4 Thoughts on the Emmy Awards

1. The Host - I've never really been the biggest fan of Andy Samberg. On SNL, he always came off as a narcissistic, privileged, frat-boy type of personality. I found some of his stuff funny, but mostly obnoxious. However, I became more of a fan with Brooklyn Nine-Nine (hilarious show). I don't think he has necessarily changed, but my perception of him did. He seems like he has a lot of fun with what he does, and he also seems to appreciate his privilege. This is exactly how I would describe his performance as Emmy host. He had fun and he seemed happy to be there. The opening song was really cute and relevant to how we watch television today. I feel the stress of watching EVERY show possible. It's overwhelming to think about all of the shows I still need to watch, and I watch a TON of television. The other highlights of his hosting gig were: 1. "Racism is over!! Don't fact-check that." 2. The Mad Men parody. 3. Classifying Louie as "jazz" (that's actually quite fitting). 4. His dig at Paula Deen & Kim Davis: "If I wanted to see an intolerant woman dance, I would have went to one of Kim Davis' four weddings".

2. The Winners and Losers - I thought this was going to be an easy awards show to watch. There were so many wonderful shows and talented performers nominated; I thought it would be pretty impossible to piss me off. Then, Game of Thrones won the awards for writing, directing, and series, and my blood began to boil. Game of Thrones is a good show. Above average? Sure. I'll even concede the directing award, because it's such an epic show, with so many different characters and plots; making it all cohesive, is a talent that deserves recognition. It is not, however, a well-written show. I'm often questioning character motivation because of inconsistencies in development; I get bored after watching 2 episodes in a row because it's repetitive; and, for a show that is geared towards "geeks", it isn't especially intelligent. I understand that it has a huge fan-base, but even the biggest fans have called the past season its worst (I just finished season four, so I wouldn't know). There is no way anyone will ever convince me that it should win a writing award over Mad Men (and it's certainly not a better show). Anyway, moving on, I was happy with all of the other winners. At least they were smart enough to give Jon Hamm an Emmy, fucking finally (although, I admit, I always rooted for Bryan Cranston or Michael C. Hall in the past). While, I love Amy Poehler, I knew the award was going to Julia (and she deserves it). I love that not one, but two, women won in the directing category (although, I have yet to see Olive Kitteridge or Transparent). Viola Davis gave an outstanding performance this year, and an even better speech. They threw in a few surprises, too, which is always nice. Regina King should have been nominated several times for SouthLAnd, so it was a bit of a redemption for her to win (even if American Crime was mediocre, at best). And, even though I am pissed at the awards love for Game of Thrones, Peter Dinklage is definitely deserving. I tend to zone out during some episodes, but his scenes always bring me right back in. Also, I guess I should watch Olive Kitteridge?? I mean, holy hell, that is one heck of a cast.

3. The Show - While, it seemed to move a little bit quicker than usual, some of the presenters really took their time up there. Do people really think Jimmy Kimmel is funny? Like, seriously? His hosting of the Emmys is probably one of my least favorite, ever, and it wasn't well-received, so why give him so much time up there? The only presenter that I enjoyed was John Oliver because he called out how ridiculous the "limited series" category is. I also enjoyed Tracy Morgan (and that's a sentence I never thought I would say). I find Morgan unbearably obnoxious and self-centered, but he's one-of-a-kind and I'm glad to have him back. Plus, he made fun of his obnoxious behavior...twice! Amy Poehler always steals the show, and I adore her for it. I also thought it was really funny that during Lady Gaga's presentation for Lead Actor in a Limited Series, everyone was laughing at Ricky Gervais, leaving Gaga really confused. Little things like that crack me up. The absolute worst part of the show was the unnecessary spoiler-filled goodbye to shows that ended this past year. It was nice to say goodbye to an epic year in television history, especially with Fred Savage introducing it. Then, before I even realized what was happening, I unwillingly watched the final scene of Boardwalk Empire (I still haven't seen the final season). Who really thought this was a good idea? Especially after addressing how difficult it is to catch up on television shows, in the beginning of the show! So dumb.

4. The Fashion - First, I would like to, once again, question how Giuliana Rancic still has a job interviewing celebs on the red carpet. She is terrible, annoying and arrogant. There are thousands of people in the world who would love her job, and be better at it. I almost died when Sarah Paulson said "no, sorry sweetie, everyone asks me that" after Guiliana is surprised that someone else has already asked her the same ridiculously unoriginal question. Anyway, in regards to the fashion (I love it, get over it!), I wasn't that impressed. Off the shoulder dresses are so unflattering (what woman wants to look like she has broad shoulders?), and they were EVERYWHERE (Paulson, Sarah Hyland). The usual "risk-takers" that I love, like January Jones, all disappointed. Claire Danes had the most interesting dress; I think I would have liked it if it weren't shiny. I also loved that she totally embraces her body (most women would wear an insanely painful push-up bra with a dress like that). Heidi Klum wore the worst dress. I don't get it at all. And Jaimie Alexander - that dress, it's just so sparkly and bright. I can't look directly at it. I think, overall, my favorite looks were: Allison Janney, because DAMN GIRL. I hope I look that good at 55. Anna Chlumsky. It was pretty, feminine, but still a bit odd-looking. And, Ellie Kemper, with the most beautiful dress of the night.

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Aloha - So much potential for this movie. The cast, although problematically white-washed, is excellent. The plot, from what I could understand, is interesting (but overly complicated). The writer/director, Cameron Crowe, is strong aesthetically, and in character development. So what went wrong exactly? It's hard to pinpoint, but the biggest problem is that the character motivation is really off; none of their actions make any sense. The "romance" part is a complicated love triangle (actually a square). It begins with Brian (Bradley Cooper, who is soooo not a "Brian") and Tracy (Rachel McAdams); he has hurt her in the past, and now she is married to another guy (John Krasinski, in probably his most boring role ever, but still the best character in the movie). Even though she is clearly not over Brian, she exists in an unhappy marriage (why?....). Then Allison (Emma Stone) is introduced as a love interest for Brian, but she is presented as literally the most annoying person on the planet. He can't even stand the sound of her voice. Then a lot of confusing, non-romantic, stuff happens (I couldn't tell you the plot to save my life - something about satellites and weapons and sacred grounds.). Suddenly, Brian falls for Allison, and Tracy is happy in her marriage (again, why?...). Sorry if I just spoiled the movie for you, but be honest, you weren't really going to watch it, anyway. There's a little bit of misogyny thrown in the movie, too, just for kicks. For example, Stone is portraying someone who is very head-strong and professional, yet her boss warns Brian against "corrupting" her. Um...fuck off, Aloha. I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself. This movie will most likely end up on my worst of the year list (the second Bradley Cooper movie to make the list, so far. How sad!). The only positive that I can think of is the beautiful shots of Hawaii. I still really want to go on a volcano tour of Hawaii. Who wants to join me?

2. Far from the Madding Crowd - This movie was my introduction to this story. I've never read the novel; never seen any of the previous adaptations. Yet, somehow, I already felt like I knew how the story was going to unfold right from the very beginning. There are few things that I liked about the story. It's beautiful to look at. I enjoyed that it was about fate and destiny, over romantic love. There was a "sliding doors" effect with every choice that a character makes, but in the end, everything is as it should be. The female lead is independent and claims to have "no need for a husband", which is incredibly rare for a story from the late 19th century. Overall, though, I felt bored for most of it. The acting, aside for Matthias Schoenaerts, ranges from mediocre (Carey Mulligan and Michael Sheen, who both seem really comfortable in their roles, but bored) to awful (Tom Sturridge, what were you doing?). Schoenaerts is probably in the "easiest" role, as the obvious choice, but I felt like he is the only one who seemed to stretch himself, emotionally. And speaking of the "obvious" choice, this is probably the biggest problem with the story. The other two are ridiculously terrible choices; one offers to "buy her dresses" in exchange for marriage, while the other one flat-out tells her that he's in love with someone else, which causes her to become jealous so naturally she says yes to his proposal. HUH?! That's a reason to get married? That's even dumber than the dress guy. It's frustrating when a woman chooses everything but the obvious (so obvious that he's even the one featured on the poster!).

3. Black or White - I like the intentions of this movie. I think it's meant to open up discussion of race, family, and cultural differences within different races. The characters are just so off-putting, though. It starts out really rough, with this man losing his wife in a car accident, going home, getting wasted (perfectly acceptable), then waking up the next morning and carting his granddaughter off to school like nothing has happened. Then, he picks her up and is like "oh yeah...you're grandmother, the one who raises you, is dead", while they are still on school grounds. The audience is instantly under the impression that this man has no concept of raising a child, being sensitive to emotions, or is capable of appropriate reactions to life-changing events. Her paternal grandmother tries to intervene by fighting for custody, citing that she belongs with her side of the family because he won't know how to raise a black girl. Yet, she was perfectly fine when the grandmother was alive (there are references to an "understanding"). So, really, it's more of an issue of gender, and not race. The custody wouldn't have been questioned if he was the one that died. But for some reason, the paternal grandmother, under the guidance of her lawyers, make it a race issue. This is frustrating because he has raised his grandchild, who is half black, since her birth, so one would think it would be hard to suddenly call him racist....but then, he SUDDENLY BECOMES RACIST. Please, take this child away from this man. He's an asshole, he's a drunk, and he's a racist. But, he has money, so that makes him a viable candidate to raise this girl, apparently. They try to make it a "grey" area, because the girl wants to live with her grandfather, but she is a child, and far too young to understand what is best for her. They also try to portray the paternal side of the family in a bad light, by having one "bad apple", which happens to be her biological father (not only a drug addict, but also a statutory rapist). The court could easily give custody to the paternal grandmother with the understanding that the father has no visitation or relationship with her. DONE AND DONE. Instead, they go back and forth between who is worse, and we are forced to pick the lesser of two evils, never really giving this poor girl a chance to live any semblance of a loving life. It's just really fucking depressing.

4. Mad Max: Fury Road - If you keep yourself updated on movie news, reviews, etc., then you already know that this movie is ranked among the best of this year. I was really hoping to catch it in the theaters, but I wasn't able to (this year has sucked in regards to my theater outings. I've barely been to the theater at all). I remember seeing the trailer before American Sniper, and I was blown away by it's sheer energy. I'm happy to say that the entire movie is just pure, exhilarating, non-stop adrenaline-inducing action. Not only is it action-packed, it's also really beautiful. Just really fucking beautiful. The monochromatic, post-apocalyptic, desert location could have been really dull, but it is so vibrant, with so much to look at. I was pretty blown away by it. Plus, even better, I really enjoyed the story. It's a simple "good vs. bad" plot, but it's done so well. It's a nice reminder that there is still room for originality within a story that's been told a million times before. Not surprisingly, my favorite aspect of the movie is Furiosa, perhaps the strongest female character onscreen, this year. She's everything. It's stunning when a movie, especially an action movie, relies on very little dialogue, but still makes the audience care for the characters and invest in their story. The biggest realization that I had while watching, is that this was the first George Miller movie I've ever watched. What an introduction! I will definitely seek more out.

5. The Voices - Why have I heard nothing about this movie?! It's HILARIOUS. Seriously fucked up, but totally hilarious. It's probably the first time I truly loved Ryan Reynolds in a performance. I really never got the love (yes, his abs are nice). I still don't, because I will just consider this a fluke unless he makes another performance that I love. Then, and only then, will I reevaluate my opinion of him. This is the kind of movie that I think benefits from not knowing much about it (so maybe that's why no-one is talking about it?), so I don't want to give too much away. However, I don't really know how to talk about it without giving a little away, so *slight spoilers ahead*. I think it's a fantastic insight into a killer's mind. For the sake of "justice", determining someone as insane in order to limit the punishment, is often frustrating, but in some cases, people resort to murder because they are actually mentally unstable and not necessarily evil. This guy's instability comes from the voices that he hears from his pets (and decapitated heads...), which is just him imagining that he's having conversations with them (is that not normal??? Because I have conversations with my cats all the time; and I totally imagine their responses. Don't worry, everyone, they say mostly nice things. Except when they are hungry...). Mr. Whiskers had me in tears, his humor is only accentuated by his really terrible Scottish accent. Really, just fucking hilarious. Then, just when you think the movie couldn't get weirder, it ends with the oddest song during the credits. This movie would definitely make my Best list this year, but the release date is 2014, and it's doesn't quite make the cut among the best of last year.

Fall TV Preview: 4 New Shows to Watch

I only picked 4 new shows!! I'm so proud of myself. Maybe my DVR won't fill up after 2 days. There are a few other shows that I'm excited about even though they aren't considered "new", like the second season of Fargo (HOLY SHIT, that cast!), AHS: Hotel (hopefully better than Freak Show!) and Heroes Reborn (Man, I used to love Heroes). 

1. Blindspot - I admit, the marketing for this show has been complete overkill. I almost don't want to watch it just out of spite. But, I ADORE Jaimie Alexander. I've loved her since Kyle XY. I'm so glad that she is headlining a show and I think this seems like the perfect role for her. It's been described as a "female Bourne", which is great, but it's also been described as The Blacklist, which is disappointing. That show had so much potential that it threw away in favor of cliched dialogue and unoriginal ALIAS-like plots. So, I'm hopeful that it's more Bourne, but I'm also hopeful that it has some originality as well.

2. Scream Queens -  There are two things that Ryan Murphy excels at: casting and creating really strong first seasons of televisions shows. The cast for this is mixed with newcomers (who will probably be "it" actors soon enough), proven talent like Lea Michele, Emma Roberts, Niecy Nash, a few "what the fuck" surprise choices like Ariana Grande and Nick Jonas, plus the perfect horror icon/legend Jamie Lee Curtis. It doesn't get better. I am confident that the first season will be impressive - just as perfect as Nip/Tuck and Glee were. 

3. Supergirl - Speaking of Glee, one of the only casting missteps was Melissa Benoist in the later seasons. I had a hard time watching Glee after season 4 (and I stopped watching all together once Cory died. I'm still not over it.). Part of the terribleness was the weak, repetitive plots, but Melissa's horrible acting was also a HUGE part of it. I hated her character; I hated her voice; I hated her dead-behind-the-eyes stare. I still have to watch this show because with the huge boom of superhero tv shows/movies that exist, this is the first with a female lead. I'm going to support it because I basically feel obligated to (just like I would support a Black Widow solo movie, even though I don't like Scarlett or Black Widow, really). I've heard mixed reactions about the leaked pilot - some criticized it for being too "girly", while others praised it for taking more of a fun approach like The Flash (and I love The Flash). I still have high hopes for this show. Maybe Melissa won't be so bad???...

4. Limitless - I liked the movie. I don't really remember that much about it, other than Bradley Cooper running around being all smart and hot. I was super excited when my mom informed me that he was "starring" in the show. I was skeptical, but she was "positive". After looking into it, I realized he's just there as an introduction to the character - to pass on the story. Pretty disappointing, HOWEVER, I love the Jake McDorman! He's an awesome choice as the lead. Plus, Jennifer Carpenter! I love her so much. Although, it will be weird watching her in a show in which she doesn't curse every other word.

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Blackhat - I'm not a huge Michael Mann fan, but I usually find most of his movies at least entertaining, to some degree. He's got a clear sense of style, which I can always appreciate, and his movies usually feature some interesting casting/acting choices. I was disappointed, already, with the cast of this movie because Chris Hemsworth (as the lead) is so dull. Sure, he's handsome, and the Australian accent is sexy (but not even close to my favorite accent). He's just got no charisma or screen presence at all. In Blackhat, he is stripped of his accent, he has the weight of making computer hacking interesting on his shoulders, and he fails miserably. As you may know, I usually watch movies at home with subtitles on and most of the movie can be described by these two subtitles that exist throughout the movie: "keyboard clacking" & "computer beeping". I was so bored, and I honestly lost track of the plot because I don't understand computer hacking, and this movie didn't convince me enough to even try to learn about it. There is one stand-out, amazing, "wow" moment in the movie involving typical Mann-style explosions and shootouts. My eyes were glued to the screen for it, but then I lost interest again. Overall, it felt pretty passionless on all levels, making it my worst movie of the year so far.

2. Adult Beginners - I watched this for Joel McHale, so I was pretty disappointed that he's only in it for maybe ten minutes. I'm confused as to why he is even featured on the poster. He did have the very best line of the whole movie ("You're not an appropriate place for a child!!" - ok...it was the way he said it). The movie isn't all that funny, but I liked parts of it. I liked that it was about siblings; instead of a love story. It was sort of like The Skeleton Twins, but much, MUCH, much lighter (you know, no talk of suicide). I liked most of the cast (McHale, Rose Byrne, Josh Charles, Bobby Cannavale...), but the main guy, Nick Kroll, is very dull. I don't really think I've seen him in much, but I guess I always assumed he was funny. He's not funny in this. I like that it took place in Westchester, and that it felt like a very Upstate NY movie. Kroll is from Rye, NY and he created the story, so it felt very genuine. Them going to the local bar and dancing to that Toad the Wet Sprocket song is just soo....perfect. I felt my mind flooding with memories; not only of living in Upstate, but of going back after I left. I liked this movie, I just wish it had a little more substance; something to make me care.

3. Two Days, One Night - I waited and waited and waited for this movie to be released, and as I waited, expectations increased. It's really not what I was expecting. Still good; just not anything spectacular. I think the reason that I didn't enjoy it as much as I was hoping is because it is very repetitive. The plot is that this woman, after taking a leave of absence due to depression, learns that her job is being eliminated. Her colleagues have a vote and if they vote her out, they would receive a bonus; if they forego the bonus, she can keep her job. Now that is a pretty shitty decision to make. She spends the movie tracking down her colleagues, trying to convince them to vote for her to keep her job. It's pretty much the same conversation, over and over again ("gee...I kind of need the money", but more eloquent and French-like). Marion Cotillard is superb, as usual. She is quickly becoming one of my favorite actresses. I really liked the end, but after it was over, I realized that it would have had more of an impact if it ended differently (*spoiler ahead*). She gets the offer to keep her job, however, someone else will lose their job, and she declines. While, it's a "nice" ending, to insist that there are people in the world who aren't selfish assholes, but in reality, she should have taken the offer (and the only reason I say this is because she has kids). It would have emphasized the moral "grey area" decision-making that the struggling working class has to deal with every day. We would love to believe that our decision-making is always based on compassion, but sometimes that is not reality.

4. Dear White People - This is another movie that I had really high expectations for. It won a lot of praise at several festivals, and the trailer was refreshingly honest. Overall, there are some really strong points made in the movie. It invokes dialogue about racism that clearly needs to be addressed in this country, NOW. However, the movie is a little bit dull and unmemorable. I think it's problematic that it takes place at a seemingly wealthy private college. That already isolates more than half of the audience. I understand the motive behind it (the tagline is "a satire about being a black face in a white place"), but I don't think many people will. It takes away from the white privilege argument because all the white guys featured are elitist assholes. One can easily counter-argue that they are privileged because of wealth not because of race. Wealth is not something that most people in America can relate to, so I think the impact is lost. Personally, I think it's scary that there are white people who refuse to believe they are of privilege. I learned this at a very young age. *story time* When I was 10, I was caught stealing from a convenience store along with my two black friends. The store owner called the police, then waved for me to go. I was terrified and really confused. One of my friends, Jessica, was older and obviously understood what was happening, turned to me and said "Michelle, nobody cares about a pretty white girl stealing. Just go". So I left. With a bag full of stolen goods. (and to address the stealing part, I have no excuse except that I was 10 and I was hungry. It's not something I'm proud of or ever did again). When I think about defining moments in my life, that is one memory that always springs to mind, because it's a moment in which I wish I could do over. I should have stayed and faced the consequences. I should have spoken up. But now I do and I will continue to until the day I die. I am white. I am privileged because I am white. This is not the way I want my country to work. I think it's natural for people to look out for their own interests, and that's where the problem lies. It takes a lot of fortitude (not the word that I'm looking for, but I've literally spent 20 minutes trying to think of the word that's at the tip of my tongue and honestly, that's far too much time. I barely spend 20 minutes writing a whole post) to step back and think of what's best for the human race. My first instinct, when voting for a political candidate, is to look at where they stand on women's issues, so it's understandable that a wealthy, white male would vote Republican. The whole country needs to step back and stop thinking "me, me, me". Anyway, I think the movie did a commendable job in showing different view points, asking questions, and utilizing thoughtful dialogue, but it just doesn't go that extra mile to really dig deep into racial injustice.

5. Catch Hell - I'm such a huge Ryan Phillippe fan, so I was excited for this movie that he co-wrote and directed. So, first, I will focus on the positives. 1. I like that it is somewhat of a personal story. It's about an actor who is not as popular as he once was, taking a job he doesn't really like just to stay relevant (and earn money to maintain the lifestyle he has become accustomed to). There are a lot of references to Ryan's real life - working with Clint Eastwood, starring in a teen movie where all the teens fuck each other, etc. The character has the same initials, R.P, and Ryan even films some of it in his own home. It made me wonder if he actually feels guilty for fucking some guys wife, or if him cheating on his own wife was a little "too" close to home (sidenote: I couldn't give a fuck that he cheated on his wife. He's still perfect.). 2. It's rare, but interesting, to see a movie about a male actor worrying about getting old. He's told that he didn't get a role because "they went younger", but I don't think that's the norm for male actors. Most male action stars are over the age of 40. I don't know why Ryan's career went cold for a little while (there is definitely a resurgence now), but perhaps it was because he chose a different path than some actors would. He didn't play the game that the media wanted him to play (while you can find images of him with pretty blonde actresses, most images are of him doting on his two adorable children or walking his dog - not exactly headline making images). He's never said a bad thing about his ex-wife, and when they were married, he never responded to the incredibly misogynistic articles about her being the "bread-winner" of the family. In fact, he is a self-proclaimed feminist, and did I mention that HE IS PERFECT? 3. There are some lovely shots at the end of him reflecting on his life, shirtless and soulful. So, now, I will focus on the negatives. There are too many too count, to be honest. It's not a good movie at all. The plot is absolutely LUDICROUS and not believable in the least. There is a scene where an alligator (or crocodile. I don't know the difference) is strangled, then skinned and cooked (fucking groooossss. No-one needs to see that.). The camera-work feels amateur; almost like a home movie. But worst of all, it's homophobic. I don't think it's intentionally homophobic, but that doesn't make it ok. Come on, Ryan, you are better than this.

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Clouds of Sils Maria - I heard so many great things about this movie, but I don't really think I liked it as much as everyone else did. I do think parts of it are great and I absolutely love Juliette Binoche. She is stunning in this movie, as an actress confronted with aging and accepting the younger generation. I read a lot of praise for Kristen Stewart, but I don't think this is her strongest role (she was better in Still Alice). I appreciate that she accepted a role like this, though; A role that puts her own history with the media in focus. I think she has untapped potential, but she needs to push herself into new territory. I feel like her own personality taints every role she's been given, so far. I can also appreciate that this is a movie about two women who respect and support each other. I actually worked as a personal assistant to an actress/producer for about 3 months (she is not famous, but she could be soon as she is a producer on a VERY popular indie movie that was just released). She was not very nice to me, but honestly I wasn't very nice to her either. It wasn't a job that I wanted to do, but I did it because her actual personal assistant needed time off to make a documentary that she was very passionate about. Now that I think about it, though, it's a job that I'm very good at. I love organizing other people's lives. I'm a bit side-tracked now. Back to the movie. I think Chloe Grace Moretz is a bit over her head in this movie. I really like her, but I think she's been really bad in the last couple of movies I've seen her in. Overall, I liked what this movie had to say and I wouldn't argue any awards love that may come Binoche's way, but I've seen it on many "Best of 2015 so Far" lists and it's not even close to being on mine (also, it's a 2014 release...).

2. Unfinished Business -  I thought that maybe Dave Franco would save this disaster of a movie and make me laugh at least a few times, but sadly there is no saving this movie. At first, you are meant to think he plays this really naive 30 year old who is sort of annoying and ridiculously under-developed, but then you realize that he is a special needs adult who just got his first job and therefore everything that you are supposed to laugh at, is uncomfortable. The two things that I found interesting about this movie are: 1. Sienna Miller, because it's such a different role for her, and 2. the fact that Vaughn's character actually likes his wife and kids (I feel that's rare for movies like this). Other than that, this was hard to watch. I don't even have anything else to say about it.

3. The DUFF - I've been a HUGE Mae Whitman fan since precisely 1996 with the little known movie, One Fine Day (and of course, the other little known movie, Independence Day). For years, she would randomly appear in tv shows and movies, and I patiently waited for her to get "big". Even her role on Arrested Development was the butt of a series long joke (Her?), but then with her role on Parenthood, she really proved herself. She shined bright in a show full of talent (seriously, if you haven't watched Parenthood, please do that now. Be prepared to cry and have your life changed forever). The DUFF is her first starring role, so that excites me, but I was put-off by the plot. She's supposed to be the "designated, ugly, fat, friend"?!? How fucking dare you, Hollywood! She's beautiful, and interesting, and funny, and smart (The BIFS?). Luckily, this is addressed in the movie (otherwise I was going to kick some ass). The movie is still sort of offensive, but they explain that she is "the DUFF" because she "friended up"; meaning that she's not necessarily ugly, but her friends are super gorgeous. They also reverse the whole "ugly duckling gets a makeover and gets the boy in the end" by having the super hot guy prefer her without the makeover (he actually seems a little put-off by her with a dress on). I like that it subverts stereotypes. It's not a great movie, but it fills the void of high school movies. I don't think there has been a great one since Superbad (?). Also, now I know who Bella Thorne is! I feel like I hear that name every other day.

4. Serena - Obviously, I already knew this was going to be a bad movie. It was released straight to VOD, and for a movie that stars both Bradley Cooper AND Jennifer Lawrence, you know it has to be really terrible for the producers to avoid a theatrical release. I would love to say that it's not that bad, but man, it's fucking terrible. Worst of the year (and honestly, I didn't think anything would beat Chappie for that title. I was hopeful, anyway). I will always watch anything with Bradley Cooper (no exaggeration...I've watched some really shitty movies just for him). I'm not sure where this movie went wrong, but it goes from a "nothing" plot to "everything happening at once" plot in a matter of seconds. I feel like I missed something. The beginning was this kind of awesome (but boring) feminist tale of this woman in charge; their marriage was a partnership and they supported each other, then she *spoiler* has a miscarriage and she literally goes batshit crazy. The plot then insinuates that she was always batshit crazy, which comes out of nowhere. And then he gets eaten by a panther. No, seriously. I'm not kidding.

5. Spring - *spoilers* I can see why this movie is on several "Best of 2015 so Far" lists (and again...it's very clearly a 2014 release...), but I am a little more reserved in my praise for it. It's basically Before Sunrise with a sci-fi twist, which theoretically, sounds awesome. There are parts that I love. The actors are strong, the dialogue is smart and thoughtful, and it's really, really beautiful (how can it not be with Italy as a backdrop?). I love what it is trying to do - theorize about love, spending eternity with someone, following your gut, taking chances, etc. There are just so many little things that irk me about the movie, that I wasn't able to fully embrace it. The big challenge is that it is from a male fantasy perspective. He is a very generic male (ok...he's pretty cute), with no discernible reason for this extraordinary woman to fall in love with him. I think the story confuses its point because it was about him accepting that she is a supernatural being, but then it's really about the fact that this supernatural being gives up eternity to be with him. And the question becomes "Him...really?". So she gives up eternity and he gives up...smoking? It just sort of perpetuates the high standards placed on women. We have to be extraordinary to win over the most ordinary of guys. There is also some really hateful dialogue about skinny women, which is extremely contradictory because she is skinny, even though she is also curvy. She makes a comment about being "heavy" which blew my mind, but even worse he claims that most guys are not attracted to skinny women, even though the "sympathy fuck" girl he almost sleeps with in the beginning is a stick. Guys, it's not necessary to bash a woman's body type. If a girl is complaining about being too "heavy", just tell her you think she's beautiful. That's it. We are already aware that guys will literally fuck any girl who shows interest. We don't need the lies. And why is he wearing a jacket for most of the movie while she prances around in a skimpy dress? Is it hot? Is it cold? We will never know.

Fall Movie Preview: 16 Movies That I Am Excited About

It's been a pretty rough year for movies, so far. I've barely even made it to the theater at all. Nothing has really inspired me or captivated me. However, the Fall movie season is usually the best of the year, so here's hoping...

1. Sleeping with Other People (9/11) - This movie can go either way for me. I love Alison Brie & Adam Scott, but I hate Jason Sudeikis (ok...hate might be too strong of a word. I just don't think he's funny or attractive). I like that it's about a friendship between a guy and a girl, but ultimately they will likely end up together in happy ending sort of situation (boooo!!! hiss!!!).

2. Sicaro (9/18) - I'm so in for this movie. Movie fans have been clamoring for Emily Blunt to be given a starring role and it is finally here. Plus, Denis Villeneuve is the director (Incendies, Prisoners & Enemy are all strong films). I'm especially intrigued by his comment in Entertainment Weekly that he "didn't want a woman who acted like a man" instead he "wanted a woman who would find her strength in a masculine world". I'm interested to see the female protagonist that he creates.

3. Black Mass (9/18) - Johnny Depp's return to actual acting! I'm there. The images of him as Whitey Bulger are freaky.

4. Everest (9/18) - I don't really want to see a movie about this tragedy, but I love the cast. And Jake Gyllenhaal hasn't had a misstep in years. Although, I haven't seen Southpaw yet, and I haven't heard the greatest things about it. But it's Jake AND Josh Brolin, Robin Wright, Keira Knightley, John Hawkes, Emily Watson, Jason Clarke and Sam Worthington (LOL). Now, that is a cast.

5. The Walk (9/30) - I really liked the documentary Man on Wire. This is basically the "movie" version of the historical, death-defying walk that Philippe Petit took on a wire between the two towers. It's all sort of fascinating that people set these types of "impossible" goals and then spend their lives trying to achieve them. I love JGL, too.

6. The Martian (10/2) - I predict that this will be my film of the year. I knew it had a great cast (Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Kate Mara, Michael Pena, Kristen Wiig. The list goes on.), but I didn't really know anything else about it. I recently saw the trailer and I was blown away. I'm deciding if I want to read the book before (I've heard it's amazing), but I don't really want the movie ruined for me. Maybe I will wait until after I watch it. Anyway, it's a Ridley Scott movie, adapted by Drew Goddard. Dream come true.

7. Suffragette (10/23) -  I didn't really want to see this movie, until I had to hold myself back from bawling during the trailer. It's so good. These women risked everything to secure the right to vote for women and it's so disgusting that many women don't even realize how important it is for them to exercise this right. You know what else is disgusting? That Entertainment Weekly's "Fall Movie Preview" focuses on the costume design. I mean, seriously, with such important subject matter and a group of talented women, please tell me more about these "vintage finds". Fuck off.

8. Burnt (10/23) - It's like a movie version of Kitchen Confidential!!! I'm so freakin' excited!! Bradley Cooper is so hot, but he's like 100 times hotter as a chef.

9. Our Brand is Crisis (10/30) - Looks like a nice, meaty role for Sandra Bullock. It seems like a movie that is perfectly timed along with the beginning of the 2016 presidential election, but I hope everyone realizes how corrupt the whole process is without needing a movie to tell them so.

10. Spectre (11/6) - I'm not a huge Bond fan, but I've seen all of the Craig ones in the theater, so I feel it's necessary to see this one as well. The reason I say I'm not a "huge" fan is because I've seen every single one, but to me, they all blend together. I couldn't tell you a plot point of any of them. If someone who considers them self a "Bond fan" starts talking to me about the movies, I usually have no idea what they are yapping about. Yet, I always enjoy them while I'm watching them. Go figure.

11. By the Sea (11/13) - I think Jolie is capable of making a great movie; we just haven't seen it yet. This movie, starring her and Brad Pitt, has been compared to Revolutionary Road, which is a devastating movie about the perils of marriage. It's fascinating that a real-life married couple would put themselves through such an emotionally charged movie like this. I'm in.

12. Carol (11/20) - I read a lot about this movie when it premiered at Cannes because it was praised for the performances from Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. I think Cate might be my pick for best actress working today (formerly was Naomi Watts, but Blanchett has been incredible lately). I'm interested in Blanchett's take on the movie; that it's about "the feeling of falling in love" and that it's not just a "lesbian romance".

13. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (11/20) - Mockingjay Part 1 is my favorite of the series so far. I've actually never seen any of the movies in the theater (because I hate crowds), but I might venture to see the last one on the big screen. I really loved the movies so much more than I ever expected to. I'm excited to see how it all plays out (no I haven't read the books, and I don't plan to).

14. Secret in their Eyes (11/20) - I haven't seen the original, but I've heard great things about it. I love when Julia does serious drama. I think a lot of people see her as overrated, but I think she can be incredible and mesmerizing on-screen when she is given the right part. I'm intrigued that the original was a male part and that they changed it to a female role (especially because this is the same thing that happened with Bullock's Our Brand is Crisis). Is this the new way for women to get parts? The only thing is, both of these women are already their own "brand". They can demand roles more than other actresses can. I'm interested to see how this effects storytelling in Hollywood, though.

15. The Night Before (11/25) - The only comedy on my list! How weird and disappointing. I liked JGL and Seth Rogen's chemistry in 50/50, plus they re-team with director Jonathon Levine. And they add Anthony Mackie. He makes me laugh. He's got that charisma thing that is missing from so many actors in the Marvel movies. I'm rooting for him to be a huge star.

16. Victor Frankentstein (11/25) - I'm not even going to pretend that I have any other reason to see this movie except James McAvoy. I would sit through anything starring McAvoy (luckily for me, he usually makes good movies).

3 Thoughts on Ant-Man

1. The Marvel Universe - I don't really pay much attention to the Marvel versus DC stuff, to be honest. I just like (good) superhero movies. I'm always game for a new character, because really how many times can I sit through Robert Downey Jr., bored as fuck, spouting out one-liners for a paycheck? In general, I think I prefer DC stuff because I find the material a little bit more complex and the characters have more depth. However, there are several Marvel movies that I love because they are a blast (like the first Iron Man and Guardians of the Galaxy). I didn't know anything about Ant-Man going in to this movie and honestly, the idea of the character sounds a bit....stupid. But, they made it work, I guess. It's a much better character introduction than both Thor and Captain America received, in my opinion.

2. Michael Pena is the best - If you didn't already expect Michael Pena to be the best part of this movie, then you may have been watching movies all wrong. He's the best part of EVERY SINGLE MOVIE he's been in. I listed him in an "underrated actor" list all the way back in 2009 (I can't believe I've been writing on this blog for that long). He's absolutely hilarious in this movie. He steals every scene, to the point where I was anticipating his next scene so much that I forgot to pay attention to other characters. The rest of the cast was strong, as well, but Michael just brings the charisma to an all-time high. I've been a fan of Paul Rudd since Clueless (which was 20 FUCKING YEARS AGO YOU GUYS!!!), but I was nervous about him in a superhero role. I was also nervous about "Freckles", because I've never seen her in anything but Lost, but they both exceeded my expectations. The only fault I would find with casting is that Judy Greer is not given enough material (which could be said for Jurassic World as well). When is this woman going to be given a starring role? Also, if you are a fan, then you should be watching Married. She rules. And I didn't even realize that was T.I., until after the movie. I couldn't figure out why I knew him, but his voice sounded really familiar. Ha! How dumb am I? Seriously.

3. The post-credits scenes - For the first time ever, I actually felt like it was worth staying for the post-credits scenes. The first one was a brilliant take-down of the non-existence of female superhero leads. It was oddly aggravating watching Evangeline Lily get constantly told she can't wear the Ant-Man suit. There isn't really a credible reason for this, other than an over-protective father. The fact that he realizes that she is an adult who can make her own choices, and that she is more than capable of superhero status is a check in the win column for feminism. Although, it would have been a bigger win if she just said "fuck it, I'm doing it" without her fathers "permission", but I'll take what I can get. The second scene is a preview into Captain America: Civil War, which shows a captured Bucky. I wasn't too excited, because I really don't get the love for this character, but then Falcon says he "knows a guy", referencing Ant-Man. So, Ant-Man is going to be in Civil War....? AWESOME! Wait, he's bringing Luis with him...right?

3 Thoughts on Jurassic World

1. Reboot vs sequel - I could go on and on about how much I love the original Jurassic Park, but I won't. I will say that I watched both sequels and I don't remember a thing about them. Obviously, they weren't very good. The reason I was so excited for this one, though, is that it seemed like more of a "reboot", yet it takes place 20 years after the original - so, technically it is a sequel. Yet, it carries a parallel plot as the original - so, a "rebooted sequel" if you will? There is an awareness of the love for the original, while still acknowledging that a modern day audience needs more (just like the park-goers; we need bigger, better, scarier and no, we didn't learn the first time).

2. Give in and enjoy it - I don't really understand why one wouldn't. It turned out to be everything I wanted it to be. It's a fun summer blockbuster, with just the right amount of nostalgia to put a smile on my face. Is it as good as the original? There is no way that would ever be possible. Jurassic Park was a true original blockbuster - it was literally like nothing that had been done before. I think Jurassic World does a great job of realizing what it is, and decides to have fun. A perfect example of this is taking the most terrifying scene in Jurassic Park - the raptors/kitchen scene, and flipping it on its ass by utilizing the raptors as the "heroes". Did you ever think you would be saying "Awww....so cute!" about those same animals that probably previously gave you nightmares? It's actually genius, if you think about it.

3. Opposites don't attract - I've never been a fan of Bryce Dallas Howard, but this is probably the best I've seen her (and yet, she is still the worst part of the movie). She plays the uptight, emotionally distant woman very well. But, am I really supposed to believe in a romance between her and Chris Pratt's character? There is no way in Hell should these two people be a couple. I liked that they flipped the gender roles. Howard is professional, cold, and calculating, while Pratt is warm, impulsive and down-to-Earth. Her character has come under attack as anti-feminist, which I totally get. However, I don't really see it that way. There are women who don't like children (gasp! what a monster!) and take their careers very seriously (gasp!). I just don't think they developed the character enough, so she plays out sort of villainous. I don't think that was the intention, though, because surely, if she was a villain, she would have been given a glorious death scene. I think she's supposed to represent someone who realizes that life is worth living. Someone who kicks off her heels (ahem... metaphorically, of course) and fights for human life. She is a badass, yet she is never given that credit (and maybe that's where the problem lies). I think it's disappointing that they didn't get a female protagonist/hero exactly right, simply because the original gives us one of the best female action heroes ever, Dr. Ellie Sattler (she also gave us the best line in all of the Jurassic movies - "Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the Earth"). Can you think of any other female action star of the 90s that is as smart, strong-willed, and fully-clothed as Ellie? No? Can you think of anyone in present day movies? Hmmmm....? It's pretty tough, isn't it? I'm glad that I had someone like Ellie to look up to. It would have been easy to "reboot" her character, but they chose a different character. And just because she is different, doesn't make her anti-feminist. However, just because she starts to worry about her nephews (a little too late), doesn't suddenly make her ready for parenting. And just because these two people work together and survive disaster, doesn't make them a believable couple. The kiss made me cringe.

3 Thoughts on Trainwreck

1. Is it progressive? - I would say both yes, and, absolutely not. I think it's progressive in that it has a more realistic story for a romantic comedy. It's progressive in that it stars Amy Schumer, who is very beautiful, but looks very different than every single other female headliner of a romantic comedy. But the most progressive thing I found in the movie is its realization that women treat other women like shit, and this needs to stop. This is the part that I will emphasize more about because it's the most important. The point in the movie where Amy goes on a (jealous) tirade about cheerleaders, is the point in the movie where I became very angry at Miss Schumer. Has she not learned that, as a proclaimed feminist, this is the worst thing one can do? Has she not been on the receiving end of said judgement? Then, to my complete and utter shock, at the end of the movie, Amy realizes that she is wrong. I won't ruin the ending, but I will say that it's probably the first time that an over-the-top, cheesy, romantic ending made me tear up, and it had nothing to do with the romance. It was because Amy embraced and supported other women (and they did the same for her). Other than that, I would say everything about it is very "typical". Yes, the gender roles are reversed in the beginning, but that doesn't really last very long. It ends just how every other romantic comedy ends. If it wants to be progressive, then have the female character stick to her values. Why can't she fall in love and still believe that marriage (and monogamy) isn't realistic? It doesn't end with the couple getting married, having children, and living "happily ever after", but I think that's the implication with Amy's sudden change of heart, and that's what irks me. 

2. Is it funny? - Not nearly as funny as I was led to believe. I don't think I even really laughed at all. I've never seen any of Amy's stand-up or her show, even though it's been highly recommended to me. I read about her act; and I don't really find the whole "dumb blond" thing funny, even if it is with a satirical twist. I did see her recently on The Tonight Show, and I thought she seemed very down-to-earth, yet extremely confident (I think that's a hard combination to find in women), which is why I decided to give Trainwreck a watch. She's clever, and the movie is clever, but I just didn't really find anything original about the comedy. There aren't any scenes that really stand-out, and most scenes that are funny are about 5 minutes too long (which might be more of an Apatow issue. On a side-note, isn't it weird that they advertised this as "from the guy who brought you Bridesmaids"? Sure, he was a producer, but that's now how anyone knows Judd Apatow.). John Cena and LeBron James are given extremely hilarious material, but it's over-used.

3. Is it good? - Just because I didn't find it laugh-out-loud funny, doesn't mean I didn't like it. I thought it was really cute. There are moments that I really relate to, which I wasn't expecting - like how uncomfortable she is with cuddling. It was like watching myself onscreen. I've literally had that conversation before ("I can still feel you breathing" and I actually have a body pillow that I will put between me and the other person so that they don't touch me. I know I'm a weirdo, but I need my personal space when I sleep.). I liked Amy's relationship with her father. I think that most movies about father/daughter relationships are told more from Amy's sister's perspective ("He cheated on our mother; therefore, he is an asshole"), but that always bothers me because he is still there for them. Amy still holds him in high regards, even if he is an asshole, and it gave the movie a beating heart - plus Colin Quinn is aces. I also really like that her sister is in a happy marriage. It makes Amy's judgement of marriage a little more complicated. Don't get me wrong; I judge marriage, but my judgement comes from the consistent claims, from every married woman that I know, that I am lucky to be single. I literally don't personally know anyone in a "happy" marriage, so I freely judge these people. Why are you choosing to be miserable? Anyway, as you can tell, this movie has a lot to talk about. It's filled with complicated views on love, marriage, family, feminism, sex, and now that I've written it all down, I change my answer to "Fuck yes" it is progressive. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. It Follows - Words like "masterpiece", "terrifying", and "instant classic" can be found in most reviews of this movie. I don't understand it. It's not that I didn't like it; I enjoyed it just fine. It's well-crafted, tense, and the performances are solid. I guess I just don't see what's so different about it than any other horror movie. Most horror movies can be described as allegorical stories about the dangers of sexuality among young women. This just takes on a more literal tone, and honestly, it felt really obvious. At first, I liked the "retro" vibe, but then I realized that it takes place in the 80's (right?), so that vibe just becomes a set-piece. I've never been scared of supernatural stuff (I mean, the real world is terrifying enough. Why is anyone scared of stuff that doesn't exist?), so I think that obviously hinders my enjoyment of these types of movies. It would have been scarier, for me, if the "it" didn't actually exist - meaning that the "it" is an actual STD that causes severe mental paranoia. As soon as the others saw the "invisible" figure by the use of objects in "its" space; the film is ruined for me. Anyway, I think I'm spending too much time thinking of why it's not a masterpiece, instead of why I enjoyed it. I hate when I do that. There are certain scenes that will stick with me; like the pool of blood - what a beautiful shot. And, I love Keir Gilchrist. He reminds me of a Culkin (that's a great thing). I love that she continues to embrace her sexuality; it has this "fuck you" vibe that is awesome. I'm glad that horror fans have found a new classic. I just wish I liked it as much as everyone else.

2. Lost River - I wanted to like it. I really did. I did like parts of it. There are some really stunning shots, and parts of the story are interesting. Overall, though, it's kind of a mess. It didn't feel genuine or original, at all. The kid in it is basically trying his best to exude a Ryan Gosling type brooding, and he failed miserably. It took me a little while to realize that he is the guy from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Jesus, that title is annoying as fuck to type out correctly). He doesn't do well without a personality (not many guys can pull it off without seeming like dicks - Gosling is in a league of his own). There are scenes that are eerily reminiscent to Only God Forgives, but they seem random and out of place. Christina Hendricks and Ben Mendelsohn give it their all, but with such weak plot, they get lost in the mess. The only thing that I will likely remember about it is Matt Smith in a sparkly jacket (and even that is a copy - Ryan is pretty smart, you know, give your character a fantastic jacket and he is instantly cool. AHEM).

3. Ex Machina - (contains spoilers) Finally!! A movie that critics adored that I adored as well! I was starting to feel really left out. It's even more odd because I'm not really a fan of Oscar Isaac OR Domhnall Gleeson. I don't hate them, but I just don't get the praise for either of them (and I don't find either of them sexy or hot, at all - although I can sort of see the appeal of Gleeson because he's awkward and tall *insert heart eyes emoji*). And after this movie, I have to admit, I still don't, really. They are not the reason that I loved this movie. Alicia Vikander is sublime, however. I wasn't too enamored with the story until the end. There are some great scenes, like the scene where Caleb confronts Nathan about whether she is programmed to flirt with him. The discussion of sexuality and his inherent insecurity is brilliant. I thought the ending was going to be predictable (the maid being a robot was a given. Was that supposed to be surprising? And OF COURSE he had a battery-operated camera - this man is a genius. Did anyone believe he was just like "oh well, power is out...nothing I can do"?), but THEN, I really didn't think she was going to turn on Caleb. I didn't expect it to become such a feminist tale of freedom and "becoming female" (like Under the Skin, but with a robot). Although, it can be seen as misogynist, as well, considering that it's basically about a female manipulating men (but she's doing it for freedom! That seems justified to me). Anyway, I would love to watch it again, because I think there are a lot of intricate details that are hidden in there. For a directorial debut, I think it's pretty stunning. I look forward to more from Alex Garland.

4. Before I Go to Sleep - This is a movie in which I watched with very low expectations and I ended up being pleasantly surprised. The cast is excellent - Nicole Kidman, Colin Firth and Mark Strong. I never heard of it before it appeared on my Netflix Instant, so I assumed it must be really terrible. The story is kind of a mixture of Memento and 50 First Dates - in that it's about short-term memory loss. She wakes up everyday looking at pictures and learning who she is before she starts her day, but the "why" she got this way is the mystery that needs solving. The only thing she knows is that she was brutally attacked. First, I will say, automatically, I said out-loud (to my cats), "It's the husband. It's always the husband". While I won't give away the story, I will say that I was both right and wrong at the same time (ooooh intriguing...right?). I didn't see the twist, AT ALL. The end makes the movie worth watching, otherwise, it's a pretty standard thriller (could pass for a satisfying television movie). I actually really like Kidman and Firth together as a couple, because they are both so cold, distant and proper people - I don't feel like they've ever exuded chemistry in any movie, but together they work. And, Anne-Marie Duff has a fairly small, but important, scene. I love her so much. I love her, and yet, I am completely and utterly jealous of her (she is literally married to perfection).

5. Black Sea - Speaking of perfection...Jude Law! With a Scottish accent! It's very jarring at first, but then I fell in love with it. It's really heavy in the beginning and then it sort of goes in and out, but whatever...it's adorable. I like this movie. It's a solid 3 star thriller. The cast is great. I feel like either Ben Mendelsohn or Scoot McNairy are in EVERY movie, but this movie has the added bonus of BOTH of them! Jude Law is in the same league as James McAvoy - in that they both don't get as much credit as they deserve. He does a great job as a working class tough guy (even though he is so very pretty). The only real criticism that I have is that I don't really understand why anyone would have a problem with getting an equal share of the money that they are searching for; it's the catalyst for the story - basically, people are greedy. However, in this case it doesn't make much sense. I also don't really understand all of the technical submarine stuff (obvi), so it all became a little redundant. I feel like they probably got a lot of the technical stuff wrong because it all seems extremely implausible, but in "movie world", they made it work. I was captivated until the very end, trying to figure out who would end up with the money. The story ends in a very satisfying way, although I'm not really sure why Law's character keeps dreaming about his ex-wife, who left him for someone with money. She's a money-grubbing bitch; get over it.