Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Gorge - Sorry, but I hated this. I hope it's the worst movie I see all year. I should have expected it because a lot of Apple + movies are terrible, or even just plain mediocre (yes, even the Oscar winning one). But I was intrigued by the Miles Teller/Anya Taylor-Joy combination, and sometimes Scott Derrickson has some wins (The Black Phone is great!). I was already annoyed that they kill off Sope Dirisu so quickly (sorry for the spoiler, but it really doesn't matter, I promise). But I was charmed by the beginnings of this romance - they are super cute, learning about each other from a distance. But then Anya speaks and I felt like someone was stabbing me in the brain. That accent is ROUGH. And why is she wearing shorts in the snow??? Girl, put some clothes on! Are you stupid? And more importantly, is this movie stupid or what? It's just so fucking dumb. And really, really ugly. The skeleton shaped trees? Is that supposed to be scary or something? I was so bored that I stopped paying attention and I genuinely could not tell you how they get out of the gorge (I stopped paying attention once they are both down there). My husband (who refused to watch this with me) asked me the next day how it ended and I said "oh they find each other at a restaurant on some island or some shit and live happily ever after" and he said "no, I mean what happens to the gorge?" "oh, I have no fucking clue". 

2. Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy - This was way better than I was expecting, and far better than the previous one. I do remember being really upset that they tell Bridget that she's having a "geriatric pregnancy" because I did not know that's what they call it when a woman over 35 is pregnant, I thought it was just a cruel joke. Maybe they should call it something else, though? Because that sounds so mean. Anyway, I did not expect Hugh Grant to show up in this one because I thought HE DIED in the last one??? I had to google it and apparently it's revealed that he survived the plane crash? But I don't remember that. I think it's sad that they kill off Mark Darcy, but it does allow Bridget's story to continue in an interesting way. And I like that it's not set immediately after his death - I think four years of grieving is enough time, and Mark would want her to move on. The little fling that she has with Leo Woodall's character is done really well because a 27 year gap is a big deal, for a relationship, but not for a fling. I think it would be unfair of her to try to continue this relationship knowing full well that this kid (yes, 27 is still a kid) doesn't know who he his or what he wants out of life yet. But she had a fun fling, and there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't realize that the girl from The Last of Us is Thandiwe Newton's daughter???!! But she's gorgeous, and she has great screen presence (like her mom). And Chiwetel Ejiofor is always a welcome presence. I love that her three friends from the original make an appearance too. Overall, I think they did a really good job with the story - it's funny, sweet, and the end with the son singing almost made me cry (ALMOST!). I look forward to the next Bridget Jones when she's in her 70s becoming a grandmother, maybe, or watching her children enter the dating game, perhaps?

3. Back in Action - Really dumb, generic, and pointless action movie. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but in this case it is. I love Cameron Diaz and I'm so happy that she's back!!! I hope she sticks around - she's one of those actresses that just shines on screen, and always seems to be having fun. I find that energy really infectious, and I welcome it. I'm also happy that Jamie Foxx is still alive!!! I was so worried about him. They have great chemistry together - and make a very believable couple, but that's not enough to make the film interesting. And the beginning is terrible - and I was really confused because Diaz announces that she's pregnant and I screamed "she's 52!", only to remember that it's supposed to be 15 years earlier, which also explains why they both look so weird in the beginning. Is it de-aging tech or just bad makeup? I'm not sure, but it's awful. Plus, there is NO WAY they would survive that plane crash. But, whatever. Then we cut to this spy couple living a normal life in the suburbs (somehow?? Even though they both "died" - how did they buy a house? get a driver's license? etc.?), and we get scenes with these Gen Xers dancing to a hip-hop song in the car while their children die of embarrassment in the backseat because we haven't seen that a million times. There's a great supporting cast - Andrew Scott (why would he do this? Was it quid pro quo for getting the Ripley gig?), Kyle Chandler - who usually picks far better films to appear in (he's in so many Oscar nominated movies! Look it up!), and Glenn Close!! Which is actually really great casting for Diaz's mom. But, it's all just so stupid and unoriginal. On a sidenote, I looked up what the last acting role Diaz had done because I knew it's been a while, but was surprised that it was 2011's Annie remake (also starring Jamie Foxx). I realized I hadn't seen it, so I popped it on this morning, and wow - Diaz is spectacularly bad as Miss Hannigan. Is this why she quit? Did the reviews eviscerate her??? And they have her SING?? I don't blame her though, it's just bad casting (I actually think Rose Byrne & her should have switched roles). 

4. Flow - I really liked this, but it's not better than The Wild Robot. Far from it, actually - and I can't believe it won the Oscar over it. I will say, that my cats LOVED it. Lily, especially. She watched almost the whole thing and kept sitting in front of the screen - blocking a lot of my view. I think it was all of the nature noises, in particular, that really peaked her interest. I'm glad that I already knew beforehand that it has no dialogue, so I prepared myself. The animation is great, but some of it looks a little flat to me. It definitely has the look of a videogame, which isn't a bad thing - there's still a lot of talent involved, but it's not as gorgeous as The Wild Robot. And I found the story to be so heavy-handed. Like, of course, an audience is going to get emotional watching this cat just try to survive - it all feels manipulative though. While The Wild Robot has the same story AND SO MUCH MORE. More depth, more character development, more backstory...just MORE. There are a few emotional beats that got me, like the bird getting abandoned by the other birds after protecting the cat. Animals in peril will always bring a lump in my throat - so I basically just wanted to cry through the whole thing. And it doesn't let up; there are no moments that uplift or inspire - it's just totally depressing. But cute, I guess. 

5. Nosferatu (2024) - Nope, not a fan. This isn't surprising considering that I haven't liked any of Robert Eggers' films. They are well made movies, but way overpraised - especially by film bros. My ranking would be: The Northman > Nosferatu > The VVitch >>>>>>>>>>The Lighthouse. But I rate The Northman three stars and it gets worse from there. I love the original Nosferatu, but I haven't seen it since I was in college (and I probably watched it a dozen times for different film classes. I feel like it was part of every film class curriculum). I'm also not the biggest fan of Lily-Rose Depp. I've seen her in multiple things from The Idol to Voyagers and she has a dead behind the eyes look - just no emotion in her eyes at all. I think she gives a FANTASTIC physical performance here - she contorts herself to extremes, but it's the dialogue she has a problem with. And she still has the dead eyes, but it kind of works here to be fair. I also hate Emma Corrin - just a terrible actor, and they seem really out of place in this. And Aaron Taylor-Johnson?? Are they trying to kill me? Anyway, I DO like Nicholas Hoult, Willem Dafoe, and Bill Skarsgard though. But the movie is just. so. boring. It's very hard to pay attention to. The colors are very muted for effect, but it doesn't work for me. I don't really have anything else to say - the costumes and makeup are great, but that's all I got.