Film Retrospective Part V: Thoughts on 10 Films (pre-1990)

1. Police Academy - [blind spot] Nope, I've never seen any of the Police Academy movies and I think there might be a lot of them?? And Kim Cattrall is in them??? I was never a big fan of Sex and the City, but I always liked Kim. And obviously as a child of the 80s, Steve Guttenberg has a special place in my heart. This feels like a precursor to Reno 911 and I LOVE Reno 911. Obviously, this is a little cheesy and a little outdated, but overall it's fine. It's an enjoyable concept and I laughed a few times - like the black guy who does the sound effects (love him!!), I died at the "this is a stick-up" response to the burglary scenario and then the other guy who is gun happy. Maybe I'll watch the sequels at some point. 

2. Cape Fear (1962) - [blind spot] I love the 90s one (and plan on rewatching it soon because I don't really remember it. I remember DeNiro being menacing and it takes place on a boat...maybe??), but I've never seen this one or read the book. Gregory Peck is so great! I didn't expect this to be so dark though - I don't know why. I know the 90s one is dark, but I expected a film from the 60s to be cheesier and lighter for some reason. It's crazy that police still don't do much about stalkers. I know it's because they really can't stop people from visiting public places if they aren't outwardly threatening people, but it still sucks. Anyway, this is really good - really intense and frightening. Although his daughter looks about 40 years old (haha!). 

3. Rain Man - [rewatch] I watched this as a teenager and I remember being bored. I love Dustin Hoffman, but I've never been a big fan of Tom Cruise though - even before the whole psychotic cult thing, I always felt something was off about him. I do think he has screen presence and charisma, and he gives all of himself to a role, but he's not the greatest actor (he's great in exactly ONE movie). I definitely appreciate this more as an adult, but I can also see the problematic nature of the storytelling more clearly. I feel like Hoffman's portrayal of autism became the go-to imitation of autism. I laughed when he finally realizes he should take his brother to Vegas because that would have literally been my first thought. I like the chemistry that forms between these two - it's sweet and feels real. The whole girlfriend part is crazy though - this woman clearly hates him. Why doesn't she leave sooner? Why stay with someone you hate? I don't understand it. Also, THIS MOVIE WON 4 OSCARS??? Including BEST PICTURE??? For REAL?? I mean, it's a good movie, but BEST PICTURE?? Was it just a really bad year or something? 

4. Working Girl - [blind spot] I assumed that I had seen this, but I think I was getting this confused with 9 to 5. I'm not the biggest Harrison Ford fan, but I LOVE Melanie Griffith and Sigourney Weaver and they are both excellent here. And it's directed by Mike Nichols?!! I did not know that! Also, it's not about prostitutes....lol. It's called Working Girl, so I definitely thought it was about prostitutes. But no, it's actually about being a woman in a corporate environment in the 80s. And it's really good! I love their 80s hair and outfits. So Good. And then she gets a "professional" haircut that is even more 80s and makes her looks so much older. There are also some banger lines "I have a head for business and a bod for sin, is there anything wrong with that?" (LOL). I actually don't mind Ford in this either because he doesn't do his whole curmudgeon thing. He's sweet, actually. I do think that it's weird that the villain is another woman in the workplace. It's such a man's point of view - pit women against each other so that they don't realize the actual problem is sexism and misogyny. But it is also partly true. There's also some problematic men in the cast (Kevin Spacey, Alec Baldwin). 

5. Kiss Me Kate - [blind spot] WAIT!! This is a musical based on one of my favorite Shakespeare plays, The Taming of the Shrew??? How did I not know that?? I would have watched this much sooner. I definitely got too excited though because the movie is...fine. I like a lot of the beginning. The "It's Too Darn Hot" number is excellent and I miss when films had random tap dancing sequences. The camera movement, and eye contact with the audience is really spectacularly done. But then it gets really boring. It's wild that they show the whole stage musical as part of the movie - it takes up like half of the movie. And it's crazy! What are those red bodysuits that make them all look like elves? What does that have to do with the play? I don't get it! Some of the acting is pretty questionable too (the gangsters, in particular). Overall, I was underwhelmed. 

6. Hoosiers - [blind spot] Sports movies can go either way for me - there's some I absolutely love (A League of Their Own, Moneyball, Angels in the Outfield are some that immediately come to mind), but I don't always love them - and I feel like there a lot of overrated ones (Field of Dreams??? I fell asleep watching it and I've never tried again). I do love Gene Hackman though (RIP, such a sad death). I hate basketball though. So this film can really go either way too. I actually don't hate basketball, but I just find it to be the dumbest and easiest sport (goals/scoring should be difficult, but the scores are always 119 to 107 LOL. It shouldn't be that easy!). But I do like that this movie isn't just about basketball - there's this whole subplot about getting the town drunk clean and helping him by making him an assistant coach. I'm not sure telling an addict "you're embarrassing yourself" is the right way to go about things, but it was the 80s! But the rest of the movie is exactly what I was expecting and I've seen it a million times. It's all very...meh. 

7. Spaceballs - [rewatch] Is it weird that I watched this movie before I watched Star Wars?? And I LOVED it!! I don't think I understood at least 1/2 of the references, but I loved it all the same. I love this cast so much - Bill Pullman, Rick Moranis, John Candy & Daphne Zuniga (Melrose Place for the win!) - you can't go wrong. And spoof movies used to be GOOD! I love the breaking of the 4th wall, I love the dialogue - I laughed out loud multiple times, even on this rewatch (the I Heart Uranus bumper sticker got me this time, because I am a 12 year old boy, apparently). Plus, I forgot that Joan Rivers does the voice of Dot and I LOVE Joan Rivers. I miss her so much - I always loved the whole Fashion Police thing. I know a lot of people found it mean-spirited, but I thought it was funny and it made the whole awards thing a little less pretentious. And the ending to this with the Alien chest burster scene ("Hello My Baby, Hello My Honey") gets me ever time. It's just so fucking funny. 

8. Teen Wolf - [rewatch] I watched this while I wrapped Christmas presents (I'm not sure why...it's not like it's Christmas related). I remember loving this movie as a kid (and the sequel with Jason Bateman too). Actually, I loved this way more than Back to the Future, as far as iconic Michael J. Fox movies go. This was a movie I've rewatched a lot, and I was never really into Back to the Future (although I plan on watching all of them as part of my marathon movie watches. There's only 3 of them, right??). I totally forgot that the whole wolf thing was genetic - LOL. And I forgot about the sweet love story. It's just a highly entertaining teen movie. And also kind of a sports movie! I never thought about it that way, but it hits all the same notes that a typical feel-good sports movie hits. 

9. Stripes - [blind spot] This is another movie that I assumed that I've seen, but as soon as it started, I began to question myself. None of it seems familiar at all, so I don't think I have. It starts off really funny. Harold Ramos & Bill Murray have really fun chemistry together ("I think you're ready for the special olympics"). Bill Murray perpetually looks 45. He's 31 in this playing someone in his 20s, but he's still 45. It just gets old really quickly. The only other parts I laughed at were the scenes in which John Candy was gaslighting the gullible guy by telling him fake rules and such. There's also a lot of unnecessary topless scenes and a random mud wresting scene. Also, I would like to say that I watched this on normal television with commercials and the amount of commercials for St. Jude made me want to kill myself. How do people still regularly watch tv like this?? I will never do it again. 

10. Romancing the Stone - [blind spot] So, I wanted to watch this because when I was watching The Roses, obviously I was reminded of War of the Roses, and I realized that I always mixed up that movie with this movie (same cast of Kathleen Turner, Michael Douglas, and Danny DeVito!! No wonder I always confused them!). And then I realized that I might not have seen this? I actually do think I've seen it or at least parts of it, but as a whole, probably not. I feel like it's a movie that my mom really liked so she would keep it on when it played on television and I probably caught parts of it. I remember Turner and Douglas being covered in mud and trying to find some type of treasure. I'll still list this as a blind spot though because I don't remember enough of it. And something else I realized while watching this was how much The Lost City copied this! I knew it was in the same realm of action adventure romance, but it's literally the same movie! I actually watched The Lost City the next night because of this realization (I was curious as to how close they were) and my husband hasn't seen it and I thought he would like it. And, yup, same movie! They should have called it a remake, really. Anyway, I really liked this - mostly because I love Kathleen Turner - she's so gorgeous in this. Her and Douglas have great chemistry and I love the ending with the boat riding through NYC.  

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Roses - This is a perfectly fine 3 star movie. It could have easily been a 4 star movie if it were 90 minutes, and it needed more of a bite to it. They also show too much in the trailer (I don't watch a lot of trailers, but I think this played before The Materialists in the theater). But it also could have been a 2 star movie if it didn't have such a great main & supporting cast, and a believable central relationship. I really like that they spent the time to show why these two people are together and that they truly do love each other. But their lives flipped upside down, and things went south without them even really realizing it. It's sad to watch it fall apart. The story also does a good job of showing how difficult it is for women to be mothers & have a successful career. I hate when films/tv shows depict the women "can have it all!" story, but I just don't think it's true. You have to make sacrifices that men also have to make but aren't judged for it. The only way for both of them to have these big careers (she's a professional chef who hits it big and starts a seafood franchise called "We've Got Crabs" LOL. And he is an architect, who is successful until...he's not), they would have to have child care or a nanny (and they can definitely afford to). I think a lot of wealthy/successful couples choose that as an option, which I think is kind of shitty. Having strangers raise your child? Why have kids to begin with? I'm just saying that I appreciate that this film doesn't gloss over the sacrifice she makes by choosing her career - she basically misses her kids teenage years, and she regrets it. Anyway, as I said - this has a fantastic cast. I'm not really a Benedict Cumberbatch fan, but he's good in this (and finally not playing someone who is a genius but socially awkward - that's all he does!). Olivia Colman steals the movie though. She goes through every emotion and I feel for this character deeply. I love the supporting cast - Ncuti Gatwa, Andy Samberg, Allison Janney (in a scene stealing scene). I'm not listing Kate McKinnon in this though - I know she has a lot of fans, but I never find her funny and she is definitely not funny in this, and she is definitely trying to be. I remember the original film vaguely - The War of the Roses, with Kathleen Turner. But I was looking it up to see who else was in it and I was SHOCKED to find out that it was written & directed by Danny DeVito!! Anyway, I definitely liked this - I just think it could have easily cut 30 minutes (they don't even decide to divorce until an hour and 20 minutes in!). It's a good, satisfying adult dramedy. But what the Hell is that ending??? *MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD* *STOP READING* They fucking die at the end??? What the fuck? That's so fucking dark! They have kids!! 

2. Deep Cover - I had never heard of this movie, but my husband found it on Amazon. He and I are STILL sick (I'm going on 9 weeks of bronchitis and my husband had the flu and now a really bad sinus infection), so we are still trying to stay rested as much as we can (which is difficult because we are both in full holiday mode - we both work retail). So it's movie and early bed time. This movie looked like it fulfilled the dumb action movie quota, so we pressed play knowing nothing about it other than it being an action comedy starring Bryce Dallas Howard and Orlando Bloom. That's an interesting pairing, for sure (it still blows my mind that there can be new releases thrown on streaming services starring ACTUAL MOVIE STARS, and I've never heard of it!). And I'm happy to say that we both enjoyed it! But the thing that really shocked me is that Orlando Bloom IS FUNNY!!! Why has he not been in an outright comedy like this before?? He's GREAT! Probably the best part of the movie and I just wasn't expecting it at all, and neither was my husband. He was like "does he do comedies? I've never seen him like this before - he's GREAT" and I was like "NO he does dramas and franchises, and he's terrible in them!" (except he is good in that movie that I just watched called The Cut, so maybe he's just good now???). He plays an out-of-work actor who is obsessed with being method - and it's just so funny. It also stars Nick Mohammad. The three of them actually work really together. The plot seems ridiculous - Howard is an improv teacher, who is teaching Bloom (as I said, a "serious" method actor) and Mohammad (who is a background character in his own life, who accidentally becomes an improv student). The three of them are recruited by police to infiltrate a small-time illegal tobacco ring that spirals out of control into a full-on criminal underworld. But they do a great job of sticking to this ridiculous plot by focusing on the characters instead of the plot. We get to know the "bad guys" - one played by one of the all time great actors - Paddy Considine! Yes HE'S in this too! And the "even worse bad guy" is Ian McShane! And did I mention that the police officer is SEAN BEAN?! Like I said, actual MOVIE STARS! They fully sell this plot because they all can ACT! I'm not trying to oversell it - it's a dumb action comedy, but I was fully entertained and I laughed a lot, and that's exactly the kind of movie I was in the mood to watch. 

3. KPop Demon Hunters - I really didn't want to watch this, even though I knew full well that I would probably enjoy it. I know that it's become a cultural phenomenon among young kids, but it also got fairly solid reviews among film nerds, so I convinced my husband to watch it with me since he likes animated movies (and we're running out of movies to watch!). And - not surprisingly - we both liked it. It's cute and the songs are super catchy! The girl-group are called Huntrix, and they sound like a mix of Katy Perry, Sia, and Lady Gaga (complimentary). I'm not above a good pop group - I was an *NSYNC fan. I get it. I also grew up with Jem and the Holograms, so again, I get it. I don't really get how adults still have these teen-like obsessions (in the same way that I don't understand the whole Disney adult thing), but to each their own! You only get one life - spend it how you want to! I think the reason that film buffs rallied for this is because the animation is really strong and the story structure is really well written. I also like the horror elements - the ending is a kids version of Smile 2. Overall, it's solid! On a sidenote - the one girl sounds exactly like Rosa from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - even my husband thought so. I had googled it to see if it was her, and then 1/2 way through he asked "that's Rosa, right?". Haha!

4. How to Train Your Dragon (2025) - First of all - I will always be astonished that they got away with naming a kids movie How to Train Your Dragon (you don't even have to change the name for the porn version!). Second, I've never watched the animated version, and I had no plans of watching this version, but it was my husband's pick and we are running out of options (he also wants to watch the Lilo & Stich live-action. And I've also not seen the original). I actually thought this was decent. The weakest link is the kid who plays the main character (oddly named Hiccup?). I actually really liked him in The Black Phone - even comparing him to the late Brad Renfro (which is the highest of compliments coming from me!). So I think this was just a case of miscasting. I feel like the character is supposed to be a bit more loveable?? But, I really enjoy the rest of the cast - Gerard Butler (not even attempting to hide his Scottish accent, even though it makes no sense) is always great, I LOVE Nico Parker, and Nick Frost provides some nice comedic touches. I also think it's hilarious at how multi-cultural this group of Vikings are (I don't think a film like this has to follow historical accuracies, but it's also SO FUNNY to just erase tribalism/nationalism/racism because it will certainly piss off the racists). I also think Parker is given a speech about not being given anything and having to make your own opportunities and work hard, which is WILD coming from a nepobaby. Anyway, I think this is cute, it looks pretty good for a fantasy movie, and I was entertained. However, kids movies should never be 2 hours - this should have been 90 minutes tops. And on a random sidenote - even though I've never seen the original, I've been saying how my cat Mazie looks like the dragon from "that kids movie", and now my husband realizes I've been talking about this movie and now he can't unsee it. She looks like Toothless!!  

5. Caught Stealing - So in my quest to avoid trailers and spoilers from movies, the only thing I knew about this movie was that it's a Darren Aronofsky film starring Austin Butler. A few months ago, my husband said that his friend/co-worker (who is a big movie buff) told him about a "new action movie that is about this guy who gets caught in a gang war because he was watching his friend's cat" and he wants to watch it. I had NO IDEA what movie he was talking about. I googled that exact description and this movie came up, and I said "there's NO WAY you would enjoy a Darren Aronofsky movie". I mean, his movies are full dramas! And serious! And weird! All things my husband hates! But I started reading some reviews calling it the lightest and most accessible Aronofsky movie, and it's also described as a "crime-comedy" film, so I added it to our list (it's separate from my movie list). I was still nervous when we finally sat down to watch it, because I was still convinced he was going to be bored and annoyed by it. But the reviews (and his friend) were right - it's a fun film! Completely unexpected! Who knew Aronofsky had this in him?? (That's not a dig - I love his films!). This is maybe the first time I didn't mind Austin Butler, also. I still feel like he's a try-hard, but he does a good job in this. There's some unexpected actors in this too - like Liev Schreiber and Vincent D'Onofrio as Hasidic Jewish mobsters, and Laura Dern in a mostly voice role (weird! But I instantly recognized her voice and waited for her to have a bigger role, but nope!). I think the film isn't as twisty as it thinks (it's obvi who one of the "bad guys" is as soon as they are introduced), and how the film is going to end (there's too much foreshadowing). But, there are some shocking moments - I certainly did not expect the death of one of the characters. There's definitely a lot to like about this - it moves really quickly, features a very cute cat, and has some interesting characters. But I will never like Matt Smith. And him as a punk rock drug dealer is hard to stomach. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. After the Hunt - This movie is...fine. I'm not the biggest Luca Guadagnino fan (I think Challengers is his best film, and I still didn't love that). I don't really understand the praise that he receives, but that's not a new feeling for me. There are so many directors/actors/movies/shows that are SO overrated because people throw the word "masterpiece" around all willy-nilly nowadays. I think this might be his worst reviewed movie, but I think it's better than a lot of them (still a 3 star movie, for me). The story has been done before with Doubt, The Hunt, Tar, etc. with a teacher being accused of something and dealing with the fallout. I don't think this film offers anything new, perspective-wise. It's told from the perspective of a friend/co-worker of the accused who has to choose whether to support her friend/co-worker or the victim, and I think that's supposed to be an interesting vantage point or something, but it's not. You can believe the victim and support your friend as well and bow out of the problem that you know nothing about. And this is what causes people's heads to spin - TWO things/ideas can conflict with each other and both can still be true. Yes, we, as a society, need to believe women and treat victims of abuse better, but there are still two sides to every story. And unless you were present, you will never know which is true. But this character doesn't bow out - she involves herself and is also given an underlying motive for wanting her friend/co-worker to be guilty (she will get the better job). They also say the line "if it's real to you, then it's real", which is such a bullshit line. People convince themselves of things all the time and memory is very inconsistent. They should have pushed into these ideas more. I just don't find anything about this provocative (maybe if it were released 15 years ago), but it's definitely trying to be. It's way too long, and I already know how it's going to end. Also, the way scholars talk is so fucking dull and and elitist - I would kill myself if I had to be around that all the time. I do love this cast, though. I've always been a big Julia Roberts fan, and it's nice to see Andrew Garfield act again (it's been a while!). Ayo Edebiri is finally in a decent movie (it's been rough with Opus and Omniloop). Plus, the cop from Bad Sisters! I love her! And Chloe Sevigny with a bad haircut and very little to do! I also like the sound design. It's not a movie that I'll remember a year from now, but it's fine. 

2. A Minecraft Movie - I didn't plan on watching this, but I've been very sick for the past 7 weeks and my husband also got the flu last week so in our bid to rest, we watched a movie after dinner and then went to be early every night (it's still ongoing so we've watched a LOT of bad movies and a few good ones). He's not a "movie person", so picking movies that he will want to watch is a tough challenge. Especially when he's sick - he wants to be able to laugh or zone out with a dumb action movie (which explains the next 3 films on this list). And he doesn't want to pay for anything since we have so many streaming services. He would just pirate them if I didn't object to that. So instead we wait for films to be available on one of our streaming services, but that also limits our choices. After scrolling through our apps for an hour, I came across this and he was like "fine" and I suddenly found myself watching the worst film of the year (and maybe one of the worst films I've ever seen?). There is a way to make videogame films accessible to an audience who might not be familiar with it, and they don't even attempt to do this. I did not understand what was happening at all. And it's definitely trying to be funny and I laughed, mildly at two lines (and I couldn't for the life of me tell you what those two lines were). I do appreciate Jason Momoa being silly though. He was so good in Fast X, and I feel like he brings a part of that character to this - a flamboyant silliness that a lot of big, tough guys would shy away from. I also like the girl from Wednesday (it took me the whole movie to figure out what she's from...haha!). And of course, Danielle Brooks (although I feel bad that they make her wear that very unflattering track suit for the whole movie). Overall, the cast is actually great - and they have fun chemistry together. It's just the story and dialogue that are lacking. And the effects are horrific - this did not make me want to play this game at all, either. In fact, it looks like the dumbest shit imaginable and probably a cause of the downfall of the next generation (and there is a significant drop in intelligence and street smarts with gen z. I work with loads of gen z 20 somethings and I can count on one hand how many will be successful. It's disturbing!). 

3. The Family Plan 2 - I watched the first one, my husband did not, but he picked this movie because it filled the "zone out to a dumb action movie" quota. I mean, I would never watch a sequel to a movie without having watched the first, but that's just me. But, if I'm honest, which I always am, do I remember the first one??? No absolutely not. And that's not all because of my bad memory, I think a lot of it has to do with it being an unmemorable movie. A movie in which a sequel was not necessary at all, but everything is given a sequel nowadays. I guess it's not really a hard plot to pick up quickly (it's basically the same movie as Nobody and this has the same plot as Nobody 2, it's just the same movie set in a different place!). Oh wait!! I do remember loving Michelle Monoghan's character in the first one and she had a very memorable fight scene with Maggie Q. There is really nothing memorable here. It doesn't help that I can't stand Kit Harington. And why does he look so tiny in this?? He actually looks very different in this and I can't really pinpoint why, but his tininess really stuck out. Him and Marky Mark are the same height and yet he looks so small in comparison. And he's just really laughable as a menacing villain (and also 1/2 brother to Marky Mark??? Ok, sure.). The kids are good in this, and I like the way they include them in the action in a realistic way. I knew the boyfriend's dad was someone important the very second he said "let me call my dad". It's such obvious foreshadowing that makes me groan. But I get that this is not made as a thinking movie - just turn your brain off and try to have fun with it. 

4. Relay - I liked this movie a lot, but my husband ruined this for me because he guessed the plot twist within the first 20 minutes. And as soon as he said it, I was like, "oh yeah, that is probably what's going to happen" and then it did (it's ok, I got him back by guessing the twist of Poker Face season 2 ending. I called that WAY before there was any indication). But I wish I didn't watch it with the twist already in the front of my mind the whole time. Anyway, I still really enjoyed this - mostly due to the cast. Riz Ahmed AND Lily James???!!! WOW what a pairing!! I love Riz so much - he is such an incredible, thoughtful actor. Never too showy, but always hits every emotion. And I have a super crush on Lily James. There's also Willa Fitzgerald who is a very cliched "badass" character who doesn't have much to do but snap her gum and say sarcastic things (I don't actually know if she chews gum in this movie, but that's what the character feels like). And Sam Worthington, which is weird because my husband and I also FINALLY watched the second Avatar movie right before this so we did an accidental Sam Worthington double bill. He's such an inconsistent actor though. It's so weird how he really nails a role and then in the next movie I see him in, he's the worst actor I've ever seen. But he's good in this! I don't think it's a hard role to play, but at least he doesn't ruin the movie like he sometimes does! I like the shots of NY/NJ - you can tell it's actually filmed on location and it does a great job of making the city feel gritty but also hopeful at the same time. It feels like a classic 70s thriller, which is getting rarer and rarer these days (rarer is such a weird word to say and type lol). It also feels a bit different with the plot heavily relying on technology made for deaf people. The protagonist utilizes a relay service to communicate with whistleblowers to help them make deals and disappear. I've used a relay service once to interview a deaf candidate for a job. It's an interesting service - and it is a completely secure service. Although, I'm sure that if there are crimes being admitted to - they have ways to still charge and convict people. But it's an interesting device used in this little thriller - it's not something that I've seen used before, so that automatically makes me go "okay, this is cool! This is fresh! Something new! It can still be done!". 

5. Playdate - This was another film chosen out of pure exhaustion from scrolling. We saw an action/comedy starring the guy from Reacher (and we both love Reacher) and pressed play not knowing anything else. But I was not expecting to enjoy it as much as I did and the ONLY reason for that enjoyment is because of Alan Ritchson. HOLY SHIT. He is HILARIOUS. On Reacher he's more serious, introspective, etc., with some funny/dry humor moments, but he's, like, laugh-out-loud funny in this and it's so unexpected. His timing on jokes is the best. Sometimes the actual dialogue might not be funny, but if it's delivered correctly anything can be funny. Like, I would watch this again in a heartbeat just to laugh all over again. It helps that he's HOT too. I'm not usually into muscle men, but he's so handsome and tall. And I just LOVE when big muscly men are silly. I was practically drooling through the whole thing. Ritchson took a 1 star movie and made it a 3 star movie. I wish he had a better scene partner. Kevin James is fine, but I'm not the biggest fan. The plot is absolutely ridiculous but it also has some twists that you may or may not see coming so I'm not going to spoil it - just know that it's So Stupid. BUT, there are some lines that are so funny I had tears in my eyes, so the plot doesn't even matter. The big one is the "Run, Forrest, run!" line because it's a joke from 30 years ago but the way Ritchson delivers it is incredible. We had to pause the movie to finish laughing. There are some really good film references too - like the "Stuck in the Middle with You" homage (again, crying laughing!) and the "Give it Up" song plays with circular tracking shots like in Kingsman. There are also some other funny movie lines "You've seen The Departed, he'll be whacked!" and "Like the Yellowstone guy from Bodyguard" - both got me good. I probably missed a ton of jokes from laughing so hard. I highly recommend this if you want to watch something stupid with a hot guy being really funny. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Eddington - I like Ari Aster just fine, but I do think he's a bit overrated. Beau is Afraid is his best film and I know that's a controversial take (Beau > Midsommar > Hereditary). I would probably rank this slightly below Midsommar. It would have been a 4 star film if it were 30 minutes shorter (properly edit your films for the love of God!) and if it didn't go completely off-the-rails about 90 minutes in. I like what it attempts to do - and that is to show the radicalization of both sides of the political spectrum. But before I get into all of that, let's talk about this cast. Literally my first thought was "Jesus Christ, Pedro is in this too?!" It would be easier to list the films he hasn't been in over the past few years. I'm more excited by two of the best actors currently working - Joaquin Phoenix and Emma Stone - starring in a film together. It's too bad that Stone is completely wasted. She's given so little to do that I almost forgot she was even in this. I do like the casting of Dierdre O' Connell as her mother though (such a perfect mother/daughter match!). Joaquin is also a little weak in this - he seems confused by the character and by the end, I didn't buy him in this role at all. There's a lot of supporting actors who have very small roles (like Clifton Collins Jr.! I love him! and Austin Butler as the blandest cult leader ever). And back to the story - like I said, it's interesting to see this all play out, but I think it's very unfocused and tries to incorporate too many things. I'm pretty sure it's done on purpose to recreate the chaos of what 2020 felt like, but I think if the focus was *just* on Covid effects and how BLM protests spread across the country, it would have been more successful. The added cult subplot and the indigenous aspect feels disjointed. It's trying to comment on problems in America - but there are *too* many problems to fit into one story. I think the beginning is very strong though - showing how insane people became about masking. In the beginning of Covid, I had no problem masking because we had no idea what was happening. I would do anything to prevent someone from getting sick and possibly dying. But people took the masking thing to extreme lengths even after it's pretty reasonable to admit that it doesn't really work. I know so many maskers who got Covid multiple times and they still insisted (for years!) on making others feel bad for no longer masking. I think the solution was fairly easy - they should have kept the "social distancing" part for a longer period of time. And I think that essential services (grocery stores, medical buildings, banks, etc) should have adopted "masking times" each day where everyone had to wear a mask so that elderly people, immunocompromised people, and paranoid people could comfortably complete essential tasks. I do think that masks might work better if everyone wears them, but you can't force everyone to wear a mask every time they leave the house. It's just not practical. And don't get me started at the maskers who wouldn't cover their nose, or the ones who would take their mask off to eat in public (does Covid know not to infect you because you're eating??). It doesn't make a bit of sense. I also like how they show the BLM protests taking shape in small towns because it became such a media produced protest - people needed to show how "involved" they were by taking selfies at the protests and posting black boxes on their Instagram and it honestly became very sickening. Anyway, I'm on a bit of a tangent, but my point is that the evolution of someone's whole personality can be traced back to 2020 - and I think this is shown very well with a few of the characters here. It just takes everything a bit too far and becomes extremely unrealistic by the end with the whole murder and framing people for murder, etc. It's a shame. Still a solid movie, though. And will end up in my Top 10 because it's already December and I've only seen two 4 star movies (Sinners and Thunderbolts*). 

2. Nobody 2 - I enjoyed the first one - there were some great fight sequences and Bob Odenkirk is always fantastic. I didn't really remember the details though (like I forgot if his family knew who he was?? It seems like they do in this one, but they don't outwardly discuss it until the end). I also didn't remember the amazing supporting cast of Christopher Lloyd and RZA - what a fantastic combination (lol). The villains in this, though, are super ridiculous. Sharon Stone goes all out and not in a good way. And Colin Hanks? He's too much a babyface to be a scary villain! It's just weird casting. But the movie is entertaining, and once again, there are some really fun fight sequences. The ending is a bit Home Alone at a water theme park, but it's fun to see all the booby traps. I also enjoy the music choices - the cover of "Ring of Fire" is excellent and then the needle drop of Celine Dion's "Power of Love" during a key action scene is perfect. I laughed so hard. But, there's also not much else to say about it. It's basically the same movie as the first one. 

3. Freakier Friday - I mean, I didn't expect this to be good but I thought it would be cute and light and funny. And not on my worst of the year list. But I was wrong. The only good thing I have to say about this is that I'm so happy that Lindsey Lohan looks so beautiful and healthy - I hope she continues to thrive. As you might have guessed, I have no recollection of the first one, but I assume that it was cute and light and funny. I was 22 when it came out, so I think I had aged out of the intended audience, but I remember liking it. I think my personal biggest problem with this one is that I can't stand Jamie Lee Curtis lately. I used to love her, but she's been over-acting her ass off lately. Her scenes in The Bear are really pushing me over the edge. She's AWFUL in this - watching her try to be funny as a teenager trapped in a older woman's body is PAIN. I also think having all 4 of them switch bodies is very confusing - Lindsey switches with her daughter and then JLC switches with her soon to be step-granddaughter?? It's so stupid! And then they have Manny Jacinto (you know, HOT Manny Jacinto) with the worst British accent ever put to film! And Mark Harmon looks like he's in his 70s!!! HE IS IN HIS 70s?! What a slap in the face. I know he's been on those NCIS shows for the past 20 years, but I still know him as Shoop from Summer School. Anyway, this all feels like a pointless exercise and I really want more for Julia Butters. It's almost two hours of the 4 of them yelling at each other and "let's change clothes" scenes. My 2 stars feels generous. And why do people keep wasting Sherry Cola??? She's so funny! Give her more to do, people! 

4. 28 Years Later -  I knew that I had to watch both 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later before watching this because I have the WORST memory. I remember Cillian Murphy in a star-making performance and obviously that it's about zombies, but other than that - nothing. But I loved the rewatch. And then I actually don't think I've ever seen the sequel because I don't remember that cast at all (Jeremy Renner??? Idris Elba? ROSE BYRNE?!) and I actually assumed that it was bad - but I ended up thinking it was *just* as good as the first one. It feels like a completely different thing (makes sense with different writer/director), but still a strong story and some intense scenes (the helicopter scene!). It made me really look forward to this next chapter. I liked it a lot, but slightly less than both its predecessors. It starts off really great - with some stunning scenes. The whole bridge scene with them running from the alpha is incredible. But then it gets kind of old really quick. This kid takes his mom into a zombie infested area because there *might* be a doctor, but that doesn't seem like a logical thing to do. And Jodie Comer is completely wasted - she's barely conscious for half the movie. I'm not really the biggest Aaron Taylor-Johnson fan, but I do think he's best in roles like this (compared to action movies - please God do not make him Bond). But the star of the movie is Alfie Williams - he's an incredible newcomer who has a gigantic career ahead of him. But my other problem with this film is that I knew Jack O'Connell was in this, and Alfie has a resemblance - so I ASSUMED that there would be a time jump and O'Connell was an older Spike. So I kept WAITING for that to happen (as good as Alfie is, I'm a HUGE O'Connell fan) and *spoiler* it doesn't. Instead, O'Connell is only in the last few minutes (setting up for The Bone Temple), which is very disappointing. And his character is absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, there are a few good scenes along the way - the doctor scenes with Ralph Fiennes are great - it allows the story to settle and allows the characters to accept death in a really beautiful way. Overall, I did like this - I was just hoping for something a little stronger. And I thought I was watching a film starring Jodie Comer and Jack O'Connell and that's not the case at all. 

5. The Bad Guys 2 - I just realized that 4 out of 5 of these films are sequels (or trilogies), which is CRAZY. Not everything needs a sequel!! When people say "Hollywood is out of ideas" this is what they are referring to. This is definitely a movie that didn't need a sequel - it was a cute contained story about a group of criminals who turn good. The sequel would have to make them turn bad again, and that's stupid! They don't necessarily take that route - they aren't really bad, they are being framed - but it's still the same concept told over and over again. Aside from Awkwafina and Marc Maron (who still sounds like Danny DeVito in this), I love this voice cast - Sam Rockwell is so good! And I love the additions of Danielle Brooks and Natasha Lyonne. I'm still a bit "meh" on the movie though. It's cute and entertaining, but I will forget all about it in a few weeks. The plot is also really dumb with them literally stealing a space ship and using basically a magnet to steal all of the world's gold? What exactly is the plan after that? Who is going to buy all the gold that you stole? And then when the "bad guys" save the day, how is all that gold redistributed? LOL. I know I'm overthinking it, but it's just *so* stupid. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Fantastic 4: First Steps - I liked A LOT about this. It could have easily been a 4 star film and one of Marvel's best had they not fucked up the casting. As I expected, Pedro Pascal is extremely miscast as Mr. Fantastic/Reed Richards. HOLY SHIT what an epic fuck up. As I've said in the past, I'm a big fan of Pascal - and I've been a fan from the beginning (Narcos bitches!), but there is such a thing as casting fatigue and he's definitely hit that point. But, he's also just not right for this role - he's far too introspective and quiet. He doesn't command a screen, which is necessary for this role. He was cast because they wanted a "big" name and someone who has led a franchise - and his success with The Mandalorian and The Last of Us (both of which Pascal is GREAT in) has proven that he's a successful name. But this is just such a misfire and I think most people could see that before even watching the movie. I also think Joseph Quinn is as dull as a rock as Johnny Storm. The whole movie relies on the chemistry between these four characters and they just don't have any. The banter between Johnny and The Thing (played by Ebon Moss-Bachrach - and he's...neither here nor there. It's not really a hard role to play) is absolutely painful and feels so forced instead of natural familial bond/teasing chemistry. And Julia Garner as The Silver Surfer??? Give me a break! But the ray of light (*cue the Madonna song*) is Vanessa Kirby. She's a PERFECT Sue Storm and she's incredible in this movie, as a mother who will do anything to protect her baby. I also LOVE the retro aesthetic. It looks super-duper cool! I love how they introduce this story and the beginning is GREAT. They do a great job of providing some meta-type humor, but not relying on it completely (like the way in which they use "it's clobberin' time" from the original cartoon). There's a lot of cool details too - like the retro Dodgers hat that The Thing wears that has the capital B on it. I was SO confused at first because I thought it was a Boston hat, and there is NO WAY a NEW YORKER would wear a Boston hat, and then I remembered that in the 50s NYC had the Brooklyn Dodgers and in this parallel universe they didn't move to LA. That's a super nice touch. Although that means The Mets don't exist?? HOW RUDE! LOL. Anyway, overall, I enjoyed this a lot. It has a really good self-contained story, and I'm interested in how this family is going to fit into the future of the MCU. I just really wish it was with a different cast for most of it. Also, why is it called "First Steps" when it's not really an origin story? They quickly summarize the origin of their powers, but we don't really meet them until they are an already established super hero team. It's a weird choice. 

2. Ballad of a Small Player - This is fine, but ultimately forgettable. I think I was expecting something much stronger considering Colin Farrell is one of my favorite actors, and I think Edward Berger has two of the best directed films of the last five years under his belt (Conclave and All Quiet on the Western Front). And this film is really gorgeous - the color palette is stunning and really great locations. And, sure, Farrell is great because he always is. But I think the story is just a little weak. It's a very cliched tale of a gambler who just doesn't know when to quit ("Probability says I have to start winning" - lol that's not how it works, buddy). It also feels like it's trying to be quirky, especially with Tilda Swinton in the most Tilda Swinton role of her life (those glasses! Haha!). I did look up a bit about Macau while watching this because I always assumed that Monaco or Las Vegas were the world's largest gambling cities/centers but apparently it's Macau. I mean, I wouldn't go to China to visit, but I especially wouldn't go as a gambling addict! That seems risky - like life or death risky. Anyway, I don't have anything else to write about this, which is kind of disappointing. 

3. Play Dirty - This is another fine but forgettable movie. I was definitely entertained, but I usually am by Marky Mark action movies. It starts off really fun with a fantastic car chase through a horse race (not something you see every day), and an unexpected double-cross. Then some very James Bond-esque opening credits appear and then "directed by Shane Black" appears and I was like "WHAT?!!! This is a Shane Black joint? I had no idea! I'M IN!!". Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is one of my favorites, and I also loved The Nice Guys. But, unfortunately, I would not put this film in the same category. Other than a few really elaborate and fantastic action sequences (the opening scene and the Speed-like train jumping scene), there's not much to it. LaKeith Stanfield, as expected, is the highlight. He is HILARIOUS and I wish he had more scenes to chew. His "hola" greeting made me spit my tea out. I don't think I've ever seen Rosa Salazar in anything but Alita, and I'm not sure if I like her? It seemed like her timing was off with every line of dialogue. On a side-note, they use the song from that show How to Make it in America, which reminded me of how much I liked that show. And that song is such a great anthem for trying to succeed in NYC. It fits perfectly with the theme of this movie. 

4. Frankenstein (2025) - I have to be honest, I dreaded watching this. Gothic horror is just not my vibe, and I've been let down by Guillermo del Toro films before (The Shape of Water, Nightmare Alley). Plus, that runtime???? OOoooof. WHY?? I decided it was best to just rip the bandaid off and watch it the weekend it was released on Netflix, otherwise it was going to get forever moved down the list. And, overall, I was right. It's WAY too long, I'm let down by the structure of the story, and it's just not my vibe. But, it's a well-made, beautiful film, with strong imagery and solid performances. It's a 3.5 star film, but it's not something I will ever watch again. I read a lot of differing opinions and reviews for this because it's sort of fascinating just how differing they are - some citing it as one of the most beautiful films ever, and others calling it ugly and over-produced. I'm very much in the middle of these two - first, I watched it at home on Netflix instead of a theater. I think it would have been even more beautiful on a big screen. Those snow scenes are STUNNING. I do think it looks a little glossy, but it's not ugly by any stretch of the word. The monster design is also really, really beautiful. Jacob Elordi does a great job of capturing the physicality of this role. I don't think it's, like, Oscar-worthy as some are claiming. But it's great casting, and I think Elordi really put a lot of effort into making this character sympathetic and horrifying simultaneously. I'll be honest, I've never read this classic piece of literature, but I've seen many iterations of the story, so I can only compare it to those - and it is definitely among the strongest. But I do not like the two-part story structure. It's probably the biggest mistake. I also don't like starting the film with the end - it's just not an original or inventive way to tell this story. By the time it gets to the monster's perspective, I'm already bored. And that's my biggest problem with it - I was bored. I was not emotionally invested, I couldn't care less about what happens to any of these people (Mia Goth needed more to do! Even though she was TWO roles, it's still not enough!). And I hate seeing animals harmed (even if it's self-defense - it's not entertaining!). But I do see the appeal of this film - it's just not for me. 

5. The Cut - This is a weird movie. It's a boxing movie without the boxing (minus a quick scene in the beginning). It's about a boxer going to extreme lengths to make weight. I like that it shows that body standards is not strictly a female issue, as it's often talked about. Sure, I do think women have more pressure because the entertainment industry is still controlled by men, and judged harshly by women. But men, especially in sports, have insane body standards as well, which is often "fixed" by harmful drugs (steroids) and experimental and unsafe procedures. But it's not *just* in sports because actors are forced into these extreme body standards too, for specific roles - like action films (I always think of when Taron Egerton was in Kingsman - a role in which he had to train for months to look like that, and then his next role was Eddie the Eagle - in which he just had to look like a normal man. An interviewer pointed out how "chubby" he is in the latter, and he responded by saying "that's just how I look when I'm not getting paid to workout" (I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember the exact quote, but it stuck with me because it's important to remember that "Hollywood bodies" are not real - they are manufactured and a shitload of money is spent on training and dieting). Anyway, just as in the movie, Orlando Bloom had to go through some extreme dieting for this role. I actually read a review for this movie that raved about Bloom's performance, which is what made me interested in the film. I adore him. He's got a lot of charm, but he's not the best actor, and he's been miscast A LOT. But he is actually very good in this! Probably the best he's ever been. I think you can tell that this is a role that he really gave himself to. And his Irish accent...is...actually...good?!! HOLY SHIT! I mean, I actually googled whether he was actually Irish even though I knew damn well that he's not! I'm just not used to non-Irish actors doing an Irish accent well. It's a rarity, for sure. And Caitrione Balfe is also great. However, the film is dumb as fuck. The WHOLE movie is just about him losing weight. He has to lose 26lbs in 6 days, which is insane and also not possible. I wish they focused more on his obsession with boxing or winning or something to help us understand why someone would put themselves through this torture, but they don't dive deep at all. It's all surface. He has to lose weight. That's it. And then the ending is so fucking stupid - first, why would he wear an earring during the weigh-in? Isn't that weight? And wouldn't he shave off his beard and all of his hair? Instead *spoiler* he cuts off a finger. How is he supposed to box with a missing finger??? It's so dumb. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning - So, as I've said on this blog in my Mission:

Impossible marathon - Dead Reckoning (formally Dead Reckoning Part 1) is very controversially at the top of my M:I rankings. I just had a lot of fun with it and I loved the entire arc with Vanessa Kirby & Hayley Atwell. And I loved the addition of Pom Klementieff. The women just really shined. And the big action spectacles were, in fact, spectacular. I was looking forward to this, and very disappointed that it received mostly middling reviews (especially by fans of the franchise). I think the biggest, most glaring problem with this one, is that it follows in the same footsteps of other M:I films that over-explain the plot. It has "explain it to me like I'm five" energy. I was practically screaming at the screen "WE UNDERSTAND THE PLOT! MOVE ON!". It's fascinating how dumb this franchise thinks its audience is. I appreciate that it goes through the M:I history, but it also makes the movie feel sooooo bloated. It's almost 3 hours long - and clips from previous films takes up like 1/2 of the movie. There is stuff that I like - they continue Atwell's storyline. They give Pom even more to do. And I like that they give us a satisfying conclusion (although, I'm sure there is already a reboot planned - in which case I nominate Taron Egerton in the Ethan Hunt role. I don't usually push for him in big Blockbusters - Wolverine? NO THANKS! Bond? GET OUT OF HERE! But I can totally see him taking this franchise and making it his own, AND he can do the Tom Cruise run, which is essential - watch Carry On for proof. They'll probably pick someone lame, though. Like Glen Powell. Mark my words.). Anyway, I just think this is a frustrating watch, and it feels like an eternity, instead of being a fun, fast-paced, action film. And I'm really mad at who they kill off. So unnecessary!

2. The Hand that Rocks the Cradle (2025) - I remember liking the original (I think it was Rebecca De Mornay? I don't remember who played the other woman, though? Whatever happened to De Mornay, though? She was great in those 90s thrillers.). But I was really excited by the casting of this - Maika Monroe AND Mary Elizabeth Winstead??? I'M IN! But then I quickly realized that the casting is kind of off or maybe it's just the character development, because they make it seem like Monroe is supposed to be in her 20s and Winstead is mid-40s but they are only 8 years apart in real life? It just doesn't work for me. I think they just make Monroe's character a little too immature. And the whole movie is a mess. I paused it when there was only 40 minutes left, only to realize that absolutely NOTHING has happened yet. It's all lead-up, and the payoff is not worth it at all. Winstead is the highlight, as this woman who is being gaslit and made to look like a crazy Karen type middle-aged white woman. It's frustrating that her husband doesn't take her seriously, but they do preface it with her having a previous mental episode. But when it comes to the person that is caring for your kids, you should trust your wife's instinct. Period. The ending of this goes really off-the-rails too - there is absolutely no reason why her friend would invite this psycho woman to his home to confront her. It's just stupid. This whole exercise seems pointless. I don't remember the original enough to know what's changed, but this didn't feel like it's modernized for today's audience at all. 

3. A House of Dynamite - This is a very good film, despite a very unsatisfying ending. I think it's a distant entry into Kathryn Bigelow films, though. Like, this would be at the bottom of my ranking. But that's because her two most recent films are practically masterpieces. And I actually prefer The Hurt Locker over Zero Dark Thirty, which might be a minority opinion (although it is the won she won the Oscar for, so I'm right!). The Hurt Locker is probably among my favorite films of this century. The fact that this film is a STREAMING Netflix movie instead of being released in a theater is MIND-BLOWING. Cinema really has changed. If you told me six years ago that an Oscar-winning director's new film was going straight to streaming and that's completely normal, I would not have believed you. The cast for this is also MIND-BLOWING, and I don't feel like that's advertised at all. I only knew that Idris Elba and Rebecca Ferguson were in it, and I was under the impression that they were the "stars" of the film. But that's not the case at all. They are both only included in a part of the film (separately). It also stars Anthony Ramos (love him!), Jared Harris, Jason Clarke, Willa Fitzgerald and several others who have such tiny roles, I would even consider cameos (like Greta Lee, Kyle Allen, Kaitlyn Dever and ONCE AGAIN the guy who played Prince Eric in the live-action Little Mermaid. I might have to learn his name if he keeps being in stuff. UGH.). Anyway, I think the beginning and the middle of this film is super strong - lots of tension, life-or-death situations, impossible choices to make, etc., but I got tired of seeing the same story told over and over again. This kind of does the whole different perspective of the same thing storytelling, but it wears thin by the end. And then it just ends. I get it, it's not supposed to be a disaster film. But there are other ways to end it. I also wish I got to know certain characters a bit more - I need depth and it's all surface. 

4. Jurassic World: Rebirth - What the fuck is this? Is this the worst Jurassic Park movie of ALL TIME??? It just might be. The more I think about it, the more I HATE it. It's just so stupid from beginning to end. And ScarJo has never been worse. And that's saying a lot, especially if you've seen 1/2 of the Avengers movies. I wish Jonathan Bailey wasn't in this because I want to love him, but between this and Wicked, he's turned me sour on him very quickly. Mahershala Ali is the only innocent one here. There is also an entire family that takes up 1/2 of the story that is not advertised at all. And almost feels added in to make the audience care about...someone. Because we certainly don't care about any of the main characters. They're all assholes. Definitely rooting for the dinosaurs, but of course, they only kill the side characters that have like 3 lines, until the end, and even then, they only kill the "bad guy". I can appreciate that they bring back a beloved scene from the novel (I haven't read it), which is the river raft scene. I remember being confused as a kid because the Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios - which was THE BEST RIDE EVER - was a rafting ride in a big yellow raft and then at the end the T-Rex jumps out at you and you fall down a waterfall. It was a BLAST....but there was no river raft scene in the movie (it was cut from the original). So, when the girl sees the raft, I was like "YES!!! That's COOOOOOL! LET'S GO!" But the scene is so fucking stupid. The T-Rex would DESTROY that raft in a millisecond. Let's be real. And the ending is so dumb - obviously setting up for sequels, but also they cure Cancer. Apparently. That's what the whole plot is. Genetic samples from dinosaurs cure cancer. Sure. 

5. Hedda - I wanted to love this. Truly. As a big fan of the Ibsen play Hedda Gabler, I thought this would be in my top 10 of the year. It STARS Tessa Thompson! Should be a 4 star film, minimum! Instead, it's fine - 3 stars, but that's very generous. I like some aspects - the sound design is great (aside from the heavy breathing beats, which were annoying. But the percussion sound that follows Eileen around as she's searching for her manuscript is topnotch!), it looks gorgeous (it's like they took the decadent style of The Great Gatsby and combined it with a Shakespearian story), and some scenes are GREAT. But, I can't get past Tessa's accent. I think it's supposed to be, like, posh or something but it sound SO FAKE and like she's trying so hard, it's almost unbearable to listen to. I liked her performance otherwise. The costumes are SO UGLY, which is a big disappointment, because a lot of times when period pieces bore me, I can at least focus on the wardrobe, but literally every single one of these dresses are ugly and look terrible on the actress instead of flattering. There's some bad lighting decisions too - which is interesting because black people are often not lit properly in film and photography, which is why it's important to have diversity among the crew. This is directed by a black woman, Nia DaCosta, and it's still...bad? There are scene in which Thompson absolutely GLOWED, but then in the next scene she'll look like a background character because she's not lit. It's weird. It's too obvious to not be intentional, but I think your star, especially if the star is playing someone as iconic as Hedda Gabler, should shine the whole time. I also don't like the ending. The play is one of the most shocking endings of a stage play...ever. KEEP IT! IT'S GOOD! Not every ending has to be ambiguous for fuck sake! 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Thursday Murder Club - I rated this 2 stars, and that is very generous. I just can't give a film starring these legends, directed by Chris Columbus, less than 2 stars - my conscience won't allow me. But, it's a bad movie. It also feels like it's trying to remind us all that all these great actors are going to die soon and that's just...not fun. Helen Mirren is 80! Pierce Brosnan 72! Celia Imrie 73! Jonathan Pryce 78! And Ben Kingsley is 82!!! I hope they all live to 100! But they're all in a retirement home being old in this and I found it very depressing. And I can't seem to get away from Naomi Ackie?! Why is she in everything? She has such a dumb, blank look on her face in everything I've seen her in (and she's been in A LOT over the last 2 years). Anyway, this whole movie could have used a LOT more humor to make it more watchable. I laughed a few times (when they tell Helen Mirren "you look like the queen" LOL and when she drew the guy's privates in her drawing class). The whole mystery is also just really dumb and uninteresting. I figured that there would be a connection to the original murder case that they talk about in the beginning. I think everyone is trying to jump on the success of Knives Out, but they forgot that they mystery needs to be clever for it to be successful. I think it's hilarious that they ended it with the hope for sequels??? I mean, I can see Netflix greenlighting sequels. I just don't think it did very well? I only saw a few bad reviews when it was first released and then I haven't seen anyone mention it since. 

2. Honey Don't! - Well, I fucking hated Drive Away Dolls, so I really hoped this would be a lot better. It's...fine. Definitely not as grating as Dolls, but still not a good movie. I love both Aubrey Plaza and Margaret Qualley, but neither are consistently good actresses. I mean, I thought Qualley was wildly miscast in Dolls, but I think she's great in this. I would watch more stories based on her character, and it's also her singing on the soundtrack and she has a beautiful voice (when she's not trying to do a weird accent). Plus, her hair is spectacular! Plaza, on the other hand, is the one miscast. She does not do crazy well (I know everyone praised her performance in Legion, but I thought she overacted by a mile). She ruins the ending (it's a dumb ending anyway, but her over-acting really hurts it). AND Chris Evans is in this too??? Fucking kill me. I think the main story is good - investigating a Scientology type cult and their involvement in a possible murder, but it gets muddled by the disappearance of her niece. And it does become a little boring - I actually fell asleep for a few minutes but conveniently woke up right before the sex scene between Qualley and Plaza. Overall, it's a 2.5 star movie, which is miles better than I was expecting. Oh and the opening credits are great! 

3. The Naked Gun (2025) - This is a weird movie to reboot considering what a classic it's become and how iconic Leslie Nielsen is. But, I think casting Liam Neeson is actually spectacular choice - he has the same dry humor/sarcasm/straight-faced gullibility that Neilsen had perfected. And I'm delighted that he met Pamela Anderson during filming this and they are now in a relationship. I've always seen this sadness in Neeson's face since the tragic & unexpected death of his wife (Natasha Richardson), but she died over 15 years ago, and I think Neeson is finally allowing himself some happiness. I'm really hoping he has a happily ever after. And Anderson is so funny in this - her scatting is one of the best scenes of the year. Overall, I enjoyed this very much. I laughed quite hard at more than a few scenes - the "let's get retarded in here" line destroyed me. I cried laughing and needed to pause the movie to recover. Such an unexpected line and the delivery is absolutely perfect. I also enjoy that it's the plot of Kingsman, which is a spoof in and of itself (of Bond films). It's just a lot of fun, and a spoof movie that's done right - it's very silly, but also hilarious. I hope they make at least 3 more. My only criticism is that they under-use Paul Walter Hauser a bit. He's very funny and I think he could have been in the forefront of scenes more often. 

4. Weapons - I really liked this. I really liked Barbarian too (same director), so I had high hopes for this and I went in really cold. I knew nothing about the story just that it's about kids disappearing. I didn't even realize Julia Garner is in this (and I don't like her, in case you're new here). I do, however, LOVE, Alden Ehrenreich and Josh Brolin. But the highlight performance is Amy Madigan as Gladys - a character that will go down in history as a legendary character in horror. She's SO GOOD - I am talking Oscar nomination worthy. I doubt it will happen (because, you know, horror), but she's THAT good. I wasn't fully sold on the movie in the beginning - it's a little boring, and I hate when films show the same scene over and over again. This takes you through the different character perspectives, but it doesn't really show you anything different with each perspective. I think if it were cut down to 90 minutes it would have been a lot more effective. But, I started to really appreciate what it has to say - there's a clear allegory about school shootings. How parents send their kids to school and then never see them again. But, I think the idea that we, as a society, use children as weapons, especially within social issues, is more prevalent and interesting (there are a lot of "but the kids!" when discussing trans and gay issues, they are banning books that deal with racism, etc. all because of "the kids!" but the true danger for children is guns). I like that this film is DIFFERENT and ORIGINAL! And it has something to say!! It has a strong ending, too - the kids running at the end is HILARIOUS. I started to look into the director, Zach Cregger, more and I had no idea he is the guy from The Whitest Kids You Know!! That's so funny! And he's married to Sara Paxton! I love her and just as I thought "where the Hell has she been, I don't think I've seen her since Shark Night", she shows up in this! Overall, I think it's a solid horror movie. I liked Barbarian slightly more, but this is good! 

5. I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025) - Okay, so between the years of 1996-2002, I was obsessed with Ryan Phillippe. Like, obsessed. Like, how I am now with Taron Egerton, but this was high school/college teenage girl obsessed, so there were posters on my wall, in my locker, my school books were covered with his picture, and I watched every single movie he was in at least a dozen times (yes, even movies you've never heard of like Little Boy Blue and Homegrown). But the film I watched THE MOST was I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997). It was one of my favorite movies when I was 16 years old. I thought of rewatching it before watching this remake, but it's one of those movies that I'm terrified is actually bad and I don't want to face that realization. I was expecting this remake to be terrible, but I actually thought it was decent! Certainly flawed, but I was entertained and I like this group of young actors - especially Madelyn Cline. I like Chase Sui Wonders too, but the wig they make her wear in this does her NO favors. I'm not the biggest fan of the guy who plays Prince Eric in the live action Little Mermaid and the actress from the plane is horrific (I don't know who she is, but the first thing I saw when I googled her is that she's engaged to Matt Healy and that tells me everything I need to know about her). Plus they bring back original cast members JLH, SMG & Freddie Prince Jr.!! Obviously, SMG's character is dead so I assumed it was a flashback or something, but her scene is SO GOOD. I remember a lot of the sequel (Brandy!!), but I don't remember watching a 3rd one (it was a direct-to-video version that was unrelated to the original, so that's probably why I skipped it). But I couldn't really remember what happened to Freddie's character so I made the terrible mistake of looking it up while I was watching this. *MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD* I was like "WAIT he becomes a KILLER???" I don't remember that happening in the sequel, THAT'S BATSHIT! And then I realized that he becomes a killer IN THIS ONE. So, I spoiled myself on the ending (*note to self: STOP GOOGLING while watching movies!!). I realized quickly that if it was him, then the girl that works with him is also involved (she seemed shady from the beginning so I probably would have guessed it was her). I sort of love that they took a BIG SWING with this, because the original took some pretty big swings - they actually kill TWO of the main characters. It felt more dangerous and intense! I think that's the mistake in this one - there's a whole hour and nobody important dies. There's also a whole lot that doesn't make sense (like how the original murders have been "scrubbed" from the internet, but some random podcaster knows about it. And obviously they wouldn't let Cline's character back in the house - it's a CRIME SCENE. LOL.). I also don't like that they made them older. This was a teen horror film. They had just graduated from high school - so 17/18, but these friends are supposed to be in their mid-20s. I just think teen horror has gone by the wayside and that's a shame. I remember so many good horror movies about teens when I was a teen (Scream, obviously, but also Disturbing Behavior, Urban Legends, The Faculty, Final Destination). Anyway, I was entertained though - it's probably a 2 star film if not for the nostalgia of the first. BUT - and this is a big, all capitals BUT - they have JLH say THE iconic line "What are you waiting for??!!!" and that's an instant 1/2 star upgrade and then *another spoiler* BRANDY shows up at during the after credits scene!!! HOLY SHIT! Another 1/2 star! Making it a 3 star movie! Nostalgia for the win!

Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. The House of Guinness - Touted as "the next Peaky Blinders" (same creator), it's unfortunately extremely boring and dull. I went to the Guinness factory when I was in Ireland (2011, I think? Around there). It's cool! You get to enjoy a Guinness with a view of Dublin at the top of the factory. Anyway, I think I just expected more because Peaky Blinders had me hooked from the very first episode. I think a big problem is the cast. I don't really like any of them. I recognize James Norton from stuff, but I can't think of anything specific. But, I would not cast him in a role that is clearly supposed to be intimidating and terrifying. Plus some of those accents are off, but I'm no expert. I just think you can tell who is actually Irish and who is not. It's also trying way too hard to be cool - like the big fight scene that is done with modern rave music in the background LOL. I admit it makes it very watchable - I couldn't take my eyes off of this scene, but that's not necessarily a good thing. More like watching a car crash. They also use the song "Starburster" by Fontaines D.C, which might be the most overused song of the moment. I LOVE the song, but it's the opening song for MobLand and it's in a few other shows (it was also recently in Black Rabbit, which I'll write about below). Anyway, I'm about half-way through the series, so maybe it will get better and the characters will become more interesting, but I have my doubts. 

2. The Hunting Wives - This was recommended to me as a new trashy drama and it definitely HITS. It's like Desperate Housewives but gayer and with more guns. I wasn't actually going to watch it, but I saw that Brittany Snow was in it and I changed my mind! I adore her. And even though Malin Ackerman can't act if her life depended on it, I still like her too. I also like the woman from Scandal. And Jamie Ray Newman (most know her from Grimm, The Punisher, etc., but I know her as Kristina Cassadine from General Hospital!). I'm only a few episodes in, but I'm enjoying it. There's a little bit of mystery, it's very funny, and it's full-on batshit CRAZY! I miss crazy shows - these plotlines are a MESS and I love it. I am wondering why they make Malin wear this insanely bad wig? Is it going to be part of the plot? Is she going to rip it off ala Kimberly on Melrose Place? Also, are they going to give the black woman a plot? Because it's kind of weird that she's part of the group but all the others have side stories except her? It also feels a little immature at times - 40 year olds doing body shots? I don't think I've done a body shot since I was 22. Anyway, I'm looking forward to where this goes, and I can see it thriving for multiple seasons. 

3. Monster: The Ed Gein Story - Okay, so I wrote a LOT of notes while watching this show - and that's both good and bad. I watched this on my flight home from my Australia/New Zealand/Fiji trip and I was exhausted (and sick), but it held my attention for sure. I like certain true crime stories, but I'm not someone who is obsessed with them like a large faction of the media watching culture. I don't really understand the appeal. But I love a good, solidly written story that has different perspectives that might change our own perspectives. And I think Ryan Murphy and team have done this well in the past - The People vs O.J. Simpson and The Assassination of Gianni Versace were both INCREDIBLE shows. But now the focus with this Monster series is on serial killers and I understand why some are offended by it, but I don't understand why everyone blames Murphy for sensationalizing violent crime when it's been happening for LITERAL decades, as shown in this series. I think it's interesting to show the connection between Ed Gein and the effect it had on multiple (very famous) movies. He was not only the inspiration behind Psycho's Norman Bates but also The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - which are two very different projects. I think the connections that this show make are very interesting, and I think it's Murphy's direct response to the criticism about exploiting victims of violent crime (Hitchcock started it!!). If you can get past Charlie Hunnam's Barney voice and awful American accent (he was on Sons of Anarchy for 8 seasons and still can't do an American accent HAHA!), his acting is actually really incredible. It took me a few episodes to get over my initial frustrations, but he definitely gives this role his whole body and mind and I respect it. Suzanna Son is also GREAT. My biggest problem with the show is the whole part that focuses on Hitch and Norman Bates. It connects threads that don't need to be connected - like I don't think Anthony Perkins being secretly gay has anything to do with this story. All of this is unnecessary. Although, on a side-note, this is how I learned that Osgood Perkins is Anthony Perkins son (I saw a headline of him denouncing the show and the portrayal of his father and was like WAIT WHAT???!!), and that google search led me to also learn that his mom died in the World Trade Center (I saw that her death was listed as 9/11/2001 and thought wow it would be weird to die on that date unrelated to the trade center and then saw that she actually did die in the terror attack). I also think the actor they got to play Perkins is wildly out of his depths (Andrew Garfield or bust!). And Tom Hollander as Hitchcock??? Fuck off with that nonsense. He was AWFUL. There's a lot more that I hated - the ending is pure trash. The old man makeup is terrible. The Mindhunter wannabe connection is laughable. Ditto for trying to connect Gein to Ted Bundy. But, overall, it's a very watchable - dare I say, thrilling series. It definitely got under my skin and I think it has a lot to say (almost too much).  

4. Hostage - I liked this miniseries. It reminded me of The Diplomat but quicker and more dangerous. I usually love Julie Delpy, but I don't love her in this role, and I'm also not a fan of the other actress, but I like the rest of the cast - especially the Daisy Ridley lookalike and the guy that plays the kidnapped husband (sorry, don't feel like looking up names). It's a wildly implausible plot, but it moves really quickly and goes to unexpected places. *spoilers* He's rescued after 3 episodes and there's still 2 episodes left so when one of the characters says "This is NOT over", I yelled out "yeah, no shit!". But I definitely wasn't expecting the twist of a certain character, and I think they did a really great job setting up the explosion scene. I did NOT see it coming and I was surprised that they actually kill off main characters. It's one of those shows that you can't really think too much about - just turn your brain off and go along with it. It's definitely not as smart as it pretends to be. But, it was an easy watch on a long plane ride. And I laughed SO HARD at the end song lyrics "you messed with the wrong bitch". HAHAHAHA! Terrific stuff. 

5. Black Rabbit - I LOVED this show. It's incredible. And Jude Law and Jason Bateman are a great unexpected acting duo as brothers who just keep digging themselves into bigger and bigger holes. They look absolutely nothing alike and they don't even have the same accent, but I like their chemistry.  Actually Bateman steals most of the show - and I didn't expect that. Just INCREDIBLE acting; his best performance to date. And he directs some of the episodes too (at least the first one. I'm not sure if there were more, but I also noticed Laura Linney directed some episodes too! I love that they are still working together after Ozark). I'm rooting for him to get that Emmy (even if he'll possibly be up against Taron for Smoke. Bateman gives the better performance). The show is like if you took The Bear, set it in NY, and got the mob involved. But I feel like this show, as opposed to The Bear, actually earns the intensity because there are lives at stake and not just a restaurant. I like that every episode just goes from bad to worse. Like, just when you think, "well that's rock bottom, the only way to go is up" and the show is like "nope, we're going even lower". I saw some describe it as "slow burn", which makes sense because it's from the creators of other slow burn dramas like The Order, but I wouldn't describe this like that at all. Things happen in every episode. Shocking things! It has a fairly fast pace and there's also a lot of dark humor that keeps it moving quickly. And Jude Law is so fucking charming still! STILL! There's a great supporting cast too - Sope Dirisu, Odessa Young, Cleopatra Coleman, Chris Coy, Amaka Okafor, and the sneaky comedic relief, Forrest Weber. Also Troy Kotsur gives a bone-chilling performance as a mob boss. I kind of love that they wrote his deafness into the show and still made his character scary-as-fuck. It goes to show that casting should not have limitations - a great character depends on writing and performance, not that the actor checks off certain boxes.