Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Opus - There are certainly some interesting things about this movie, but overall, I think it's a bit of a mess. I appreciate the effort to make something original, though. And there is a very strong cast here. I'm excited for Ayo to be in films, but so far...not so good. She's good, but the two films I've seen her in so far have both been 2 stars (I may have even rated Omni Loop 1 star, I don't remember). John Malkovich is the most John Malkovich he's been since Being John Malkovich. He makes this movie watchable - and I'm shocked how good that pop song actually is. Juliette Lewis, Murray Bartlett, etc., all have their moments, but I wish they didn't under-utilize Amber Midthunder (I'm not sure if she even has any dialogue?). The story starts off a bit like Almost Famous mixed with The Menu, which is, like I said, interesting. And then it turns into this story of this pop star turned cult leader, which seems outrageous, but Tom Cruise is STILL one of the most popular action stars in the world (not a cult leader per say, but STILL IN A CULT and RECRUITS young stars into this CULT). I was invested but slightly bored until the story goes from a 3 to a 10 in an instant. It needed more of a build-up to keep the story feeling natural instead of being so over-the-top within seconds of being boring. It felt like tonal whiplash. I think it has some interesting things to say about parasocial behavior with celebrities and how we've normalized celebrities being weirdos. I tend to be more fascinated by celebrities/millionaires who go out of their way to live normally (examples - Sandra Bullock & Keanu Reeves both bought normal houses outside of Hollywood and live "normal" lives when not making movies. And they both seem like genuine good people. I also think it's why my "crush" celebrities are James McAvoy & Taron Egerton - because they seem like normal people). Anyway, I do think the cult of celebrity is changing along with social media because the "famous" people are influencers now. People I've never heard of! It's wild. 

2. The Accountant 2 - Out of all the movies in the world to get greenlit for a sequel, I don't think anyone would predict a sequel to The Accountant. Did it do well, box-office wise?? I don't remember it being a popular movie at all. I don't even know why I watched this. I thought the first one was boring. And this sequel is more of the same. I guess I was intrigued by the fact that it got a sequel. And I appreciate that the sequel is actually The Accountant Squared (clever!). I also didn't remember that Ben Affleck plays someone who is basically autistic?? I think?? It's just so boring, though. I don't understand how a movie can be this boring and also be over 2 hours long! It's just so unnecessary. There is one very cute scene and that's when Ben Affleck (an apparently autistic man) learns how to line-dance because a girl was flirting with him. It's super-duper cute and I like that he's taller than everyone on the dance floor because it highlights his awkwardness. But other than that, I couldn't even tell you the story (someone was murdered and only THE accountant can figure out why or something like that). I do like the woman that used to be Amanda Waller on The Arrow tv show. She's a strong actress and has great screen presence. That's all I got. 

3. Death of a Unicorn - I have to say, I did not expect this movie to be about the literal death of a unicorn. Haha! I didn't really know anything about it - I know it got mixed reviews and that it starred Paul Rudd and Jenna Ortega. But it is a WILD plot. The beginning is very hard to watch - it's literally my worst nightmare to accidentally hit an animal while driving. And then it doesn't die, so it's left suffering?! Just the worst thing I can imagine. So, the story is that this father/daughter are driving through this absolutely gorgeous forest (I looked it up because I thought maybe it was Yellowstone, but it's supposed to be the Canadian Rockies - but filmed in Hungary.), and they hit a unicorn - and then they face the consequences of that. But it starts off incredibly unrealistic (I mean, other than them hitting a mythological creature), because the dad literally violently kills the animal in front of his daughter. That just wouldn't happen - you would tell your child to go wait in the car to protect them from witnessing that. I like the strangeness of the story, but it's just really boring, repetitive, and predictable. I also like that Will Poulter is suddenly hot now (thanks to The Bear) - he was always that awkward kid who nails the "Waterfalls" scene in We're the Millers, but now he's SO MUCH MORE! I also laughed hard at the line "Hold the phone Ponce de Leon" because it was SO random. Who says that??? LOL. But other then that, I didn't like this movie at all. And that haircut looks hideous on Jenna....why would they do that to her??? 

4. Captain America: Brave New World - Well, this is definitely among the worst of the Marvel movies. And it's not really a Captain America movie at all, instead it's a sequel to The Incredible Hulk (a movie from 2008 that they suddenly decided was canon to the new Marvel movies). I wish I knew that beforehand because I don't remember a movie from 17 years ago AT ALL. The only reason I connected it was because of the picture of Liv Tyler - and was like wait, she was in one of the Hulk films, right? So then I had to do some research to remind myself of certain things before continuing the film. But I still don't really understand it because the whole idea of Falcon turning into Captain America doesn't make any sense??? So....he's both? He's Captain America with wings?? I like Anthony Mackie A LOT, but I think they set him up to fail with this role. First of all, he's such a little guy - I don't buy him as Captain America at all. I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of Chris Evans, but I admit he was believable as Captain America. I also don't know who this sidekick is at all? Was he in previous movies or maybe that Falcon tv show? The movie acts like we should already know who he is? Second, like I said, they don't even give Cap his own movie. This is more about Harrison Ford as Red Hulk - even though we have to wait until the literal end of the film for him to appear as Red Hulk. And third, this film relies way too much on Marvel history to be enjoyable - not only do you have to remember The Incredible Hulk, you also have to remember that one that I can't even remember the name of?? The one with Richard Madden and Salma Hayek?? The Immortals? Maybe? I also think casting Shira Haas and introducing this role now is a little tasteless considering the state of the world. She's also as tiny as I am (I know she had cancer as a child that stunted her growth - but it's dumb to cast her in a role where she fights people THREE times her size. Limitations exist!). And can we stop casting Giancarlo Esposito in bad guy roles??? It's getting exhausting. I also think it's HILARIOUS that Liv Tyler only shows up for like 2 seconds. I wonder how much they paid her for that? 

5. Final Destination Bloodlines - I rewatched all of the Final Destination films earlier this year and was SHOCKED by how much I enjoyed them. Even the bad ones are fun to some degree (my ranking is as follows: 1, 3, 5, 2, 4 - this one would land somewhere in the middle, I think). There are just so many thoughtful death scenes that are so damn memorable. When I first started the marathon, I remembered the log scene, the tanning bed scene, and the original plane crash as being iconic, but after the marathon - I realized there are SO many more, and I think my favorite one is actually the gymnastic scene because they show SO many options for her death and then she just falls the wrong way and breaks her entire body. It's actually genius! Anyway, I was excited for this - and made sure to avoid any spoilers. I love the beginning death scene - which takes place at one of those sky tower restaurants (I've been to a few - Toronto & San Antonio most recently), and it feels different because it takes place in the late 60s. But it's weird that two horror movies this year both have this location (this and Drop, and it was also in that recent movie with Ana De Armas and Chris Evans too). The whole sequence is incredible and I laughed hard when the piano falls on the obnoxious kid. Although I HATE the "Ring of Fire" song, not because it's a bad song but because it's an instant brain worm for me! I will have it in my head for WEEKS now. The rest of the film isn't as strong - it reminded me a bit more of the 4th one in the franchise because everyone just moves on from the death of their loved ones too quickly. Like, their DAD DIED and the son goes to work the next day, and the daughter goes out for her daily run. It's just stupid. Let people grieve in these films, it works so much better. The sequence with the shard of glass is done very well, but the foreshadowing of the lawn mower was too obvious for it to be shocking. The acting is not great with the guy from The 100 being the worst offender. I didn't really care about this family or any of the characters, so it becomes a little boring. But, they give Tony Todd a nice send-off and show a lot of love to his character. Overall, it's another fun FD movie and I hope they make 100 more. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Drop - It seems I liked this a bit more than most (most of the film people I trust gave it 2 stars, I rated it 3). I think it's one of those films that is exactly as advertised - a silly action thriller. It's what I wanted to watch and it's what I got. It's elevated by terrific acting performances, particularly by the star, Meghann Fahy. I just love her SO much, and I've been yelling that she is a STAR for years now, so I'm very happy that she's a lead in a feature film. She's got that tough combination of being both extremely sexy and soooo adorable simultaneously. I've seen the guy in this a few times before, but this was the first time I looked up his name - Brandon Sklenar. He's from NJ, so I must support! He's good, though - he kind of reminds me of a scruffier Josh Hartnett. I'm also usually a fan of singular location horror thrillers - like Red Eye. I think it forces a bit of creativity with the narrative, and while yes, that can sometimes feel contrived and unrealistic, I find it fun. The director, Christopher Landon, also directed both Happy Death Day films and Freaky and I really enjoyed those too (he's also very attractive!). It's fascinating to me that people have these things on their phones, though. The whole "drop" thing goes way above my head - I would never! I don't have an iPhone though (and I never will. I don't have any Apple products except apple tv+ that my husband pays for lol). The fact that strangers can send you things on your phone and know your location is WILD. My other annoyance with this movie is that the first date outfit she has on is SO MUCH better than the second one her sister forces on her. The second one is sexier, I guess, but it looks like she's going to a holiday party! Do not wear velvet on a first date unless it's the holidays. Period. ANYWAY. Like I said, it's a bit silly - if the guy could poison the piano player, he could obviously figure out how to poison the mark instead of this whole elaborate plan. But, overall, I was invested in the story, it moves quickly, and has some great tense moments. I also like the way the shots are set up at certain angles that really make the audience feel how high up they are at this sky restaurant. 

2. Heads of State - This is actually a really fun movie! I wasn't expecting much, but both my husband and I quite enjoyed it. We laughed a lot, and that's always a sign of a good time. Idris Elba and John Cena have GREAT comedic chemistry together. My husband had never seen Elba in anything other than serious stuff so he commented how surprised he was that he's funny and then was like "oh...now I get why people were pushing the Bond role for him. That would have been great". It's too late now, but this film definitely proves they really botched a potentially great run of Bond films. I also really like John Cena - he just has a lot of fun on screen and he's a genuinely good dude. A few funny moments that stood out to me are the whole "Keep Calm & Carry On" theme, as Cena's character points out it literally means to "do nothing and keep doing nothing". I laughed hard at the "I'm Dr. Dre and you're Eminem" line. The best scene though features scene-stealer Jack Quaid (who is now in THREE of my favorite films this year!). The whole scene with "Sabotage" playing is so cliche, but they pull it off really well and it's genuinely hilarious. I also like Priyanka - and she's a nice addition to their collective energy. There's not much else to say - I just think it's a fun date night movie. I hope they do a sequel. 

3. The Old Guard 2 - I have zero recollection of the first one except that they are superheroes (I think?). The first one came out during the pandemic and I think we were all traumatized, consuming content because there was nothing else to do but turn our brains into mush. This one just *starts*, and I have no idea what's going on - a little recap would have been helpful. I just found myself zoning out immediately. I love Charlize though - I will watch her in anything (but I'm particularly excited for the film coming out with her and Taron!). I'm not sure why she keeps having such awful haircuts in movies, though? Is it a running joke or something? The mullet is BAD. I know Uma Thurman is an addition to this (a good one), but I'm not sure if Chiwetel Ejiofor or Henry Golding were in the first one too??? It's such an incredible cast - you think I would remember it?! Anyway, this is just plain dull. Uma and Charlize are great adversaries (both believable kick-ass women). And I like Kiki Layne. I just think they expected too much from the audience with this. 

4. Heart Eyes - Ohhhhh this is written by the director of Drop! And I see that he has a writing credit for Disturbia?? I think I might love him. I don't know much about this other than it's a Valentine's Day horror movie, and it's probably going to be dumb, but I really liked the Thanksgiving themed horror movie (called Thanksgiving) - it was dumb, but I had a blast! Unfortunately, I didn't have as much fun with this. And I don't think it's a writing issue - it has a good story. It's definitely a directing issue. This is the same director of Werewolves Within, a film that also has a good story, but terrible execution. I think the biggest problem is that the actors over-act and it feels more cheesy than funny. Michaela Watkins is a perfect example because I think she's hilarious in everything I've seen her in except this and Werewolves. She's unbearably bad in both of these movies because her characters are so overdone and don't feel like real people. That's a director choice, not an actor one. I also knew who the killer(s) was immediately upon introduction (again, just like Werewolves). It's incredibly obvious. I did laugh a few times, though - like with the casting of millennial favorites Jordana Brewster and Devon Sawa as...Hobbs & Shaw (lol). And the acronym HWW (hysterical white woman). The main cast are very dull, though, and the whole thing is a bit unmemorable. 

5. The Amateur - UGH....I hate Rami Malek more and more with everything I see him in. And it makes me so mad because I would argue to the death that his performance in Mr. Robot is one of the greatest television performances ever. But the problem is that he's so good at Mr. Robot because he literally has NO personality whatsoever. He's so dry and monotoned which was perfect for that show, but not as a lead actor in film. I know a lot of people who will argue that he was "SPECTACULAR" in Bohemian Rhapsody but I disagree. His performance in that was...fine, I guess. That movie had a lot of problems, from a technical perspective, and his performance definitely hid the fact that the overall film was a disaster, but it makes me genuinely mad that he has an Oscar and now he makes films like this - where he has no screen presence, charm, or...talent. I think this will land on my Worst of 2025 list simply because it's so fucking dull. I was surprised to see Rachel Brosnahan, Caitriona Balfe, AND Julianne Nicholson in this because the only ones advertised are Malek and Laurence Fishburne. And it's weird that Jon Bernthal shows up for a hot second? His career is bigger than this tiny role. The whole plot is unrealistic and stupid (which would be fine if it were also interesting!). But the part that really pissed me off is the scene with the pool. I knew as soon as everyone started talking about that stupid glass pool bridge in London that sits between two buildings, that someone would use it in a movie. But the GOOD guy in this uses this pool basically as a way to kill someone BUT it would obviously kill all the people below the pool too?? All that glass falling to the ground like that??? And I'm supposed to root for this person? How fucking stupid is that. It lost a whole star from me *just* because of that scene. If you potentially kill innocent people you are no longer the good guy.