Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Fantastic 4: First Steps - I liked A LOT about this. It could have easily been a 4 star film and one of Marvel's best had they not fucked up the casting. As I expected, Pedro Pascal is extremely miscast as Mr. Fantastic/Reed Richards. HOLY SHIT what an epic fuck up. As I've said in the past, I'm a big fan of Pascal - and I've been a fan from the beginning (Narcos bitches!), but there is such a thing as casting fatigue and he's definitely hit that point. But, he's also just not right for this role - he's far too introspective and quiet. He doesn't command a screen, which is necessary for this role. He was cast because they wanted a "big" name and someone who has led a franchise - and his success with The Mandalorian and The Last of Us (both of which Pascal is GREAT in) has proven that he's a successful name. But this is just such a misfire and I think most people could see that before even watching the movie. I also think Joseph Quinn is as dull as a rock as Johnny Storm. The whole movie relies on the chemistry between these four characters and they just don't have any. The banter between Johnny and The Thing (played by Ebon Moss-Bachrach - and he's...neither here nor there. It's not really a hard role to play) is absolutely painful and feels so forced instead of natural familial bond/teasing chemistry. And Julia Garner as The Silver Surfer??? Give me a break! But the ray of light (*cue the Madonna song*) is Vanessa Kirby. She's a PERFECT Sue Storm and she's incredible in this movie, as a mother who will do anything to protect her baby. I also LOVE the retro aesthetic. It looks super-duper cool! I love how they introduce this story and the beginning is GREAT. They do a great job of providing some meta-type humor, but not relying on it completely (like the way in which they use "it's clobberin' time" from the original cartoon). There's a lot of cool details too - like the retro Dodgers hat that The Thing wears that has the capital B on it. I was SO confused at first because I thought it was a Boston hat, and there is NO WAY a NEW YORKER would wear a Boston hat, and then I remembered that in the 50s NYC had the Brooklyn Dodgers and in this parallel universe they didn't move to LA. That's a super nice touch. Although that means The Mets don't exist?? HOW RUDE! LOL. Anyway, overall, I enjoyed this a lot. It has a really good self-contained story, and I'm interested in how this family is going to fit into the future of the MCU. I just really wish it was with a different cast for most of it. Also, why is it called "First Steps" when it's not really an origin story? They quickly summarize the origin of their powers, but we don't really meet them until they are an already established super hero team. It's a weird choice. 

2. Ballad of a Small Player - This is fine, but ultimately forgettable. I think I was expecting something much stronger considering Colin Farrell is one of my favorite actors, and I think Edward Berger has two of the best directed films of the last five years under his belt (Conclave and All Quiet on the Western Front). And this film is really gorgeous - the color palette is stunning and really great locations. And, sure, Farrell is great because he always is. But I think the story is just a little weak. It's a very cliched tale of a gambler who just doesn't know when to quit ("Probability says I have to start winning" - lol that's not how it works, buddy). It also feels like it's trying to be quirky, especially with Tilda Swinton in the most Tilda Swinton role of her life (those glasses! Haha!). I did look up a bit about Macau while watching this because I always assumed that Monaco or Las Vegas were the world's largest gambling cities/centers but apparently it's Macau. I mean, I wouldn't go to China to visit, but I especially wouldn't go as a gambling addict! That seems risky - like life or death risky. Anyway, I don't have anything else to write about this, which is kind of disappointing. 

3. Play Dirty - This is another fine but forgettable movie. I was definitely entertained, but I usually am by Marky Mark action movies. It starts off really fun with a fantastic car chase through a horse race (not something you see every day), and an unexpected double-cross. Then some very James Bond-esque opening credits appear and then "directed by Shane Black" appears and I was like "WHAT?!!! This is a Shane Black joint? I had no idea! I'M IN!!". Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is one of my favorites, and I also loved The Nice Guys. But, unfortunately, I would not put this film in the same category. Other than a few really elaborate and fantastic action sequences (the opening scene and the Speed-like train jumping scene), there's not much to it. LaKeith Stanfield, as expected, is the highlight. He is HILARIOUS and I wish he had more scenes to chew. His "hola" greeting made me spit my tea out. I don't think I've ever seen Rosa Salazar in anything but Alita, and I'm not sure if I like her? It seemed like her timing was off with every line of dialogue. On a side-note, they use the song from that show How to Make it in America, which reminded me of how much I liked that show. And that song is such a great anthem for trying to succeed in NYC. It fits perfectly with the theme of this movie. 

4. Frankenstein (2025) - I have to be honest, I dreaded watching this. Gothic horror is just not my vibe, and I've been let down by Guillermo del Toro films before (The Shape of Water, Nightmare Alley). Plus, that runtime???? OOoooof. WHY?? I decided it was best to just rip the bandaid off and watch it the weekend it was released on Netflix, otherwise it was going to get forever moved down the list. And, overall, I was right. It's WAY too long, I'm let down by the structure of the story, and it's just not my vibe. But, it's a well-made, beautiful film, with strong imagery and solid performances. It's a 3.5 star film, but it's not something I will ever watch again. I read a lot of differing opinions and reviews for this because it's sort of fascinating just how differing they are - some citing it as one of the most beautiful films ever, and others calling it ugly and over-produced. I'm very much in the middle of these two - first, I watched it at home on Netflix instead of a theater. I think it would have been even more beautiful on a big screen. Those snow scenes are STUNNING. I do think it looks a little glossy, but it's not ugly by any stretch of the word. The monster design is also really, really beautiful. Jacob Elordi does a great job of capturing the physicality of this role. I don't think it's, like, Oscar-worthy as some are claiming. But it's great casting, and I think Elordi really put a lot of effort into making this character sympathetic and horrifying simultaneously. I'll be honest, I've never read this classic piece of literature, but I've seen many iterations of the story, so I can only compare it to those - and it is definitely among the strongest. But I do not like the two-part story structure. It's probably the biggest mistake. I also don't like starting the film with the end - it's just not an original or inventive way to tell this story. By the time it gets to the monster's perspective, I'm already bored. And that's my biggest problem with it - I was bored. I was not emotionally invested, I couldn't care less about what happens to any of these people (Mia Goth needed more to do! Even though she was TWO roles, it's still not enough!). And I hate seeing animals harmed (even if it's self-defense - it's not entertaining!). But I do see the appeal of this film - it's just not for me. 

5. The Cut - This is a weird movie. It's a boxing movie without the boxing (minus a quick scene in the beginning). It's about a boxer going to extreme lengths to make weight. I like that it shows that body standards is not strictly a female issue, as it's often talked about. Sure, I do think women have more pressure because the entertainment industry is still controlled by men, and judged harshly by women. But men, especially in sports, have insane body standards as well, which is often "fixed" by harmful drugs (steroids) and experimental and unsafe procedures. But it's not *just* in sports because actors are forced into these extreme body standards too, for specific roles - like action films (I always think of when Taron Egerton was in Kingsman - a role in which he had to train for months to look like that, and then his next role was Eddie the Eagle - in which he just had to look like a normal man. An interviewer pointed out how "chubby" he is in the latter, and he responded by saying "that's just how I look when I'm not getting paid to workout" (I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember the exact quote, but it stuck with me because it's important to remember that "Hollywood bodies" are not real - they are manufactured and a shitload of money is spent on training and dieting). Anyway, just as in the movie, Orlando Bloom had to go through some extreme dieting for this role. I actually read a review for this movie that raved about Bloom's performance, which is what made me interested in the film. I adore him. He's got a lot of charm, but he's not the best actor, and he's been miscast A LOT. But he is actually very good in this! Probably the best he's ever been. I think you can tell that this is a role that he really gave himself to. And his Irish accent...is...actually...good?!! HOLY SHIT! I mean, I actually googled whether he was actually Irish even though I knew damn well that he's not! I'm just not used to non-Irish actors doing an Irish accent well. It's a rarity, for sure. And Caitrione Balfe is also great. However, the film is dumb as fuck. The WHOLE movie is just about him losing weight. He has to lose 26lbs in 6 days, which is insane and also not possible. I wish they focused more on his obsession with boxing or winning or something to help us understand why someone would put themselves through this torture, but they don't dive deep at all. It's all surface. He has to lose weight. That's it. And then the ending is so fucking stupid - first, why would he wear an earring during the weigh-in? Isn't that weight? And wouldn't he shave off his beard and all of his hair? Instead *spoiler* he cuts off a finger. How is he supposed to box with a missing finger??? It's so dumb. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning - So, as I've said on this blog in my Mission:

Impossible marathon - Dead Reckoning (formally Dead Reckoning Part 1) is very controversially at the top of my M:I rankings. I just had a lot of fun with it and I loved the entire arc with Vanessa Kirby & Hayley Atwell. And I loved the addition of Pom Klementieff. The women just really shined. And the big action spectacles were, in fact, spectacular. I was looking forward to this, and very disappointed that it received mostly middling reviews (especially by fans of the franchise). I think the biggest, most glaring problem with this one, is that it follows in the same footsteps of other M:I films that over-explain the plot. It has "explain it to me like I'm five" energy. I was practically screaming at the screen "WE UNDERSTAND THE PLOT! MOVE ON!". It's fascinating how dumb this franchise thinks its audience is. I appreciate that it goes through the M:I history, but it also makes the movie feel sooooo bloated. It's almost 3 hours long - and clips from previous films takes up like 1/2 of the movie. There is stuff that I like - they continue Atwell's storyline. They give Pom even more to do. And I like that they give us a satisfying conclusion (although, I'm sure there is already a reboot planned - in which case I nominate Taron Egerton in the Ethan Hunt role. I don't usually push for him in big Blockbusters - Wolverine? NO THANKS! Bond? GET OUT OF HERE! But I can totally see him taking this franchise and making it his own, AND he can do the Tom Cruise run, which is essential - watch Carry On for proof. They'll probably pick someone lame, though. Like Glen Powell. Mark my words.). Anyway, I just think this is a frustrating watch, and it feels like an eternity, instead of being a fun, fast-paced, action film. And I'm really mad at who they kill off. So unnecessary!

2. The Hand that Rocks the Cradle (2025) - I remember liking the original (I think it was Rebecca De Mornay? I don't remember who played the other woman, though? Whatever happened to De Mornay, though? She was great in those 90s thrillers.). But I was really excited by the casting of this - Maika Monroe AND Mary Elizabeth Winstead??? I'M IN! But then I quickly realized that the casting is kind of off or maybe it's just the character development, because they make it seem like Monroe is supposed to be in her 20s and Winstead is mid-40s but they are only 8 years apart in real life? It just doesn't work for me. I think they just make Monroe's character a little too immature. And the whole movie is a mess. I paused it when there was only 40 minutes left, only to realize that absolutely NOTHING has happened yet. It's all lead-up, and the payoff is not worth it at all. Winstead is the highlight, as this woman who is being gaslit and made to look like a crazy Karen type middle-aged white woman. It's frustrating that her husband doesn't take her seriously, but they do preface it with her having a previous mental episode. But when it comes to the person that is caring for your kids, you should trust your wife's instinct. Period. The ending of this goes really off-the-rails too - there is absolutely no reason why her friend would invite this psycho woman to his home to confront her. It's just stupid. This whole exercise seems pointless. I don't remember the original enough to know what's changed, but this didn't feel like it's modernized for today's audience at all. 

3. A House of Dynamite - This is a very good film, despite a very unsatisfying ending. I think it's a distant entry into Kathryn Bigelow films, though. Like, this would be at the bottom of my ranking. But that's because her two most recent films are practically masterpieces. And I actually prefer The Hurt Locker over Zero Dark Thirty, which might be a minority opinion (although it is the won she won the Oscar for, so I'm right!). The Hurt Locker is probably among my favorite films of this century. The fact that this film is a STREAMING Netflix movie instead of being released in a theater is MIND-BLOWING. Cinema really has changed. If you told me six years ago that an Oscar-winning director's new film was going straight to streaming and that's completely normal, I would not have believed you. The cast for this is also MIND-BLOWING, and I don't feel like that's advertised at all. I only knew that Idris Elba and Rebecca Ferguson were in it, and I was under the impression that they were the "stars" of the film. But that's not the case at all. They are both only included in a part of the film (separately). It also stars Anthony Ramos (love him!), Jared Harris, Jason Clarke, Willa Fitzgerald and several others who have such tiny roles, I would even consider cameos (like Greta Lee, Kyle Allen, Kaitlyn Dever and ONCE AGAIN the guy who played Prince Eric in the live-action Little Mermaid. I might have to learn his name if he keeps being in stuff. UGH.). Anyway, I think the beginning and the middle of this film is super strong - lots of tension, life-or-death situations, impossible choices to make, etc., but I got tired of seeing the same story told over and over again. This kind of does the whole different perspective of the same thing storytelling, but it wears thin by the end. And then it just ends. I get it, it's not supposed to be a disaster film. But there are other ways to end it. I also wish I got to know certain characters a bit more - I need depth and it's all surface. 

4. Jurassic World: Rebirth - What the fuck is this? Is this the worst Jurassic Park movie of ALL TIME??? It just might be. The more I think about it, the more I HATE it. It's just so stupid from beginning to end. And ScarJo has never been worse. And that's saying a lot, especially if you've seen 1/2 of the Avengers movies. I wish Jonathan Bailey wasn't in this because I want to love him, but between this and Wicked, he's turned me sour on him very quickly. Mahershala Ali is the only innocent one here. There is also an entire family that takes up 1/2 of the story that is not advertised at all. And almost feels added in to make the audience care about...someone. Because we certainly don't care about any of the main characters. They're all assholes. Definitely rooting for the dinosaurs, but of course, they only kill the side characters that have like 3 lines, until the end, and even then, they only kill the "bad guy". I can appreciate that they bring back a beloved scene from the novel (I haven't read it), which is the river raft scene. I remember being confused as a kid because the Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios - which was THE BEST RIDE EVER - was a rafting ride in a big yellow raft and then at the end the T-Rex jumps out at you and you fall down a waterfall. It was a BLAST....but there was no river raft scene in the movie (it was cut from the original). So, when the girl sees the raft, I was like "YES!!! That's COOOOOOL! LET'S GO!" But the scene is so fucking stupid. The T-Rex would DESTROY that raft in a millisecond. Let's be real. And the ending is so dumb - obviously setting up for sequels, but also they cure Cancer. Apparently. That's what the whole plot is. Genetic samples from dinosaurs cure cancer. Sure. 

5. Hedda - I wanted to love this. Truly. As a big fan of the Ibsen play Hedda Gabler, I thought this would be in my top 10 of the year. It STARS Tessa Thompson! Should be a 4 star film, minimum! Instead, it's fine - 3 stars, but that's very generous. I like some aspects - the sound design is great (aside from the heavy breathing beats, which were annoying. But the percussion sound that follows Eileen around as she's searching for her manuscript is topnotch!), it looks gorgeous (it's like they took the decadent style of The Great Gatsby and combined it with a Shakespearian story), and some scenes are GREAT. But, I can't get past Tessa's accent. I think it's supposed to be, like, posh or something but it sound SO FAKE and like she's trying so hard, it's almost unbearable to listen to. I liked her performance otherwise. The costumes are SO UGLY, which is a big disappointment, because a lot of times when period pieces bore me, I can at least focus on the wardrobe, but literally every single one of these dresses are ugly and look terrible on the actress instead of flattering. There's some bad lighting decisions too - which is interesting because black people are often not lit properly in film and photography, which is why it's important to have diversity among the crew. This is directed by a black woman, Nia DaCosta, and it's still...bad? There are scene in which Thompson absolutely GLOWED, but then in the next scene she'll look like a background character because she's not lit. It's weird. It's too obvious to not be intentional, but I think your star, especially if the star is playing someone as iconic as Hedda Gabler, should shine the whole time. I also don't like the ending. The play is one of the most shocking endings of a stage play...ever. KEEP IT! IT'S GOOD! Not every ending has to be ambiguous for fuck sake! 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Thursday Murder Club - I rated this 2 stars, and that is very generous. I just can't give a film starring these legends, directed by Chris Columbus, less than 2 stars - my conscience won't allow me. But, it's a bad movie. It also feels like it's trying to remind us all that all these great actors are going to die soon and that's just...not fun. Helen Mirren is 80! Pierce Brosnan 72! Celia Imrie 73! Jonathan Pryce 78! And Ben Kingsley is 82!!! I hope they all live to 100! But they're all in a retirement home being old in this and I found it very depressing. And I can't seem to get away from Naomi Ackie?! Why is she in everything? She has such a dumb, blank look on her face in everything I've seen her in (and she's been in A LOT over the last 2 years). Anyway, this whole movie could have used a LOT more humor to make it more watchable. I laughed a few times (when they tell Helen Mirren "you look like the queen" LOL and when she drew the guy's privates in her drawing class). The whole mystery is also just really dumb and uninteresting. I figured that there would be a connection to the original murder case that they talk about in the beginning. I think everyone is trying to jump on the success of Knives Out, but they forgot that they mystery needs to be clever for it to be successful. I think it's hilarious that they ended it with the hope for sequels??? I mean, I can see Netflix greenlighting sequels. I just don't think it did very well? I only saw a few bad reviews when it was first released and then I haven't seen anyone mention it since. 

2. Honey Don't! - Well, I fucking hated Drive Away Dolls, so I really hoped this would be a lot better. It's...fine. Definitely not as grating as Dolls, but still not a good movie. I love both Aubrey Plaza and Margaret Qualley, but neither are consistently good actresses. I mean, I thought Qualley was wildly miscast in Dolls, but I think she's great in this. I would watch more stories based on her character, and it's also her singing on the soundtrack and she has a beautiful voice (when she's not trying to do a weird accent). Plus, her hair is spectacular! Plaza, on the other hand, is the one miscast. She does not do crazy well (I know everyone praised her performance in Legion, but I thought she overacted by a mile). She ruins the ending (it's a dumb ending anyway, but her over-acting really hurts it). AND Chris Evans is in this too??? Fucking kill me. I think the main story is good - investigating a Scientology type cult and their involvement in a possible murder, but it gets muddled by the disappearance of her niece. And it does become a little boring - I actually fell asleep for a few minutes but conveniently woke up right before the sex scene between Qualley and Plaza. Overall, it's a 2.5 star movie, which is miles better than I was expecting. Oh and the opening credits are great! 

3. The Naked Gun (2025) - This is a weird movie to reboot considering what a classic it's become and how iconic Leslie Nielsen is. But, I think casting Liam Neeson is actually spectacular choice - he has the same dry humor/sarcasm/straight-faced gullibility that Neilsen had perfected. And I'm delighted that he met Pamela Anderson during filming this and they are now in a relationship. I've always seen this sadness in Neeson's face since the tragic & unexpected death of his wife (Natasha Richardson), but she died over 15 years ago, and I think Neeson is finally allowing himself some happiness. I'm really hoping he has a happily ever after. And Anderson is so funny in this - her scatting is one of the best scenes of the year. Overall, I enjoyed this very much. I laughed quite hard at more than a few scenes - the "let's get retarded in here" line destroyed me. I cried laughing and needed to pause the movie to recover. Such an unexpected line and the delivery is absolutely perfect. I also enjoy that it's the plot of Kingsman, which is a spoof in and of itself (of Bond films). It's just a lot of fun, and a spoof movie that's done right - it's very silly, but also hilarious. I hope they make at least 3 more. My only criticism is that they under-use Paul Walter Hauser a bit. He's very funny and I think he could have been in the forefront of scenes more often. 

4. Weapons - I really liked this. I really liked Barbarian too (same director), so I had high hopes for this and I went in really cold. I knew nothing about the story just that it's about kids disappearing. I didn't even realize Julia Garner is in this (and I don't like her, in case you're new here). I do, however, LOVE, Alden Ehrenreich and Josh Brolin. But the highlight performance is Amy Madigan as Gladys - a character that will go down in history as a legendary character in horror. She's SO GOOD - I am talking Oscar nomination worthy. I doubt it will happen (because, you know, horror), but she's THAT good. I wasn't fully sold on the movie in the beginning - it's a little boring, and I hate when films show the same scene over and over again. This takes you through the different character perspectives, but it doesn't really show you anything different with each perspective. I think if it were cut down to 90 minutes it would have been a lot more effective. But, I started to really appreciate what it has to say - there's a clear allegory about school shootings. How parents send their kids to school and then never see them again. But, I think the idea that we, as a society, use children as weapons, especially within social issues, is more prevalent and interesting (there are a lot of "but the kids!" when discussing trans and gay issues, they are banning books that deal with racism, etc. all because of "the kids!" but the true danger for children is guns). I like that this film is DIFFERENT and ORIGINAL! And it has something to say!! It has a strong ending, too - the kids running at the end is HILARIOUS. I started to look into the director, Zach Cregger, more and I had no idea he is the guy from The Whitest Kids You Know!! That's so funny! And he's married to Sara Paxton! I love her and just as I thought "where the Hell has she been, I don't think I've seen her since Shark Night", she shows up in this! Overall, I think it's a solid horror movie. I liked Barbarian slightly more, but this is good! 

5. I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025) - Okay, so between the years of 1996-2002, I was obsessed with Ryan Phillippe. Like, obsessed. Like, how I am now with Taron Egerton, but this was high school/college teenage girl obsessed, so there were posters on my wall, in my locker, my school books were covered with his picture, and I watched every single movie he was in at least a dozen times (yes, even movies you've never heard of like Little Boy Blue and Homegrown). But the film I watched THE MOST was I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997). It was one of my favorite movies when I was 16 years old. I thought of rewatching it before watching this remake, but it's one of those movies that I'm terrified is actually bad and I don't want to face that realization. I was expecting this remake to be terrible, but I actually thought it was decent! Certainly flawed, but I was entertained and I like this group of young actors - especially Madelyn Cline. I like Chase Sui Wonders too, but the wig they make her wear in this does her NO favors. I'm not the biggest fan of the guy who plays Prince Eric in the live action Little Mermaid and the actress from the plane is horrific (I don't know who she is, but the first thing I saw when I googled her is that she's engaged to Matt Healy and that tells me everything I need to know about her). Plus they bring back original cast members JLH, SMG & Freddie Prince Jr.!! Obviously, SMG's character is dead so I assumed it was a flashback or something, but her scene is SO GOOD. I remember a lot of the sequel (Brandy!!), but I don't remember watching a 3rd one (it was a direct-to-video version that was unrelated to the original, so that's probably why I skipped it). But I couldn't really remember what happened to Freddie's character so I made the terrible mistake of looking it up while I was watching this. *MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD* I was like "WAIT he becomes a KILLER???" I don't remember that happening in the sequel, THAT'S BATSHIT! And then I realized that he becomes a killer IN THIS ONE. So, I spoiled myself on the ending (*note to self: STOP GOOGLING while watching movies!!). I realized quickly that if it was him, then the girl that works with him is also involved (she seemed shady from the beginning so I probably would have guessed it was her). I sort of love that they took a BIG SWING with this, because the original took some pretty big swings - they actually kill TWO of the main characters. It felt more dangerous and intense! I think that's the mistake in this one - there's a whole hour and nobody important dies. There's also a whole lot that doesn't make sense (like how the original murders have been "scrubbed" from the internet, but some random podcaster knows about it. And obviously they wouldn't let Cline's character back in the house - it's a CRIME SCENE. LOL.). I also don't like that they made them older. This was a teen horror film. They had just graduated from high school - so 17/18, but these friends are supposed to be in their mid-20s. I just think teen horror has gone by the wayside and that's a shame. I remember so many good horror movies about teens when I was a teen (Scream, obviously, but also Disturbing Behavior, Urban Legends, The Faculty, Final Destination). Anyway, I was entertained though - it's probably a 2 star film if not for the nostalgia of the first. BUT - and this is a big, all capitals BUT - they have JLH say THE iconic line "What are you waiting for??!!!" and that's an instant 1/2 star upgrade and then *another spoiler* BRANDY shows up at during the after credits scene!!! HOLY SHIT! Another 1/2 star! Making it a 3 star movie! Nostalgia for the win!

Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. The House of Guinness - Touted as "the next Peaky Blinders" (same creator), it's unfortunately extremely boring and dull. I went to the Guinness factory when I was in Ireland (2011, I think? Around there). It's cool! You get to enjoy a Guinness with a view of Dublin at the top of the factory. Anyway, I think I just expected more because Peaky Blinders had me hooked from the very first episode. I think a big problem is the cast. I don't really like any of them. I recognize James Norton from stuff, but I can't think of anything specific. But, I would not cast him in a role that is clearly supposed to be intimidating and terrifying. Plus some of those accents are off, but I'm no expert. I just think you can tell who is actually Irish and who is not. It's also trying way too hard to be cool - like the big fight scene that is done with modern rave music in the background LOL. I admit it makes it very watchable - I couldn't take my eyes off of this scene, but that's not necessarily a good thing. More like watching a car crash. They also use the song "Starburster" by Fontaines D.C, which might be the most overused song of the moment. I LOVE the song, but it's the opening song for MobLand and it's in a few other shows (it was also recently in Black Rabbit, which I'll write about below). Anyway, I'm about half-way through the series, so maybe it will get better and the characters will become more interesting, but I have my doubts. 

2. The Hunting Wives - This was recommended to me as a new trashy drama and it definitely HITS. It's like Desperate Housewives but gayer and with more guns. I wasn't actually going to watch it, but I saw that Brittany Snow was in it and I changed my mind! I adore her. And even though Malin Ackerman can't act if her life depended on it, I still like her too. I also like the woman from Scandal. And Jamie Ray Newman (most know her from Grimm, The Punisher, etc., but I know her as Kristina Cassadine from General Hospital!). I'm only a few episodes in, but I'm enjoying it. There's a little bit of mystery, it's very funny, and it's full-on batshit CRAZY! I miss crazy shows - these plotlines are a MESS and I love it. I am wondering why they make Malin wear this insanely bad wig? Is it going to be part of the plot? Is she going to rip it off ala Kimberly on Melrose Place? Also, are they going to give the black woman a plot? Because it's kind of weird that she's part of the group but all the others have side stories except her? It also feels a little immature at times - 40 year olds doing body shots? I don't think I've done a body shot since I was 22. Anyway, I'm looking forward to where this goes, and I can see it thriving for multiple seasons. 

3. Monster: The Ed Gein Story - Okay, so I wrote a LOT of notes while watching this show - and that's both good and bad. I watched this on my flight home from my Australia/New Zealand/Fiji trip and I was exhausted (and sick), but it held my attention for sure. I like certain true crime stories, but I'm not someone who is obsessed with them like a large faction of the media watching culture. I don't really understand the appeal. But I love a good, solidly written story that has different perspectives that might change our own perspectives. And I think Ryan Murphy and team have done this well in the past - The People vs O.J. Simpson and The Assassination of Gianni Versace were both INCREDIBLE shows. But now the focus with this Monster series is on serial killers and I understand why some are offended by it, but I don't understand why everyone blames Murphy for sensationalizing violent crime when it's been happening for LITERAL decades, as shown in this series. I think it's interesting to show the connection between Ed Gein and the effect it had on multiple (very famous) movies. He was not only the inspiration behind Psycho's Norman Bates but also The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - which are two very different projects. I think the connections that this show make are very interesting, and I think it's Murphy's direct response to the criticism about exploiting victims of violent crime (Hitchcock started it!!). If you can get past Charlie Hunnam's Barney voice and awful American accent (he was on Sons of Anarchy for 8 seasons and still can't do an American accent HAHA!), his acting is actually really incredible. It took me a few episodes to get over my initial frustrations, but he definitely gives this role his whole body and mind and I respect it. Suzanna Son is also GREAT. My biggest problem with the show is the whole part that focuses on Hitch and Norman Bates. It connects threads that don't need to be connected - like I don't think Anthony Perkins being secretly gay has anything to do with this story. All of this is unnecessary. Although, on a side-note, this is how I learned that Osgood Perkins is Anthony Perkins son (I saw a headline of him denouncing the show and the portrayal of his father and was like WAIT WHAT???!!), and that google search led me to also learn that his mom died in the World Trade Center (I saw that her death was listed as 9/11/2001 and thought wow it would be weird to die on that date unrelated to the trade center and then saw that she actually did die in the terror attack). I also think the actor they got to play Perkins is wildly out of his depths (Andrew Garfield or bust!). And Tom Hollander as Hitchcock??? Fuck off with that nonsense. He was AWFUL. There's a lot more that I hated - the ending is pure trash. The old man makeup is terrible. The Mindhunter wannabe connection is laughable. Ditto for trying to connect Gein to Ted Bundy. But, overall, it's a very watchable - dare I say, thrilling series. It definitely got under my skin and I think it has a lot to say (almost too much).  

4. Hostage - I liked this miniseries. It reminded me of The Diplomat but quicker and more dangerous. I usually love Julie Delpy, but I don't love her in this role, and I'm also not a fan of the other actress, but I like the rest of the cast - especially the Daisy Ridley lookalike and the guy that plays the kidnapped husband (sorry, don't feel like looking up names). It's a wildly implausible plot, but it moves really quickly and goes to unexpected places. *spoilers* He's rescued after 3 episodes and there's still 2 episodes left so when one of the characters says "This is NOT over", I yelled out "yeah, no shit!". But I definitely wasn't expecting the twist of a certain character, and I think they did a really great job setting up the explosion scene. I did NOT see it coming and I was surprised that they actually kill off main characters. It's one of those shows that you can't really think too much about - just turn your brain off and go along with it. It's definitely not as smart as it pretends to be. But, it was an easy watch on a long plane ride. And I laughed SO HARD at the end song lyrics "you messed with the wrong bitch". HAHAHAHA! Terrific stuff. 

5. Black Rabbit - I LOVED this show. It's incredible. And Jude Law and Jason Bateman are a great unexpected acting duo as brothers who just keep digging themselves into bigger and bigger holes. They look absolutely nothing alike and they don't even have the same accent, but I like their chemistry.  Actually Bateman steals most of the show - and I didn't expect that. Just INCREDIBLE acting; his best performance to date. And he directs some of the episodes too (at least the first one. I'm not sure if there were more, but I also noticed Laura Linney directed some episodes too! I love that they are still working together after Ozark). I'm rooting for him to get that Emmy (even if he'll possibly be up against Taron for Smoke. Bateman gives the better performance). The show is like if you took The Bear, set it in NY, and got the mob involved. But I feel like this show, as opposed to The Bear, actually earns the intensity because there are lives at stake and not just a restaurant. I like that every episode just goes from bad to worse. Like, just when you think, "well that's rock bottom, the only way to go is up" and the show is like "nope, we're going even lower". I saw some describe it as "slow burn", which makes sense because it's from the creators of other slow burn dramas like The Order, but I wouldn't describe this like that at all. Things happen in every episode. Shocking things! It has a fairly fast pace and there's also a lot of dark humor that keeps it moving quickly. And Jude Law is so fucking charming still! STILL! There's a great supporting cast too - Sope Dirisu, Odessa Young, Cleopatra Coleman, Chris Coy, Amaka Okafor, and the sneaky comedic relief, Forrest Weber. Also Troy Kotsur gives a bone-chilling performance as a mob boss. I kind of love that they wrote his deafness into the show and still made his character scary-as-fuck. It goes to show that casting should not have limitations - a great character depends on writing and performance, not that the actor checks off certain boxes. 

Film Retrospective Part IV: Thoughts on 10 Films (pre-1990)

1. The Amityville Horror (1979) - [blind spot] I've only seen the terrible remake starring good ol' Ryan Reynolds (LOL), and I've seen most of the Conjuring films which are about the Warren family, but I've never seen the film that started it all! And I have to say, it's a bit disappointing. I've never been big on the haunted house horror genre, though. I just don't believe the whole concept and I definitely think the Warrens are scam artists, gaslighters, and grifters. I think the flashbacks in the beginning of this are interesting, but the whole middle is very boring and it doesn't get interesting again until the end, but by then, I was barely paying attention. It's way too long - should have been 80 minutes tops. And what kind of grown woman wears pigtails like that?? Haha! I do love Margot Kidder though - she's one of the greats. 

2. My Left Foot - [blind spot] I know, I know - how could it be that I haven't seen what is widely considered one of the best acting performances of all time??? I JUST HAVEN'T OKAY?! Geez! Anyway, obviously the accolades are well-deserved. If I didn't know that Daniel Day-Lewis did not have cerebral palsy, I would assume he did. It's not just the twitching and body contortions either - it's all in the eyes. The way he stares intently when there's something he's trying to convey. I know someone who suffers from brain damage from a car accident and it impedes his speech ability. And sometimes he gets this look in his eyes because he's trying to say something but he just can't get it out. It must be so frustrating. As far as the movie goes, though....it's fine? The performances definitely elevate it - I had no idea that Brenda Fricker also won an Oscar for this. I always thought of her as the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Haha! Also, there's a young Fiona Shaw! It's very typical biopic style, though, and I'm not always the biggest fan of those. It feels like it could have been a made-for-television picture. And I don't need to see a close-up of his hairy-ass foot. EWWW. 

3. The War of the Worlds (1953) - [blind spot] I've seen the Spielberg version and I liked it (I think? I don't really remember, but I'm pretty sure). Well, I loved this! It's beautiful and some of the shots are SO good. I love all of the practical effects like the bomb exploding in the mountains. It won the Oscar for special effects and I can definitely see why. It's interesting to see how much technology has changed, but for the 50s this is just incredible. It's obviously based on the HG Wells story, but it feels a little Twilight Zone-ish, especially in the beginning. It's touted as "the original alien invasion" film, so it's interesting to see how it influenced so many sci-fi blockbusters (everything from Independence Day to Arrival). It's cool that it actually shows the aliens attacking the whole world. It's just really entertaining and suspenseful. It definitely makes me want to watch the remake again. 

4. 48 Hrs. - [blind spot] I was instantly intrigued when I realized that Walter Hill directed this! It's just one of those films that passed me by, but definitely considered a classic 80s film. It's also interesting that this has two actors from two of my favorite tv shows ever (James Remar aka Papa Morgan on Dexter and Jonathon Banks aka Mike on Breaking Bad). I also love old school Eddie Murphy - he used to be funny! He is absolutely charming and hilarious in this - when he laughs at the black Russian joke LOL. Also, his "I don't like white people, but I hate rednecks". I wish I could say that I enjoyed the rest of this, but I found it a little dull. The concept has been done to death (yes, I realize that this is an earlier take on the buddy cop movie), and I don't feel like it's as funny as it needs to be in order to hold my interest. I like how at the end, there's an apology for the racism ("it's part of the job"), but nobody apologizes for the misogyny. *rolls eyes* 

5. The Karate Kid - [rewatch] I'll be honest, I've never held The Karate Kid in high regards. I probably watched it once when I was like 10ish, and I thought it was boring and have never had any interest in rewatching or even watching the sequels (sequel? I'm not sure if there is more than just the one sequel). However, I know a lot of people (especially my age) really love it, so I figured I would give it another go. And...wow, I'm glad I did. It's FAR better than I remember. It's such a sweet movie! If you asked me to rate it from what I remember at 10, I would say it was a 2.5 star movie, but it's a solid 4 stars! And I definitely wasn't expecting that. Not only do I love the story of him being raised by a single working mom and finding this father figure in Mr. Miyagi, it's also an incredibly well-made film! I was struck by the beginning tracking shot with him walking through the apartment building - super cool! But there are actually a lot of stunning shots throughout, and the soundtrack is straight 80s FIRE. And it has a very brutal ending (HE FUCKING CHEATED! No wonder everyone gets so heated!). Also, obviously I love Elisabeth Shue. This was only 3 years before Adventures in Babysitting, but she looks so much younger here - she actually passes for a teenager. And Ralph Macchio looks like a BABY (and he was like 23 when this was filmed. LOL). They are both so good in this! I just absolutely fell in love with this...LOL...it only took me 40 years! 

6. Animal House - [rewatch, I assume?] I had to have seen this, but I don't remember much of it. Again, it's another beloved 80s classic that I just didn't get. But I'm always willing to give things another shot - maybe I'll love it as much as I loved The Karate Kid?! But...nah...it's...fine. For some reason, I thought this was stacked with 80s actors but I only recognize a handful of them (obviously Belushi, Tim Matheson, Karen Allen, Donald Sutherland, and a baby Kevin Bacon). I giggled a few times, but none of the jokes really land for me. It's obviously dated, but I'm usually fine with dated humor. It's just a bunch of loser, narcissistic frat bros thinking that they are hilarious, and that's what doesn't work for me. I think the best part is obviously the end with the text that tells you what happens to each character. It's the only time during the whole runtime that I actually laughed out loud. And there's an outstanding soundtrack. 

7. The Land Before Time - [rewatch] I'm pretty sure this was the first movie I saw in the movie theater. I remember seeing The Little Mermaid more clearly so I usually think of that as my first, but I vaguely remember my mom taking me and my cousin to this. I was 7 years old and I LOVED IT. I even got a very large stuffed Littlefoot plush toy that I carried around with me everywhere for, like, two years. I was OBSESSED. I watched it a lot as a kid, but I haven't seen it in probably 30 years. It's still great. Littlefoot is just about the cutest thing in the world and I love the way he curls up like a cat to take a nap. I love the little baby Pteradactyls. I love Ducky - the little "yep, yep, yep" and "nope, nope, nope" are the best (on a sidenote - while going down a google/wikipedia hole, I discovered that the child actress that voices Ducky was killed by her own father 4 months before this movie was released! How terrible!). I love that this was a really lovely story about creating your own family, while also teaching young children about racism and prejudices that exist in the world. It's also just a really gorgeous animated movie - the type of animation that just isn't done today, which is such a shame. I didn't realize that this was produced by Spielberg and Lucas! No wonder it's so good! I think my only criticism is that Cera is SO annoying and kind of an asshole. I don't think I thought that as a kid, but it's hard to root for her survival as an adult (haha!). I

8. How to Steal a Million - [rewatch] I know I've seen this, but it's, once again, not a film I remember well. Audrey is so good in this - and her wardrobe is spectacular. My favorite is the Givenchy lace face mask with matching dress (I want it! Can I pull that off on a regular day or can I only wear it on Halloween?). She has amazing chemistry with Peter O'Toole. And yes, she wears FULL eye makeup while sleeping, but I'll allow it because it's Audrey. I enjoyed this rewatch a lot - definitely top tier Audrey Hepburn film, but I do wish it were about 30 minutes shorter. It takes a whole hour to even get to the big heist! But, the heist is so great so it's worth it, but it just could have been a quicker, lighter, funnier movie if it picked up the pace and cut the parts that drag. 

9. Jaws 2 - [blind spot] Honestly, I've never had any interest in watching the sequels (I think there's another two more?). I've heard mixed things about this so I went into it with a fairly positive attitude and I liked it! Is it a 5 star perfect film like it's predecessor??? Well, obviously not. But it's still a good time and has some really fun shark carnage. I always see the meme about how "remember that the mayor from Jaws is still the mayor in Jaws 2" and that is kind of hilarious and a perfect metaphor for the Trump era. I was surprised at how good all the younger actors are - I genuinely could feel their terror out on the ocean being attacked by a shark. Especially the one that's with her boyfriend and she watches him die. What a fantastic performance. Like, it's not cheesy at all, and I was definitely expecting cheesy for this sequel. I also loved the scene with the shark attacking the helicopter LOL. I just love that animatronic shark. The scene when they're pulling Mark up on the boat and the shark swims by with his teeth showing brought back a flashback of Universal Studios. They used to do that scene during the tram tour (I think the helicopter scene too, maybe?). I wonder if they still do the tram tour?? It was THE BEST. Anyway, I also loved the ending - I was not expecting that! Haha! Oh and Brody's short shorts. LOL. 

10. Caddyshack - [rewatch] God, the way people go on about this movie - definitely one of those cult classic 80s comedies and I never liked it. It's another one that I thought I would give a shot as an adult and hope for the best, and once again, I think it's fine. I definitely laughed more at this than Animal House, but mostly the Rodney Dangerfield scenes. I'm a big fan, though. Remember Ladybugs? Yeah, I used to LOVE that movie (might have to add that to next year's retrospective when I add 90s movies! My favorite film decade!). The scene with him doing a whole stand-up special at the fancy dinner is hilarious. Unfortunately, I don't really like Bill Murray (never have, and probably never will!). And golf is SO boring. I was obviously rooting for the animatronic gopher the whole time. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. The Life of Chuck - Aside from M3GAN 2.0, I watched the rest of these on a plane - and I absolutely think that this has an effect on ones enjoyment or lack of enjoyment of a film. It's already such an uncomfortable experience and the screens are so tiny and slightly blurry etc. It's just not a great viewing experience. But, anyway, I did like this. Actually I liked this a lot. It feels very magical. And I think that's hard to find in films lately. Like, it's designed to make you feel something instead of checking boxes of what studios think an audience wants to see. It also felt slightly like a Black Mirror episode or The Twilight Zone. I was expecting it to be more horror based with Mike Flanigan involved (and it's based on a Stephen King story), but it's not at all. It has a whole lot of heart and warmth, mixed with this eeriness of loss and death in the background. The cast is great - a whole lot of Flanigan regulars (even in some tiny roles - like Carla Gugino in a voiceover role). I've never been a fan of Tom Hiddleston (I was turned off by how pompous he was when he won an Emmy a while back or maybe it was a Golden Globe I don't remember, but his speech was obnoxious), but I really liked him in this. It's not enough to make me a fan, but I think he was the perfect casting choice. The much-publicized image with him mid-dance, makes it seem like the film will feature a lot of dancing, but it's only one very perfectly executed dance scene. It's a spectacular scene about living within a moment, letting your intuition guide you, and how important human interaction and art is. It might even be my favorite film scene of the year! There's also another scene in which the question is asked "is everything going to be okay?" and it hit me really hard because I remember on March 14th 2020, I was at work chatting to two of our young sales associates - both in their early 20s, and Covid was the hot topic. One of the girls turned to me, as a mentor, and asked that very question - "is everything going to be okay?". I could tell how anxious they both were about the thought of a worldwide pandemic hitting, and they just needed someone to say "yes", so I did. Then about an hour later, I got the call that we were closing all stores due to the pandemic and everything spiraled from there. The girl who asked the question had her whole world flipped upside down - her mom ended up getting Cancer (unrelated to the pandemic but happened at the same time) and passed away just a few years later. She had to drop out of school and quit her job to take care of her mom and it was so devastating. All that plus the world was in a pandemic! I sometimes wish I didn't say "yes". I should have said "no, we're all fucked, just live every day as best you can" because that's the truth. Anyway, the only other comment I have is that the song "Gimme Some Lovin'" ALWAYS reminds me of Sleepers. It's weird to hear it in other films. 

2. M3GAN 2.0 - *spoilers ahead* This is dumb and not nearly as fun as the first one. Also, the girl in this is also in The Life of Chuck! I couldn't figure out why she looked so familiar. It's always weird when you watch two movies in a row featuring a random actress/actor in both. Anyway, I think this one makes a huge mistake of gearing away from the horror aspect and making it more of an action thriller. It's an odd genre switch considering how successful the first one was. And they make M3GAN a hero?! Hell no! So stupid. It's also very clear who the bad guy is - the second he corrects the pronunciation of his name, I thought "oh...bad guy". LOL. It's also TWO hours long??? WHYYYY - a 90 minute version of this movie would have been SO much better. I do like the actress that plays the other robot - her name is Ivanna Sakhno. I've seen her in a few things and she definitely has a presence about her and she's very pretty. I also laughed a total of ONCE when the Knight Rider theme starts to play. It's a great joke! I wish it had more of those genuinely funny (even cheesy) moments. Instead it takes itself way too seriously. And I was bored for a lot of it. 

3. Sorry, Baby - Um...I'm unsure how I feel about this movie. I definitely liked parts of it and was fully engaged in this story, but I also feel like it's missing something. I think it's a little unfocused? Or...something. I just can't quite pinpoint it. Also, from the trailer, I expected the kitten/cat to be featured more. It's a big part of the story - that they get a kitten to help them heal, and cats are SUPER healing. A cat's purr can fix any situation even if it's just for a few moments. There are moments in this that I just don't really understand - like why they are so mean to the one classmate who is clearly special needs and/or autistic. It's a weird flex considering the story is supposed to be an empathetic look at a person who is processing life after sexual assault. But they are also someone who lives on the outskirts of what's considered "normal" - as a non-binary person. And PTSD effects have similar sensibilities as someone with autism (difficulties socializing, hard time processing emotions etc.), so I feel like the film making this other student almost villainous is a CHOICE. Then, there's the ending with her getting picked for jury duty in which she's asked very personal questions in front of her peers that I don't think they do in real life??? I was asked those questions during a one-on-one interview (it was the judge, the two lawyers, and the defendant in the room - the rest of the jury duty candidates were in another room). I just feel like if the lawyer got the hint that they might have been the victim of a crime - they wouldn't press the issue in front of everyone? It didn't feel realistic at all. It might be nitpicky, but the rest of the film feels very genuine and real so this threw me for a loop - and it's a very pivotal scene. I also think some of the shots linger a little too long. And, nobody can convince me Naomie Ackie can act - and yet she keeps showing up in movies I want to like and ruining them! BUT, I do think this is an excellent script and a great directorial debut. It felt very personal, authentic, and a little bit quirky (but not too quirky). And Eva Victor is great - I loved them in Billions too. Such a great modern character that didn't feel pandering. Overall, I did like this - I just wish I loved it. I do hope the screenplay gets some love during awards season. 

4. The Woman in Cabin 10 - I actually read a Ruth Ware novel right before I watched this (a different one - it was called Zero Days and it was bad. I previously read In a Dark Dark Wood and I liked it, although found it unrealistic. I think her novels are very pedestrian. And that's not necessarily an insult - they are definitely made for a mass audience, but there's not much to them.). This is...average at best. It kind of reminded me of that show with Harris Dickinson - A Murder at the End of the World. It's a different murder, but it's the same vibe - a bunch of rich people doing rich people thing and then someone is murdered and the gaslighting begins. It's immediately obvious what the actual plot is. Like, it's SO OBVIOUS, I find it hard to believe that anyone would be surprised by the twist. I would call it Hitchcockian, but it's too unimaginative for that. The ending is downright stupid too - after the twist is revealed the "bad guy" goes completely and unrealistically insane. What is his plan exactly? After he's already found out he just keeps doubling down and it's just stupid. Also, does Kiera Knightley realize that she ruined her career with that laugh during the press interview for this? For reference, she was asked about being involved in a Harry Potter project given JK Rowling's anti-trans tirade and she responded by LAUGHING. It's one thing to try and stay neutral from politics, but it's another to act like it's a silly concern. Or to pretend like you're unaware of the controversy. Just an absolute horrid response. I'm not one for canceling people, but the rest of the world does not share that sentiment, so good luck to her! Anyway, I tend to not like Knightley in modern roles (she's excellent in period pieces), but she's SO GOOD in Black Doves, I had hope she would be good in this too, but she's not. She just doesn't fit this role at all - and she's mostly a very annoying character. There's a great supporting cast - Hannah Waddingham, Guy Pierce. But there's also two actresses I LOVE - Kaya Scodelario and Gugu Mbatha-Raw in the teensy-tiniest roles, which is weird because they should both be LEADING roles! Why are they even in this??? I think they each have like 5 lines. It makes no sense and it makes me irrationally angry. 

5. Bring Her Back - I actually really liked this. I really liked Talk to Me, as well - so my expectations were high and they were met. I think with both of these films, the performances really excel the whole film. I think a lot of horror and supernatural films feel a bit cheesy to me, but both of these are so grounded in reality because the acting is so strong. They are mostly unknowns (at least to me. I do recognize the one kid from the Apple tv show Invasion), except for Sally Hawkins - who is just incredible in this. You really feel her loss and trauma, even when she goes full psycho, she is still a sympathetic character. I went into this not knowing anything about it, which I also think helps. The story starts off really interesting - with these kids suffering the loss of their father and then being placed in a foster home. Although, I think the idea that he was going to be her guardian when he turned 18 is a little unrealistic? Does he even have a job or a place to live?? Did they get an inheritance? It seemed like they weren't really well-off to begin with. I think that would have made for a more interesting story - he can't financially take care of her because the system sucks. But they are put into the care of this woman who recently lost her own daughter (which doesn't seem like the best idea?) and she has a very elaborate plan to bring her daughter back. I wish they explained this whole zombie spell thing more instead of keeping it vague (it seems like it's related to Russian Red Sparrow mind control, which is very interesting). I think it gets a little bit slow around the 60 minute mark - I knew what was coming, and it takes too long to reveal what the audience already knows. But it has a really strong beginning and an even stronger ending. Overall, it's a solid horror film with explicit themes of loss and trauma that will stick in my brain for a while. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Fight or Flight - I am SOOOO behind on writing my thoughts on films I've watched! I watched this a WHOLE MONTH AND A HALF AGO! I barely remember it. I liked it, though. Solid 3 star film. It's basically Bullet Train but set on an airplane. And Josh Hartnett has bleach blonde hair (*swoons*). And he's really good in this too! I also really like the girl from Bridgerton (I *hate* that show, but adore most of the cast). The twist is good too. I honestly thought the guy playing the dummy CIA-type guy was Robert De Niro's son or something - they have the exact same face (apparently it's a thing - he's even done an impression of him on Instagram!). It's even weirder because if you look up De Niro's *actual* children - they look nothing like him! Haha! Anyway, don't mind my sidetracked thoughts. I don't have much else to say about this because I have a bad memory and I barely took any notes. I think it's a fun action movie, but obviously forgettable. Oh yeah! Katie Sackoff is in this too! But she's a very one-note predictable character. 

2. Highest 2 Lowest - I hate to say this, but facts are facts - this is one of the worst films of the year for me. Only slightly higher than Love Hurts and Holland. It's legitimately terrible. The acting hurts my brain (aside from Denzel who can never do wrong, in my book), the score is so overwhelming - it's insane, and it makes no sense. Do music moguls exist in 2025?? I mean, record labels barely exist and it was just in the news that one of the original founders of Roc-A-Fella records just filed for bankruptcy. So, this feels extremely dated as this story revolves around a music executive who lives in one of nicest NYC apartments I've ever seen (that view!). I'm supposed to believe that 17 million is a lot of money for someone who lives in that apartment??? That has to cost at least 20 million (the internet says anywhere from 15 to 20 million). I hate stories about rich people having financial struggles. Um...sell your stuff. Luxury furniture, designer clothes, diamond jewelry - you can scrounge up 17 million easily). The actual story is kind of interesting - he thinks his son is abducted for a ransom, but they abducted his son's best friend by accident and still demand the ransom. Denzel's got a choice to make! I think this would have worked better if the kid abducted was a stranger. But the fact that it was still someone close to the family seems like a no-brainer decision (as much as I would like to say any child abducted would be a no-brainer decision, that's just not how it works. People would just start abducting random children and demanding ransom from Richard Branson). Like I said, it's interesting to think about. But the movie is God-awful. There are so many scenes that needed to be cut (do we need to see his wife and son handing the stacks of money and placed in the bag?? NO. Cut it!). I've never seen the original, but this makes me never want to. Also, I wrote down in my notes "God, Yankee fans suck" and I'm not sure why I wrote that but it's true! I do love the sneaky cameo by Rosie Perez! I screamed! 

3. Warfare - Another bad one for me. Thank God it's only 95 minutes. But it's not really a film at all. There's no narrative - just a bunch of military guys shooting things. It's very boring. I usually like Alex Garland stuff (I'll even stick up for Men!), but he lost me with this. It's very pro-military propaganda, which is a CHOICE for someone whose last film was Civil War. There's debate about its propagandaness (not a word, I know), because it doesn't necessarily romanticize the military; instead showing a more "lived experience", but any film that shows the military as being "heroic" is propaganda, in my opinion. I'm not anti-military either, but I'm anti-war so I obviously have conflicting feelings (and yes, I know most people are technically "anti-war" but war is necessary sometimes. And yes, I agree with that too, but most wars and use of military engagement could have been avoided).  Anyway, this film is FULL to the brim of Hollywood It-boys - Charles Melton, Kit Conner, Will Poulter, Joseph Quinn, etc., but it doesn't really matter because they all are in full military gear and you can't even tell who is who for most of the film. I feel like Kit all but disappears after the first scene? But maybe I'm wrong. I just couldn't get into this at all, and it completely lost my attention about 1/2 way through. 

4. Superman (2025) - This is...fine. 3 stars. I had fun watching it. But...it's certainly not great, like a lot of reviews suggest. First, and foremost, it looks AWFUL. I had my reservations after the trailers were released because it looked awful, but I thought it *must* look better as a whole because how does it look that bad with that much money and talent involved??? But NOPE. The flying scenes are genuinely hard to watch. How does the original Superman movie from 1978 look better than this? How is that possible? Why are we letting Hollywood get away with this? Like, even the dog looks bad. The film is fully saved by the cast. I was never the biggest fan of Henry Cavill as Superman (he's too boring and stoic for the role), so it's weird that when I wrote my thoughts on the tv series Hollywood, I called David Corenswet a "younger Henry Cavill, but with screen presence and a personality" - HAHAHA! wow. How did I not instantly call for this Superman casting?? When it was announced, I was like, "oh...that's actually really good casting!". And I adore Rachel Brosnahan, although I find her slightly annoying as Lois Lane. Hoult is a great Lex Luthor. As for Isabela Merced and Milli Alcock (both actresses I like), they are barely in the movie! Merced more than Alcock, but still both very underused (obviously setting up for future films). The worst part is probably Nathan Fillion as The Green Lantern - why does he look like Stuart from Mad Tv?? Did they explain it? I don't understand? And he's not funny at all (I think he's supposed to be?). I was also confused as to the whole "nobody can resist Jimmy Olsen" bit? And it seems everyone is confused by it? Is it an inside joke? Is it related to the comics or something? I can't seem to find any clear answer - just that everyone seems confused by it but it will probably be explained in another movie which is DUMB. I would love to say that Krypto is the saving grace, but again the CGI dog looks so terrible I couldn't even focus on his scenes. I don't really have much else to say. 

5. Swiped - UGH I LOVE LILY JAMES SO MUCH!! I would watch her in anything (okay, maybe not that Pam & Tommy trash - that was too offensive for me). I wasn't actually expecting to like this, but I did! I didn't know anything about Whitney Wolfe (the creator of Bumble and Tinder), but she's actually a very interesting & inspiring person. And she's the youngest self-made billionaire! I've never used either of those dating apps, but I did use Match and that's how I met my husband. I'm glad I never had to go to other apps, though, because they all look terrible. I had a fairly good experience with Match, but also I think I have a good judgement of character and can easily avoid "red flag" men. This story focuses on the experiences of women on these apps (mostly harassment), but I think it's a mistake that they avoid the problems that men have using these apps (my husband told me horror stories of experiences he had before meeting me - a lot of bots & liars - using fake or old pictures, and lying about everything from age to not wanting children). But anyway, it's a shame that we can't get Whitney's experience straight from her since she signed an NDA along with her settlement, but I'm glad she got a large settlement that she deserves. It SUCKS that the creators of Tinder boxed her out and set up as a "boys club" that created this, when it was really her who put in the hard work - like literally from the ground up. She went to colleges to promote this app that nobody ever heard of and made it A THING. A thing that every young person wanted in on. She's a genius! And it's amazing that she got the ultimate revenge by creating an app that fixed a lot of Tinder problems (for women) and made it a success. It sucks that she partnered with another problematic man, but it's hard to find non-problematic men nowadays (especially non-problematic men with money. Do those even exist? Keanu Reeves might be the only one). I didn't even recognize Dan Stevens as this problematic man. Literally, I was looking up cast members after I watched it and was like "wait, Dan Stevens wasn't in this? why is he listed in the cast?". LOL. The guy who plays Justin is Katey Sagal's son (my new favorite game to play is "spot the nepobaby" when watching movies/tv). I love both Myha'la and the woman from From All Mankind, but I wish they had bigger roles (i.e more character development). Overall, though, I was very invested in this story and I think it's important to know the backstories behind all these popular companies. On a side-note, it really pisses me off that I bust my ass working in retail and there are people getting paid to play ping-pong in the office. 

Movie Marathon: Transformers

1. Transformers - I don't think I've seen this in over 15 years, but I watched it A LOT in 2008/2009ish. I was a bit obsessed with Shia LaBeouf (UGH to him now). He was so charming in this (and many things that came after) and I loved his chemistry with Megan Fox - and she was SO HOT in this (I'm not a fan of all the plastic surgery now, but to each their own *shrugs shoulders*). I still think Shia is one of the best actors of his generation, so it sucks that he's a gigantic asshole. Aside from loving Shia & Megan, I also think this is just a really good action blockbuster movie! I don't know why it was so hated by film nerds. I tend to like Michael Bay movies, though. I think he knows how to make a spectacle and keep an audience entertained. I remember watching this in a movie theater and being blown away by some of the action sequences. Especially the reveal of each of the Transformers. They looked dope!! It's really fun, moves quickly, has funny dialogue, and has heartwarming moments. What else do people want?? The whole scene with Bernie Mac as a used car salesman?? A classic! I like the little details too - like the "bee-otch" air freshener that hangs on the mirror in Bumblebee. Also, I totally forgot that Rachael Taylor is in this! She's super hot too! I think on a rewatch, the only fault I find is that it's a bit too long and a few scenes feel bloated, but I didn't notice that on a first watch - it flew by. 

2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - I can't remember which one got completely destroyed by reviews - was it this one or the third one? I remember liking all of them on first watch but this is the first time I'm rewatching any of the sequels. I originally rated this 3 stars. And even after a rewatch, I still rate it 3 stars. There are flaws, sure, but it's still a well-made, entertaining blockbuster movie! Plus, it has the same cast and there are some really excellent action sequences. It's definitely too long, but other than that...it's a good movie (just in case you're new here, 3 stars means "good" to me). Other thoughts I had during this rewatch - John Turturro is definitely the highlight of this. I've forgotten how important he is to these movies and how big of a role he had (and I was not expecting the thong scene! Oh my!). I think they could have done a better casting job over the role of Alice because that's not a girl you would even look at if you're dating Megan Fox (sorry, it's mean. But true!). And I realized half-way through that Leo is played by the guy who is now known as Will Trent! I don't watch the show (I believe it's called Will Trent, but I could be wrong), but all of the senior ladies at my work absolutely swoon over Will Trent. Haha! And I noticed a sneaky Michael Bay reference of the Bad Boys II poster on the wall! Love it! 

3. Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Okay, maybe this is supposed to be the really bad one? Again, originally I rated this 3 stars and I remember enjoying it. But on a rewatch, it is kind of on-the-fence bad. So I downgraded it to 2.5. I can't help but think how much better these movies would be if they were all about 40 minutes shorter. But this one feels SO long. It only starts to get interesting once the destruction of Chicago starts, but it takes so long to get there! And the biggest reason I downgraded it is because not only is Megan Fox (aka Michaela) not in this one, but they barely even mention her. It's RUDE. I know she had beef with Michael Bay, but it sucks because I would have loved a true trilogy with the main cast. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is very pretty, but a terrible actress (I didn't realize that she's been dating The Stath for like 15 years??). They don't do a good job of introducing her character either, therefore it's very easy to not give a shit about what happens to her. I was shocked to see both John Malkovich and Francis McDormand in this!? How does this franchise continue to get such respected actors? So fascinating. I do like the concept behind this, though - how they rewrite the history of the moon landing to show how far back the Transformers have been "known" to exist. It's a cool idea. And they even got Buzz! I just think it's mostly a slog to sit through and it doesn't have the charm or wit of the first two. 

4. Transformers: Age of Extinction - Shocked that this one is EVEN LONGER than the previous films (2 hours and 45 minutes?! WHY?!). I do remember liking this one too - I think the only thing that bothered me was Jack Reynor's terrible acting, plus them referring to him as "Lucky Charms" is terribly offensive. But now I'm also bothered by the appearance of T.J. Miller (he has many allegations against him, but he also called in a fake bomb threat - not an allegation or alleged action. He actually did it. Look it up!). And now is the time I can address Marky Mark too - because I've always stood up for him. Up until recently, I thought he was a good example of someone who can do something awful, but turn his life around. I thought he "found God" or whatever and vowed to be a good person - he's done amazing things for the youth in Boston and has given the appearance of being a loyal family man. BUT THEN, I recently saw a video of him telling Bad Bunny to "go back to Puerto Rico" in regards to him jokingly telling people they have 4 months to learns Spanish (for his Super Bowl performance). So, Marky Mark is still a fucking racist piece of shit??? I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed. I want so hard to believe people can change, but they constantly prove me wrong. ANYWAY, I still like this movie. I think it's way better than Dark of the Moon. The story is actually interesting, plus it has dinobots! And Stanley Tucci! And Marky Mark's character is named "Cade Yaeger"! LOL. Also, I like Nicola Peltz, but if I were a billionaire heiress, I would not sign up for an action movie. Way too much work (sit back and relax, girl). It's also funny! I mean, some of the jokes don't land at all (like the aforementioned "Lucky Charms" jabs), but when they say the word "transformium" my husband laughed so hard he almost hurt himself (he just happened to be in the room during this scene, he would never voluntarily watch this - he's a Michael Bay Transformers hater, though). 

5. Transformers: The Last Knight - This is definitely the worst one. It's weird that I can't find my original review for it (not on my blog anywhere...maybe I didn't watch it right away? I tend to only review movies from the previous year or two so I don't overwhelm myself). But I know I originally did not like it, so I was not looking forward to this rewatch at all. I barely paid attention and it's a very ugly movie. I don't remember that Isabel Merced (she's Isabel Moner now) is in this?! I love her. I thought the first thing I saw her in was Instant Family (also starring Marky Mark), which I thought she was spectacular for a newcomer, but I guess I saw her in this first? Maybe. Anyway, she's so cute in this ("I don't gotta home" AWWWW). It's weird that they don't really explain where his *actual* daughter is for a while (apparently she's in college living a normal life. Sure.). It's weird that Tucci is in this too, but as a completely different character (he's Merlin. Like the actual Merlin. It's stupid). And they got Anthony Hopkins?! LOL. The only other comment I have is that there is a "Pop quiz, hotshot" moment so Speed exists in this universe. 

6. Bumblebee - Okay. So, I really didn't like this movie when I first watched it. I was shocked by the good reviews. I rated it 2.5 stars. My reasons for that are on this blog. However, I must have been in a bitch of a mood, because on this rewatch I really liked it! I'm shocked! I think maybe I was distracted or something because I don't even remember it being set in the 80s - and it very clearly is (the Mr. T cereal should have been my first clue). I also don't remember that John Cena is in this! Hailee is great - I remember being so annoyed by her character on my original watch, but she's so cute! What the fuck was wrong with me? Anyway, I like that this is a prequel. I like that it's shorter than the rest of the movies. I like that it's funny (the scene where she installs the radio in Bumblebee so he can talk through music "okay, not a Smith's fan" haha! So good!). It honestly felt like I was watching this for the first time, and I really enjoyed it. I guess this is a perfect example of how your mood can effect how you feel about a film (which is why I would never want to be a professional critic - although I don't think there are many professional critics even exist anymore. They all review as if they bloggers now. Not a bad thing, but I would like for both to exist). I pushed this up a whole star to 3.5 - and it's my second favorite entry of the whole series! I was not expecting that!

7. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - It's weird that I originally hated Bumblebee but I enjoyed this one. I remember being confused by the timeline (because I obvi wasn't paying attention to Bumblebee), so this is set in the 90s. It makes sense now! I love both Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback. Two STARS. I also love that Ramos is a Mets fan in this (he's a Jets fan in real life, so probably a Mets fan too. A curse, really). I didn't remember that Pete Davidson is the voice of Mirage. And, honestly, he's really funny. Like, kind of annoying, but also funny in some parts ("stranger danger!!"). I also LOVE the soundtrack. Mid-90s hip-hop is MY JAM (Digable Planets, A Tribe Called Quest, etc.). But to nitpick - TLC's "Waterfalls" was not out in 1994, so Fishback singing it to herself is a CHOICE. Did her character write the song??? ANYWAY, I still enjoyed this one on a rewatch. It's a shame it didn't review well because I would love to see more from these characters. I think it's a bit of fatigue of the franchise in general that hurt it. I also think a lot of Michael Bay fans (yes, he does have fans), review-bombed this because they want Bay back to directing these movies. Loser behavior. I do think there are more films in development, but they will probably have a new cast (I heard a rumor that Shia was coming back, too, which would be a huge mistake. Stop hiring abusers, Hollywood!). 

Ranking: 

Transformers 

Bumblebee

Revenge of the Fallen 

Rise of the Beasts 

Age of Extinction 

Dark of the Moon 

The Last Knight