, but it definitely is (also, I thought her name was JennY Ortega and I'm pretty sure I referenced her as that for the past year or so. Oooops). Melissa Barrera was one of the very few good things about In the Heights. Dylan Minnette continues to prove himself as a strong young actor (he was really good most recently in The Dropout). But perhaps my favorite of the new cast is Mikey Madison because she is so brilliant on Better Things and I want all three of those kids to go on to other great projects. Aside from the cast, I think it's perfectly done to keep it relevant - still sticking to the whole "meta" thing by discussing it as a "requel" (a reboot/sequel) that seems so popular now. *slight spoiler ahead* I do think it's a little too obvious as to who the killer is because they keep discussing "revisiting" the original movie. I guessed it from the very first moment they are introduced and the movie did nothing to make me think otherwise, which is a little disappointed but also better than making the killer completely ridiculous like the 4th one did. 

5. I Want You Back - I thought this would be a cute rom-com, and it is. But it's also...not very memorable or funny. It's just cute. I like a lot of the cast - Charlie Day is just so frickin' funny. I really liked Gina Rodriguez in Kajillionaire (that's the only thing I've seen her in). Jenny Slate can be really, really funny (but also sometimes annoying). AND Manny from The Good Place! He was my favorite character. The only downside of the cast is Clint Eastwood's son. He always comes off as such a douchebag. He's attractive, for sure, but I would most definitely pick Charlie Day over Clint Eastwood Junior (I don't actually know his name? Scott, maybe? Doesn't sound right...). Charlie has more charisma in his pinkie than Junior has in his whole body. I was enjoying it, but I paused it around the 50 minute mark thinking it was over soon, only to realize there was a whole HOUR left. Romcoms should NOT be 2 hours; 100 minutes max for stories like this, unless they are top-notch 5 star movies (which don't really exist). Also, I SCREAMED when Ben McKenzie walks through the door. I definitely was not expecting that to happen - mostly because BEN MCKENZIE AKA RYAN ATWOOD AKA MY SOULMATE is now playing the father of a 17 year old girl. FUCK MY LIFE. Just kill me now. I did laugh though. And this movie definitely needed some more laugh out loud moments. I only remember one LOL moment and that's when Junior/Scott(?) confuses the idiom "get back on the horse" as "get back on the whores". The most disturbing part of the whole movie is that they use the trunk at the end of their bed for....dirty laundry??? That's supposed to be used for storage (like extra sheets and pillowcases, etc.) not your laundry? How do they get it from there...to the washing machine?? It's not something that can be easily carried so they would have to transfer it to a different basket anyway? It just doesn't make any logical sense. I spent way too much time thinking about this, I know.