Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Fantastic 4: First Steps - I liked A LOT about this. It could have easily been a 4 star film and one of Marvel's best had they not fucked up the casting. As I expected, Pedro Pascal is extremely miscast as Mr. Fantastic/Reed Richards. HOLY SHIT what an epic fuck up. As I've said in the past, I'm a big fan of Pascal - and I've been a fan from the beginning (Narcos bitches!), but there is such a thing as casting fatigue and he's definitely hit that point. But, he's also just not right for this role - he's far too introspective and quiet. He doesn't command a screen, which is necessary for this role. He was cast because they wanted a "big" name and someone who has led a franchise - and his success with The Mandalorian and The Last of Us (both of which Pascal is GREAT in) has proven that he's a successful name. But this is just such a misfire and I think most people could see that before even watching the movie. I also think Joseph Quinn is as dull as a rock as Johnny Storm. The whole movie relies on the chemistry between these four characters and they just don't have any. The banter between Johnny and The Thing (played by Ebon Moss-Bachrach - and he's...neither here nor there. It's not really a hard role to play) is absolutely painful and feels so forced instead of natural familial bond/teasing chemistry. And Julia Garner as The Silver Surfer??? Give me a break! But the ray of light (*cue the Madonna song*) is Vanessa Kirby. She's a PERFECT Sue Storm and she's incredible in this movie, as a mother who will do anything to protect her baby. I also LOVE the retro aesthetic. It looks super-duper cool! I love how they introduce this story and the beginning is GREAT. They do a great job of providing some meta-type humor, but not relying on it completely (like the way in which they use "it's clobberin' time" from the original cartoon). There's a lot of cool details too - like the retro Dodgers hat that The Thing wears that has the capital B on it. I was SO confused at first because I thought it was a Boston hat, and there is NO WAY a NEW YORKER would wear a Boston hat, and then I remembered that in the 50s NYC had the Brooklyn Dodgers and in this parallel universe they didn't move to LA. That's a super nice touch. Although that means The Mets don't exist?? HOW RUDE! LOL. Anyway, overall, I enjoyed this a lot. It has a really good self-contained story, and I'm interested in how this family is going to fit into the future of the MCU. I just really wish it was with a different cast for most of it. Also, why is it called "First Steps" when it's not really an origin story? They quickly summarize the origin of their powers, but we don't really meet them until they are an already established super hero team. It's a weird choice. 

2. Ballad of a Small Player - This is fine, but ultimately forgettable. I think I was expecting something much stronger considering Colin Farrell is one of my favorite actors, and I think Edward Berger has two of the best directed films of the last five years under his belt (Conclave and All Quiet on the Western Front). And this film is really gorgeous - the color palette is stunning and really great locations. And, sure, Farrell is great because he always is. But I think the story is just a little weak. It's a very cliched tale of a gambler who just doesn't know when to quit ("Probability says I have to start winning" - lol that's not how it works, buddy). It also feels like it's trying to be quirky, especially with Tilda Swinton in the most Tilda Swinton role of her life (those glasses! Haha!). I did look up a bit about Macau while watching this because I always assumed that Monaco or Las Vegas were the world's largest gambling cities/centers but apparently it's Macau. I mean, I wouldn't go to China to visit, but I especially wouldn't go as a gambling addict! That seems risky - like life or death risky. Anyway, I don't have anything else to write about this, which is kind of disappointing. 

3. Play Dirty - This is another fine but forgettable movie. I was definitely entertained, but I usually am by Marky Mark action movies. It starts off really fun with a fantastic car chase through a horse race (not something you see every day), and an unexpected double-cross. Then some very James Bond-esque opening credits appear and then "directed by Shane Black" appears and I was like "WHAT?!!! This is a Shane Black joint? I had no idea! I'M IN!!". Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is one of my favorites, and I also loved The Nice Guys. But, unfortunately, I would not put this film in the same category. Other than a few really elaborate and fantastic action sequences (the opening scene and the Speed-like train jumping scene), there's not much to it. LaKeith Stanfield, as expected, is the highlight. He is HILARIOUS and I wish he had more scenes to chew. His "hola" greeting made me spit my tea out. I don't think I've ever seen Rosa Salazar in anything but Alita, and I'm not sure if I like her? It seemed like her timing was off with every line of dialogue. On a side-note, they use the song from that show How to Make it in America, which reminded me of how much I liked that show. And that song is such a great anthem for trying to succeed in NYC. It fits perfectly with the theme of this movie. 

4. Frankenstein (2025) - I have to be honest, I dreaded watching this. Gothic horror is just not my vibe, and I've been let down by Guillermo del Toro films before (The Shape of Water, Nightmare Alley). Plus, that runtime???? OOoooof. WHY?? I decided it was best to just rip the bandaid off and watch it the weekend it was released on Netflix, otherwise it was going to get forever moved down the list. And, overall, I was right. It's WAY too long, I'm let down by the structure of the story, and it's just not my vibe. But, it's a well-made, beautiful film, with strong imagery and solid performances. It's a 3.5 star film, but it's not something I will ever watch again. I read a lot of differing opinions and reviews for this because it's sort of fascinating just how differing they are - some citing it as one of the most beautiful films ever, and others calling it ugly and over-produced. I'm very much in the middle of these two - first, I watched it at home on Netflix instead of a theater. I think it would have been even more beautiful on a big screen. Those snow scenes are STUNNING. I do think it looks a little glossy, but it's not ugly by any stretch of the word. The monster design is also really, really beautiful. Jacob Elordi does a great job of capturing the physicality of this role. I don't think it's, like, Oscar-worthy as some are claiming. But it's great casting, and I think Elordi really put a lot of effort into making this character sympathetic and horrifying simultaneously. I'll be honest, I've never read this classic piece of literature, but I've seen many iterations of the story, so I can only compare it to those - and it is definitely among the strongest. But I do not like the two-part story structure. It's probably the biggest mistake. I also don't like starting the film with the end - it's just not an original or inventive way to tell this story. By the time it gets to the monster's perspective, I'm already bored. And that's my biggest problem with it - I was bored. I was not emotionally invested, I couldn't care less about what happens to any of these people (Mia Goth needed more to do! Even though she was TWO roles, it's still not enough!). And I hate seeing animals harmed (even if it's self-defense - it's not entertaining!). But I do see the appeal of this film - it's just not for me. 

5. The Cut - This is a weird movie. It's a boxing movie without the boxing (minus a quick scene in the beginning). It's about a boxer going to extreme lengths to make weight. I like that it shows that body standards is not strictly a female issue, as it's often talked about. Sure, I do think women have more pressure because the entertainment industry is still controlled by men, and judged harshly by women. But men, especially in sports, have insane body standards as well, which is often "fixed" by harmful drugs (steroids) and experimental and unsafe procedures. But it's not *just* in sports because actors are forced into these extreme body standards too, for specific roles - like action films (I always think of when Taron Egerton was in Kingsman - a role in which he had to train for months to look like that, and then his next role was Eddie the Eagle - in which he just had to look like a normal man. An interviewer pointed out how "chubby" he is in the latter, and he responded by saying "that's just how I look when I'm not getting paid to workout" (I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember the exact quote, but it stuck with me because it's important to remember that "Hollywood bodies" are not real - they are manufactured and a shitload of money is spent on training and dieting). Anyway, just as in the movie, Orlando Bloom had to go through some extreme dieting for this role. I actually read a review for this movie that raved about Bloom's performance, which is what made me interested in the film. I adore him. He's got a lot of charm, but he's not the best actor, and he's been miscast A LOT. But he is actually very good in this! Probably the best he's ever been. I think you can tell that this is a role that he really gave himself to. And his Irish accent...is...actually...good?!! HOLY SHIT! I mean, I actually googled whether he was actually Irish even though I knew damn well that he's not! I'm just not used to non-Irish actors doing an Irish accent well. It's a rarity, for sure. And Caitrione Balfe is also great. However, the film is dumb as fuck. The WHOLE movie is just about him losing weight. He has to lose 26lbs in 6 days, which is insane and also not possible. I wish they focused more on his obsession with boxing or winning or something to help us understand why someone would put themselves through this torture, but they don't dive deep at all. It's all surface. He has to lose weight. That's it. And then the ending is so fucking stupid - first, why would he wear an earring during the weigh-in? Isn't that weight? And wouldn't he shave off his beard and all of his hair? Instead *spoiler* he cuts off a finger. How is he supposed to box with a missing finger??? It's so dumb.