Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Migration - This is a very forgettable animated movie, but it's also kind of cute. Fairly harmless entertainment that I think small kids will enjoy. But, also, if I watched this as a kid, I would never eat poultry again. It was pretty hard getting me to eat any meat as a kid anyway, but chicken was always a "maybe" if I was in the mood for it. But there's a whole subplot about a chef who is trying to kill them and COOK them, and I would have been horrified. I'm also still baffled at the casting of Awkwafina for VOICE ROLES?? What the fuck? WHY? She has the worst voice in the world - it's like nails on a chalkboard. Like, just because she has a distinct voice, doesn't mean she has a good voice. I seriously just don't understand the thought process. The animation is good (Illumination animation doesn't bother me as much as Pixar, for the most part), and the rest of the voice cast do a great job (Kumail Nanjiani, Elizabeth Banks, Danny DeVito, etc.). I laughed in a few spots, too - like when the child duck is too shy to poop while in the sky. I like that the story is a family adventure, too, which is sort of rare for animated movies - I feel like too often, the kids have overbearing parents, so they go out on their own adventure and get into trouble, but this is a cute story about family bonding and experiencing the world together. I would love to see that become a trend for kids movies. 

2. Ferrari - *spoilers if you don't already know the true story* I mean, I can't even begin to talk about this movie without bringing up THE scene first. THE SCENE. One of the most harrowing, gruesome scenes I've ever seen on film, and I was not expecting it. I'm completely unfamiliar with the story, so I went into this fairly blind. I do remember the viral q&a that circulated in which an interviewer/audience member told Adam Driver that he thought the crash scenes were "cheesy" (and Driver responded "fuck you, I don't know" LOL. ICONIC). The story definitely eludes to tragedy - and it's quite obvious that things weren't going to work out for the one driver that they focused on the most. I assumed that he crashed. And maybe died. BUT, his tire blowing out and then the car driving through a crowd filled with small children was horrifying. They literally show body parts being thrown in the air and decapitated bodies. I gasped and my hand instinctually covered my mouth in shock. And I sat like that, with my hand over my mouth, in shock, for like 5 minutes before I started manically googling everything about the actual crash - and to my utter devastation, it's all true. Nine people were killed, five of which were children. And I have no idea how someone can describe that scene as "cheesy" - it's not cheesy at all. It felt very realistic and jarring. As for the rest of the film, it's...okay. There's a lot of things that were criticized that I actually don't agree with - like Driver's performance/accent. It's definitely weird that Driver is in another famous Italian role right after the Gucci movie (is he even a little bit Italian? I know he's American, but does he have Italian lineage? I would guess English/Scottish/Nordic, but he doesn't seem Italian at all), but I don't think the accent is as bad as I had read. I've definitely heard worse. He sort of does this mumbly, gravely Italian accent and it works with the character, I think. I'm not even an Adam Driver fan, but I think this is one of his better performances. I'm not really a Michael Mann fan either, but he certainly has a few bangers (although nothing since Heat), and I appreciate that he has a certain film aesthetic that is very distinguished. Penelope Cruz is definitely the highlight - as many critics have pointed out. If this were a stronger film, she surely would have had more awards attention (and she is very believable as this fiery Italian woman). I think the problem is that it's not really about anything. The film starts in what feels like the middle of the story, and the audience is expected to just *know* who all of these people are and their relationship to each other. And then it doesn't really go anywhere. We learn that Ferrari's son died, we learn that he's having an affair that produced another son, and we learn that he's a very competitive man. But it's all sort of background noise without any real point. I also can't really tell where the film stands on Ferrari's responsibility for the crash? He was cleared of manslaughter charges, and the film clearly shows the tire blowing out as if it hits something (as opposed to a faulty tire), but they also show Ferrari pushing his team to be the best. He must feel guilt? Or anger? Or...something? It's just odd to show all this tragedy, but not how it effected him at all. Shailene Woodley is horribly miscast and Jack O'Connell is in WAY too small of a role for this point in his career. And Patrick Dempsey with that hair?? How can I take that seriously? But the scenes between Driver and Cruz are electric, and the scene when his mom tells her "he's entitled to an heir" is heartbreaking - what a horrible thing to say to a grieving mother. 

3. Madame Web - I would love to tell you all that reviews were too harsh, and that this has some redeeming qualities, but unfortunately I can't. And yet it's not the worst movie I've seen this year (I don't know what that says about me, though! Haha!). I do think that Dakota Johnson is INNOCENT. This is not her fault at all. I think she put her trust into the filmmakers and assumed they knew what they were doing. I hated her in the 50 Shades movies, but I have found her really adorable and charming in every other project. And, surprisingly, I really like her in this role - her line delivery is so fucking funny in some parts and I think audiences were too focused on the awfulness surrounding her to get what she was trying to do. So I guess that is one redeeming quality. But the rest of it is all bad. As much as I like Sydney Sweeney, I think this is a big miscast. She's done too many adult roles now to pass as a teenager (and I think this is one of the reasons that Euphoria has been put on hold - they have to fast-forward the timeline. Those kids are all old now!). Plus, the wig is SO BAD, it was hard to look at her. And to my (and I'm sure everyone's) disappointment, they only put her in the Spider-Woman costume (is that who she's supposed to become? Sorry, I don't know the history or future of these characters) for like .5 seconds and it's shown in the trailer. The dialogue is definitely the worst part of the film - as mercilessly made fun of from the trailer. There's this banter between the three young girls that is really painful - it has no energy, rhythm, or authenticity, they literally just spew lines at each other. The famous "he was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders just before she died" isn't even in the movie, which somehow makes it even funnier. But it's also funny that her mom who was researching spiders in the Amazon has the last name WEBB??? There's also the line "when you take on great power, responsibility will come" LOL (is he Yoda??). The timeline is also completely fucked. I know that it was reported on that they were trying to connect it to Hollands Spider-Man, but they messed up while filming it and couldn't change it, but does it even make sense that Adam Scott is the Uncle Ben??? Like, how on Earth did they think they were going to be able to make that work? I didn't even realize the timeline until they had "Toxic" come on the radio as a newly released song. That places it at 20 years ago - for some reason? Which means her mom was researching spiders in the early 70s? I would have never guessed that. And the villain is stupid - he's trying to kill 3 teenage girls because they might kill him years later? That's the whole premise of the movie? FOR REAL??? 

4. Eileen - This is a rough one to get through. I didn't see many people talk about it so I didn't expect it to be great or anything, but I certainly didn't expect it to be this bad. Everyone is miscast (Shea Whigham excluded because he's good in everything. And *fun fact* he went to my college!). I'm already in the minority in not liking Thomasin McKenzie as an actress. But the thing is, she's young and has a lot of potential, so I'm not completely biased against her - but I do think that she's absolutely miscast here and most things she's been in have been beyond her capabilities. Apparently she watched a whole lot of Marky Mark movies to get into this character and Boston accent. I'm not actually joking, she freely admits that she did this for the role. It is beyond a bad Boston accent, it's practically unwatchable. Then Anne Hathaway comes strolling in with a "mixed" accent - I get the intent because this woman is all show and very performative, so a "fake" accent goes with the character, but it almost sounds like she's not even American. Like, everyone in the movie should be questioning why she's walking around with a fake accent. Every once in a while, at my work, I run into these really rich bored white women who decide they want to do an accent for the day, and I honestly find it to be SO FUCKING WEIRD. I'll start helping them and hear them try an Irish accent or something and I have to walk away and have someone else help them. Anyway, Anne just overdoes everything so having her as this woman who also overdoes everything just feels so inauthentic - it's like cartoonish. And speaking of overdoing things - this fucking actor keeps showing up in everything I watch and I HATE HIM. I finally looked up his name and it's Owen Teague. He's awful in everything I've seen him in and he over-acts. Apparently, he's also in the new Planet of the Apes movie (I only know this because of that viral interview that went around with the dumb tiktok person, and film journalists complaining about them being invited for red carpet interviews). I really need him to go away, though. He's not really in this enough to have any effect on the actual movie, but I was annoyed by the sight of him. The other problem with this movie is that it is boring as fuck! It's described as a "thriller", but not one thrilling thing happens for the entire runtime. I thought it was going to have like a Persona or Single White Female sort of vibe, but it just goes NOWHERE. 

5. Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre - I've been really struggling with Guy Ritchie lately (except for The Gentleman tv series! I absolutely loved it! I can't wait for more. And there BETTER be more!). This isn't terrible, but it should have been a lot better. I think it feels more like a parody of a Guy Ritchie movie than an actual Guy Ritchie movie, though. There are some really weird, unnecessary shots that hurt my brain. The plot is a little over-cooked. Most of the dialogue falls flat. Plus, I watched this a little over 2 weeks ago and I'm struggling to remember what the actual ending was. I do think that Aubrey Plaza was a big part of the problem - aside from the lacking chemistry with the others, her line delivery is so weird that it's kind of funny, but I don't think it's supposed to be intentionally funny? And the parts that are supposed to be funny fall flat because she's just so awkward. I've never really liked her in any project outside of Parks & Rec, even though I love her. It's just hard to tell what is bad acting and what is intentional dry humor. And it doesn't work here at all. Even though I appreciate that Ritchie is trying to relaunch Josh Hartnett's career (he was also in Wrath of Man), he's bad here (also, another *fun fact* he also went to my college). The saving grace is Jason Statham, as per. He just does these roles so well, and I think he's able to work around the bad acting surrounding him by just being his awesome self. I also love Hugh Grant's shift to these super eccentric roles - he's become more of a character actor in his later career and I am HERE FOR IT. I also really like the other guy in the group - he plays of off The Stath very well, so I just looked up his name and it's....wait for it....BUGZY MALONE. What a fucking stage name LOL. I can't. He's a musician/actor from the UK, but I'm telling you right now, he will not be taken seriously in American with that name (I'm joking obvi, we have famous people named Ice Spice and Doja Cat). There are a few scenes that they do really well together, and I would definitely watch a spin-off of them or a sequel with them, but only them.