2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - I can't remember which one got completely destroyed by reviews - was it this one or the third one? I remember liking all of them on first watch but this is the first time I'm rewatching any of the sequels. I originally rated this 3 stars. And even after a rewatch, I still rate it 3 stars. There are flaws, sure, but it's still a well-made, entertaining blockbuster movie! Plus, it has the same cast and there are some really excellent action sequences. It's definitely too long, but other than that...it's a good movie (just in case you're new here, 3 stars means "good" to me). Other thoughts I had during this rewatch - John Turturro is definitely the highlight of this. I've forgotten how important he is to these movies and how big of a role he had (and I was not expecting the thong scene! Oh my!). I think they could have done a better casting job over the role of Alice because that's not a girl you would even look at if you're dating Megan Fox (sorry, it's mean. But true!). And I realized half-way through that Leo is played by the guy who is now known as Will Trent! I don't watch the show (I believe it's called Will Trent, but I could be wrong), but all of the senior ladies at my work absolutely swoon over Will Trent. Haha! And I noticed a sneaky Michael Bay reference of the Bad Boys II poster on the wall! Love it!
3. Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Okay, maybe this is supposed to be the really bad one? Again, originally I rated this 3 stars and I remember enjoying it. But on a rewatch, it is kind of on-the-fence bad. So I downgraded it to 2.5. I can't help but think how much better these movies would be if they were all about 40 minutes shorter. But this one feels SO long. It only starts to get interesting once the destruction of Chicago starts, but it takes so long to get there! And the biggest reason I downgraded it is because not only is Megan Fox (aka Michaela) not in this one, but they barely even mention her. It's RUDE. I know she had beef with Michael Bay, but it sucks because I would have loved a true trilogy with the main cast. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is very pretty, but a terrible actress (I didn't realize that she's been dating The Stath for like 15 years??). They don't do a good job of introducing her character either, therefore it's very easy to not give a shit about what happens to her. I was shocked to see both John Malkovich and Francis McDormand in this!? How does this franchise continue to get such respected actors? So fascinating. I do like the concept behind this, though - how they rewrite the history of the moon landing to show how far back the Transformers have been "known" to exist. It's a cool idea. And they even got Buzz! I just think it's mostly a slog to sit through and it doesn't have the charm or wit of the first two.
4. Transformers: Age of Extinction - Shocked that this one is EVEN LONGER than the previous films (2 hours and 45 minutes?! WHY?!). I do remember liking this one too - I think the only thing that bothered me was Jack Reynor's terrible acting, plus them referring to him as "Lucky Charms" is terribly offensive. But now I'm also bothered by the appearance of T.J. Miller (he has many allegations against him, but he also called in a fake bomb threat - not an allegation or alleged action. He actually did it. Look it up!). And now is the time I can address Marky Mark too - because I've always stood up for him. Up until recently, I thought he was a good example of someone who can do something awful, but turn his life around. I thought he "found God" or whatever and vowed to be a good person - he's done amazing things for the youth in Boston and has given the appearance of being a loyal family man. BUT THEN, I recently saw a video of him telling Bad Bunny to "go back to Puerto Rico" in regards to him jokingly telling people they have 4 months to learns Spanish (for his Super Bowl performance). So, Marky Mark is still a fucking racist piece of shit??? I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed. I want so hard to believe people can change, but they constantly prove me wrong. ANYWAY, I still like this movie. I think it's way better than Dark of the Moon. The story is actually interesting, plus it has dinobots! And Stanley Tucci! And Marky Mark's character is named "Cade Yaeger"! LOL. Also, I like Nicola Peltz, but if I were a billionaire heiress, I would not sign up for an action movie. Way too much work (sit back and relax, girl). It's also funny! I mean, some of the jokes don't land at all (like the aforementioned "Lucky Charms" jabs), but when they say the word "transformium" my husband laughed so hard he almost hurt himself (he just happened to be in the room during this scene, he would never voluntarily watch this - he's a Michael Bay Transformers hater, though).
5. Transformers: The Last Knight - This is definitely the worst one. It's weird that I can't find my original review for it (not on my blog anywhere...maybe I didn't watch it right away? I tend to only review movies from the previous year or two so I don't overwhelm myself). But I know I originally did not like it, so I was not looking forward to this rewatch at all. I barely paid attention and it's a very ugly movie. I don't remember that Isabel Merced (she's Isabel Moner now) is in this?! I love her. I thought the first thing I saw her in was Instant Family (also starring Marky Mark), which I thought she was spectacular for a newcomer, but I guess I saw her in this first? Maybe. Anyway, she's so cute in this ("I don't gotta home" AWWWW). It's weird that they don't really explain where his *actual* daughter is for a while (apparently she's in college living a normal life. Sure.). It's weird that Tucci is in this too, but as a completely different character (he's Merlin. Like the actual Merlin. It's stupid). And they got Anthony Hopkins?! LOL. The only other comment I have is that there is a "Pop quiz, hotshot" moment so Speed exists in this universe.
6. Bumblebee - Okay. So, I really didn't like this movie when I first watched it. I was shocked by the good reviews. I rated it 2.5 stars. My reasons for that are on this blog. However, I must have been in a bitch of a mood, because on this rewatch I really liked it! I'm shocked! I think maybe I was distracted or something because I don't even remember it being set in the 80s - and it very clearly is (the Mr. T cereal should have been my first clue). I also don't remember that John Cena is in this! Hailee is great - I remember being so annoyed by her character on my original watch, but she's so cute! What the fuck was wrong with me? Anyway, I like that this is a prequel. I like that it's shorter than the rest of the movies. I like that it's funny (the scene where she installs the radio in Bumblebee so he can talk through music "okay, not a Smith's fan" haha! So good!). It honestly felt like I was watching this for the first time, and I really enjoyed it. I guess this is a perfect example of how your mood can effect how you feel about a film (which is why I would never want to be a professional critic - although I don't think there are many professional critics even exist anymore. They all review as if they bloggers now. Not a bad thing, but I would like for both to exist). I pushed this up a whole star to 3.5 - and it's my second favorite entry of the whole series! I was not expecting that!
7. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - It's weird that I originally hated Bumblebee but I enjoyed this one. I remember being confused by the timeline (because I obvi wasn't paying attention to Bumblebee), so this is set in the 90s. It makes sense now! I love both Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback. Two STARS. I also love that Ramos is a Mets fan in this (he's a Jets fan in real life, so probably a Mets fan too. A curse, really). I didn't remember that Pete Davidson is the voice of Mirage. And, honestly, he's really funny. Like, kind of annoying, but also funny in some parts ("stranger danger!!"). I also LOVE the soundtrack. Mid-90s hip-hop is MY JAM (Digable Planets, A Tribe Called Quest, etc.). But to nitpick - TLC's "Waterfalls" was not out in 1994, so Fishback singing it to herself is a CHOICE. Did her character write the song??? ANYWAY, I still enjoyed this one on a rewatch. It's a shame it didn't review well because I would love to see more from these characters. I think it's a bit of fatigue of the franchise in general that hurt it. I also think a lot of Michael Bay fans (yes, he does have fans), review-bombed this because they want Bay back to directing these movies. Loser behavior. I do think there are more films in development, but they will probably have a new cast (I heard a rumor that Shia was coming back, too, which would be a huge mistake. Stop hiring abusers, Hollywood!).
Ranking:
Transformers
Bumblebee
Revenge of the Fallen
Rise of the Beasts
Age of Extinction
Dark of the Moon
The Last Knight
