Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Twisters - **spoilers ahead** I appreciate a good ole' summer blockbuster - and this is exactly that. But, it's also not exactly great. It's...ok. Which I think I also thought the original Twister was also...just ok. Especially compared to the other summer blockbusters of the time (Jurassic Park, Men in Black, Independence Day, Speed, Face/Off, I could go on forever - there are so many good ones in the 90s). I think the whole storm chaser thing is so ridiculous - and the way they idolize it and turn it into influencer level hysteria is really dumb. But putting your characters in peril several times over the course of 2 hours is what a summer blockbuster is all about! I can't say I wasn't entertained, but I was definitely disappointed. I just don't think either Daisy Edgar-Jones or Glen Powell are ready to lead big films like this. They both have star power, but neither can work with bad dialogue (which this has a ton of) and they don't have any chemistry (I know I'm in the minority but that's not new for me). The bigger problem is that they make Powell the most annoying, pompous, asshole for the first half of the movie and then they are like "just kidding, he's actually the good guy". My husband commented towards the middle (after I announced "that's the new Superman!!" to him after spotting David Corenswet), "so does she end up with the Superman guy?" and I was like "no, she ends up with the Youtuber guy??? DUH...he's the star of the movie" and he was really upset by that. Mind you, he knows very little about pop culture so he doesn't know that Glen Powell is the new internet boyfriend. But there is no way in Hell he was going to root for the asshole to get the girl, and I get it. Anyway, I think the movie might have been FAR better if it actually starred the two people who die in the beginning. Daryl McCormack and Kiernan Shipka aren't exactly well-known names, but they are certainly scene stealers. I was shocked that they don't make it past the first 15 minutes. So, do you guys want to hear my "twister" story? Well, I'm going to share it anyway, because this is MY film blog that I treat more as a journal and just write whatever the fuck I want! So, there is a line in the beginning of the movie "twisters don't happen in New York" and while they are rare, they do, in fact, happen in NY. A tornado hit a nearby school when I was a child and it was devastating. It was East Coldenham Elementary School in 1989 - you can look it up, it was a big story. A few kids died. There is still debate about whether it was an actual tornado or if it was "tornado-like winds" or a "strong hurricane", but I'm here to tell you it was a tornado. My school let out early because of the weather, so I was on a bus heading home. Our bus driver suddenly stopped and told us all to get on the floor. We had no idea what was happening, but the bus shook really hard, some of the windows even broke. And then...nothing. We got back in our seats and saw - CLEAR AS FUCKING DAY- a full blown tornado had passed us. I don't think we were fully in it because we would have died, but we were close enough to it to feel the effects. I don't know why the Coldenham school did not evacuate like other schools in the area; nor do I know why they continued to let children eat lunch in the cafeteria full of glass windows, because even in a hurricane you're supposed to stay away from windows. But it's all very sad. I was 8 years old, and I think it was my first exposure to the fact that children can die. Well, anyway, after I've depressed myself and probably anyone who reads this, let's talk about that leather camera strap that Daisy wears in this movie??? I was so intrigued by it that I couldn't look away from it. Oh wait, I also want to talk about this poster because I saw so many people make fun of it ("the twister is BEHIND them" LOL) only to be corrected multiple times that it's called "TwisterS" with an "s" because clearly there is one in front of them too (and if you look closely there is a reflection of the other twister in the driver's side mirror. It's actually kind of a brilliant poster. You losers!). 

2. My Old Ass - The good reviews for this are surprising because I found it so boring, unoriginal, predictable, and poorly acted. And I was just annoyed by most of it. First, the main star, who I'm not familiar with, but reminds me of Larisa Oleynik from her Alex Mack days (which should, in theory, be a good thing), is very bad in this. She's very performative and seems like she's playing towards a camera with every gesture and facial expression. The character is also annoying and kind of stupid. The supporting cast is Aubrey Plaza, once again being Aubrey Plaza, a very underutilized Maddie Ziegler (who maybe should have been the star based on her performance in The Fallout - an incredible movie with incredible performances! Obviously Jenna Ortega is a big name now, but Ziegler has yet to find her push into the mainstream. I really like her though), and the guy from Wednesday who is absolutely not hot at all; nor is he a good actor. Second, the whole "older self warning about the future" should be interesting. But instead of focusing on all these apocalyptic type warnings that she hints at ("Nobody is allowed to have 3 children anymore" and "I miss salmon" are all swept under the rug, with the focus on "Avoid a boy named Chad" - which is probably good advice for all young women, right? The only other real advice is to be nicer to her family, but it's clear with her whole "Chad" focus, that clearly something bad happens to Chad. The whole movie boils down to the very popular saying "it's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all". So, just say that, and be done with it. This movie just drags everything out and it feels about 5 hours long (it's only 90 minutes), and tops itself off with a Justin Bieber dancing & lip-syncing scene that made me want to slit my wrists. Also, 39 is not old, so FUCK OFF. And these two people look NOTHING alike. It's so stupid. 

3. Emilia Perez - There are some really varying reviews for this from people I trust - 1 star all the way to 5 star reviews. Which usually means I'll land in the middle, and this is no exception. It's a 3 star movie. I can see the issues with it, but it's also very inventive in its narrative, there's a few really strong scenes, and it feels modern. So, first I'm going to focus on the good - I went into this knowing very little about it. I knew that it starred Selena Gomez and Zoe Saldana, and that it had won some festival awards (I think at Cannes?). So, you can imagine my surprise, when I realized that it's a musical. And that it's in Spanish. And that it's about a sex change operation. The story is actually very interesting. I also think it's interesting that Karla Sofia Gascon portrays Emilia Perez before and after the transition (the makeup for the before is a bit bad, though? - Like, it doesn't look like a real person until after the transition). I think it's a huge mistake to push Gascon in the lead performance for awards season because Saldana is the STAR of this movie, and she is also the heart and soul of it. Submitting her for Supporting Actress is most definitely category fraud (it's getting worse & worse every year - they need to define the rules for these things and stick to them). There is one (yes, only one) stand-out scene and that's the one with Saldana in the red velvet suit dancing around the tables full of people. It's the only song that actually has a beat. Plus, the choreography and camera-work are incredible. As for Gomez, I like her. She's fine in this role, but not award-worthy. I think she's strongest in dry comedic roles (like Only Murders in the Building suits her so well. And I liked her in The Dead Don't Die). I was hoping for her to get a good musical number, but instead we get her rolling around on a bed and then she just screams a lot. It's the definition of cringe. The rest of the movie is a little silly (there's a viral clip from it in which a hospital staff sing about changing "a penis to vagina" that is insane). Most of the songs are really dull with no memorable moments or catchy beat, which I think is sort of essential for a successful musical. And there is really bad lighting throughout (especially the opening musical number). Overall, I appreciate the risks that are taken and that alone makes me rate it higher than I should. Plus, Rust and Bone (also directed by Jacques Audiard) is one of my favorite films of the last 15 years, so I'm probably biased.

4. Poolman - I expected a terrible movie (based on reviews) and that's exactly what I got. It will, for sure, make my worst of 2024 list. And I love Chris Pine (by far the best Chris). I'm happy that he's directing now, but after watching it, maybe he should stick to acting? It's probably not fair to even rate it, considering that I fell asleep for about 25 minutes of it. I couldn't even repeat the plot if I tried. It's *supposed* to be a homage to Chinatown (okay....I guess?). Obviously, the supporting cast is great - Jennifer Jason Leigh (I can't believe she's 62!!), Annette Bening (who must have owed someone a favor? Why would she do this??), DaWanda Wise, Danny DeVito, and apparently Ariana DeBose? I honestly don't remember her in it at all. Maybe she was in the part I slept through? Hahaha! Anyway, I like the quirkiness of it, it feels a bit retro, and I get what Pine is going for. He just made a very boring movie with very bad filmmaking aspects (the underwater shots are horrifically bad). It's just a terrible film.  

5. Thelma - This is cute. But that's about it. It's basically the same plot as The Beekeeper, which is kind of weird, but a sequel for The Beekeeper would be missing a beat if they don't cast June Squibb. I would love a team-up with her and the Stath. It would be hilarious. I love her so much, and I love that she is starring in a movie at the age of 93 (she's 95 now!). That's incredibly inspiring. I'm trying to change my mentality of getting old to "getting old is a privilege". It's a hard concept to wrap your head around because there is so much stigma and bad stuff that comes with getting old - your body stops working like it used to, your mind isn't as sharp, and the older you get the more death surrounds you. BUT, getting to grow old and experience the world for 95 years is such a gift. June is still out there - doing what she loves and living her life and it's SO COOL. She has so much fun with this role, too. Her timing with the dialogue is spot-on, and made me laugh out loud several times ("how can ZuckerBORG let this happen?" LOL). But other than Squibb nailing this, the rest of it is a little boring and predictable. 30 minutes in and I was sighing and thinking "okay...get on with it, already". AND WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE...I was just about to write about how it was also nice seeing Richard Roundtree (who has a very large role in this), and I *just* found out that he died last year and that this was his last role??? How did I miss that? That's so sad! He was so cool! Awww...anyway, I do like the rest of this cast - Parker Posey is always hilarious, and the guy from The White Lotus is going to start blowing up everywhere (I think he's in the new Gladiator movie, too?). The ending is cute too - how she only takes back $9500 (leaving him $500, after hearing his hardships), and then shooting the computer. On a related sidenote - my husband's grandmother is extremely computer savvy. It's kind of incredible. She's in her 80s, but hopped on the computer trend as soon as became a thing and grew with it instead of letting it intimidate her. She's lost a lot of her eyesight now, so she can't do as much, but I think it's funny that the whole family goes to her or my husband if they have computer issues.