Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Bob Marley: One Love - Unfortunately, this post will not be fun to write because all five of these movies really sucked. And I mean SUCKED (at least 3 of them will be on my worst of 2024 list - and Wish doesn't even count for this year). Some were expected, but some were not. I still like to watch everything, even if it's supposed to suck, because every once in a while something surprises me, and also I like to decide for myself if something is bad and I can't do that...IF I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT! I was hoping for the best with this because I really like Kingsley Ben-Adir. Plus, I saw the trailer (before The Beekeeper) and it looked incredible (the trailer is WAY better than the movie). But then my mom and her husband went to see it and said it was terrible, which is a BIG red flag because they are not picky people as far as movies go (they always tell me bad movies are good!) and my mom's husband is a HUGE Bob Marley fan. So, if a huge fan says this is bad, then I question who this film is made for? I think a few things are a big miss with this - and unfortunately, the big reason I wanted to see it, Ben-Adir, should never have been cast in the first place. While he does his best with the accent, and the songs (he sings along with Marley tracks and they combined the voices - similar to Malek singing Queen songs in Bohemian Rhapsody), this is a case in which they absolutely should have found a Jamaican actor. When a famous person is so ingrained in a culture, and it is so important to their own identity then YES, you should cast to that identity (why is Hollywood still getting this wrong?). I also think it's very clear that Kingsley is wearing a wig for the dreadlocks, and it just looks fake and very distracting. They also start the film at a weird point - just a few brief scenes before his attempted assassination. It's a major turning point in his life, and the reason that he leaves Jamaica and his music becomes an international sensation, but it's jarring to start the story there. Also, I don't know why, but I actually thought that's how Marley died?! I was confused because I thought - wait was there an attempted assassination before the one that killed him? I had NO IDEA he died of fucking SKIN CANCER?! WOW. Anyway, the story-telling and editing is just bad overall, because random scenes pop up and seem very important, but there was nothing leading us to these scenes - like the sudden outburst with his wife? They seem very happy and loving, and then *boom* they are fighting in the street. I also think that biopics tend to idolize their subject matter instead of showing their flaws and humanizing them - which is one of the reasons that I like Rocketman so much. Elton is fearless in showing that he's a gigantic narcissistic asshole and treated people around him like shit, and he had to hit rock bottom to come to this realization before he turned his life around. I would love if more biopics followed suit. 

2. Wish - I honestly don't even understand what the plot of this movie is??? They give their wish to the king and he's trying to steal them so this girl is trying to get them back? For what? What's the point in having them back? The whole concept is just stupid and confusing. I also hate this style of animation - especially since I've recently revisited older Disney movies that have STUNNING animation (especially Sleeping Beauty  - every scene looks like a painting!). This just feels flat and over-saturated with color. As much as I don't like Ariana DeBose as an actress, I won't deny that she has an incredible voice (I would much prefer she sticks to voice acting and Broadway. She probably kills on Broadway - definitely has one of those voices with power behind it. I just think she lacks a screen presence. But she has an Oscar, so what do I know!), so at least the songs sound very pretty even if they are forgettable the second the movie is over. I also think Chris Pine has a great voice for animation, even if I prefer they start going back to using actual voice actors for animated movies. The movie just feels rushed and soul-less, like it was put together by a computer. I don't think kids will necessarily notice this, but I do think it's important to make animated films tolerable for an adult audience because they'll be more willing to endure the repeated viewing that kids tend to do with their new favorite animated movie (and, more importantly, buy all the products attached to it!).

3. Spaceman (2024) - This might be the most boring movie featuring a giant talking alien spider-like creature that I've ever seen. It's actually shocking how boring it is. It's like if you took The Tree of Life, set it in space, and somehow made it even slower. I'm pretty sure the score was made to try to put people to sleep. And I think The Tree of Life is a fair comparison because it certainly attempts at something profound, but just never quite gets there. Some stunning shots, but that's just not enough to make a good movie. I've never been a big fan of Adam Sandler post Big Daddy, but I did agree with most critics that he was robbed of an Oscar nomination for Uncut Gems (still not the most egregious snub of 2020, though. AHEM). I don't dislike him, though, I just find most of his comedy one-note. He seems like a super chill guy, though. I've heard a lot of good things about people running into him in NYC and he's always super gracious and kind towards fans. I was excited for another different role for him, but the second he speaks in this I wanted to slam my head against a wall. The accent is unbearable. And googling information about the accent is WILD because the director of the film claims to hate "fake accents" so he decided against it for this film, but SANDLER IS CLEARLY ATTEMPTING A CZECH ACCENT SO WHAT THE FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT?? Plus, the reviews are even WILDER because some point out the "inconsistency" of the accent (true!), but I read one that said that it's so subtle that they "didn't even notice it in the beginning". I'm FLABBERGASTED. Do they not know what Adam Sandler sounds like normally? Because he certainly doesn't sound like that. ANYWAY, Carey Mulligan does her sad face through the whole thing, as per. The whole film is based around him being away in space and his wife deciding to leave him. He realizes the errors of his ways or whatever, some stupid lesson on how love is the most important thing blah blah blah, and it's just all crap, in my opinion. There are very few excuses that I think are acceptable for missing the birth of your child and being in space is definitely one of them. So the whole plot is null and void, in my opinion. 

4. Drive-Away Dolls - I know this got mixed reviews (although critics were on the more positive side than general audiences), but I definitely thought I was going to like this. A lesbian buddy road trip comedy STARRING Margaret Qualley AND Geraldine Viswanathan, DIRECTED by Ethan Coen set in 1999???!!! How could I not like it?? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU: Qualley's accent, for starters, is...unwatchable. It's somehow worse than Rachel Zegler's Hunger Games accent! The "comedy" is non-existent. I guess it's supposed to be raunchy or something, but it just feels like it's trying too hard. And raunchy without comedy, just feels...embarrassing. Like, I felt embarrassed for all involved. Nothing about it feels authentic, and these definitely don't feel like real people. It also feels like it's trying so hard to be a Coen film (which is weird because it technically is). The set-up is kind of funny, and can make for a wacky, shenanigan-filled road trip comedy, so I don't know exactly why they messed this up so badly. Qualley & Viswanathan have great chemistry and comedic timing - but the characters are so off-putting and one-note. But the worst offender is Beanie Feldstein as the least believable police officer put on film. It's unbearable. I was convinced that I wouldn't see a worse movie this year, but then I watched Miller's Girl this week (Jesus Christ is it bad. How are these movies getting funding? I don't get it.). The only plus is a few surprise cameos (although I feel like we can assume that Matt Damon will pop up in every movie. He's just always there. Do your thing Matt Damon, I'm not complaining!). 

5. Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver - SOMEHOW, this movie is the better movie in this post! Still awful, but, at least there's some solid visuals and production design. This story should never have been split into 2 parts - there's just not enough story to watch more than FOUR hours of it. And somehow, even with all the time given, I still have no idea who any of these characters are - they are actually given some backstories with this, but they literally sit around a table and tell each other their "stories". The worst way to create character depth ever. I don't even really remember much about the first film and it was only released like 4 months ago (I do remember Hunnam's Northern Irish accent because it's hilarious. I actually wish he was in this one because I was completely entertained by him). I do remember it was terrible, and that it made my worst of the year list. You might wonder why I even bothered watching this one, but I truly can't help it. I'm a completist. It's who I am, and I've accepted it. I still watch Grey's Anatomy and that's on season 20 and it hasn't been good since season 10! My husband is like "you know you can just stop watching it, right?", but that's not true. I simply can't do that! Anyway, the only thing I can say about this is that it's not worse than the first one - they are about the same. The slo-mo is a little more extreme (and just stupid). Also, the flashbacks don't make sense if you make the character look older in the flashback?? Weird choice. That bowl buzz-cut is also a choice (a terrible one). I'm guessing the rebels win because they all cheer at the end, but I definitely did not watch the entire battle sequence. I gave up by that point.