Thursday, February 9, 2012

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. What's Your Number? Um....5 (number of times this film made me want to vomit, of course). Granted, chick flicks aren't really my thing but I thought one with Anna Faris would at least be funny. The film is about a woman who reads an article in a Glamour/Cosmo/Marie Claire type magazine that states the average "number" (of sexual partners a woman has had) is 10.5 and that after she hits 20 she will most likely remain single (which apparently is a death sentence. Vomit). This causes Anna's character to panic because her number is already at 19. After a "sex in the city" style girls night out (Vomit.) with her very catty and judgemental "friends" (Vomit.) she decides that instead of looking for new guys, she will just have to find true love with an ex-boyfriend so that her number won't go up - totally makes sense...right? She recruits her neighbor across the hall (Chris Evans) to help her find her exes, in exchange she lets him use her apartment to avoid the endless parade of one-night stand girls that he leaves in his apartment (Vomit.). It is obvious from the very beginning that he is "the one", usually I have problems with films when "the one" is a complete ass who treats women like shit but he is actually represented as a pretty decent guy. And on a side-note: I think I might be the last girl on earth to realize this, but HOLY FUCK is Chris Evans hot. I don't know why but he always sort of bored me....I might be watching Captain America sooner than I expected. Anyway, my last complaint is for the paint-by-numbers ending. Why would you leave your sisters wedding to run around the city looking for someone that lives across the hall from you? Vomit.

2. Colombiana - I was so excited by the opening credits when the names Callum Blue (Dead Like Me) and Michael Vartan (Alias) appeared. How did I miss this?? It's a shame that both hot men were underutilized - I probably would have enjoyed the film more if they had more screen time. The film was a pretty simple story of revenge - a girl sets out to avenge the murder of her parents. I really enjoyed her "missions" - they were very Alias-like with some really beautiful action sequences but there were also some extreme plot holes that distracted me. I still can't decide whether I like Zoe Saldana or not - I wasn't fully convinced of her "badass-ness", some of those guns she was holding weigh more than she does (I am not taking a dig at skinny girls - I, myself, am stick-thin and it's not very badass. I promise).

3. Cowboys & Aliens - Awesome idea. Fucking terrible execution. My expectations were considerably lower after the film was released and it was universally panned, but it was still far worse than I expected. The tone and direction of the film was very misguided - this was supposed to be a summer "blockbuster" but it was far too serious, the characters were lifeless and the plot was pointless. Actually, was there a plot? I think I stopped paying attention after the first hour. I have problems with Harrison Ford - he is always the same misanthropic character with anger issues and it rarely works. Also, Olivia Wilde used to be hot (like in the greatest teen drama ever - The OC) but definitely not in this film (which would be fine...if she could actually act).

4. The Debt - Good film, not a great one. I like the way the narrative is set up, there is strong character development with solid acting performances and the pace and suspense are satisfying. My only real problem with the film is that the plot starts off really promising but ultimately ends in a very predictable nature. The story is of 3 Mossad secret agents sent to Berlin to track down a Nazi war criminal - when things don't go as planned they make a unified decision that comes back to haunt them 30 years later. I thought the way they showed the big "essential" scene twice in the film was amazing - the second time the entire scene feels so much different once we understand the context. The casting was problematic - very well done with Jessica Chastain and Helen Mirren as the younger and older Rachel, but really off with Sam Worthington and Ciaran Hinds as the younger and older David (who look absolutely nothing alike).

5. Shark Night - Predictable teen horror fare - not enough scares to be memorable (a total of zero....), the acting was atrocious (I still love Dustin Milligan though) and a plot barely existed (and didn't even make sense). However, there are pretty people with very little clothing and there are sharks that eat people. Also, there is a somewhat entertaining rap video after the credits. The end.

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