Movie Marathon: Pirates of the Caribbean

1. The Curse of the Black Pearl - The first Pirates of the Caribbean is incredible - a near perfect blockbuster movie. And I'm happy to report that I still feel like this after this rewatch since it's been a while since I've seen it (at least 15 years). I actually used to watch it a lot because I was obsessed with Orlando Bloom circa-early 2000s. I used to watch all of his filmography on repeat (yes a lot of them were bad, and he's also not always the best actor. I recognize that now!). I've probably seen this one upwards of 30 times, at least. I also loved Johnny Depp as a child of the 80s/90s (now he was in some great movies - Edward Scissorhands, Benny & Joon, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and, of course, the classic tv show, 21 Jump Street). Obviously, I'm not the biggest fan of his now, but I wish he would seek help and turn his life around. The trio of Bloom, Depp, and Kiera Knightley was simply perfect. The special effects are great. The score is incredible. It's a swashbuckling good time that mixes genres - it's an action romance, but there's also a bit of horror mixed in. Love it. On a side-note, I didn't realize that Zoe Saldana is in this?! I didn't connect that at all, but she really is in the biggest film franchises of all-time (Avatar, Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Trek, and this! Incredible!). 

2. Dead Man's Chest - I don't remember liking any of the sequels to this, and I wasn't even sure whether I had seen them all when I embarked on this movie marathon. I know I've seen through the third one, but not so sure about the last two. So after watching this, I did like this - it's not comparable to the first one, but it's a good time. I like that they continue to give Elisabeth a non-damsel-in-distress arc. She's part of the action and they all save each other throughout the series. There's a lot of funny bits (I love when Jack sees Elisabeth and says "hide the rum!". It's a great callback joke). Also, the motion capture for Davy Jones is SO GOOD (portrayed to perfection by Bill Nighy). I remember the character of the voodoo witch, but I didn't realize that was Naomie Harris! The series continues to cast really impeccable actors. The problem with this one, though, it's only slightly longer than the first, but it feels so much longer (and this trend continues with the rest of them). It's very bloated and excessive. 

3. At World's End - This is where things really start to go downhill...and fast. I don't know why this one is so bad because it's still Gore directing it, and it's still the original main cast. But it's just so repetitive and LONG at almost 3 full hours, which is totally unnecessary. There are SO many scenes that I would instantly cut altogether, and the scenes with mini Jack Sparrow and his hallucinations are AWFUL. It's also just really boring and it loses its own plot about half-way through. It's all just so convoluted. It's no wonder I didn't have any interest in watching the rest of the series after watching this. Harris has a bigger role in this, which is not a good thing (the character becomes very grating), and Keith Richards shows up for some reason. I stopped paying attention for almost an entire hour and I didn't feel like anything of importance happened. 

4. On Stranger Tides - I get trying to reinvigorate the series with a new cast, but it's a HUGE mistake to make this movie without Orlando and Kiera. They ARE the franchise. The chemistry between the three of them was key in making the first one so successful. And it's what made the third one even slightly watchable. Adding in Penelope Cruz is not a fix for that, even though she is STUNNING. Once I saw her, it did trigger a memory of this movie, so I may have watched it or I might just be remembering the marketing for it. Nothing else about it seemed familiar. It's not as long as the third one but it still feels too long! Also, by this point, I feel like Jack Sparrow becomes a very annoying character of himself. It's almost like Depp is doing an impression of Jack instead of genuinely portraying him. I was not expecting a young Sam Claflin. And also Stephen Graham as a pirate made me giggle. This movie just feels really uneven, none of the cast have any chemistry, and it's, once again, very boring. I feel like I'm watching one long pirate adventure story and the same thing keeps happening over and over again. It's a special kind of torture. 

5. Dead Men Tell No Tales - Finally on to the last one! I think this is my worst marathon series yet, considering I hated 3 out of 5 of the films! I'm so glad it's over. This one was released when I had this blog, so I'm positive that if I watched it, I would have written about it on here. So I'm 99% sure that this is a first-time watch, so I tried really hard to pay attention to the whole thing. But I failed miserably - it's the SAME MOVIE AGAIN! They attempt a bit of a reboot with this - with Kaya Scodelario and some other young guy that I recognize but I don't like. I LOVE Kaya, but the chemistry is lacking and I don't care about either of them. There are some pluses - Orlando is back AND it's NOT 3 hours long!!! But, overall, I was bored and it somehow looks worse than the rest of the films which is a weird phenomenon because the tech has supposedly gotten better over the years. But I think this an early version of de-aging tech and it is terrible! De-aging Johnny Depp is especially bad because we know what Depp looked like young and it certainly is not that. This one does have a more cohesive storyline and isn't as bloated as the previous two. Plus, I laughed once (at the "horology" banter). I was also SHOCKED that Kiera shows up at the end and has NO DIALOGUE??? How did they get her to do that? Oh I just looked it up...3 million will definitely do it. LOL. 

Ranking: 

The Curse of the Black Pearl

Dead Man's Chest 

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Dead Men Tell No Tales 

On Stranger Tides 

At World's End 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Room Next Door - Tilda Swinton and Julianne Moore in a Pedro Almodovar film??? How did this stay so under-the-radar?? I barely even heard about it until it popped up on Netflix, but apparently it was released theatrically last year?? Weird. But, I guess, it's not that great so maybe that's why. I mean, I liked it a lot, but compared to his other films it's definitely one of his weaker movies. It's also his first English language film, and maybe that's why it felt a bit off for me? But it's very Almodovar, with the set design, colors, and blocking. And it's really dialogue heavy with some GREAT dialogue on cancer and dying (the "fighting cancer" monologue is really wonderful, and the line "Cancer can't get me, if I get me first"). The story is that this woman has terminal cancer (between this and Dying for Sex, I've watched some seriously depressing cancer stories), so she asks a woman, a friend with whom she's fallen out of touch with, to help her die. They have a lot of discussions about life, motherhood, dying, etc., but nothing really happens. I thought that there would be a mix-up with the medications or that maybe she was setting her up to make it look like she murdered her...or something? It just keeps alluding to something darker happening, but it never does. It's still good, though. And Swinton's death outfit is INCREDIBLE. I, too, would like to die peacefully by a pool in a lime colored suit with matching sandals. Also, I laughed really hard when Swinton's character's daughter shows up and it's played by....Tilda Swinton. Only Tilda can play a mother and her own daughter in the same movie. LOL. 

2. Havoc - This was...fine. It was exactly what I was expecting and sometimes that's not a bad thing. I like this cast, and I liked The Raid, obviously. I think this is Gareth Evans trying to recreate that energy, but that's a lot to live up to. Action-wise, I think it's very sleek and has some great sound design. There are some sequences that are brilliant, like the way the camera follows the guy going though the window and then whips back in with him. Just incredible! And some of the kills are brutal. Tom Hardy is made for roles like this. Ditto for Timothy Olyphant (although I think he's earned star status by now! Why is he still doing supporting roles?). Forrest Whitaker goes a bit too camp, but otherwise I think the supporting cast is fine. But, I think the story is very lacking and a little convoluted. And there's a lot of pieces to it to make is seem like it's way more complicated than it is. It goes in so many directions that it loses its own plot about 1/2 way through. Overall, though, it is an entertaining and well-executed action movie (but it's not even close to The Raid). 

3. Last Breath - The true story to this is fascinating, but it's also, like 30 minutes of a story stretched into a 90 minute movie. I wasn't aware of the story before, and spent a little time researching the real story, so that's always a win. And the movie is exactly what you would expect for a movie about a guy trapped underwater and a group of people trying to rescue him. It was interesting to see all the different options they tried (they were literally going to use an arcade type grabbing arm at one point. LOL), but it gets boring really quickly. And the fact that they actually don't know how he survived is probably the most interesting part and they barely even mention it until the end. HE SURVIVED FOR 30 MINUTES TRAPPED UNDERWATER WITH NO OXYGEN?! HUH??? HOW??? And how have we not figured it out since (it happened 13 years ago! Nobody has figured it out yet? Obviously it has something to do with the pressure underwater - but wouldn't that be a great scientific advancement to survive without oxygen for 30 minutes? Isn't that something we want to know how to do? Especially for deep sea divers and space exploration?). ANYWAY, the cast is a little lacking - I love Woody Harrelson, but he gives nothing in this. And Finn Cole is completely unmemorable. Simu Lui is a very one-note character. It's all very dull. And then it ends with him showing up at home and being like "I almost died", as if his wife wasn't notified about it already? How rude!

4. Azrael - I watched this for my girl, Samara Weaving, but it's...not good. I like some things about it, but overall, it's a dud. I probably would never have watched this if it weren't for Samara - it's just not my type of horror film. But I think she does an incredible job - especially with there being no dialogue (which I didn't know about beforehand - and it's very jarring). You can still feel her exhaustion and desperation in every scene, but it's very hard to follow. I didn't really understand what was going on - I think a group of people are after her to sacrifice her for...some reason? And I think it takes place during the apocalypse, maybe? They really don't give you much information and the movie just starts with her running through the forest. There's really not much else to say? I do like that Samara continues her legacy of being absolutely covered in blood at some point in every movie. I can't wait for Ready or Not: Here I Come - what a cast!! David Cronenberg??! SMG!!! & Elijah Wood?! YES! I'm so ready. 

5. Black Bag - I'm AMAZED at the reviews for this because I think it's one of Soderberg's worst films. I was BORED TO DEATH. First of all, what happened to Soderberg retiring??? Did he change his mind? Actually, I just looked up his filmography and he's directed some truly terrible movies (No Sudden Move, The Informant!, Bubble), so I take back that first sentence. But, I stand by the fact that I was bored. I wasn't expecting to be so bored. Cate Blanchett in a Soderberg movie about spies?? And it's only 94 minutes?? Sounds like a dream! But...nothing happens. There's a so-called mystery that is being explored about who is the traitor in the group with Michael Fassbender trying to figure it out, but it's like they forgot to make us care about the characters first. The supporting cast is less than desirable -aside from Naomie Harris. The rest of them are rough - this is the first thing I'm seeing Marisa Abela in outside of her portrayal of Amy Winehouse, and she's...not good. But the worst is Rege-Jean Page. He just got really lucky with the Bridgerton role (although I also thought he was terrible in that), and he's hot, so he keeps getting cast in stuff. But he's a horrible actor. And then Pierce Brosnan shows up in a really irrelevant role? None of them feel like they are in the same movie. Blanchett and Fassbender are fine (I'm not sure why he dresses like Steve Jobs for a majority of the movie?). The worst part of the whole movie, though, is the lighting. The soft glow filter is so awful that my eyes had trouble focusing on anything. Plus, the ending is plain stupid (it's basically Murder on the Orient Express and none of it is interesting or surprising). And the thing is, I still rated it 3 stars because the movie is fine (except for the lighting), but it's WILD to me that people (that I trust!) have rated this 4-5 stars?! There's nothing here to justify such a high rating. 

Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. The Studio - So far, so good! I think if you are a film fan (like the technical and the industry stuff not just "I like movies!"), then you will really appreciate what this series accomplishes. Plus, it's funny and entertaining even if you don't get the inside film jargon. My husband agreed to watch this with me because he likes the Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg writing team. But I have to explain A LOT to him. I mean, he doesn't know who anyone is. And he definitely doesn't know why the episode featuring Olivia Wilde as an insane director is hilarious. I had to stop the episode and go over the entire history of the Don't Worry Darling drama (everything from "Miss Flo" to spit-gate). Even I have to look some stuff up - like I had to look up if Owen Kline was an actual person (he is! And he's Kevin Kline & Phoebe Cates son!). The show has a lot of meta moments - like how they talk about how precisely planned a oner is, while the episode is filmed as a oner. It's probably my favorite episode and I love that Sarah Polley is the director attempting to create this perfect shot. I also appreciate the episode in which he dates a doctor and conflates the importance of his own job with theirs (they literally save lives). I agree that art makes life worth living, but I think it's great commentary on why people in the film industry seem to live in a bubble of their own importance and end up dating each-other - it almost feels incestuous (and most of Hollywood dating is fake for publicity. How do people not realize that? Tom Cruise and Ana De Armas are not dating. They both have high profile films being released and need extra publicity.). There's still one episode left, but I think the series does a great job at touching on a lot of problems within the industry while also being a love letter to film and the people who make them. I love all the celebrity guest stars, like Dave Franco, Adam Scott, Martin Scorsese, Rebecca Hall, along with Wilde and Polley. And the main cast are all excellent - even Ike Barinholtz won me over (actually he won me over with his run on Jeopardy! He made it to the championships! Along with actual smart people!). I'm glad that it's already been given a second season. I think there's a lot of directions this show can go. 

2. Dying For Sex - I don't like this show. I can see why others do, but I'm having a hard time connecting to it and I think Michelle Williams is awful in this role. And I like Michelle Williams! She's given some incredible performances, but she's also been terrible in multiple roles and somehow still gets praise for them. She just doesn't feel real or genuine at all, and she makes the weirdest faces. It's like she's trying to be awkward but it feels so forced. And I'll just never connect to women like this - who don't communicate to their partner, and are left so sexually repressed and sad. Like, why did you get married to this person that you're not even attracted to? The whole premise is that she's been given a death sentence (incurable cancer), so she decides she doesn't want to spend her last days with her husband because he's never given her an orgasm. But the whole point of getting married is to literally agree to die with that person. It's like the Lady Gaga song "Is That Alright" ("I want you at the end of my life, I want to see your face when I fall from grace, at the moment I die. Is that alright?"). I get that she feels smothered by him because he's trying to take care of her and he goes a little too far (men have that need to "fix" everything. My husband does it too. When I get depressed, he becomes insufferable because he's trying to "fix" me. BUT I COMMUNICATE and we work through it!). I actually feel bad for her husband because he's sacrificed a large chunk of his life caring for her and she just....leaves him. It's really shitty. I also don't connect to the whole submission/dom fetish with sex. And they make sex seem so fucking complicated. I don't understand. You'll have better sex if you have sex with people you're attracted to. It's literally that simple. Anyway, I also HATE the inner-monologue. It's so grating. As is Jenny Slate as her bff. I like Slate, but she can definitely get annoying, and she goes over-the-top with this flaky friend character. But, there's also some funny stuff. And I do think that some women, unfortunately, will connect with this and maybe it will drive them to make some changes in their life too (but please don't leave your loving husband. Just talk to him!). I did laugh a few times (like when she masterbates to Speed. LOL). I'm actually only 1/2 way through the series, so maybe it will address some of the problems that I have with it. We shall see. 

3. Toxic Town - Great story, but this miniseries is a bit of a letdown. First, I cannot get past Jodie Whittaker's WILD Scottish accent. I winced when I heard it. And sometimes I think "well, obviously, I'm not an expert...maybe it's good. Let's see what the internet says", so I looked it up, and NO, it's not just me. The consensus is that it's a terrible attempt. The Scottish accent is actually one of my favorite accents so I do feel like I can tell when it's bad, but just like with American accents - a lot of it is regional so maybe it's fine, so I was relieved to see all of the negative reviews for it. Anyway, she's the star of the show so it's automatically a difficult watch. Plus her hairstyle goes from bad to worse as the series progresses over 13 years. But the supporting cast is great - Aimee Lou Wood, Rory Kinnear, Robert Carlyle, the butler guy from Downton Abby, and the girl from Bridgerton (sorry I don't feel like looking up names). I like that it's only 4 episodes long, but it feels very choppy. It jumps forward in time without explaining how much time has gone by so it's very jarring. Like all of the sudden her twins are toddlers! WHAT?! I also think it could have been a 90 minute movie. There's not enough story here for 3.5 hours of viewing. It repeats itself a lot. But, again, it's an important story (that's based on a true story) - about fighting back against these big corporations that are literally killing people. It's a bit like Erin Brockovich, so if you like stories like that, then this is definitely worth a watch. 

4. Adolescence - Technically spectacular. The first and last episode are stunning. The one continuous take for each episode is SO GOOD. I feel like this has been used as a bit of a gimmick lately (it's popping up everywhere from The Bear to The Studio), but this is on another level (actually The Bear episode is one of my favorite oners ever). The way this actually shifts locations, though, really makes it feel chaotic and urgent. I like Stephen Graham a lot, and am really excited for what he does next, writing-wise (he co-created & co-wrote this). We've definitely seen the story before - female student gets murdered by her male classmate, but we've never seen these stories from these perspectives before. From the perspective of this boy's family (his father, in particular), the detective working the case, and the therapist trying to decipher the motives and mental state. It's all very interesting and impactful. You want to know something funny??? This is how I found out where the word "incel" came from. I know that it's a word used for these loser type males who live in their mom's basement and harass women in their spare time and blame them for all their problems. But I thought the word "incel" came from the fact that these guys will likely end up "in a cell" (like a jail cell), eventually. LOL at my dumbass. So, when they say "involuntarily celibate", I paused my tv and sat in a bit of shock at this slang education. Anyway, I think the show does a good job at showing the cycle of violence & trauma - because bullying and calling someone an "incel", especially a young boy will ruin their life and without proper guidance young boys will react how they've been trained to by the media (violently). It also tackles how social media has shaped the adolescent experience (I'm so happy that didn't exist when I was a teenager. We had AIM and that's about it). I like that there's no "did he do it?" aspect after the first episode because we see him do (CCTV did it's fucking job!). I think the second and third episodes are a little bit of a letdown after the exhilarating first episode - they both move at a much slower pace. But the 4th episode is really strong with the focus on the family. It's a show that is trying to engage with its viewer, create a dialogue, and hopefully help parents, teachers, therapists that are impacting children to discuss things more openly. And maybe limit the use of Instagram and Tik-Tok?? It's just so bad for people's mental health. It's tough because once your kid is a teenager, you want to give them privacy and respect them, but it's just impossible with the access they have nowadays. You have to be on top of that shit. No excuses. 

5. The Residence - It's like Clue and Knives Out but...not good? Very boring, in fact. It's a whodunnit, but nobody cares whodunnit, so it feels like a very pointless exercise. I love Uzo Adubo, though (and her hair is FABULOUS in this!). I've also been sucked in by many Shondaland shows, so it's surprising that this hasn't done that yet. I think I'm on the 5th episode, but I fell asleep for 1/2 of it and didn't feel like I missed anything important. That's a big problem. There's a great supporting cast, but so far a lot of them are underused - like Eliza Coupe who has just spent every episode interjecting and looking angry, but has not been given a backstory or anything. Also, Susan Kelechi Watson, Jane Curtin, Jason Lee, Ken Marino, Randall Park, Giancarlo Esposito, the list goes on! And they got Kylie Minogue to cameo as herself?! WOW. And they cast Julian McMahon as the Australian Prime Minister which is funny casting if you know that his dad was actually an Australian Prime Minister (now you know!). I think my problem with the show is that the episodes are too long. It should be 6 episodes at 35-40 minutes instead of 8 almost hour long episodes. It also could use a lot more humor - a lot of the jokes land with a thud. I do like that the episode titles are all famous whodunit stories (Dial M for Murder, Knives Out, The Third Man, etc.). 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Mufasa: The Lion King - This post is going to be short and sweet, because I'm very behind on my posts (some of these movies I watched over a month ago!). So this is a prequel to the live action version of The Lion King, a film that nobody wanted and very few people actually liked??? I'm not sure why this was even made, or how they got an esteemed director like Barry Jenkins to direct it, but I have to admit - I like it better than its predecessor. Only because it's a different story, so I didn't feel like I was watching the same thing, but a worse version of it (does that make sense??). However, it's not exactly good. There are things I like about it, for sure. First, what an incredible cast! Aaron Pierre as Mufasa??? Kelvin Harrison Jr. as Scar???!! AND an INCREDIBLE group of black actresses - Thandiwe Newton, Tiffany Boone, Anika Noni Rose, Thuso Mbedo! Just fantastic. And, in theory, it's interesting to see how Scar became a villain. But, the reality is that he becomes a villain over a girl, and that's just plain stupid. Also, if I were a child, I would cry hysterical at the beginning scene of Mufasa getting separated from his family and almost drowning because I almost cried at 43. The songs are dreadful - and I laughed so hard when I realized that this is where all of the "My brothaaaa" memes came from. What a horrific song! But, it's made well, and has some good life lessons. I could do without the GoPro shots though. 

2. One of Them Days - This isn't the greatest movie, but I was highly entertained by the comedic chemistry between Keke Palmer and SZA. It reminded me of old school 90s movies like Friday and Go, combined with the more modern raunchy female friendship comedies like Bridesmaids and Joy Ride. I honestly could not tell you who SZA is or why she is famous (rapper, maybe?), but I hope she continues to do comedies like this because she's really funny. And I've been a fan of Keke for a while (Scream Queens is probably the earliest thing I know her from). I like the dynamic that they set up between them because they are both complete messes, but in entirely different ways. They make very believable friends. I also could not stop humming "just one of dem days, that a girl goes through....don't take it personal". Remember that song??? I think it was Monica? Man, I used to love that song. So catchy. Anyway, this movie is really funny. The "tumbleweave" line KILLED ME! And Maude Apatow showing up as the white girl moving into their all black complex. Perfect casting. No notes. It's also a perfect 97 minutes so none of it overstays its welcome. I would TOTALLY watch a sequel. 

3. Companion - *slight spoilers* Horror is on a huge upswing and this is another great entry. My expectations were fairly high because it got a lot of solid reviews and I like both Sophie Thatcher (a lot) and Jack Quaid (a lot). I like the twist with this because it feels modern. Robots suddenly gaining feelings and/or free will is not a new concept in sci-fi, but this has an actual plausible explanation for it and that explanation is human interference. And it also gives a solid reason as to why this technology shouldn't exist (I mean, I think we should have learned our lesson with the Terminator movies, but I guess not). I saw one of those robotic dogs from Boston Dynamics in person last year and I thought it was fucking terrifying. A lot of people were really into it and getting close to it, but as soon as I saw it I literally started backing up. The person in charge of it turned it off to let me pass because he could tell I was not fucking around. But I digress. This whole robot companion concept is fucked and the fact that people are still trying to make it a legitimate future of our relationships is really scary to me. And I think it's creating an even more misogynistic thought in a lot of men. This is sort of shown here - the way he chooses how smart his companion will be (definitely not smarter than him), etc. I think the film balances the tension and thrills with the dark comedy very well, and it moves really quickly. The weak link is Rupert Friend's exaggerated Russian accent, but he's not in it enough to ruin anything. It ends on a high note with the Bee Gees song "Emotion". Overall, I had a lot of fun with this, and was entertained. 

4. Wolf Man - I was interested in this because The Invisible Man remake was much better than I was expecting (this is the same director, Leigh Whannell). There is even a scene in that movie that I will likely never forget and I think that's rare for films nowadays. And even though I can't stand Julia Garner, I *also* can't stand Elisabeth Moss, and she was great in The Invisible Man, so I had hope! It's weird that Whannell would work with two of my least favorite highly praised actresses, though (his next movie will probably star Zendaya with that trend). Unfortunately, this did nothing for me. It's not bad, just a bit dull. I like some things about it - the disorienting camera effect is done really well, but there is definitely nothing memorable about any of it. I also like that it deals with generational trauma in the same way that The Invisible Man deals with domestic abuse. But I do think it's all a bit obvious - like, obvi his dad is the wolf and he's also becoming a wolf. And if I saw my husband eat his own arm, I would have been out of there so fucking fast. I just kept thinking "run as fast as you can! JUST RUN!", because obviously STAYING isn't safe. I think Christopher Abbott is fantastic, and Garner is...fine, I guess (that hair, though, so unflattering). And on a side-note, my basement looks exactly like his dad's because my husband is a ham radio enthusiast - he builds his own radios and antennas etc., and is licensed and all that. Our entire basement is radios, machinery (even a lathe!), and every tool imaginable. Oh and space food in case of the apocalypse. LOL. Anyway, I love the poster design though! With her peaking through her fingers that form a W. Someone had their thinking cap on! 

5. Babygirl - I wanted to love this, but it fell a little short of my expectations. I kind of knew that was going to happen because I think Harris Dickinson is the dullest of the dull white boys of the month. His sudden popularity is INSANE to me. He has ZERO screen presence. But I was hopeful because I was really surprised by Bodies, Bodies, Bodies (same director - Halina Reijn), and I appreciate a good ole' erotic thriller. Plus, I love that Nicole Kidman does not shy away from sex and/or kinky shit in movies - Eyes Wide Shut, The Paperboy, To Die For, etc., she always steps up. But I found this mostly bland and sad, instead of sexy. I don't know, sexually repressed women just makes me sad. It doesn't help that none of it feels grounded in reality - I mean, I'm supposed to believe that THAT boy is better in bed than ANTONIO BANDERES??? COME ON. And Nicole Kidman is 57 (a very hot 57), but they would not let a woman that age in a club like that. I don't even think they would let me in and I'm 43. And I think it just needed more substance than this. There's some great needle drops, that ultimately made me like the movie, but I also feel like it's manipulative. Like, the montage scene of them having sex mixed in with scenes of her living her "normal" life, with INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart" playing is INCREDIBLE, but only because the song is so good. And my God, I WISH I was attracted to Harris because him dancing to George Michaels "Father Figure" would have hit so good. And his accent is horrendous. It's like he's doing an American accent by impersonating Sylvester Stallone. Anyway, I'm still interested in what Reijn will do next because there are some genuine moments of really good filmmaking here, but as a whole, this movie is really average. 

Film Retrospective Part II: Thoughts on 10 Films (pre-1990)

1. Harold and Maude - [blind spot] I liked this a lot even though the story is obviously a bit icky. It doesn't have to be icky - it could literally be two people from two different generations finding a connection and forming a really special bond, but they include a scene in which they are in bed together, implying that they had sex and that's....not cool. He's a teenager! I think he's technically an adult because he's 18, but still. NOT cool. But if you just ignore that one small implication, the rest of the film is really interesting. It's also very dark. I was not expecting the opening scene at all, and I'm a little sensitive to suicide stuff so it really threw me. Hal Ashby directed this, and I think he does a really good job balancing the serious stuff with the incredibly funny dialogue. Maude is hilarious - her response to when the cop asks her for her driver's license is "I don't have one, don't believe in them" and then she just drives away. LOL. I also like how he notices that she has a concentration camp tattoo, but the story doesn't focus on it. I think the only thing stopping this from being a 5 star film is that you really have to like Cat Stevens because he does the entire soundtrack. I think it gets a bit grating, to be honest. 

2. Adventures in Babysitting - [rewatch x100] This was one of my favorite movies as a tween (possibly my favorite?!). It was one of those films that I watched on repeat and it drove my mother insane. I knew every line and I thought Elisabeth Shue was the COOLEST woman alive. It's HILARIOUS that she's supposed to be 17. The oldest looking 17 year old to ever grace the screen. She was only 24 but definitely looks and acts like she was in her 30s. But whatever, she was still super cool. That opening scene with her dancing along to "And Then He Kissed Me" is so cute. I didn't remember that Bradley Whitford played her asshole boyfriend! That's so funny! I think the best scene is the blues scene "nobody leaves this place without singing the blues". It's so good. And the scene with the line "don't fuck with the Lords of Hell" and she responds "don't fuck with the babysitter". Classic. Although I watched this on Disney + so they changed the line to "don't fool with the babysitter". It was very jarring! Haha! I really thought that this would lose some of the excellence, watching it 30+ years later with a more critical eye, but it's still a 5 star movie, I don't care what anyone says. Perfect adventure comedy. Great cast, funny dialogue, genuine moments of peril, some romance sprinkled in, and a solid ending. 

3. Raging Bull - [blind spot] Obviously one of my bigger blind spots, but I dreaded watching it because it's long and about boxing and I feel like I already knew the story. They're all the same, even when I think some are good (or great even!) - the stories are all identical. And this is in black & white??? Fucking kill me. But, obviously it's a great film. DeNiro is incredible - probably his best performance outside of Taxi Driver? I like all of the non-boxing stuff. The story of this man - who is very clearly bipolar before people were diagnosed with bipolar disorder (he's manic, paranoid, angry etc.), who is a misogynist and an emotionally abusive manipulator isn't something that resonates with me, but DeNiro gives him depth and nuance that only the best actors can accomplish. I also love the curly hair! But, it's not a movie I'd ever want to watch again (although that can probably be said for most of Scorsese's films? The only one I've watched A LOT is The Departed because it's my second favorite film of all time. My Scorsese ranking is WILD). I did like that the home video moments are all in color - that's a really nice little touch. And as I expected, the whole boxing part is incredibly boring. 

4. The Outsiders - [blind spot] This is actually not what I was expecting at all. I always considered it as part of the "brat pack" films, but it's definitely not. It just has some of the "brat pack" actors so I lumped it in. It's a very dark film, though. And it's basically West Side Story but changed a bit. There's lots of fighting and arguing and yelling and I couldn't tell who was on what side because the characters all have names like "ponyboy" and "sodapop", which made me laugh and is very distracting. There is a STACKED cast in this, though. Tom Cruise??! Rob Lowe! The Karate Kid! Patrick Swayze! Leif Garrett (my mom loved him!), Sofia Coppola (makes sense, it's directed by her dad), and an ABSOLUTELY STUNNING Diane Lane. She was only like 17 in this and just drop dead gorgeous (she still is!). And I can't forget Matt Dillon doing his best John Travolta impression (what is that walk he does in the beginning??? Did he think he was in Saturday Night Fever? LOL). There's some really cool camera angles though - weird thing to focus on, I know, but I really like the extreme angle shots. It feels modern but also retro (Hitchcock inspired) for that time period. I just think the story was lacking, and extremely dramatic - like the scene with them fighting in the rain. DRAMA. It had the opposite intended effect because I couldn't help but laugh at it all. 

5. The Little Mermaid (1989) - [rewatch] One of my favorite Disney movies of all time. I prefer The Lion King slightly, but this has better songs (still a tough call). "Part of Your World" is my favorite Disney song. I love it so much. But also "Under the Sea", "Kiss the Girl" and "Poor Unfortunate Soul" are ALL incredible too. And HELLO Ursula???! One of the greatest villains EVER. I haven't seen it in a long time (aside from the live action remake, which I surprisingly didn't hate), so this was a fun rewatch. My husband said he could hear me singing along to it from the basement (haha!). It does such a good job at introducing us to all of these characters and making us fall in love with them so quickly. Flounder is adorable, Sebastian is hilarious, Scuttle is a knucklehead, and Prince Eric risks his life to save his dog! I love him! I did think that this was an obvious 5 star film, but with this rewatch, I do think that the ending feels way too rushed. And it doesn't make all that much sense either - that he wants to marry this stranger so quickly after having such a connection with Ariel. I subtracted a 1/2 a star, but still close to a masterpiece! 

6. Do the Right Thing - [rewatch] I think the last time I watched this in full was probably over 25 years ago, and I watched it in film classes (in parts) when I was in college which was still like 22 years ago. I was WAY overdue for a rewatch. I saw a lot of people bring it up during the BLM protests in 2020, and when Spike Lee dedicated BlacKkKlansmen to Heather Heyer. It's INSANE how relevant this film is to present day. That all of these things happening with police brutality and the clashes between different races and cultures is still SO prevalent in our current culture that this film could literally be made today and you wouldn't even have to change anything except maybe the soundtrack. Not that I'm knocking Public Enemy's "Fight the Power", I just think it's the only part that feels dated. Well, I guess the costumes too, but the 90s are back in fashion, so that's not even true. I LOVE Rosie Perez dancing her ass off in the beginning. It's so fucking iconic. I think the thing that Spike gets so right - and that I see people often criticize about films about race today, is that most of the film is just black people hanging out. It's just their everyday life in Brooklyn - and it's not about drug dealers or prison or slavery. It's the beginnings of gentrification with the clash of an Italian pizzeria being at the center of the story, and an Asian supermarket opening across the way. It's creating dialogue, and opening up conversations. The way these cultures interact with each other - each being so disrespectful instead of learning about and accepting their cultural differences. It all begins to boil over, with an explosive ending that feels unfortunately accurate. The cast is incredible - obviously Spike Lee is great, but the highlight is definitely John Turturro. It's insane that he was not nominated for an Oscar for this. Also, I did not realize that THAT was Giancarlo Esposito until writing this little blurb. How did I not put that together??? I literally was just looking at the cast and said to myself "I don't remember Giancarlo in this...who did he play?" LOL at my dumbassery. 

7. A Hard Day's Night - [blind spot] I've never really been the biggest Beatles fan. I mean, they're great, sure. But I'm probably only familiar with a dozen of their songs and they have like hundreds between them all. Although, fun fact: I met Paul McCartney in 2000. Like, really met him - was introduced to him, shook his hand, sat in a meeting with him, etc (I used to intern at a major record company - not his record company, but he had a meeting with one of the executives and that executive really liked me and asked me to join the meeting to take notes). But anyway, I was inspired to watch this by The Beatles biopic announcement. Sam Mendes directing four different biopics featuring each Beatle and releasing them all in the same month??? It's certainly...interesting. I'm not thrilled by the cast, aside from Barry Keoghan. Paul Mescal, Joseph Quinn and Harris Dickenson are just white boys of the month that have overstayed their welcome (I like both Mescal & Quinn but they aren't being cast to their abilities). Anyway, as far as this movie goes, I'm not the biggest fan. Some of it is interesting - like the scene with them switching cars to try to trick the crowds. But overall, it's just a lot of running. I think you just have to be a pretty big Beatles fan to truly enjoy this. 

8. The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945) - [blind spot] I read the book last year for the the first time, so decided to watch the original film too. I would love to see the Broadway version starring Sarah Snook, but I doubt I'll get the chance. Unfortunately this movie is...boring. I hate the narration and the guy who plays Dorian looks like a plastic surgery nightmare (this was before plastic surgery, but he's so weird and creepy looking). It's weird to me that it's described as a "horror" when I would describe the book as a drama/suspense. And this I would describe as dull drama. The highlight is a young Angela Lansbury! She was so beautiful! Otherwise, this is a snoozefest. There's not even much else to say about it. 

9. The Abyss - [blind spot] Wow...I don't know how I missed this movie when it was released. I assumed that I had watched it, but then one day my husband was describing this movie (he couldn't think of the name of it, but claimed it was one of his favorite movies even though he's never mentioned it during the entire 9 years we've been together), and I had NO IDEA what he was talking about. He finally said "The Abyss!!!" and that's when I realized that I've never seen it! It's great! It's basically Armageddon with a little bit of Alien, but underwater. And it's SO James Cameron - it's like everything he loves combined into one movie. I'm a big Cameron fan - he has such a flair for big, cinematic movies and such an imagination. I really wish he would step away from the Avatar movies though. I enjoyed the first one just fine (and it's INCREDIBLE filmmaking), but I still haven't even seen the second one. I know that he's obsessed with them, though, and he has the type of personality that fixates on something (like how his obsession with the Titanic kept him going for years). I will say that this lacks one thing for me - likeable characters. I don't care about any of them. I do like Ed Harris, though! He's one of the greats. But it's crazy that he's only like 30 years old in this but he looks 55. He's always looked 55. As expected, some really great filmmaking on display - I love the POV shots. Some of them are really cool and I think pretty innovative for the late 80s. The more interesting part of the movie is all the behind-the-scenes drama (I was reading all the insane drama that happened well after the film was over). 

10. La Boheme (1926) - [blind spot] I feel like now that I'm into the 80s with this retrospective series, I don't want to get stuck watching relatively newer movies, so I have to be adamant about still watching older films. So, I went real old with this one! Pre-talkies! I was drawn into this by the poster because it looks like a Renoir painting, but I'm HERE for Lillian Gish!! Such a STAR. It's based on the Puccini opera, so it's a well-known story (typical story of a woman giving her whole life for a man to be successful). I love the music in this (obvi). The piano heavy soundtrack, and how it changes to match the mood of each scene was so essential to films before dialogue, but still essential to modern films (definitely something I don't recognize as much, but some film people are more attune to). I also like some of the superimposed images - pretty radical for the time period. Overall, I really liked this - but it's an adjustment to watch a film with no dialogue. You, like, really have to pay attention which is hard to do in this modern world.