Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. Ms. Marvel - The Marvel TV shows have been hit or miss for me (mostly a miss, though. The only ones I like are Hawkeye and the first half of WandaVision). I didn't know much about this going in, but it definitely feels very immature. I feel waaaaay too old to be watching it (and I watch Riverdale so that's saying something!). This is also just so...unremarkable? I've seen a lot of people talk about the Marvel fatigue, but the bigger problem is that people want to keep watching these things if they were actually good. I understand that they need to cater to a younger audience in order to keep growing, which is why I want to be able to defend this show, but I just can't. It's dull, feels pointless, cheesy, *completely* predictable. My husband (still weird saying that) has been telling me for like 3 years that he's done with Marvel, but he keeps watching them with me. After the first episode of this, though, he turned to me and said "I can't do it anymore. I'm really done this time. You'll have to watch the rest of this by yourself", and I don't blame him. However, there are some good things about it. I love all of the cultural celebration - and I think it's very representative of Jersey City (and New Jersey, in general). Obviously diversity matters, and it's wonderful to see Marvel embracing the changes happening (slowly) within the entertainment industry. Iman Vellani is adorable. I also really love Zenobia Shroff - she was Pravesh's mom on The Resident and she was also in The Affair. I do feel like their relationship as mother/daughter is a little cliched and the whole plot is very similar to Turning Red. It just feels like I've watched this whole thing before...recently. By the final episode, I was barely paying attention. 

2. Five Days at Memorial - I've watched the first two episodes and it is very well done. It's very stressful and chaotic, which is exactly how I think it felt like to experience Hurricane Katrina (I think back to our big NJ hurricane, Sandy, and that was insane!). I also recently spent some time in New Orleans and spent some time with local people who told us their "Katrina story". It's so devastating to hear how our government failed these people and their entire city. I think the biggest takeaway from my visit is the chaos of it all. And that it wasn't even the hurricane that caused all this damage, nor was it flooding from the Mississippi. I had heard of "the levees breaking", obviously. But I didn't realize it was from Lake Pontchartrain (which is a GIGANTIC lake - if you told me I was looking at the Atlantic Ocean I would have believed you). And it happened after the hurricane hit, as shown in this series, people were actually celebrating the next day and practically laughing at how over-prepared they were. They had begun the cleanup process and were ready to move on. But instead of the water receding, like during a normal hurricane, it started to increase - and nobody was expecting or prepared for that. New Orleans is such a wonderful city, and one of the few that always seems to have "open arms" for tourism (I say this as a New Yorker, who despises tourists in NYC. I mean, you couldn't pay me to go to Times Square. But the reality of it is, big cities need tourists to survive - and all of these cities are slowly dying from the lasting effects of Covid. And Airbnbs (but that's a whole other rant and I'm too tired for that). But anyway, this miniseries, so far, is very interesting. I can't imagine having the responsibility of an entire hospital on my shoulders. But I also feel like that's soooo unfair? And seems impractical. There should be a team of people, which there is, but everyone on this woman's team has said at one point or another "it's up to you!" basically absolving themselves of responsibility. I certainly have empathy for everyone working at this hospital - they did not have the right information, just chaos and gossip. And now they have to live with themselves as the "villains" of this story. Also, Vera Farmiga and Cherry Jones are excellent. 

3. The Bear - What a fucking show, man. I absolutely love it and I'm so excited that it seems to be embraced by critics and received an order for a second season. I'm also really happy that Jeremy Allen White is getting some recognition. He was definitely over-shadowed by bigger names on Shameless, but he was the strongest and most consistent on the series. And he made me care for a deeply flawed character. Lip made some awful life choices, and many mistakes, but White gave him heart, soul and a conscience. You could tell that he was always trying to do the right thing. I think he is doing the same thing with this character, but in an environment that feels very different. It's still Chicago, but 90% of the show takes place in this very confined space of a small restaurant (that I would call a luncheonette? Is that what it's called in Chicago?). It's very fast-paced and intense, and there is not a single second wasted. The first episode just flies by - and I couldn't even decide if I liked it because it was just a lot of yelling. And the dialogue is so quick that I thought I was missing parts. But I got used to the pace with the second episode, and was able to keep up with it. I always thought it was weird how many tv shows have characters that work in "normal 9-5" office jobs, when a large portion of the population work in more service based environments. I could not work in an office. I tried once and I really thought I was going to die. It's so...boring. And I'm convinced it's why so many people are addicted to social media - because they have nothing else to do...while they are AT WORK. My day isn't as intense as working in a kitchen, but once I get to work, I don't stop until I leave. There is always something to do. I'm hot-gluing flowers for an elaborate window display one minute, and the next minute I'm ringing up a *very* famous R&B singer from the 90s - who is in a HURRY because her team is telling her she HAS TO GO, but she wants to buy thousands of dollars of merchandise (this just happened to me the other night. She was actually very lovely, and one of the best celebrity interactions I've ever had). Anyway, what was my point??? Oh yeah, that I find fast-paced jobs like this far more interesting and there are very few shows that feature this. A sitcom based in a retail store could work really well, especially with the variety of people that one has to deal with. But back to this series - everyone in the cast is excellent. Ebon Moss-Bachrach has been in a ton of shit, but I've never really noticed him before. He really shines, here. And Ayo Edebiri does a fantastic job at being the more grounded character, while still showing complex emotions and frustrations (plus, she has a Speed poster on her wall so she is automatically the coolest). My favorite character, though, is Marcus (played by Lionel Boyce) because he is such a sweetheart. Never change, Marcus. Joel McHale is also in it in a small role (and he's serious in it!! It's kind of sexy). But what we really need to talk about is episode 7 - perhaps one of the best executed episodes of television...ever? I don't think I'm exaggerating either, as many others have pointed out the technical masterpiece of the 20 minute long one-shot episode. It works so well to exaggerate the claustrophobic atmosphere within this tiny kitchen - working so closely with different personalities, and the stress of having it all go so wrong. Yes chef, indeed. 

4. Black Bird - This might be a long one. I definitely have a lot to say. So where should I start??? I guess, I'll start with the show overall. I read the book that this was based on a few years back when it was announced that Taron was starring in it. It's written by James Keene (the main guy in this true story) and someone else (who clearly "wrote" most of it). I did not like it. I really wish Dennis Lehane wrote the novel because this mini-series is sooooo much better. Keene is not a likeable person at all, and he thinks that he is. He's so fucking full of himself, and I think the whole redemption arc is kind of bullshit. Lehane makes a better point of it all by focusing it more on misogyny and Keene's ego. But the clear problem is that he never really seems to feel bad for his actual crimes. Maybe I have a slight bias against him for personal reasons (the crimes are very similar to why my father is in prison - mostly weapons charges - selling and smuggling guns etc., and it was even during the same time period and he was even in a prison near Chicago for a while. I actually questioned to myself whether they might have known each other, but I thought best not to look into it. I try to not let my father take up any of my energy). As I said, the mini-series elevates the story, keeps it (mostly) focused, and features some of the best acting I've seen in a while. Overall, I think it is *excellent*. However, there are a few parts that are very, very bad. In particular, the first 10 minutes of the first episode. It's actually excruciating to watch and my heart was sinking by minute 9 because I thought "oh no...I'm going to hate this". And thinking back to it now, none of the first 10 minutes are really relevant at all - they could have easily shown most of that in flashbacks etc. I also HATED the ending. It would have been great if it just had Jimmy looking out the window of the plane - with the parallel image of the map that he drove himself crazy trying to memorize, but they had to add the stupid part with the flight attendant flirting. I'm sorry, but I don't buy that he has any regrets about being a man whore (his ego is just too big for that). I'm not going to suddenly like him because he is nice to *one* woman. Give me a fucking break. The show excels during the interactions between Jimmy and Larry Hall (brilliantly played by Paul Walter Hauser), which is most of the show (episodes 3, 4 & 5 are spectacular). It's slow-burn, but the dialogue is so intense and...skin-crawling - just really brilliantly disturbing. I think episode 5 is the best episode - the way it is filmed is really top-notch; it really makes you feel Jimmy's paranoia and the danger that he is in, plus it gives a voice to one of Larry's victims - which is necessary, in my opinion, especially when it's a true crime story. There are also some really great scenes between Jimmy and his father (the late great Ray Liotta), that are both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. I think it will be interesting once awards season arrives because surely Hauser and Liotta will be nominated against each other? Hauser would deserve the award, but Liotta...um...died. Sepideh Moafi does a great job at being this no-nonsense "I will not put up with your shit" character that the audience still likes (although back to the terrible beginning - WHY did she just let a raid happen with a woman passed out on the couch??? LOL. She's, like, concerned that he doesn't know her name, as if that's a crime, but NOT that she....isn't waking up with all this noise around her? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!). I also have to mention Jake McLaughlin because that's Ryan from Quantico!!! I literally screamed out loud (he's usually so fucking hot, but obviously not in this...). So, let's talk about Taron, shall we? I'm obviously biased, but I also think that because I adore him so much, I am hyper-critical of his performances. I've watched Rocketman literally dozens of times, and he is obviously brilliant and should have won the Oscar (don't get me started), but I can still see flaws in the performance (I don't want to be this way. It's just how I am!). I can see the flaws here, but overall, he's excellent. And most of my problems are within the first two episodes (especially those first 10 minutes - that warehouse scene is...rough). I do appreciate the depth that the role requires - it's certainly not an easy character to portray. He has to be likeable, but also be completely unlikeable at the same time. He also has to internalize a lot of disturbing dialogue without showing it to the person in front of him (Larry), but showing it to the audience (I'm specifically talking about a scene in episode 5 that is literally a masterclass of acting and he BETTER get an Emmy for it). I also appreciate that Taron realized how important Jimmy's ego and narcissism is to the story - Jimmy would (and did) spend his days in prison working out because there's not much else to do in prison. We've seen Taron fit before with the Kingsman movies and Robin Hood, but *never* this fit. My husband walked into the living room while I was watching an episode and didn't recognize him (he never does - we have the same conversation for every Taron project. With him being amazed that that's the kid from Kingsman. He did it for Rocketman and Eddie the Eagle too. With Eddie the Eagle, he actually didn't believe me and googled it to prove me wrong). When I told him it was Taron, he was like "That's what the guy you're in love with looks like now???? Cool" and then he left slamming the door behind him (LOL - it was in a joking way, not in an actually mad way). And finally, I appreciate that this was the role that he chose after Rocketman. I'm sure he had a ton of projects thrown at him, and he has acknowledged mistakenly taking roles that didn't feel right in the past, so he waited and found something that excited him and challenged him. And he also took on an Executive Producer role so he would have more say in the project. I think he's got a good head on his shoulders, as the saying goes, and has proven that he has incredible range. I think a lot of people, like myself, were very worried when he suddenly dropped out of Stars at Noon (in which he was already on location, ready to shoot) and then even more suddenly dropped out of Cock (a play that he seemed very excited and passionate about). He also never did any promotion for Sing 2, which was odd. I had a strong feeling it had to do with his mom. I didn't want it to be true, so I never said it out loud (I knew it wasn't what all the gossip people were reporting *rolls eyes*), so my heart sank when he briefly mentioned it being due to an immediate family member having Cancer. He's posted a few pictures of his mom since then with her head shaved, but it seems like she is recovering and hopefully in remission. I'm glad that he has his priorities straight and decided to spend time with his family during such a crucial time. Okay, I think I'm done. I'm sure I'm going to think of a million more things I wanted to say, but this is already way longer than I intended. OH WAIT...HIS ACCENT! How could I forget! I think this is where I found myself being a little hyper-critical because I could tell which words he struggled with. However, it is SO much better than his American accent in Billionaire Boys Club. He worked so hard on it and it shows. Also, he's fucking hot as fuck. 

5. Baymax - I didn't really know what this was??? I saw some hoopla about it having a trans character and an episode about menstruating, but I never saw anyone talk about the actual series. First, each episode is really, really short. Approximately about 10 minutes long, which is actually perfect for a child's attention span. They are these cute little vignettes about helping others. Baymax, if you don't know, is an adorable robot featured in Big Hero 6. He is a healthcare companion who befriends the main character in the film. He is programmed to help people in any way he can (and he is the CUTEST most innocent big fluffy marshmallow that you just want to hug). Second, I wish it was a bit more like Big Hero 6, which I think was obviously made for children, but also made for the adults who are forced to watch it with their children and/or film and animation lovers. Instead, this is a little too kids oriented and I didn't really find anything interesting about it as an adult. Third, the hoopla is, once again, ridiculous. The menstruation episode is really, really well done. And just like I said with Turning Red, getting your period is a kid issue (some kids get their period at 10! While they are watching cartoons like this! Why are people so weirded out by it?). And there is no featured trans character. There is a person with a t-shirt that has trans flag colors and they hand Baymax a sanitary product that they recommend. There is a crowd of people doing the same. It is very much a blink and you'll miss it moment, and by talking about it (in a negative way), you're only bringing more attention to it. I'm honestly not even sure I would have noticed it if I hadn't already known about it. Also, who the fuck cares??? Trans people exist and have their periods. I also think people probably got mad that the girl uses a bathroom that is gender neutral? I didn't see anything about it, but I'm sure it was part of the whole conversation. Again, who cares? It's so weird to me that their are parents who view inclusivity as a *problem* when raising their children. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Bad Guys - I saw the trailer for this before The Lost City and I thought it looked really, really cute and funny. And it is, but it's also terribly unmemorable and very predictable (**spoiler** obvi the super rich guy is the bad guy because super rich guys are always the bad guy...duh *said with the same inflection as Billie Eilish in her song...."bad guy"*). Sam Rockwell has an excellent voice for animation (and in general), but the rest of the cast, well, I have a hard time with - Marc Maron sounds like Danny DeVito?? Which he doesn't usually so it was a weird choice. And don't even get me started on Awkwafina! I mean, her voice is probably the worst part of her??? It's like nails on a fucking chalkboard. God I feel like every post I do just gets meaner and meaner, and I really don't try to be mean, but it just comes out as I write. The whole thing is also really weird - like how they are all "scary" animals that can talk and do human-like activities, but then there are also actual animals that are just animals - like the cat stuck in the tree and the guinea pigs being used as...um...guinea pigs. Overall, it just feels odd. There are some funny/amusing parts, but nothing really laugh-out-loud funny - and most of the funny stuff is in the trailer (which is why I usually only watch trailers when I'm at the movie theater). The animation is fine. And there's really not much else to say about it. Meh. 

2. Senior Year - I watched this, even though it looked really, really stupid, because I surprisingly enjoyed Rebel Wilson in Isn't it Romantic? and that movie is actually super cute. This looked similar, so I thought maybe it would be just as cute and funny? I didn't like it quite as much as that movie, but I did find this highly entertaining. I think a lot of it has to do with the timeline - being that it matched up to my high school experience (I had that *N SYNC poster on my wall, loved TRL, and wore my hair in those stupid butterfly clips). The only thing I can't really get behind is the often over-used trope of cheerleaders being the popular girls (it's so weird? The popular people in my high school were not involved in school activities at all because they were "too cool" for it. I honestly can tell you the name of only one cheerleader in my high school. ONE.). I did expect the cheerleading routine to be a bit more risque ala the Glee "Push it" scene, but the routines were actually really good. It is interesting to see how much has changed in 20 years. They've already done the "the nerds are now the cool kids" thing with the updated 21 Jump Street movies, but it's gone even further now with performative activism, eco-friendly, overly politically correct, Instagram drenched high school experience. And I'm with Rebel Wilson's character - it all seems terribly boring. And I just don't think it's setting teenagers up for success because the real world is fucking harsh and you WILL be offended by something. And you need to learn how to deal with that in a mature way early in life or you won't survive. It's just facts. Anyway, I laughed quite a few times with this (her "three ways to gain popularity" is hilarious and the cheerleaders motioning the plastic straws. I died. And the line "Madonna is called...Lady Ga..ga now?" It's also funny how she pronounces the "Gaga" part), but the best part is the recreation of the Britney Spears "Crazy" video. Just absolutely perfect. 

3. X - I absolutely love Jenna Ortega and I totally dig her as the next generation "scream queen" (she was also in the new Scream movie). I also like Mia Goth and I had NO IDEA that Brittany Snow had such a big role in this. She is adorable. Also, that's Kid Cudi??? I don't think I've ever seen him before, but I definitely expected him to be...younger? He's three years younger than me, but if you told me he was 50, I would believe you. He's also a terrible actor. The film is slightly disappointing - it's basically Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but instead of a mentally ill man with a chainsaw, it's a creepy 100 year old lesbian with a knife. It's very slow, and nothing really happens for the first 40 minutes of the film (aside from some cheesy porno sex). I do admit that I was highly distracted for most of the movie because The Love of My Life (Taron Egerton) did a Twitter Q&A and answered my question (!!!). I actually had to restart the movie, but I still was definitely looking at my phone more than usual while watching a movie (hangs head in shame). There are a few things I really liked - *spoiler* the alligator (or crocodile, I don't know the difference) attack is fucking HILARIOUS and so unexpected that it actually made me jump (and I never jump during horror movies) and then I laughed for a good 15 minutes. And the ending has a nice little twist that I wasn't really expecting, either. Oh and there's a Debbie Does Dallas reference that made me laugh. While I was disappointed, I am still looking forward to the Mia Goth starring prequel. And I do feel like if I watched this again, I might enjoy it more - now that I don't have the high expectations or the distractions. I highly doubt I'll ever watch it again, though. 

4. Lightyear - And speaking of being disappointed - Jesus, is this movie a mess or what? It's soooo boring. Like, most animated movies are cute and funny and enjoyable for kids, so they usually automatically get 3 stars from me. But this is none of those things. First, I should point out that I am not the biggest fan of the Toy Story movies (but I would never rate them below three stars - I just don't see why everyone raves about them). I thought this was actually a great idea to keep the franchise going, while giving it an update instead of repeating the same thing over and over. And it could potentially continue with other Toy Story characters. It's just overly complicated and really hard to pay attention to. And, if I had problems with it, then I can't imagine children enjoying it. I'm not an expert on what children like, though, but I was at a birthday party with a bunch of parents of 5 year olds and I overheard a parent say that they went to see this with their daughter and she fell asleep within the first 20 minutes and all the other parents started to agree and say how terrible it was and how disinterested their kids are in it. So, I'm clearly not on my own in thinking that it's not really made for kids to enjoy (although the party was minions themed, so you can't always trust kids...). Also, Chris Evans has such a monotonous boring voice, I can totally understand why a 5 year old would fall asleep listening to him. The only good part was the cat, obviously. 

5. Thirteen Lives - It's so weird to me when a movie like this suddenly appears on a streaming service and I've seen ZERO people talking about it. It's Colin Farrell! And Viggo Mortensen! Directed by Ron Howard! About an incredible true story! Why is nobody talking about it?? It's *exactly* what you would expect it to be, but with such an amazing story like this, that is hardly an insult. The bravery, self-sacrifice, and heroism that went into rescuing these 13 people is truly astounding (and I totally just googled how many people were rescued as if it's not in the fucking title. Use your brains, Michelle!). Colin and Viggo do a satisfying job - most of their roles are underwater, but there are these really small scenes where you see their internal struggle and the pure torture of not knowing if they were going to be able to get these kids out. The accents are...weird. Not because they are bad, necessarily, but because you just don't expect either of them to have British accents (I think we've only seen them with their own or an American accent? And Viggo with that Italian accent in Green Book? Have they done a British accent before?? It just feels weird). But I was able to get passed it pretty quickly. It's rightly intense, but it does drag out the whole cave diving part (there's just a LOT of cave diving scenes - it becomes a bit tedious). I remember when this story happened and SO MANY people (at least in America) were very quick to judge everything and place unnecessary blame on certain people. But the reality is that the cave they went in was a well-known and visited cave, they just had very unfortunate timing. I would totally visit a cave like that (and I have - I even did one of those lava tube tunnels in Iceland). And then people were like "why can't they just swim out" as if a professional cave diver didn't die trying to get to them?? Like, obviously children can't handle that kind of danger. What's weird, though, is that I actually had no idea how they rescued them! I just remember hearing that they all were rescued and all had survived, but I never questioned how it happened. And how it happened is FUCKING WILD. I mean just imagine if that *didn't* work??? The responsibility of that decision is just mind-blowing. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Gray Man - I don't even care what it is, I will ALWAYS be excited about a new Ryan Gosling movie! It's been FOUR freakin' years! (although...I might be the only woman in the world not excited for the Barbie movie? It looks...horrendous? And I'm a big fan of a lot of that cast.). I have the book that this movie is based on (I think it's part of a series?), but I have not had the chance to read it yet. It's definitely my type of movie - very Bourne-like. While I think overall, the movie is fine, there are also some things I really like about it. Obviously, Gosling is the highlight. It's a perfect role for him that highlights his onscreen charisma, but also pushes him into new territory of the "action hero" (he truly can do it all! I still think he's best at the quieter more reserved roles, though). Julia Butters is a super-star. And I'm completely in love with Ana de Armas (especially in that floral suit - I need it!), and this Blade Runner 2049 reunion with her and Gosling is much appreciated. I hope they make movies together until the end of time. The action is relentless - in a mostly good way. There is one scene in particular that is so well done, it almost made me sad that I wasn't watching it on a big cinema screen. Unfortunately, it's also just a very unoriginal, paint-by-numbers action movie. And it's odd that the good guys are actually good actors, and the bad guys are...well, Chris Evans with a horrendous mustache, the guy from Bridgerton - who is one of the worst actors I've ever seen (even on that terrible show, him and the main girl were the worst parts of the show), and Jessica Hardwick in an extremely unflattering wig. I think it's weird that so many people praise Evans for...acting. He's hot, sure. But I've never, ever seen him be anything other than Chris Evans. But ultimately the biggest problem with this movie boils down to this anecdote: My husband came home from work about an hour into me watching this. He sat down on the couch and started watching with me, which is super rare (he doesn't really watch a lot of movies). He watched the whole rest of the movie and when it was over, he said "that was decent. Really short, though". I replied "oh there was a whole hour before you started watching it". "OH GOD REALLY?!" It's clearly a problem that someone can start the movie A WHOLE HOUR IN and feel like they haven't missed anything. He also said "wow, Chris Evans really can't act, can he?" LOL. 

2. Good Luck to You, Leo Grande - Well, I saw a few people say that this movie is quite lovely, but I had NO IDEA what it was about, so that was a bit of a shock. I figured it was about Emma Thompson having a relationship with a younger man (from the poster, obvi), but it's actually about her hiring a male prostitute because she has a really, really, really sad sex life. Seriously, her describing her sex life with her husband of 31 years is one of the saddest things I've ever heard and I really don't understand why women live that way?? I don't think sex is the most important aspect of a relationship at all, but she doesn't seem very emotionally fulfilled either or loved, even. Why waste away your life like that with someone who doesn't do everything they can to make you happy? Anyway, this is a cute, little 100 minute long dramedy. Emma Thompson is delightful, as per usual, and it's lovely and refreshing to see someone embrace a sort of sexual awakening in their 50s. I think women, in very general terms, tend to become more confident with their bodies as they get into their 40s & 50s. But I also think we finally come to the realization that all of the things we are insecure about don't matter at all to a guy that they are about to have sex with (they don't care about the little belly pouch, or if you shaved your legs that day, or if your thigh has a stretch mark. They are about to have sex. They. don't. care.). And I also don't even think that our insecurities come from men, because they mostly come from...other women. Wait, I've gone off track again, haven't I? The guy in this has a super sexy Irish accent (I don't know his name, but I recognize him. Maybe from Peaky Blinders? Is he in that? I can picture him in it.), but he's a little too "perfect" in this - the character is just very unrealistic (overly supportive, patience of a saint, and has abs like that? Just non-existent). It also has a few laugh out loud moments (her saying "safe word" got me real good).

3. The Princess - Another solid 3 star movie (I feel like that's all I watch nowadays. Just solid 3 star movies one after the other). I like Joey King a lot. I did not like her in that dumb Amazon/Blumhouse horror movie (I don't remember the name of it), but I still think she has great screen presence. She just needs to find better roles. I'm not sure this is really it, either. And I was really annoyed in the beginning when they show this tiny, tiny young girl fighting like 5 grown men - I wrote down in my notes "come on - she would have to have, like, extensive martial arts training" and then the next scene it shows her, extensively training in martial arts. Well, okay, then, I guess I'll buy into her being able to defeat men double & triple her size (but still not really...). It's very fast-paced and action-packed, but the story isn't very original and the fight scenes become a little tedious to sit through. I think it's a great movie for young girls to watch - although it might be a little too violent, it's still empowering, for sure. It kind of reminded me of Brave, which I loved. 

4. The Bob's Burgers Movie - Well, I didn't love this like I thought I would. I LOVE the tv series. It's so funny, uplifting, smart, ridiculous, and lovely all at the same time. It's so hard to even pick my favorite character, but it mostly goes back and forth between Louise and Gene. Louise is just overall hilarious and chaotic, but Gene makes me actually laugh-out-loud way more. But, I don't know, this movie fell really flat for me. I didn't hate it or anything. It's just nothing special. There are definitely funnier and more cinematic episodes that this movie would suggest (I saw quite a few people say that they were watching the movie having never watched the show, and that makes me sad because this movie wouldn't really make me seek out the show). I did laugh really, really hard at the line "you know what they say, babies come out of holes, but they never go into them". I'm still laughing at that, in fact. The plot is just dragged out way too long (you know, to make it long enough for a movie when it should have just been an episode or even a two-parter would have been more acceptable) and they've already done the whole Louise never takes her bunny ears off thing multiple times on the show so it felt really overdone. I just wish there was more substance to it and that it was a bit funnier (and shorter!). It's still fun, though, because these characters are wonderful.

5. Umma - Well, I know I seem to complain a lot about movies being "solid three stars" (as the previous four movies that I just wrote about are), but I guess it's better than watching atrocities like this. I really love Sandra Oh, and I can't wait for her to be a big movie star, but this just isn't it. She got out of Grey's Anatomy *just* in time (I can't believe I still watch that fucking show. It's been 17 years! Just kill me, please) and she was wonderful on Killing Eve in quite a complicated role. I went into this fairly blind, other than knowing Oh stars in it and that it is a horror. While it is atmospherically creepy, it is hardly scary. Unless you're scared of bees?? Then, maybe? But it's just very slow and basically nothing happens. Oh is great, as expected. And the girl who plays her daughter (Fivel Stewart) is stunning looking. I was curious if she was actually Korean - since it is about a Korean American family - because to me, she looks Native American. It turns out that she is both (and also Russian, Scottish, Japanese & Chinese). It's not really important, but as I said, just stunning. And she held her own with Oh, too. I'm interested to see where her career takes her. Anyway, I don't have much else to say about this movie. It's saved by the acting, but there is a whole lot of nothing to it. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. House of Gucci - This is not nearly as campy as I was led to believe. In fact, it's quite dull and boring. And so very long. But first, let me go on a slight tangent about Lady Gaga. I've never been the biggest fan of her music, but I don't mind her as an actress - I thought she did a decent job in A Star is Born and "Is That Alright?" is probably my favorite song released in the last decade. But I do remember when she was first becoming famous, I had a friend who was friends with her roommate when she was at NYU, and called her a bully and said that she made fun of everyone. She also often talks about her family being "working class", which is true, but she, herself, grew up very wealthy (she grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and went to private school. Wealthy.). And it always really irks me when rich people pretend like they've lived anything other than a life of privilege. I guess my point is that I'm wary of her - she's very performative and seems like a good person, but I don't think that translates to reality. Anyway, back to the movie! I don't really have anything good to say about it. I'm racking my brain for something that I liked, but it's just all bad. There's a GREAT story to tell here, but this isn't it. They just focus on really boring shit for 2 full hours. The performances are atrocious. I don't understand the prosthetics on Jared Leto, because he still looks nothing like the real Paolo, so what's the point of it? Why not just hire someone who looks more like him and is closer in age? I can appreciate a transformation, but this just seems pointless. The chemistry between Lady Gaga and Adam Driver is non-existent (and was that sex scene supposed to be...sexy?? Because I cringed. Like, ew.). On another note, Camille Cottin is becoming a bit of a thing, huh? She was in Killing Eve and I just watched her in Stillwater a few weeks ago and now this. Interesting. I think I like her. 

2. The Protégé - This was a really big disappointment for me - it seemed like something right up my alley. But there's no plot. It's very well made, from an obviously talented director (Martin Campbell), a strong lead performance from Maggie Q (who should be a much bigger star!), and a fun supporting cast of Samuel L Jackson and Michael Keaton. But 25 minutes in and I was still waiting for the story to start. It's basically just a simple revenge story, with nothing deeper (you'll expect something deeper, but it just never happens). There are a few really great action sequences (I like when she electrocutes the "bad guys" and then they start shooting their guns all over while they are being electrocuted. I laughed.) and some brutal torture scenes. But it's also very, very dumb - like how she's tortured (like, really tortured. Waterboarded even!) and then a few scenes later she doesn't have a bruise or scratch on her. How much time has gone by?? We'll never know. Also, *spoiler* OBVIOUSLY, Sam Jackson is not dead. He's not going to sign onto a movie like this to just appear in the first 10 minutes. OBVIOUSLY. 

3. Downton Abbey: A New Era - Weirdly, I think this is the most I've enjoyed anything Downton Abbey related...ever? Far more entertaining than the previous movie and certainly not as slow-moving as the series. It's probably because there is actually something interesting happening in the house - it's being used as a film location! So it's basically a movie about making a movie! Hollywood comes to Downton! What fun! Although, I love that they make fun of the movie-making process (my favorite line "filming must be the slowest occupation known to man". Soooooo true. I know people believe it's really glamorous and cool to be on a film set, but I promise you, it is the most bored I've ever been in my entire life). It also feels like there is more of a plot that moves several stories forward, instead of the last movie that was just about one specific event being held. **spoiler** While I'm upset at the death of the best character, I do think it was time. And they did it really well (her last line - absolutely hilarious and perfect). Overall, I think they did a really good job with this. Although, Lily James is still not in this one, which is super annoying (and yet, Dominic West is!?! What the fuck!). 

4. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 - What the fuck is this? This is what I was expecting from the first movie, but I was actually surprised at how fucking funny the first one is. This one, though, is really hard to watch. Didn't laugh once. NOT ONCE! And I was in the mood for a dumb comedy, so I'm not sure what went wrong with this. It just all came off as very obnoxious. And long. So very long. And also...very predictable. I'm sure it's not supposed to be a movie with a big twist or anything, but the foreshadowing of the rings is done really poorly. I don't think the live cast is in it enough, which is definitely a big part of the problem - I loved both Jim Carrey's over-the-top villain and James Marsden's charm in the first one. They both feel like an afterthought in this. I do love Idris Elba's voice, so at least that's a win. Other than that, this movie is really painful. Still somehow not even in my worst films of the year, though (I've watched a lot of crap. Surprise, surprise!). 

5. Persuasion (2022) - When I first started to see reviews (and memes...) for this, I assumed people were being unnecessarily harsh. People seemed really offended that they updated Jane Austen's words to make them more modern and relevant (something that is done with Shakespeare all the time, and is usually super cool!). I didn't realize that there are so many Jane Austen purists in the world, but get a grip guys. I've said it before, but Austen novels are not really my thing (I think the only ones I've even read are Sense & Sensibility and Emma) and I definitely don't care if they dumb-down the dialogue for a general audience. However, after watching the movie, I have to admit, it's really bad. The dialogue, though, is not the worst part. I think the most glaring problem is the casting. I did see multiple people comment about how Dakota Johnson doesn't fit the role (someone noted that she has a face of someone who knows what a cellphone is or something like that, which is hilarious and TRUE). I love her, but she is not good here. And she does have a modernity to her look that makes her feel out of place in this. Also, the woman who plays Mary, is awful. Obviously her character is awful too - just completely insufferable with no redeeming qualities, but there is a way to play that type of character that isn't this cringeworthy. And this is more of a personal gripe, but she's SO SHORT - it's so distracting. She's 5ft tall (yes, I was so bored that I looked it up), and compared to everyone else at normal height she looks like a child next to everyone. Now this may seem like a harsh criticism, but I AM ONLY 5ft TALL TOO! I am tiny. Most people tell me that that I don't seem that short (I have very long limbs - like I can reach higher than someone who is 5'4", and I wear very loud clothing which I think makes my presence known LOL), but when I take group pictures with normal heighted people I stand out and everyone is always like "oh my God you're so tiny"! Anyway, I find her height visually distracting. And if you think that's an unnecessary and harsh criticism, I'm not even done yet - the main love interest guy is NOT hot. Like at all. And the fact that she chooses him over HENRY GOLDING is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Golding doesn't even show up until a whole hour into the movie! What the fuck is up with that?? They should have switched roles. That would have made much more sense. Okay, I think I'm done being mean now. Oh wait, the costumes look very cheap too. Okay now I'm done. Promise. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Cha Cha Real Smooth - I liked this movie quite a bit, but I completely understand the criticism of the lead character. He definitely is a little too "perfect", and I do think that Cooper Raiff may have been a little hesitant to make this character unlikeable, but there is a big difference in making someone flawed and making someone unlikeable. Raiff is super young (25!!), so he has time to grow as a writer. But, maybe because he is so young, I can forgive this aspect of the movie and just find complete joy and sweetness in this character. I am absolutely baffled as to where Raiff came from and how he got this movie made - it doesn't seem like he has famous parents or connections, and, AGAIN, he is ONLY 25. He's also got great screen presence - just really charming (a perfect mix of David Tennant and Adam Scott). Dakota Johnson is also quite charming. She gets better with every role, which is exciting to me. I also adore Leslie Mann (I can't believe she is 50!!). And Vanessa Burghardt is a star. Her performance is probably my favorite of the film. I do think it's a little too long for the simpleness of the plot. It's also very obvious that a guy wrote this - ****spoiler**** the miscarriage scene is very well-done, but then the plot just accelerates into an unrealistic sex scene (there is not one woman in this entire world who would even think about having sex directly after a miscarriage. Not one.). And the guy who plays her husband is a terrible actor. So, there are obvious flaws in the movie. However, as a whole, I really liked it, there's a lot of compassion and thoughtfulness within the characters, and it's just really sweet. 

2. Spiderhead - I know, I know, I should have expected dull and boring, but I thought maybe it could be good (some Netflix movies have been good, but none of them have starred Chris Hemsworth - and yes, that was a dig at Extraction, which somehow is getting a sequel?! LOL.). For what it's worth, Hemsworth does a decent job in this (and he's very pretty) and Miles Teller is great (on a sidenote - recently everyone at my work was talking about how hot he is and I just do not see it, but I like him as an actor very much). The acting is definitely not the problem. Even the plot is pretty interesting - the idea that you can make people attracted to each other by altering their chemicals is fascinating. It is all based on chemical reactions so theoretically it can be altered. I watched a movie not that long ago that had a similar premise called The Killing Room (people in a room being tested on with Chloe Sevigny watching their reactions. It was also bad). The biggest problem with the movie is just that it's very tedious to sit through. It's amazing that you can have a strong premise and solid performances and still have a less than 2 star movie. I can't really pinpoint the problem - boring dialogue, perhaps? Nothing felt unexpected, and when it starts to pick up the end, it also just becomes really ridiculous (with them running and "You Make My Dreams (Come True)" playing. Just so stupid). 

3. Belfast - Ooooof. My expectations were through the roof with this - I honestly thought it would be among my Top 5 of 2021. It seems like my thing, plus Jamie Dornan with his Irish accent?! YES PLEASE. It's not a bad movie - solid 3 stars, but that's definitely a disappointment. Like a big huge crushing disappointment. There's a lot to like about it - particularly Caitriona Balfe's performance. I don't think I've ever seen her in anything before, but is it weird that I recognized her from the heavily promoted Outlander advertising?? I don't watch it and not a single person I know watches it, but the producers market that show like it's the number one show of the decade. I think EW had like 6 covers of it (speaking of, I had a subscription to Entertainment Weekly for over 20 years. I'm so sad that they ended their magazines and do online only content now - meaning I'll probably never read another article again. So sad). Balfe is just incredible and has amazing screen presence. I also like the black & white - I'm not usually a fan of this for modern movies, but it works here. The scene featuring "Everlasting Love" is adorable, beautifully shot, and full of such joy - a scene that I will likely remember for years to come. Other than that, though, the rest is just...there. Dornan feels miscast. I usually like stories of people having a link or connection to a certain place, like Midnight's Children, and the movie this got compared to a lot, Roma, but this just didn't work for me. 

4. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness - I think this may be the first time that I ignored all of the reviews and went into a Marvel movie with super low expectations. I feel like I was burned so badly by Spider-Man: No Way Home, I just can't let it happen again! So I expected this to be a big mess of a film like many Marvel movies before it, and that's exactly what I got. Also, while I was a fan of the first Doctor Strange movie, I don't particularly remember much about it other than some of the scenes being super cool. Doctor Strange is such an asshole of a character (and not in the good, fun way like Iron Man), so he's not someone that I really want to watch more of. I was surprisingly able to stay relatively spoiler-free since its initial release (the only thing I saw was ****spoiler**** that John Krasinski was cast as Mr. Fantastic, but honestly, I thought that was already a thing, but I guess it was just fan casting that turned into the real thing - but not really because it's a different multiverse?? Also, stop letting the internet make casting decisions! I feel like this is going to happen with Taron in talks for Wolverine. Years ago, when he did press with Hugh Jackman for Eddie the Eagle, multiple outlets were reporting that Hugh was going to be done with Wolverine leading so many people to question Taron if he would be interested and he specifically said that he didn't think he'd be right for the role, but the damn internet won't give it up and now it seems likely to happen). That being said, none of it felt particularly surprising. The scene mentioned above with the introduction of Mr. Fantastic and others is definitely clever - *more spoilers*, with Professor X (would have definitely preferred McAvoy, but whatever), Hayley Atwell as Captain Carter (what an absolute snoozefest of a character) and Anson Mount from The Inhumans tv show (which made me question if I watched that show??? It seems so familiar, but I searched my blog and my twitter handle and I've never mentioned it - so I guess I never watched it? But I love me some Anson Mount!). But again, it also feels a bit like fan service and that never ends well. At first, I was excited by more Scarlet Witch, but then I realized they were basically rehashing WandaVision - why did I watch an entire miniseries if they were just going to do it again with this movie?? It all feels a bit pointless. I think the biggest success is the more horror aspect - a lot of these films are starting to blend together so anything that veers from the formula is welcome. Having Sam Raimi direct it and go full "Raimi" is super cool to watch. The nods to Evil Dead, Carrie, and The Grudge were definitely appreciated (and I'm sure there were even more horror references that I didn't notice). It still doesn't make up for the actual movie being a pointless, mess of a movie. 

5. Parallel Mothers - Yay! I loved this. I feel like it's been a really, really long time since I've loved a highly praised movie! Penelope Cruz is spectacular (but I still think Jessica Chastain rightfully won that Oscar). Pedro Almodovar is definitely among my favorite directors. The only movie that I didn't absolutely love is his previous one - Pain and Glory. I really want to watch his pre-All About My Mother stuff. He has a huge filmography of films I've never even heard of. Anyway, this movie is such a powerful story of motherhood and human connection. It takes some really unexpected twists and turns, and I could easily argue that some of it was unnecessary (and don't even get me started on the age difference!), but I also found it very exciting and rebellious in a way. *slight spoilers ahead* I didn't really know what it was about going in, but the story is really terrifying and seems like something that couldn't happen in the present day. The horror of taking your baby home, falling in love with them, and then finding out that they aren't biologically yours? Just heartbreaking. I also find it terrifying that Penelope Cruz gets accidentally pregnant at her age (she's 48 in real life, I don't know how old she is supposed to be in this, but clearly in her 40s. Absolutely stunning, but definitely in her 40s). I like to think that it's over for me and not something I need to worry about, but it could technically still happen and I would be so fucking pissed if it did (I have so many travel plans!). Anyway, I really love the colors used in this (the bright reds and yellows) - it's very noticeable, but also it feels like it's done very purposefully - every item of clothing, every set piece is perfectly picked and placed in each scene. Just stunning. 

Emmy Nominations: The Good, The Bad, and The Snubbed

The Good

- There's quite a lot of good television from last year and I think overall the Emmy nominations reflect that. Some great Dramas included - Better Call Saul, Yellowjackets, Severance, Squid Game, and Comedies such as Ted Lasso, Only Murders in the Building, and What we do in the Shadows (!!!)

- Rhea Seehorn has been notably snubbed in the past, so it's nice that they've made up for it here - and she should definitely get the win. 

- I think my favorite Limited Series from this year is The Dropout, which I wasn't expecting. And my favorite performance of the year is definitely Amanda Seyfried. If Garner wins over her I will riot (quietly on my couch). Also love the two Directing nods - there's just something about it that is so unexpected and memorable. 

- I sort of love that some big names were ignored - Julia Roberts, Viola Davis, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, etc. And not because they aren't great (I haven't seen First Lady, Gaslit or We Crashed because they all look terrible, but I did see Scenes from a Marriage and Chastain was fantastic and the better performance), but because I feel like the Emmys are on autopilot and automatically nominate big "movie stars". I like that this is shifting - and that television has become just as prestigious as movies. You don't get nominated just because you're a big name. 

- Is Bridgerton not critically loved?? Thank fuck for that! Literally everyone I know loves it and raves about it, so I'm super glad it was ignored because I was expecting it to rack up a ton of undeserving awards nominations (I haven't seen the second season, but even if it's 100% better than the first, it's still trash). 

The Bad

- The supporting actor/actress categories across the board are crazy - and some new rules need to be implemented so that 1 or 2 shows can't dominate a whole category (ahem The White Lotus - which is a perfectly fun trashy show but in NO WAY should be in any Emmy discussions. Just ludicrous! And that's coming from someone who is a HUGE fan of several of the actors, specifically Alexandra Daddario, but when I saw her name listed as an Emmy nominee, my eyes bulged out of my head). Also, some of the "supporting" performances are clearly "lead" performances and since the actors can submit themselves in either category - it kind makes the race a bit murky. Specifically I think Sarah Snook and Kieran Culkin should move to the lead categories. And possibly even Julia Garner because the final season of Ozark was largely focused on her character. 

- The second season of The Morning Show was God awful. I'm glad it was largely ignored, but how did Reese Witherspoon pull off a nomination? 

- I know I shouldn't comment if I haven't seen it, but the love for Pam & Tommy is just...ugh for so many different reasons. I have no interest in watching it - most importantly because of the complete disrespect and disregard for Pamela Anderson. It's not new to take someone's life story and capitalize on it without their involvement, but due to the nature of this particular story it's just really gross. The line is there and it has definitely been crossed. But also, I think it relies heavily on hair & makeup and that most likely overshadows the performances (again...I'm a big fan of Lily James. Like HUGE. I even named my cat after her. But she's not an Emmy level actress, though. Let's be real, guys). 

- Super weird that Donald Glover snagged a lead actor nomination when he's only in a handful of episodes?? Give him all the writing, directing, producing awards you want (Atlanta is one of the most creative shows in the past decade - no doubt about it), but the acting one is a stretch. 

The Snubbed 

- There's always going to be a lot of snubs with award nominations - but I think the one that really hurts this year is for Better Things. It's received some nominations over the course of the series for various things (acting, writing, etc.), but that final season was absolutely beautiful. This can also be said about the final season of Insecure, but at least Issa Rae got something. 

- It seems everyone is talking about the biggest snubs being Selena Gomez, Mandy Moore and Sadie Sink, and while I'm a fan of all three - I don't think they deserve an Emmy nomination. They are all good, but...that's it? (I can sort of see Sadie Sink, but only because she's so young - and she definitely excels in a show where other performances are rough - some of those kids can't act and we need to admit it). But, for me, the real snubs are more underrated performances like Rose Byrne in Physical, Maura Tierney in Rust, Paul Rudd and Will Ferrell for The Shrink Next Door, and Danielle Macdonald for The Tourist. 

- I knew it was a longshot, but Heartstopper is so lovely and the lead performances are so strong - if the Emmys wanted to gain a younger audience, this was their opportunity and they blew it.

- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is perpetually ignored but is the best comedy on television. The second is Mythic Quest - also ignored. 

- I'm glad that Elle Fanning (and Nicolaus Hoult) got nominated for The Great, but I'm really surprised Fanning was ignored for The Girl from Plainville. She was incredible and it really showcases her versatility. 

Best Films of 2021 ***Updated***

It's that time of year again! Every July, I update my previous year "Best of" list because I've had some more time to actually watch everything before making me "final" decisions. Here goes: 

1. The Harder They Fall

2. Benedetta 

3. Parallel Mothers

4. Riders of Justice

5. The Lost Daughter

6. The Last Duel 

7. C'mon C'mon

8. Flee

9. Encounter

10. A Quiet Place Part II

10.5 Oxygen

I'm surprised (and a little disappointed) that my #1 stayed the same - although I did contemplate giving Benedetta the slot. There are six new entries, and this is the first year that I can remember in which I did actually watch everything that I thought would change my list - most were disappointing (*ahem* Belfast). This might also be the first year that a documentary made my list! 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Stillwater - When I started watching this, I pulled up some reviews real quick expecting mostly mediocre reviews, but there are a surprising amount of good ones?! I assumed it bombed because I hadn't heard much about it, especially since Matt Damon is usually a box office draw. But anyway, I didn't actually like it, so my initial expectations were right. The only thing I knew about it beforehand was that it was inspired by the Amanda Knox story, which she responded to with a very negative article denouncing the film for using her life story for entertainment without her consent. It was a very well-written, interesting article, but honestly, if she hadn't written it, I would not connect this movie to her story at all. It's a story of a father trying to prove his daughter's innocence by taking the investigation into his own hands (which is not an original story - Prisoners and Secret in Their Eyes instantly came to my mind). As far as I know, Amanda's father had nothing to do with her acquittal, and not much about this case compares to Amanda's, other than her being accused of killing her roommate in another country. Anyway, other than that, the movie is just pretty painful - very slow, very boring. Damon's southern accent is...something. And Abigail Breslin is not a good actress. She used to be, but wow...spectacularly bad now. There are also so many wasteful scenes - there is a 10 minute long scene where he just asks strangers if they've seen Akim. Just over and over again. We don't need to see him ask all of these people - it can easily be implied. There's just nothing about it that feels compelling nor does it feel as intense as it should feel. 

2. The Northman - I have to admit that I didn't go into this movie with the highest of hopes, simply because I have not liked Eggers previous directorial efforts. And by "not like", I mean that I pretty much fucking hated them - both The VVitch and The Lighthouse are just the most boring and pretentious films to be released in the last decade, but people just eat that shit up. I do try my best to keep an open mind when watching any movie. But, I can't really say that I liked this. I liked it more than the two movies that I just mentioned, but I don't think that's saying much. It's very well-made, and far more watchable than his other efforts. It's just not for me - the raping and pillaging of towns, the savageness of it, keeps it grounded in reality, but just not something that I need to witness. I am a big fan of mythology - but mostly Greek and Roman, I'm not as familiar with Norse mythology (although I bought a book about it when I was in Iceland, but have not read it yet). I think if you have a familiarity or even some general knowledge of it, you might get more out of it than I did. I think my two biggest problems with it are (1) It feels so bloated. It doesn't really get to the good part until 90 MINUTES in. Kidman is incredible in that scene - overcoming that weird-ass accent she was attempting (why does she keep insisting that she can do accents? Even her American one is wonky sometimes). But there's just so much nonsense leading up to it that feels so unnecessary. And (2) I can not get over Kidman playing Alexander Skarsgard's MOM. They are 10 years apart and play husband and wife in Big Little Lies. It doesn't work AT ALL, because Nicole Kidman looks AMAZING at 55 - can easily pass for mid-40s. And Skarsgard, also looks...mid 40s. There's no clear distinction on his age, but it goes from him being a child (early teens I think) to "years later", but he is clearly, at least, 25 YEARS OLDER. And his love interest, the wonderful, Anya Taylor-Joy, is completely wasted in this, and also 20 YEARS YOUNGER than him. It's not totally unrealistic, given the time period (or even now...), but it just hurts my brain to the point where I can't focus on the story in front of me. 

3. The Card Counter - I think this is a solid movie, but it definitely could have been better, so ultimately it feels a little disappointing. I haven't really loved a Paul Schrader written and/or directed film since...American Gigolo (although, looking up his filmography, there seems to be so many movies I've never even heard of?! How weird! Also, I didn't hate First Reformed, I just didn't love it as much as everyone else seemed to). I didn't know much about this going in, so I just assumed it was about...uh...a...card counter? Which it is, to an extent, but the real story is far darker, and very unexpected. But back to the obvious part for a second - first, you might already know this, but I LOVE gambling and playing cards. But I'll never understand why card counting is illegal. I feel like if you have the brain capacity to do that, then you deserve to have that advantage. I think the trick is to keep it small, like he does in the beginning - nobody is going to care if you keep winning a few hundred bucks here and there. But people get greedy. Also, on a side-note, one of the biggest reasons I hate Blackjack is because I'm always worried that someone is counting the cards at the table and I'm going to do something to fuck up the count (because I go by gut feelings and intuition and my witch powers, not by what the "rules" say). I do love Poker, though. I think it's harder to count and it's based more on statistics and bluffing, etc (but again, I just go by my gut). I literally SCREAMED when the woman folded with a pair of aces (the winning hand) and this is why I can't watch Poker tournaments because I get so distraught when someone gets bluffed. Anyway, I won't give away what the actual movie is about because I think it hits harder if you don't know, but it is a very strong story. And the soundtrack and score is incredible. Oscar Isaac gives a strong lead performance (probably among my favorites of his). There's a few downsides - Tiffany Haddish is just awful. I don't think she's funny at all, but she's also a terrible actress - it looks like she's reading off of a cue card for most of this. And there is no chemistry between them, and I'm pretty sure there is supposed to be? 

4. Lamb - I was kind of excited about this - I love Noomi Rapace and I thought this looked like a more serious/horror version of the film Splice. That was the pre-vibe that I got from this. But...unfortunately it's kind of dull. Not horror at all. More of a drama about parenthood - the choices one makes and who you decide to consider family, but also about taking something that doesn't belong to you. It can definitely be interpreted into an unsettling tale of an adoption gone wrong. Obviously it's also about an animal/human hybrid - and that alone has a lot of mythological and allegorical messages. Sheep are such majestic animals - we don't see them much in the U.S unless you're from the mid-west (at least I don't think? even farms in upstate NY had horses, pigs, cows, even alpacas, but never sheep). When I went to Ireland I was obsessed with watching for sheep and then we drove down this tiny road and we got stuck behind someone herding a huge flock of them. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Anyway, this movie has a pretty creepy feeling for its entirety, but it never quite gets there until the end. Which *spoilers ahead* I'm happy that they show the adult human/sheep hybrid so that we aren't left with the feeling that her husband fucked a sheep because that's where I honestly thought they were going (either her husband or his brother). I mean, it's still implied that someone fucked a sheep, but at least it's no-one from this story. 

5. The Valet - Really fucking stupid, which I *knew* it would be, obviously. But I love Samara Weaving so much, I would watch literally anything that she is in. And I have to say, my bias might be showing here, but she is spectacular in this. Her line delivery is spot-on and I think it's hard for actors to play actors, especially if they are different then what they would actually do in a specific role - this doesn't really make sense unless you've seen it, but Weaving plays an actress who has a big movie coming out in which she plays Amelia Earhart - and she does it in this really over-dramatic and cheesy fashion, but in reality Weaving would probably make a great Amelia Earhart. And speaking of this - my favorite line in the whole movie is when she says "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for Amelia Earhart!" with such gusto. I almost spit out my drink because that is exactly how delusional actors are and it's hilarious how she makes fun of it. I also laughed when they showed her weird sitting/standing move in the limo so that she doesn't wrinkle the dress. But back to how awful the rest of this movie is - it's somehow two hours long, which is absolutely unnecessary. It's been a long time since I haven't been able to finish a movie, but this is just so long and so boring that I had to stop it about 1/2 way through and watch the rest the following morning. It literally put me to sleep. The plot is basically Marry Me, with a few changes, but somehow that movie is far superior to this. I like Eugenio Derbez and the rest of the cast (oh I forgot Marisol Nichols is also in this! I love her), but he has sort of three love interests in this, but he is far too old for all of them! Stop doing this, Hollywood. I hate it. 

Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. Obi-Wan Kenobi - I can't believe that I watched all three of the prequels (for the first time!) only to have this series begin with a complete recap that was better than all three movies combined. What a waste of 6 hours, but what's done is done. I put off watching them for as long as possible because they just looked horrendous and I'm sorry but Hayden Christensen can NOT act and I don't know why there seems to be this overwhelming love for him currently?!? What the fuck is happening? Is everyone ok? Maybe take a nap or something? Anyway, I do really like all the new Star Wars side-stories that we've been gifted with lately - The Mandalorian is great, The Book of Boba Fett has its moments, I actually really loved Rogue One, and Solo is fun. This, so far, has been satisfying. The third episode has been the strongest, but there have been great moments in all of them, so far (5 eps in). I still hate the use of de-aging techniques and the fact that James Earl Jones likely did not record any new dialogue for this. I just think it's weird and it reminds me of the movie The Congress (which just gets closer and closer to reality everyday and I hate it. And I think actors should be terrified...). I read some of the criticism about Moses Ingram as Reva, and while most of it boils down to racism, some seemed to genuinely dislike her performance (valid criticism), however I find her chilling from the very first episode. I like how her story has progressed. The only criticism I would have is with the dialogue, which is sometimes...rough, but also true to Star Wars in general. Also, the little girl is the perfect child version of Leia, because...um...Princess Leia is...um...super annoying (sorry internet, don't hate me 😬). I could totally do without Hayden, but he's very minimally relied upon acting-wise, so it's not so bad. And Ewan is great, as expected. 

2. 5. Under the Banner of Heaven - I watched the first episode and practically fell asleep. It's sooooo slow and boring. How do you make a show about a grizzly murder that fucking mind-numbing??? But I persisted, and am now on the 4th or 5th one, and it's gotten slightly better. I really like the cast a lot - Andrew Garfield can be really great sometimes (not always), and I love that he's had a resurgence this year. I also like that he's taking a break for himself. I always get nervous for people when they have a tragic event happen (his mom died recently) and then they overwork themselves as a way to "forget" instead of heal. Dude needs a break. Plus, Daisy Edgar-Jones, Rory Culkin, Gil Birmingham, AND Sam Worthington (someone I used to really like but has been in so much garbage that I thought my original opinion was wrong and he's actually a terrible actor, but GUESS WHAT?! I was right! He can act. He just needs smaller, more dramatic roles like this! Casting the right person for the right role is important, people!). Anyway, this is also created by Dustin Lance Black, someone I am a big fan of, so I guess I just had expectations that were too high. It's not a bad show, but there's nothing of note about it, and with so much content overwhelming us, a show like this just gets lost nowadays. I enjoy the scenes with Daisy the most because I like her rebellious character - she's brave in questioning things, but also tries to be respectful. She comes off as really endearing, honest, and sweet - which is the goal, I think. I do struggle with her accent, though - first, I actually thought Daisy was Irish because of Normal People so I thought her Irish accent was peaking out a bit, causing this weird American/Irish hybrid accent. But then I looked it up and SHE'S NOT IRISH. So, what the fuck accent is this? There is another actress on the series that has an Irish accent so maybe she let it bleed into her own attempt at a Utah/Idaho/Iowa accent (sorry I can't remember where she's supposed to be from, but to a New Yorker - those are all the same state...). I like that it shows the sinister nature behind the LDS church and Mormonism (and...um...all religions, really), while also showing that there are good people within this...uh...cult. And Garfield does a great job at being the moral compass while displaying this conflicting idea about this...uh...cult. I'm definitely interested to see how it all ends, but it's been a big chore to get there. 

3. Roar - This series is really kind of out there, and I think that I love it? Some episodes are miles better than others, but overall I dig what it's doing. It's an anthology series telling different stories of womanhood, mostly taking a literal take of a cliché or idea (like "the trophy wife" episode is about a woman literally sitting on a shelf like a trophy so that her husband can adore her all day long, obviously that doesn't go so well), featuring a spectacular group of actresses - Issa Rae, Nicole Kidman, Betty Gilpin, Cynthia Erivo, and MY FAVORITE, Merritt Wever! Also, they are only 30 minute long episodes, which is a dream, and so much easier to binge. There's no filler, the pace is quick and concise, etc. I just prefer it overall than something so stretched out that I find myself questioning the importance of every second (*cough* Stranger Things *cough*). Out of the 5 episodes that I've watched so far, my favorites are the one mentioned above, which stars Gilpin, and the Meritt Wever one, so I'm going to talk about those two for a quick second. I think I like the "trophy wife" episode so much because it didn't end with any sort of certainty, which I feel like is true to life - feminist thought is kind of messy and it means different things to people (an example is that once I had this woman flat-out tell me that I'm not a feminist because I watched Game of Thrones - because of the mostly female nudity. And when I told her that I didn't have a problem with nudity in films and tv, she got even more upset with me). I think a lot of women look down on other women who choose a more domestic lifestyle, and even more so if they are wealthy. But honestly, I don't think there is anything wrong with not having or wanting a career if your partner makes enough money to support you both? Who the fuck chooses to...work? Why are we built like this? So when he tells her "you never have to worry about anything ever again" and "all you have to do is sit here and be loved", that sounds like a fucking dream to me. It all goes south, of course, and turns into a story about inserting your independence. But the episode gets really interesting once she throws herself off of the shelf - Gilpin's performance is extraordinary as she relearns the world with this physical rag doll walk that is clumsy and perfectly choreographed. Then it all comes full circle with an interesting feminist precaution about beauty standards, being objectified, and this internal struggle that so many women have about their looks. I sort of love the obviousness that it showcases while also offering absolutely zero answers. The 5th episode is really unexpected - because it starts off really cute about a talking duck, but then it quickly goes full-crazytown with Wever's character falling in love with said duck. I couldn't really figure out where it was going, but when it got there, I almost cried at how perfect it is - as it's a story of how incredibly easy it is to suddenly find yourself in an abusive situation - whether it's emotional or physical, I guarantee you that most women don't catch the early signs (and the early sign in this is that he's overly supportive and convinces her that her relationship with her sister is hurting her mental health), until it's too late. While I think these two episodes are superb, two others are strong - with the first being about a successful black woman who still remains invisible among her peers, and the other about the struggle to juggle both motherhood and a successful career (and also about doctors ignoring the concerns of women...). The only episode that is not good is the one featuring Nicole Kidman - completely boring and forgettable. I think the series, overall, is super cool and I hope they keep doing more seasons (similar to how Black Mirror just keeps going). 

4. Pachinko - I've watched the first two episodes so far, and overall I think it's a bit confusing. The timelines aren't very clear and there are too many stories being told - and I'm not very well-versed in Asian history, so I don't feel like I'm getting the intricacies of the plot that I should be getting. BUT...it's absolutely beautifully made and just gorgeous to look at. The opening credits with them dancing among the Pachinko machines are just so joyful and fun. I could watch that on repeat for hours. I love that it is in both Korean and Japanese - and it distinguishes between the two languages with different color subtitles. I don't have much to say about it, yet, but I'm still certainly invested, and am hopeful that the different plots will become more clear with each episode. 

5. Anatomy of a Scandal - I had this at the top of my list, but then my mom texted me about how much she loved it and how great the acting is, and I moved it down a few notches (my mom has terrible taste in television - the only show she's ever loved that was actually good is Mad Men). Honestly, it's basically a copy of the UK series A Very British Scandal (or A Very English Scandal - I'm confused at the title because it's listed as both on Amazon Prime). Except each season of that is based on a real scandal, and I think this one is fictional (although a scandal is a scandal - and they are usually about political people cheating so fiction and reality blur with these types of shows). So far, I think it's...okay. It's certainly not terrible and is definitely elevated by the performances. I'm a big, big fan of Sienna Miller, but also of Michelle Dockery. I don't believe that anyone would cheat on Sienna Miller but it happened in real life (Jude Law is beautiful, but also a dummy), so I guess I will go with this plot even though my brain tells me it makes no sense. The first episode is pretty underwhelming because it's already so cliched that cheating doesn't even feel scandalous anymore - as one of his supporters says "that doesn't even qualify as a storm". So it is satisfying that it ends more disturbingly with the rape accusation. I don't like the way it shows him lifted in the air as if being literally punched in the gut (such an odd choice for such a serious show - and each episode ends this weirdly for...no reason at all). I'm definitely more interested in the scandal now, and in the moral questioning of the "believe all women" mantra that has seemed to overwrite "innocent until proven guilty". It also questions the subtleties of consent, as in, is it rape if there was never an explicit "no"? I'm interested to see how deep it goes. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Italian Studies - So fucking boring I almost had to turn it off. Vanessa Kirby makes it somewhat watchable, but just barely. There isn't really a plot or a strong narrative at all - this woman meanders through the streets after losing her memory and then she writes about her experience, but it jumps back and forth in time (but is never really clear about which timeline it is in). It doesn't really make sense, either, because if you suddenly forgot who you were, you would seek help via hospital and/or police station instead of going into convenience stores and stealing food or going to hotels and trying to trick them into giving you a key to a room. It's just so...dumb. I think the worst part, though, is definitely any scene featuring the students. They are all just really annoying and they say "like" repeatedly - it made my brain hurt (I say "like" a lot, too. It's very natural for a valley girl, but it's also extremely irritating so I try my best to pay attention to it when I'm speaking so that I don't annoy the fuck out of everyone around me - it's called courtesy, people!). Nothing they say holds any value, it's just random conversations that make no sense. Also, why is Maya Hawke in this? She feels above this to me. Vanessa is definitely above this, but at least she's the star?! Hawke only has a handful of lines - and if you blink you might literally miss her. 

2. The Fallout - I really wasn't prepared enough to watch this. I think I watched it about a week before the school shooting in Uvalde, but it's so heartbreaking to think about how relevant this story is and how many children and teenagers can relate to it. Just devastating that this is...normal. I truly watched this for Jenna Ortega. If there's one good thing I can say about getting sucked into the dumbest show on the planet (You), it's that, at least, Ortega steals the show with every one of her scenes. I was also interested to see Maddie Ziegler in something that wasn't offensive. Both actresses excel this story into something so personal and emotional, it's really satisfying to witness. I think when it comes to tragic events like this, the focus is often on the victims and their families, but it's such a traumatic thing to survive something like this - it effects your entire life from that moment on. It's devastating that the expectation for these kids, is just to go back to school (the place of the tragedy that they witnessed, like having their friends murdered) and just pretend like everything is okay? I think this movie does a really great job at showing how people handle tragedy differently - for some it's debilitating and they shutdown, but for others it will motivate them to take action, and neither of these things are wrong or right. I also really like the relationship that is formed between these two girls - nothing more than acquaintances in different circles at school. It felt very real (often I feel like teenage girls are portrayed as either cliquey or as enemies, but often it's just like "this girl I know from school"). But it turns into an undeniable bond between two people who don't feel like they can connect to the rest of the world. There are some really brilliant little moments too - like when Maddie's character goes to open the door and she pretends like she's not waiting impatiently for her new friend to arrive by stomping her feet towards the door. I also like that it feels a bit directionless, because it mirrors their lives now. This is definitely one of my favorite movies from this year (I'm including it as 2022, even though it was released at SXSW in 2021 - it took a whole year for a wide release. I usually go by IMDB U.S. release dates, but the pandemic really fucked that system). 

3. Firestarter (2022) - Absolutely pointless. I recently rewatched the original because I also recently read the novel, and I wanted to compare. I'm a big fan of the original - it's not a great movie, exactly, but I have a lot of nostalgia for it and it is the first horror film that I remember vividly watching. I'm not sure if I think this remake is such a disaster because the original is so fresh in my mind, or if it is just that much of an actual disaster (although other reviews seem to point to complete disaster, so it's not just me). First, they changed SO MUCH. And they cut SO MUCH. And they do nothing to update or modernize it in any way, which is why my initial reaction is that it's pointless. I think having Zac Efron in a dad role is probably really hard for a lot of people in their mid-30s (I was too old for the High School Musical craze, but I get it). I'm actually a big fan of Zac (it surprised me too - but he's super charming in everything I've seen him in), but he is miscast in this role. The young girl is fine, I guess, but she's no Drew Barrymore (hard shoes to fill, but not impossible). As for the changes, none of them are for the good of the film. I think it's very confusing - if I didn't already know the story, I'm not sure I would understand what was happening. Also, why on Earth do we need a sympathetic Rainbird, and WHY did they give him powers?? He was TERRIFYING in the original and in the book - his obsession with this little girl is unnerving and so disturbing, but in this, I'm supposed to understand his motives? Fuck that. But the absolute worst part, that is also completely unnecessary, is that she kills a cat...ON PURPOSE. I guess it's not really on purpose but at this point she has more control over her powers and still uses her abilities to SET A CAT ON FIRE. Why would any producer/filmmaker think "yeah...that will win over audiences"? How does this person still have a job? 

4. Ambulance (or AmbuLAnce if you prefer, but it's a total copy of SouthLAnd...) - It's a Michael Bay heist movie, what's not to love??? I, for one, will always love Michael Bay. Always and Forever. And he's discovered DRONES! LOL. I know this is a lot of people's version of Hell, but I absolutely dig it. Plus Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II,  AND Eiza Gonzalez??!! The plot is absolutely preposterous and the actual bank job wasn't really thought out very much - just horribly planned from day one. It reminded me of the time when I lived in Philly and someone robbed the bank across the street from my work and he just tried to walk out the front door with the money in an open bag on a very windy day. Money was just flying everywhere and the crowds of people trying to grab at it all was just absolute chaos (hilarious, though). Anyway, it's also really convenient storytelling that this guy is in desperate need of money so he hits his brother up the exact day that he's planning a bank robbery! And obviously it's ridiculous because it's not like you can walk up to a hospital and pay a hospital bill with cash from a bank robbery - he would have to launder it somehow first. WHERE ARE THE PLANS, PEOPLE?! But, it's still a highly entertaining action movie with some wildly chaotic performances - especially from Jake, who just gets more and more unhinged with every performance (I love it!). I can see how the camerawork can be a distraction for some, but for the most part I enjoy all of the overly complicated and completely unnecessary shots (the drones, but also the oddly placed circular shots). It's peak Bay, even if it's not one of his best. 

5. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers - I think I was led to believe that this was much better than it actually is, but it is super cute and very nostalgic. However, the pop culture references are overwhelming. It's just too much - and the audience (i.e ME) becomes too focused on figuring out every one of them, so the story gets lost. There are just too many references and cameos it's such a distraction. The only one that was really laugh out loud funny is ugly Sonic. I have no idea how they pulled that off, but it's absolutely genius. Actually it's amazing how they pulled all of this off - if you search the wiki page for all of the references, it's mind-blowing - and to think of the years of work that people had to do in order to get permission for all of this! And for that, I definitely have an appreciation for it. OF COURSE I watched Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers when I was a kid. It was never among my favorite cartoons, but I definitely fell into the nostalgia trap of this "reboot". But, objectively, it's not actually a good movie - the story is so bland and it's very long. I do like the different animation styles used together, but ultimately it's an average animated film. Not something that will stick with me at all.