Movie Marathon: Planet of the Apes

1. Planet of the Apes (1968) - A perfect movie. The greatest movie ending of all-time. Huge cultural impact. Outstanding makeup and effects for the time period. Engrossing allegories for racism and political corruption, along with long-standing battles between religion and evolution. A superb performance from "bright eyes" Charlton Heston. And my grandfather's favorite movie! My favorite line isn't the one you'd expect - instead it's "Remember, never trust anyone over 30". It became a popular tagline with the growing frustration of the Vietnam War, but ultimately is about the common idea that the older people get, the more corrupt they become. It's like younger generations saying "ok, boomer". I think the original sentiment does hold some truth - a lot of people become more concerned with self-interest as they age, instead of others and the future of the planet. Anyway, as mentioned, the greatest ending of all-time - and not just because of the delicious twist. Just from a filmmaking perspective, it's glorious. The way that you see the shapes formed by the Statue of Liberty without realizing what it is until the camera zooms out - just spectacular. And the sound of the crashing waves as the film ends. Hasn't been topped in 56 years! 

2. Beneath the Planet of the Apes - As far as the original films go, I think I've watched them all (with my grandfather), but the only one I've rewatched and remember clearly is the first one - so all these sequels feel like first-time watches for me. I feel like none of the sequels are held to any high regard, but I liked this one. I'm surprised that this film starts right from where the first one ends - I definitely thought there would be a bigger jump forward. I like the way it focuses on nuclear war (or "weapons of peace" as it's referred to) because it seems like a natural progression of the story. I do think they just rehash the first one a little too closely and they got an actor who looks just like Charlton Heston but HOTTER. He's so handsome! I think they definitely also try to do another shocking ending, and it's good but nowhere near the levels of the first. The visual effects also seem to decrease in quality as these movies go on, which doesn't make sense. Shouldn't they get better? 

3. Escape from the Planet of the Apes - I also liked this one! I like that it flips the story so that the apes are now on a planet with humans, so that they are now the minority - but the whole time travel thing is starting to do my head in (like, traveling to the future makes sense in this world, but traveling to the past...does not? I don't know how to explain it). The success of these films is definitely the way they show both sides of the stories, and we understand where they are both coming from. It's also because within these sides they show both good and evil within them (meaning they show both good and evil apes, and also good and evil humans). There are a lot of funny moments, but it also does get very boring. The ending is also CRAZY - but not in like a twisty way, just shocking in the violent nature. I wasn't expecting it. 

4. Conquest of the Planet of the Apes - This is where the franchise started to lose me. It should have just been a trilogy. I found this very boring - there's some interesting and disturbing scenes that show the inhumanity of torture and slavery, but I think we already kind of got that with the first one so this, once again, feels repetitive. It starts to pick up again with the rioting apes towards the end, and I like the line "the king is dead, long live the king". But overall, it's very meh. 

5. Battle for the Planet of the Apes - Oh man, enough is enough! I had no idea that there were FIVE whole movies before the 2001 reboot! Honestly, I was so over them, that I could barely pay attention to this and therefore have very little to say about it. It feels like I'm just watching the same movie over and over again! I would still rather watch this one than the next one on the list, though....

6. Planet of the Apes (2001) - By far the worst one. It's insanely bad. A one-star disaster. And still somehow not Mark Wahlberg's worst movie (that would be The Happening!). I saw this in the theater originally, but I blocked most of it from memory. I did wonder if it was connecting to the next series of movies (I couldn't remember if they connected it. They don't.). I think it's most disappointing because it's Tim Burton, who seems like the perfect person to do a remake of this story, but somehow he really fucked up. The makeup is terrific, and the apes are genuinely terrifying immediately, but the way they dress up the female apes with the hair and makeup is ridiculous. Also, remember Estella Warren???!!! I wonder what happened to her?! I'm too lazy to look into it, but I remember really liking her and thinking she was stunning. I was also surprised to hear Paul Giamatti voice one of the apes - his voice is so distinct, that I instantly recognized it (had to look up the others, though - Tim Roth!! Helena Bonham Carter! Michael Clarke Duncan!). I love Marky Mark, but he's in over his head with this. Plus, the plot is non-sensical. And the ending is even worse! Them tricking the audience with it being his ship is so disappointing and you could tell that the creators thought they were being super clever or something. The dialogue is bad, and Marky Mark does not do well with bad dialogue ("let's go explain evolution to the monkeys" LOL). It also feels about 3 hours long. 

7. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - So I don't think this movie is that great, but it led the way for the next two and for this franchise to truly get the reboot it deserved. Still has a problematic star who doesn't do well with bad dialogue (James Franco) and an actress that was supposed to be a big star (Frieda Pinto! Where has she been??), but overall I liked it (originally and with this rewatch). First of all, the motion-capture technology is incredible and Andy Serkis really made himself known with this role of Caesar. Second, it's a great place to start the story - from the human side showing how the "planet of the apes" came to be. I think the story is done well, with the focus on animal testing and trying to find a cure for Alzheimer's. But I also think that they kind of make a case for animal testing because it's the only way we're going to find cures for things. Would people prefer to use human testing during these initial drug trials??? I don't understand (and I LOVE animals!). The film definitely pulls at the heartstrings, but it does fail with the human part of the story. There is zero depth or nuance within the characters. And the middle drags a bit. There's some good references to the original, like "take your stinkin' paw off of me, you damn dirty ape!". I remember laughing at that line when I first watched it and then Caesar says "NO" and it was chilling. Such a great scene. 

8. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - This was my favorite one after the original one. I instantly loved it and rated it 4 stars (which is high for me! It means I loved it!). It's still my favorite one after these rewatches. But it also hits WAY different after experiencing a world-wide pandemic. Like all movies about an apocalyptic event - it originally felt like something that our current world would never experience, but that's simply not true anymore (my husband always likes to remind me that the San Andreas fault line could rupture any moment or Yellowstone volcano could erupt and both of those things would cause world-wide disaster). Like, this pandemic plotline could absolutely happen (maybe not the apes part, but who knows anymore?!), and that's genuinely terrifying. Anyway, this is finally a modern Planet of the Apes movie with a TERRIFIC cast - Keri Russell, Toby Kebbell, Gary Oldman, Jason Clarke, Kirk Acevedo, and Serkis returning in the motion-capture role of Caesar. There is a perfect balance of emotion - and occurring on both sides of the argument. It also has a really strong pace (there's no fat or boring stretch in the middle), and the effects continue to astound. 

9. War for the Planet of the Apes - Originally, I didn't love this one as much as everyone else did (I rated it 3 stars, which means "good"). I was interested in my reaction to it for this rewatch, and I'm a little surprised to say that I actually really loved it. I think if it had some stronger editing I might have even preferred it over Dawn. It instantly grabs me with the beginning description of the "new world" with the use of the words "Rise", "Dawn", and "War". It's far more poignant than I remember, and there are terrific emotional beats that feel earned. Woody Harrelson is a great bad guy too. Steve Zahn as Bad Monkey is the sneaky highlight of the film, and gives a little lightness to the story that is probably the heaviest of the bunch. Unfortunately, the middle does drag, and it's not very realistic that they keep Caesar alive. They would kill him the second they had the chance, but instead they keep him alive and do a whole "over-explaining" the plot by the villain scene. I really like the whole Nova plotline too - connecting it to the original. Plus, they end it with *spoiler alert* the death of Caesar, which is really impactful.

10. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - I figured since I was doing this marathon I should just continue it with the newest one - but, quite honestly, this franchise needs to die. A modern trilogy with Rise, Dawn, & War would have been perfect. Hollywood can never let things go and end on a high note, but no, instead they make a movie that is set 300 years in the future (closer to the original film's timeline - I think?). I also wasn't keen on a new director (Reeves did such a wonderful job with Dawn and War, but I was willing to give Wes Ball a chance (I liked the Maze Runner movies!). I like some of it - the way Caesar has become a myth (basically a Moses figure - which was hinted to in the previous film), and used not only for representing peace, but also as a way to argue for war - it definitely feels timely and relevant. But overall, it's a slog to sit through. It's so boring! I kept pausing it and being like "oh god, there's still 50 minutes left!". Also, no Andy Serkis feels wrong (and on an aside - while it's SUPER COOL that they released a pre-effects film showing all the actors work, but they should have done that with one of Serkis' films? He's the one that MADE these movies what they are!). Also, I can't stand Owen Teague (I finally learned his name, because he keeps popping up in things, and I keep complaining about it so I figured I should, at least, know his name. I'm happy that he's one of the apes, so I didn't actually have to see him). I do like the girl from The Witcher, though. The most disappointing part, though, is that the ending implies that they are going to make even more of these movies???! Dichen Lachman appears at the end in a weird cameo, but also a lead up to the sequel that nobody wants (yes, my thoughts represent everyone...duh!). 

My Ranking:

Planet of the Apes (1968)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 

War for the Planet of the Apes 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes 

Escape from the Planet of the Apes

Beneath the Planet of the Apes 

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes 

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

Battle for the Planet of the Apes 

Planet of the Apes (2001) 

Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. Sugar - This is a very interesting show. I can't really decide if I liked it or hated it, but it's definitely interesting. I watched most of it in a very confused state - waiting for the reveal. I won't spoil that reveal, but I spent most of the series thinking he was a werewolf - they hint to that many times - obviously that's what they wanted the audience to think, but it's clear that he's not because they would just say that, right? But maybe he is? Again, I'm not going to spoil it - you'll just have to watch in the same confused state as everyone else. But other than the twist, I don't really think the show is very good. It's a neo noir detective show, but leans a little too far into it so it's almost comical. The case that he's trying to solve isn't all that interesting and becomes very repetitive. And he's obsessed with film, so there are these random clips of classic movies thrown in for no reason at all other than it being pretentious. It's set in present day Los Angeles, but certainly doesn't feel like it - it feels otherworldly, which may be intentional (also nobody thinks LA is an "up all night town"? What a weird description? Most people in LA that work in film/entertainment and have to be up at 4:30am. Celebrities make up a very small percentage of the population). There's also some very weird close-up shots. The narration is bad and unnecessary. It's weird to me that a majority of this is directed by Fernando Meirelles - the director of City of God, because this, to me, does not feel like it's made well at all. It's all just very weird. But Colin Farrell is always a delight to watch. I will literally watch anything with him. Also a great supporting cast with Anna Gunn, Amy Ryan, and James Cromwell. I'm definitely not interested in a second season, if there is one. But I'll probably still watch it. 

2. Those About to Die - Some fun facts about me (that you'll already know if you read this blog regularly): I was a bit obsessed with all things ancient Rome & Greece growing up. I took Latin and spent my free time reading mythologies, tragedies, etc. from that time. And the series Rome is one of my favorite series EVER. I was devastated when it was cancelled after a mere two seasons due to production costs (at the time, it was one of the most expensive shows ever made), but I definitely could see how expensive it was. It looked phenomenal. This...doesn't. And it's got a very similar budget (it's just more normalized now). It kind of seems like everyone is playing dress up and it's very stagey. There are also these weird cut to black moments too??? Did they plan for commercials? There are quite a lot of them, and it's jarring. I don't feel fully immersed into this world at all - and I think the casting is also part of the problem. As much as I love Anthony Hopkins - I feel like this is a bit of gimmick casting, and it totally takes me out of the world. Also, SPOILER, he dies at the end of the third episode, which I always find as a really shitty thing for shows to do (hire a big star, advertise a big star, then kill them off quickly so you don't actually have to pay for big star). I love Iwan Rheon, as well (from Misfits, although most Americans probably know him more from Game of Thrones). But all the other white guys are completely interchangeable - I literally can not tell you who is who or what plot point they are a part of. I also think it's a mistake focusing on just the Roman games (it's basically Gladiator and we already have a sequel to that coming out later this year). There's a subplot about the servants/slaves, but I'm not interested enough to follow along. I will say that as much as I'm annoyed at the death in the 3rd episode, it is far better than the first 2 episodes - it starts off at Mount Vesuvius (which peaked my interest as I find all things Pompeii related fascinating - and they are still discovering things! It's crazy.). And then they also mention the story of Romulus and Remus. It's like the creators knew they were losing me, so they threw in a couple of actually interesting things about ancient Rome. However, this is a show that I might actually stop watching (I will watch one more episode before I decide for sure). 

3. Presumed Innocent - I liked this show a lot. I was a little on the fence with the first episode - it all seemed really obvious, but each episode left a little bit of intrigue and kept me guessing. It's the first show in a long time that I watched as soon as it aired because I was so curious as to how it was going to play out. I wasn't surprised when I learned that it's created by David E. Kelly because he has a knack for solid, addictive dramas. I've never read the book and I don't think I've seen the movie (and if I did, I was a teenager and I don't remember it). The cast for this is what pulled me in - Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Ruth Negga, and Renate Reinsve. They are all incredible (the week link is probably Reinsve - she has very little to do though). There is also Luke from The Handmaid's Tale, doing a WILD voice/accent. I'm not sure why?? It's not necessary for the character so it's hard to believe that he was directed to do it, but there is no explanation for it. I did eventually get used to it, but it's weird. So *major spoilers ahead* I thought the WHOLE time that the wife did it - which apparently is how the book and movie end. I think the series probably leaned into that a bit too much to throw the audience off, but the actual murderer doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. *Again, spoilers ahead* The wife has a solid motive, like even if she went to her house without intent of murder but it turned into that, it would make sense. The daughter going to confront this woman, and then savagely murdering her like that is just not realistic at all. Women are not inherently violent like that and this young girl showed zero signs of distress or emotion at all (I'm also not sure the timeline works with him going back to cover it up? I would have to rewatch to be sure, but on initial viewing it doesn't make sense?). But other than that, I do think, as a whole, think this series is very strong. Gyllenhaal does a great job of straddling the line between complete sociopath to flawed (but possibly innocent) husband. It never shies away from those flaws, which is greatly appreciated. Overall, I definitely recommend this. 

4. Orphan Black: Echoes - You guys, I'm so upset because this show sucks so much. How do you take this cloning concept starring Krystin Ritter and fuck it up so badly?? I think the original Orphan Black series had this incredible hook of the same actress portraying different versions of herself - and it helped that Tatiana Maslany nailed all of these roles and made the audience care about every single one of them. This does not follow the same concept. Instead, it's a direct sequel following Sarah's (the original character) daughter, Kyra, in the future. She uses this technology to clone a loved one, and that clone is played by Ritter. It's about the clone's self-discovery - but we've already done that storyline so nothing about it feels new. And unfortunately, there's some very bad acting on display (the boyfriend, the person playing Tina - all *eeek* - sorry, I'm too lazy to look up their names). Don't even get me started on the old man makeup they put Felix in - I can't even focus on anything else when he's onscreen! Just hire an older actor who looks like him - nobody would care! Ritter is the only part worth watching - and just her presence keeps the show alive, but otherwise this is a miss. Also, the opening credits song sounds like a parody of indie pop artists (like Lana del Ray etc.) and it's hard to listen to. 

5. Lady in the Lake - I will watch anything with Natalie Portman. I didn't see the best reviews for this Apple TV+ show, but The Changeling didn't get the best reviews either, and I thought it was outstanding. I had the same hopes for this, but so far, not so good. I'm 5 episodes in and it's so overly and unnecessarily complicated, I don't even know where to begin. I guess the most obvious problem is the layering of these stories - they hint at this connection between the stories, but so far there is barely a connection so the back and forth is too jarring. And because it's so jarring, I've completely lost interest in whatever mystery they are slowly uncovering. And I don't think the editing works - showing her have sex with the police officer as the other woman is dancing?? What's the connection? And as much as I like Natalie Portman, she is laying on the accent very thick and they throw in every single Jewish word they can think of in the pilot episode. We get it - they are Jewish. There is a really strong scene (I think it's in the 5th episode) where she is trying to follow a story (she's a wannabe journalist) and this man (played by the always welcome Wood Harris) explains to her the differences in being black in America and being Jewish in America. But ONE really strong scene in FIVE WHOLE EPISODES?? We got a problem. Moses Ingram feels a little lost & bland (for the record I thought she was great in that Star Wars show - I don't remember which one she was in). And Mikey Madison is cuckoo bananas and I don't know if she's supposed to be like that?? Like, why is she acting like she's a figment of Portman's character's imagination?? It's all just so weird - and I feel like they are going overboard because they realized that the story they are telling isn't all that interesting so instead of investing in character depth and emotional beats, they just said "let's make it weirder". 

3 Thoughts on Deadpool & Wolverine

****Major Spoiler Alert!! Like, ALL the spoilers!!****

1. Deadpool - I am a big fan of both previous Deadpool movies, but I do think that Deadpool as a character can get a bit...grating. And this is, by far, this film's biggest flaw. The good news is that I'm pretty sure the creators anticipated this, so they threw in a beloved Main Character (good ol' Wolvie!) and a BUNCH of wild cameos to distract from the irritating other Main Character. I think they just failed at finding that balance of annoying meta joke after joke, and actually being funny. I think I laughed a total of twice (even though I was entertained by it - it isn't nearly as funny as its predecessors). The two jokes that I laughed at (and even remember because again it was joke after joke - you barely have time to process the dialogue) is the Gossip Girl joke in the beginning and I DIED when he calls Matthew Macfadyen "baby girl" - but that's only funny if you watched Succession and kept up with the memes. I liked the beginning "Bye, Bye, Bye" sequence but I was disappointed that it wasn't actually Reynolds dancing in the Deadpool suit (the least he could do was learn some pretty simple choreography that every teenager, myself included, learned 24 years ago). And as much as I don't like the whole multi-verse thing, I think this is the first film that does it well. It's because it's its own contained story within this multi-verse, and because it allows for a whole lot of freedom. The Deadpool variants are a bit of a letdown, though, because we don't see their faces (Lively, McConaughey, etc.) - and the one we do see is still Ryan Reynolds (no thanks). 

2. Wolverine - First of all, I knew all of the spoilers beforehand, and it's my own fault - quite literally - because I looked them up. I initially looked up spoilers because I wanted to check if those pesky Taron Egerton/Wolverine rumors rang true (and crossed my fingers and hoped & prayed that they weren't true - he clearly does not want the role. He's been so clear on not wanting to do all these big blockbusters unless it's the right fit - he said no to multiple roles already - both Han Solo in Solo and Cyclops in X-Men: Apocalypse. I just hope he doesn't cave. I think he learned a big lesson with Robin Hood  - he admitted that it didn't feel right, but the money was his deciding factor and he regretted it.). So anyway, I saw the Henry Cavill "Cavillrine" spoiler (UGH), but then I got curious and KEPT READING!! And I couldn't stop and I have no-one else to blame but myself. But the one thing that I did like is that instead of fan service for the other wolverine variants casting, they just used Jackman for the most part (they definitely threw everyone off by showing Patch only from the back), so that was probably the only thing that surprised me. And this variant of Wolverine that they do use for the majority of the movie is a perfect fit for Deadpool's chaotic energy - he's our Wolverine but even angrier because he's a complete failure in his world. And let me tell you, Jackman has never been better. I loved him in Logan, but I think this might top that performance! There are a few scenes that he just nails with the perfect amount of grit and emotion all while nailing the comedic moments and timing. I honestly don't even know if this movie would have been tolerable if not for Jackman. 

3. All the rest -  As for all the rest of the cameos & surprises, I can't really say any of them wowed me. I'm actually glad I knew them all beforehand because I would have probably been anticipating bigger & definitely better. Some of it is funny - like Chris Evans not in the Captain America role, but as his role in that disastrous Fantastic Four movie. But it would have been better if I actually like Chris Evans and...I don't. I probably would have cheered (internally) at the sight of Wesley Snipes returning as Blade and Jennifer Garner returning as Electra - but both are severely underused and pretty much wasted. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON GAMBIT. Fucking Hell - no wonder that movie was shelved indefinitely. It's the dumbest character that I've ever seen on screen - he throws cards at people and is basically unintelligible. How is that going to entertain an audience for a feature length film? Also Channing Tatum is only good in comedic roles. Period. Also, the movie would have been a THOUSAND times better if instead of using the whole sibling plot with Professor X (casting someone who I personally think is a terrible actor), they just used a variant of Professor X and kept James McAvoy in the role. And the whole idea of the movie - basically saying goodbye to all these 20th Century Fox characters, is good in theory, but it's overdone. I did think the end credits with all the behind the scenes clips (with Greenday's "Good Riddance" playing) was really sweet. This is definitely a movie that I enjoyed while watching it, but the more I think about it, the more annoyed I am by it. Like, I read a lot of the bad reviews and I can't disagree. But, damn, I was entertained - and sometimes that counts for a lot. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Talk to Me - This movie took such a freaking long time to release to a streaming service! I feel like I've been waiting to watch it for YEARS (it's only been one year, but STILL). A few film people I follow had really good things to say about this, so I was looking forward to it, all while staying relatively spoiler free. I didn't know much about it at all, actually - even the fact that it's an Australian movie surprised me. It's so weird because I'm actually planning a trip to Australia for the Fall of next year and suddenly I see Australia stuff all around me all the time. Overall, I really liked this movie. The cast is excellent - the only ones I recognize are Miranda Otto and Reb from Wentworth!! I've never seen them in anything else, but they were so good on that show! But I was really blown away by the performance of the main star - Sophie Wilde, especially during the "conjuring" scenes. She's just SO good, and really makes the whole movie work for me. I like the pacing of the film too - because you never quite know what the story is until towards the end when it's clearly a statement on suicidal thoughts, mental illness, and guilt. It becomes very interesting and thoughtful with regards to these subjects. I don't necessary think the movie is scary at all, but it definitely creeped me out. 

2. Love Lies Bleeding - I had high expectations for this, but not because I'm a big fan of Kristen Stewart like a lot of cinephiles - it's because I watched Saint Maud three years ago and I can't stop thinking about it. This is the same director (Rose Glass), so I was super intrigued. And I do like Kristen Stewart for the most part (she's inconsistent though). I also liked this movie, for the most part. I was surprised by the supporting cast of Dave Franco and Jena Malone because I didn't see them advertised at all. And also the girl that played Lavinia in Dickinson!!! I love her so much! Glad to see her in more things. I'm not really familiar with Katy O'Brian, but she most definitely should have been cast in She-Hulk (I love Tatiana Maslany, but she's SO TINY!). I could have done without all the bad haircuts (it's the 80s I get it, but I lived through the 80s and yes, someone would have a bad perm or a rat tail, but NOT EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Some of us just had normal hair). The story is good though - it's a bit of Thelma & Louise (but somehow make it more gay), and Titane, combined with GLOW. It also goes to unexpected places, doesn't shy away from the violence and gore of this world. I just don't think it's something that's going to stick with me. 

3. Pet Sematary: Bloodlines - This is really terrible and also very unmemorable. I was never really the biggest fan of the original (I don't really remember it to be honest. Other than calling my cat "Church the Pet Sematary cat" when she was being a bitch). There was also a remake not that long ago that I also didn't care for. I don't really know why I watched this - I was in the mood for a dumb horror movie and this seemed to fit the bill. But dumb horror does not = bad horror, and I feel like this concept confuses people. The biggest problem is that I could not tell you the plot. Is there one? There are some good scenes - like the scene in the hospital is incredible, but it would have been better if I knew what was happening. There are some weird camera angles to show even weirder perspectives, but again - just a bunch of scenes and dialogue thrown together. I do like the cast - I couldn't figure out how I knew the young girl but she's from The Goldbergs! All grown up and she is GORGEOUS (also just found out that her sister is the ghost girl from the new Ghostbusters movie! Talented family!). I don't like seeing Henry Thomas as a full grown adult with full grown adult kids, but that's my cross to bear. 

4. Abigail - What a fun little horror movie! It reminded me a little of Ready or Not, which is one of my favorite horrors of the last decade. I do wish that I had not seen the trailer for this already because they spoil the twist. I'm pretty good with avoiding these things, but I think this played before a movie at the theater, which is the only time I watch trailers now (and I don't go to the movies that often anymore for various reasons). It would have been so much fun to have this as a surprise, but oh well. So let's talk about this cast - I love Melissa Barrera. I've liked her in every project so far, and I'm glad that she's sticking to her guns even if it means losing jobs (although I also heard that she will, in fact, be in the next Scream movie, and if that's the case I'm going to be furious (not really I don't let movie & celebrity drama effect my life, like, at all, and I think it's weird that others do)). Dan Stevens knocks this out of the park - his heavy NY accent is so overdone that it provides most of the humor. Some of his line delivery is *chef's kiss*. Kathryn Newton is delightful (again, I've liked her in everything except Ant-Man - she just isn't right for that role). My heart breaks for Angus Cloud - Fez was my favorite character on Euphoria. His career was just beginning and he had so much potential. I was so sad when I heard about his death because it kind of reminded me of Cory Monteith (don't get me started! Still one of my most upsetting celebrity deaths). BUT, the highlight is this little girl. Alisha Weir BLEW ME AWAY. When she starts to explain everything - it is EVERYTHING. I was like "omg this little girl is GOOOOD", so I looked her up and was SHOCKED that she's Irish!! Her American accent is so good - it's a bit southern bell, mixed with...something that I can't put my finger on. Anyway, I love her so much - I instantly added Matilda to my watchlist. She's going to be a big star, mark my words. There's some really funny dialogue ("his head fell off") and hilariously gory scenes, but it's certainly not perfect. The color grading is SO yellow and sepia toned (WHY???), the length of Melissa's hair changes throughout (the story takes place in one night), the end drags a bit, and I just can't enjoy a story that makes us root for the bad guys (it's like Don't Breathe when we're supposed to care about a bunch of thieves breaking into a seemingly innocent old man's home). But overall, it's a fun ride with a great group of actors. 

5. A Family Affair - Almost had an unintentional all horror post, but this messed up the streak. I mean, it's kind of a horror, with how bad it is, if that counts? I wasn't actually planning on watching this (I'm trying to get better about not wasting my time watching obvious crap but I'm still really bad at it...), but I was on a plane and I wanted to watch something that I didn't have to really think about too much that I could download from Netflix and...voila! Plus, I do really like Joey King, Nicole Kidman & Zac Efron - so I thought it could still be entertaining on a basic level of just liking the actors. And it is - but that's where the enjoyment stops. It's like The Idea of You, but NOT good. It's actually almost the identical plot. The problem is that I don't really feel any chemistry between Efron and Kidman - they are actually a very odd couple. I also feel like the development of Kidman's character is severely lacking. There's an incredibly interesting relationship between her and her mother-in-law (the mother of her dead husband) that I would have liked to see explored more. We learn more about her daughter than her, which is weird for a love story that we are supposed to root for. Unfortunately the daughter is entitled, spoiled, narcissistic, etc., so the audience doesn't really root for her to succeed either. There are several quick moments where these traits are pointed out to her, but it's all quickly forgiven. I think King has a very clear natural comedic talent - her line delivery is perfect and she's sort of out-acting everyone she shares a scene with (yes, even Kidman). I think the only good thing to come out of this movie is that she's able to show this versatility. Kathy Bates has some nice "insightful grandma" scenes. Sherry Cola is way underused (she's funny! Make her do funny stuff!). There's kind of some funny meta Hollywood stuff, too, but otherwise I don't recommend it unless you're extremely bored on a plane after a 5 hour departure delay. 

Film Retrospective Part III: Thoughts on 10 Films (pre-1980)

1. Saturday Night Fever - [blind spot] First and foremost, it's INSANE that John Travolta is only 23 in this and that he's supposed to be a teenager - he looks, at least, 35 years old. I've definitely seen a lot of this movie in clips; especially the iconic opening scene with Travolta strutting down the streets of NYC in those boots with "Stayin' Alive" playing in the background. I've also seen the last dance sequence, but oddly had never noticed that there is a huge bandage on his face through the whole thing (!?). Aside from the casual racism, I did like this movie. It's a lot darker than I was expecting with the whole suicidal parts and the violence, but you have no choice but to be entertained by this soundtrack. Just every 70s disco song to ever exist in one movie. 

2. Diabolique (1955) - [rewatch] Holy shit is this a perfect movie?? I rated it 4.5 stars because I always hesitate to rate something 5 stars. I watched this for the first time about a decade ago - and I liked it, but I don't remember being blown away by it as I was with this rewatch. I think part of it is because I was also in the middle of reading a book about Hitchcock, and this is so clearly Hitchcockian - although it can be argued that Hitchcock, himself, was inspired by this (he actually tried to option the rights to the story but lost to Clouzot. I think it just added a layer of context that I was missing before. I also vaguely remember watching the remake (I think it had Sharon Stone in it?), and it being very bad, but now I'm curious to rewatch that as well. It's just such a good story, with an excellent "eye-popping" twist and ending. And even rewatching it, I don't really see any noticeable plot holes - other than the fact that their whole idea revolves around the basis of literally scaring someone to death (which is obviously not a guaranteed way to kill someone). I thought about it for days after watching it. 

3. Shampoo - [blind spot] I didn't really like this at all, which is surprising because I love Goldie Hawn so much (I'm so looking forward to next year when my retrospective expands to include 80s movies - I'm so going to include Private Benjamin, and one of my favorite movies ever, Overboard). But I've never really been a fan of Warren Beatty (I don't dislike him, but he's never wowed me and he always seems a bit smug to me). I don't find him convincing as this Casanova type character at all. I also expected this to be a raunchy comedy, and it's not? It's actually very boring, and I don't think I laughed once; nor did I think it was raunchy (just because there's sex that doesn't equal "raunchy"). I just didn't connect with any aspect of it, and it seems ridiculous that all this takes place in one day. 

4. Pygmalion - [blind spot] I obviously know the story and have enjoyed multiple renditions of it - My Fair Lady, the Bernard Shaw play, I've even read Metamorphosis (in Latin) which references the original Greek myth. I somehow missed watching this, though. It's decent - nowhere near as good as My Fair Lady, but there are parts that I really liked. Wendy Hiller in the Eliza Doolittle role is incredible. She has some great scenes - my favorite is when she's describing this really horrifying scene to the group, but she's practicing saying it all proper. Her line delivery is just perfect. Also, I'm surprised they didn't make her a scream queen after that fantastic scream she wails in the bathtub. But aside from a few great scenes, I was a little bored with it as a whole. 

5. Strangers on a Train - [rewatch] I think I've only seen this Hitchcock once, so I remember the basic plot, but not a lot of the details (like, I definitely thought the scene on the train lasted a lot longer!). This is an incredible movie though. Definitely among my favorite Hitch's. Some incredible shots - like the shot of him strangling her reflected in the glasses (holy shit!). And then the end carousal scene - how they shot the plastic horses to almost look evil as they spun around - just genius filmmaking that is so rare to find in the modern day film world. I didn't realize that this is a Patricia Highsmith story - the same author as The Talented Mr. Ripley, which really, really made me long for a Hitchcock version of that. I think the Netflix series was definitely trying to emulate Hitchcock (and I enjoyed it), but nobody can compare. On a side note - my husband and I went out to dinner with a friend of mine and her husband (she's like my little sister, really), who are in their late 20s and she asked me for some classic movie recommendations and I said "well, you can't go wrong with any Hitchcock movies" and her husband said "is that an actor?", "uh...no...Hitchcock? The director?"...*crickets* "The very famous director?!? The Birds, Psycho, Rear Window...like the inspiration for every modern thriller made??"...and nothing. My husband could tell I was getting heated and put his hand on my leg and gave me a look like "let it go", but my mind is still blown that neither of them had heard of Alfred Hitchcock. Stop the planet, I want off. 

6. Piranha (1978) - [blind spot] I honestly thought that I had seen this before, but as I started watching it, I realized that I had not. I think I may have seen one of the sequels and thought it was the original? I'm not sure, but none of this seemed familiar. I actually LOVE the remake that came out in 2010 (Piranha 3D), SOOO much (the sequel Piranha 3DD was garbage though). And I liked this one well enough. I definitely wasn't expecting full nudity within the first 30 seconds, but ok. I do think that watching (maybe?) one of the sequels (or I just looked it up and their was a tv movie remake in the mid 90s? Maybe I saw that as a kid and thought it was the original??), had a negative impact for my views on swimming in lakes. I actually really hate swimming in lakes - the water is always so dirty and dark, and I'm always convinced their are water monsters in them. EW. Anyway, this is satisfying - the carnage at the end is great, and I love the scene where they rescue the little boy in the river. It's a little too obvious that it's trying to build on the hype for Jaws, and had a little too many similarities, but overall I had fun. 

7. Close Encounters of the Third Kind - [rewatch] This is one of those movies that I saw as a kid, and I thought it was boring so I've always put off rewatching it (I just remember a lot of old men talking, and talking, and talking). I've definitely wanted to rewatch - and assumed that I would love it, so now is that time! And guess what??? I didn't really love it. It's boring (eeek!). There are things I like about it, and it's obviously a well-made movie (I rated it 3.5 stars, but I definitely thought I was going to rate it 4 or more stars with this rewatch). Plus, I love Richard Dreyfuss (shame about the human garbage he became). I also think the alien design is really, really cool - very spider-like and creepy. The kid in this is super adorable - I actually thought he might be related to Dreyfuss (in real life) because he kind of has the same features (he's not, though). Anyway, I just think the whole thing is kind of a slog. And unfortunately I don't think much has changed with our reactions and our penchant for mass hysteria. I mean, the fact that a worldwide pandemic hit and the first thing people did was stock up on toilet paper tells you everything you need to know about present day humanity. 

8. The Invisible Man (1933) - [blind spot] I have been wanting to watch this ever since I watched the remake starring Elisabeth Moss a few years ago - but, guess what?? It hasn't been available on any streaming service which is really annoying - it wasn't so bad when I was able to get Netflix discs sent to me. I always added unavailable movies to my Netflix queue and I would be able to watch literally anything within a few days time. Now. I have to wait, and wait, and wait. But I just realized something super cool that I didn't know - I now have Sling instead of cable and I didn't know that I could record off of Sling so I found this movie airing on TCM at 2am randomly and I recorded it! Like the old days of DVR! I also like watching TCM movies because they do a little intro at the beginning with fun facts about the movie. Anyway, I really enjoyed the remake for this (even though I don't like Moss), so I looked forward to watching this and I'm happy to report that I liked this as well. The effects are so simple, but they are done so well - especially for a film from the 30s. Plus a young Gloria Stuart! The remake is very differently done, which kind of makes me appreciate it even more. But I like that the original story explores the darker side of someone gaining this power of invisibility and using it to basically become a super villain. 

9. Network - [blind spot] I know, I know - this is definitely one of my bigger film blind spots! I always get it confused with All the President's Men, so when I think of it, I go "oh yeah, I've seen that" but I definitely haven't. I've seen some clips, I believe, in my film studies classes, but I'm pretty sure I haven't seen the whole thing in full until now. And holy shit - it's close to perfect. I know a lot of projects based on television journalism use this movie as a reference point - like The Morning Show, Spotlight, etc., but I immediately thought of Christine, not even realizing that Christine is based on a true story and Network is based on that true story! Wow. That's really interesting (caused me to pause the movie and read all about it before restarting this movie). Anyway, Faye Dunaway is simply flawless. I love seeing the classic lines within the context of the movie ("I'm as mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore" and "We're number one!"). It's also very funny in some bits - like Barbara reading out the potential project titles and character descriptions. I giggled.  

10. Kramer vs. Kramer - [blind spot] Another big blind spot for me - and I was blown away by Dustin Hoffman in this. I was more expecting it from Meryl Streep, and I didn't realize that she is a supporting role for this (although with some of the arguments being made today - I think if this came out present day she would be submitted in the lead actress role). I think that obviously a lot of people can relate to the divorce aspect, and being the child of divorced parents. I think that would be really hard for a lot of children to grasp and deal with - being pulled by both parents in different directions, having to celebrate events separately (and often twice), etc., but I will always stand by the fact that happier people make better parents. There is something to be said for staying in a marriage "for the kids", and if you are still friendly, respectful, etc., maybe it is worth sacrificing a certain amount of happiness so that your child can have a stable family home. I don't know - each case is different, but I do think this woman lost the plot when she abandoned her child. There's just no excuse. I also think there could have been better communication - he admits his wrongs, and apologizes for them, but she doesn't really. It's odd for this very "grey" story to take the side of the father so clearly - he steps up and realizes how much his son needs him. He even loses his job over it. That's not to say that I don't empathize with Streep's character - in the 70s, feminism was really taking shape and I think a lot of women reevaluated their life and realized how deeply unhappy they were in traditional housewife roles (not all women, of course, many are very happy in these roles and are demonized for it). It also brings to light the whole "the courts side with the mother in most cases" as very problematic. On a personal note - my mom had both of her parents abandon her (and her 4 siblings), so she lived with her aunt & uncle for few years until her mother suddenly wanted her back. She went back to live with her mom, thinking for her entire teen and adult life that her aunt & uncle didn't want her anymore until just a few years ago, her uncle told her that when her mother announced she wanted her back, he went to a lawyer and they basically told him he had no case. The court would side with her mother EVEN THOUGH SHE ABANDONED 5 CHILDREN. Isn't that insane? My mother's life would have been a lot different if she stayed with them (but she probably also wouldn't have become a teen mother, which means she wouldn't have had me!). Anyway, I really loved this movie and it's definitely going to stay with me for a while. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Am I Ok? - YOU GUYS! I wrote this entire blog post, literally writing the last sentence, and then I accidentally hit something that deleted the whole post. I was confused so I EXITED out of the page instead of hitting the undo button. So, the answer to the movie title's question is NO, I'M NOT OK mother fucker. *CRIES FOREVER* So frustrating. I feel like I don't even want to bother typing it all out again, but I'll do my best. This will probably be pretty short & snappy though because now I'm in a bad mood. I'm counting this movie as a 2024 release even though it premiered at Sundance way back in 2022. It took a full two years for it to be released to the public, and I've heard very little about it. It's cute! I like Dakota Johnson, though, I don't care what anyone says. Sure, she started out rough with the 50 Shades movies, but she's been so charming in everything since. And she has this knack for feeling like a real person to me - someone that I can easily relate to and understand. I also LOVE Kiersey Clemons, and Molly Gordon steals every scene that she's in (she would definitely annoy the shit out of me in real life, but I was entertained by her here). I'm not a big fan of the other lead of the movie, though. I recognize her from a lot of Alex Garland stuff, but specifically Devs and I fucking hated her in that (I think she's in House of the Dragon, too? I may be confusing her with someone else). She's the weakest link here, too. But overall, I like this story of this woman realizing that she's gay a bit later in life. Dakota really plays this character with understanding and empathy. There are a lot of little things that bother me, though (as per...). Like, if my best friend clearly had no interest in having sex with men (or women), I would probably assume that she's asexual and move on (not my business unless she wants it to be). I find it weird that instead her best friend pressures her into being sexually active. It's also weird to look up stuff about your personal life on your work computer (are people stupid? Don't answer that) and when the friend says "I'm drowning in work" even though she spends 90% of her day texting her bff - it made me want to punch her in the nose. And the try-on party??? Whose clothes are those? Those women are not the same size! It's always dumb stuff like this that turns a good story into an average movie. 

2. Memory (2023) - This definitely seems like my kind of movie, but unfortunately it doesn't really live up to my expectations. Jessica Chastain gives an incredible performance though. It's a bit surprising that this was ignored by awards (but that's because release date is more important than the actual performances). But Peter Sarsgaard holds his own, too. I think my biggest problem is that none of it feels like it's grounded in reality. There is just no way that this woman would just let this man follow her home especially since she has a teenage daughter, AND *spoiler* she believes this man sexually assaulted her when she was a teenager. There is just NO WAY, so the whole story just feels inauthentic. While I like the relationship that forms between these two people, both of whom are suffering from trauma (hers from PTSD, his from early onset dementia), the character motivations simply don't exist. None of it makes any sense within a real world. Some scenes are so weird, too - like the confrontation scene towards the end. It's just so heavy-handed, but I do think that the basic elements of the story and the relationship will stick with me. There's a great supporting cast - Merritt Wever (I LOVE HER!), Josh Charles, and Elsie Fisher (who needs to seriously fire whoever did that to her hair!). I definitely had more to say about this movie the first time I wrote this, but I'm too lazy to repeat it all. 

3. Kung Fu Panda 4 - This is definitely the worst one of these movies, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. It's just that the Kung Fu Panda franchise is incredibly strong. It's a big mistake to not get the full original cast back (I get that Angelina Jolie and co. are expensive, but it needed them desperately). It's also a big mistake to cast Awkwafina IN A VOICE ROLE! Why does this keep happening??? This is like the 4th animated movie I had to suffer through, in which a main character sounded like NAILS ON A FUCKING CHALK BOARD. I will forgive them for absolutely nailing Viola Davis as The Chameleon. The way they animated the lizard to have her facial features is really stunning. I don't have much to say about this, though. It feels like a story they've already told. But the absolute best part is the Britney Spears cover at the end (of "Baby One More Time") by Tenacious D. It's seriously sad to see they ended their partnership over Donald Fucking Trump. I have to say, though, once again, I have to disagree with the internet and side with Jack Black on this one. When I heard of the attempted assassination of Trump, I was at work and a customer informed me as I was ringing her up. All she said was "someone just shot Donald Trump at his rally", and my initial reaction was to gasp out of horror. I get the sentiment to want someone as awful as Trump dead, but the reality of it - and the fact that it was televised, and that someone else died, is so horrifying. Do you really want your children to see a former president of the united states shot in the head and murdered on live television? The "don't miss next time" was completely inappropriate and disrespectful. And the thing is, he knew it and he still said it - putting his bandmates careers in jeopardy. I would be pissed if I were Black, and I would have distanced myself just as he did. People really need to reel themselves in - they are becoming the people we are trying to fight against, and it's really disheartening. 

4. Back to Black - UGH I wrote so much about this movie in my original post, and I truly can't be bothered to remember it all. The film wasn't as bad as I was expecting - in fact, there's a few things I actually liked about it, but a lot of mistakes were made. I think Marisa Abela was set up to fail. Her performance, acting-wise, is actually fairly decent. I don't think she looks like Amy at all (more like Jenny Slate), but that's not always necessary. But it's a similar situation to Naomi Ackie's casting as Whitney Houston - getting the essence of this person is absolutely necessary and they both did not succeed. In Abela's case, they had her actually sing Amy's songs, which as seen in the viral clip that every single person on the internet called an embarrassment. I think she tried too hard to sound *exactly* like her, instead of putting her own spin on it (ala Rocketman). I appreciate the commitment that Abela put into this role, and again, I don't think it's her fault that this is a miss. When she performs the Grammys scene, I couldn't quite pin down *why* it's so bad, because there's no glaringly obvious reason, until you watch the *actual* performance directly after (which I did, because I was curious). And again, it's an "essence" thing - Amy sings with a level of freedom that the audience could just feel in their bones. She didn't give a fuck, just got up there and sang her heart out. Didn't care if she hit a note just right, didn't care if her makeup was smeared, didn't care if she stumbled out of her shoes (partly because drunks develop less awareness the more they drink). She's also just a natural talent - it seemed effortless and cool. Abela is stiff, polished, clearly performing for a camera - and we can absolutely feel that she cares about how this performance is perceived. But I blame the director for this - had she told Abela to fuck up a little and be a little more free - she might have given a better performance. I also read a lot of criticism about this movie "blaming" Amy's death on being depressed about being childless, instead of the people in her life who could have saved her, and I did not get that at all from this movie. They clearly show her father saying the line "she's fine" when her management wanted to put her in rehab (which is featured in the song "Rehab" - "if my daddy says I'm fine...") because putting her in rehab would have a negative impact on her career. They also clearly show this almost near obsession she had for her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, and having that relationship crumble is what destroyed her. I didn't really realize that they met so early on in his career - I do know that he was always portrayed as a villain in her life. I never connected that a large portion of her songs are about him and their relationship (and on a sidenote - you know those lines in a song that just stick with you? Well "We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times..." is one of my favorite lines in a song. period. I get it stuck in my head all the time, and the way she sings it is just gut-wrenching. But now it's even more heartbreaking knowing the story behind it). What this movie does really, really well is cast someone as charming as Jack O'Connell in this role. I always thought of Blake as sort of slimy, so this was a new twist to this person - and allowed us insight into Amy's adoring eyes for him. It's so easy to look at toxic relationships and point it out and claim "ew, how does she not see through his shit?", but this is how she sees him and this girl fell hard. As did I, the second O'Connell started singing and dancing to "Leader of the Pack". I like that they didn't take the easy route with this character - and shows how toxic she was also to him. I can't blame someone for recognizing this toxicity and leaving it behind in favor of a more "normal" life. Ending the movie on this heartbreak isn't offensive or disrespectful towards Amy, it's reality. I do think they should have shown her actually trying to get help several times (she did, in fact, go to rehab multiple times), but other than that, I don't have a problem with how her life is portrayed here (and as a sidenote - some women who are childless are also super depressed about it. That's a completely legitimate reason for a woman to be depressed. The problem is that she had nobody in her life that she could lean on and that could convince her how young she was and how much life changes as you grow older, so she just drank herself to death). I also really liked learning about Amy's musical and style influences - mostly from her grandmother. I like that she didn't look like every other pop star. I was often told I looked like Amy Winehouse during the height of her fame (and she became famous in America long after she gained fame in the U.K). I was always super offended by it because, to me, she looked sick. But, I was always super thin and petite, pale skin, and have a whole lot of hair. I would never wear winged eyeliner because I felt like the comparisons would increase. 

5. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire - I did not like this at all, which is surprising to me because I did really like Godzilla vs. Kong. I wasn't even sure if this was related to that or if they were rebooting etc. It's hard to keep track anymore, but as soon as I saw Rebecca Hall I realized it was connected. I'm glad to see her back (not with that haircut though! Do you think she had the same hairstylist as Elsie Fisher??? Pixie styles can be cute if they are done well! And Hall rocks a pixie well, so I don't know why it looks so bad here. The highlights certainly don't help). I also really like the girl who plays her daughter - she's a really strong little actress. The highlight, though, if there is one, is Brian Tyree Henry and his banter with Dan Stevens. I think the majority of the film taking place in Hollow Earth is part of the reason I found it so boring. I think the scale of the monsters becomes hard to distinguish when they aren't shown on our own terms. And Godzilla is barely in it until the end, so it feels a little bit like false advertising. Also, the effects for all the other monsters, Godzilla and Kong aside, are really bad?? Why do they look so bad? It's like the had the b-team design those ones. It's interesting to compare this to other Godzilla projects that came out this year, because maybe if those didn't exist, I might have been more forgiving of this. But Godzilla Minus One and the Apple tv series Monarch: Legacy of Monsters are both very good. This is bad.