Besides the amazing performances, "Glee" is also memorable for it's solid one-liners. Here are my favorite "Glee" quotes from season 1. It was very hard to choose from such consistently amazing dialogue. Most of the hilarious zingers belong to either Sue or Brittany so I did my best to choose quotes that highlight all of the amazing characters.
1. You know how every time you ask me out I have my period?…or I tell you I suffer from cluster headaches?…or I am allergic to night time? Those things…not really true. – Emma to Ken (who just can't take a hint).
2. You’re very talented. I would know…I’m very talented too. – Rachel to Finn
3. This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep. – Terri trying to convince Will to buy an over priced house.
4. You’re not trying hard enough. At what? At walking. – Dakota Stanley explaining to Artie why he can't be in the Glee club.
5. I got it from the Library. Did you know you can just borrow books from there? Finn learning new things.
6. I slept with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I felt fat that day. Quinn to Puck on why she got knocked up.
7. 3 times a day. Or your baby will be ugly – Terri giving Quinn prenatal vitamins.
8. That Wheelchair kid’s right. That Rachel chick makes me want to light myself on fire, but she can sing. – Puck
9. Santana! Wheels! Gay Kid! Come on move it!! Asian! Other Asian. Aretha. And Shaft. See Will, I don’t want to participate in a group that ignores the needs of minority students. – Sue roll calling all of the minority kids in Glee club.
10. Well you’re irritating most of the time – but don’t take that personally. – Artie to Rachel after she tells him he shouldn't take things personally.
11. I don’t know why I find his stupidity charming – I mean he is cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows. – Kurt describing his crush on Finn
12. Rachel somehow manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time. – Kurt
13. I’m gonna say this as nicely as I possibly can, but you look like a sad clown…hooker. – Finn to Rachel after she dresses up like Sandy from Grease to seduce Finn.
14. And what if I were to just innocently murder you, Will? I’d still have to go to trial. Probably get off on justifiable homicide. – Sue being classic Sue.
15. Does this have to happen tonight? Because… I have my fight club. - Puck being classic Puck
16. I’m not breaking up with you. I’m just saying please stop super-sizing… ‘cause I don’t dig on fat chicks – Puck to a pregnant Quinn.
17. Now that we’re sorta dating…I have to work so much harder to pretend to be listening to her. – Finn having a hard time dating Rachel.
18. I’ll tell you who you are. You’re a scared little boy. You’re afraid of dating me because you think it might hurt your reputation…though, which you’d never admit it, is very important to you. You hate what Quinn did to you, not just because it hurt but because it was so humiliating… I just see you for who you are…unlike you who can only see me…as this silly girl who made a fool out of herself in her first Glee Club rehearsal. And that’s where you lose Finn- because if you took a second look you’d realize that I’m the only person in your life who knows you…and accepts you for who you are. No matter what. – Rachel to Finn after he dumps her.
19. Let us give you an introduction into the way that we work: You buy us dinner, and we make out in front of you. It’s like the best deal ever. – Santana's proposition to Finn
20. Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks? – Brittany's moment of genius.
21. Look I even circled some dates on your crazy calendar. – Finn trying to win Rachel back.
22. Would you please stop talking? You’re grossing out my baby – Quinn trying to get Rachel to stop talking about sex.
23. Look Finn…It’s high time you’ve lost the big “V”, everything about you screams virgin. You’re about as sexy as a cabbage patch kid. It’s exhausting to look at you. – Santana (bonus for calling him "Finnocence").
24. Maybe you should try a new setting on your flowbie. Oh snap! – Will finally coming up with a good comeback to Sue's harassment.
25. My eyes are up here! I am a person with feelings! Get out of my grill! I am a powerful woman and my growing feminism will cut you in half like a righteous blade of equality! – Tina to Artie (after he treats her like crap).
26. How do you two not have a show on Bravo? – Sue to Kurt & Mercedes
27. I’m pretty sure my cat has been reading my diary – Brittany
28. I love your mom. She’s like this angel that came down to wake me up after all these years…and I swear to you I will never hurt her. I will always take care of her. I can’t be your dad, but I will be her hero…for as long as she’ll take me. - Burt Hummel (many of his heartbreaking quotes) to Finn.
29. So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay…it just means you’re awful – Sue to Kurt
30. I am my voice. I am like Tinkerbell, Finn….I need applause to live.- Rachel perfectly describing herself.
31. You look terrible. I look awesome - Brittany to Rachel on their respective Lady Gaga outfits.
32. Yeah, that’s because you’re 16 and you still assume the best in people. You live a few years, you start seeing the hate in people’s hearts. – Burt to Kurt after he said it was o.k that Finn used the "f" word.
33. I’m proud to be different. It’s the best thing about me. – Kurt
34. You never listen to my clearly superior ideas – Jesse on why he left the New Directions.
35. You know what Wednesday is right?...Hump day – Will hilariously trying to seduce Sue.
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