Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Stillwater - When I started watching this, I pulled up some reviews real quick expecting mostly mediocre reviews, but there are a surprising amount of good ones?! I assumed it bombed because I hadn't heard much about it, especially since Matt Damon is usually a box office draw. But anyway, I didn't actually like it, so my initial expectations were right. The only thing I knew about it beforehand was that it was inspired by the Amanda Knox story, which she responded to with a very negative article denouncing the film for using her life story for entertainment without her consent. It was a very well-written, interesting article, but honestly, if she hadn't written it, I would not connect this movie to her story at all. It's a story of a father trying to prove his daughter's innocence by taking the investigation into his own hands (which is not an original story - Prisoners and Secret in Their Eyes instantly came to my mind). As far as I know, Amanda's father had nothing to do with her acquittal, and not much about this case compares to Amanda's, other than her being accused of killing her roommate in another country. Anyway, other than that, the movie is just pretty painful - very slow, very boring. Damon's southern accent is...something. And Abigail Breslin is not a good actress. She used to be, but wow...spectacularly bad now. There are also so many wasteful scenes - there is a 10 minute long scene where he just asks strangers if they've seen Akim. Just over and over again. We don't need to see him ask all of these people - it can easily be implied. There's just nothing about it that feels compelling nor does it feel as intense as it should feel. 

2. The Northman - I have to admit that I didn't go into this movie with the highest of hopes, simply because I have not liked Eggers previous directorial efforts. And by "not like", I mean that I pretty much fucking hated them - both The VVitch and The Lighthouse are just the most boring and pretentious films to be released in the last decade, but people just eat that shit up. I do try my best to keep an open mind when watching any movie. But, I can't really say that I liked this. I liked it more than the two movies that I just mentioned, but I don't think that's saying much. It's very well-made, and far more watchable than his other efforts. It's just not for me - the raping and pillaging of towns, the savageness of it, keeps it grounded in reality, but just not something that I need to witness. I am a big fan of mythology - but mostly Greek and Roman, I'm not as familiar with Norse mythology (although I bought a book about it when I was in Iceland, but have not read it yet). I think if you have a familiarity or even some general knowledge of it, you might get more out of it than I did. I think my two biggest problems with it are (1) It feels so bloated. It doesn't really get to the good part until 90 MINUTES in. Kidman is incredible in that scene - overcoming that weird-ass accent she was attempting (why does she keep insisting that she can do accents? Even her American one is wonky sometimes). But there's just so much nonsense leading up to it that feels so unnecessary. And (2) I can not get over Kidman playing Alexander Skarsgard's MOM. They are 10 years apart and play husband and wife in Big Little Lies. It doesn't work AT ALL, because Nicole Kidman looks AMAZING at 55 - can easily pass for mid-40s. And Skarsgard, also looks...mid 40s. There's no clear distinction on his age, but it goes from him being a child (early teens I think) to "years later", but he is clearly, at least, 25 YEARS OLDER. And his love interest, the wonderful, Anya Taylor-Joy, is completely wasted in this, and also 20 YEARS YOUNGER than him. It's not totally unrealistic, given the time period (or even now...), but it just hurts my brain to the point where I can't focus on the story in front of me. 

3. The Card Counter - I think this is a solid movie, but it definitely could have been better, so ultimately it feels a little disappointing. I haven't really loved a Paul Schrader written and/or directed film since...American Gigolo (although, looking up his filmography, there seems to be so many movies I've never even heard of?! How weird! Also, I didn't hate First Reformed, I just didn't love it as much as everyone else seemed to). I didn't know much about this going in, so I just assumed it was about...uh...a...card counter? Which it is, to an extent, but the real story is far darker, and very unexpected. But back to the obvious part for a second - first, you might already know this, but I LOVE gambling and playing cards. But I'll never understand why card counting is illegal. I feel like if you have the brain capacity to do that, then you deserve to have that advantage. I think the trick is to keep it small, like he does in the beginning - nobody is going to care if you keep winning a few hundred bucks here and there. But people get greedy. Also, on a side-note, one of the biggest reasons I hate Blackjack is because I'm always worried that someone is counting the cards at the table and I'm going to do something to fuck up the count (because I go by gut feelings and intuition and my witch powers, not by what the "rules" say). I do love Poker, though. I think it's harder to count and it's based more on statistics and bluffing, etc (but again, I just go by my gut). I literally SCREAMED when the woman folded with a pair of aces (the winning hand) and this is why I can't watch Poker tournaments because I get so distraught when someone gets bluffed. Anyway, I won't give away what the actual movie is about because I think it hits harder if you don't know, but it is a very strong story. And the soundtrack and score is incredible. Oscar Isaac gives a strong lead performance (probably among my favorites of his). There's a few downsides - Tiffany Haddish is just awful. I don't think she's funny at all, but she's also a terrible actress - it looks like she's reading off of a cue card for most of this. And there is no chemistry between them, and I'm pretty sure there is supposed to be? 

4. Lamb - I was kind of excited about this - I love Noomi Rapace and I thought this looked like a more serious/horror version of the film Splice. That was the pre-vibe that I got from this. But...unfortunately it's kind of dull. Not horror at all. More of a drama about parenthood - the choices one makes and who you decide to consider family, but also about taking something that doesn't belong to you. It can definitely be interpreted into an unsettling tale of an adoption gone wrong. Obviously it's also about an animal/human hybrid - and that alone has a lot of mythological and allegorical messages. Sheep are such majestic animals - we don't see them much in the U.S unless you're from the mid-west (at least I don't think? even farms in upstate NY had horses, pigs, cows, even alpacas, but never sheep). When I went to Ireland I was obsessed with watching for sheep and then we drove down this tiny road and we got stuck behind someone herding a huge flock of them. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Anyway, this movie has a pretty creepy feeling for its entirety, but it never quite gets there until the end. Which *spoilers ahead* I'm happy that they show the adult human/sheep hybrid so that we aren't left with the feeling that her husband fucked a sheep because that's where I honestly thought they were going (either her husband or his brother). I mean, it's still implied that someone fucked a sheep, but at least it's no-one from this story. 

5. The Valet - Really fucking stupid, which I *knew* it would be, obviously. But I love Samara Weaving so much, I would watch literally anything that she is in. And I have to say, my bias might be showing here, but she is spectacular in this. Her line delivery is spot-on and I think it's hard for actors to play actors, especially if they are different then what they would actually do in a specific role - this doesn't really make sense unless you've seen it, but Weaving plays an actress who has a big movie coming out in which she plays Amelia Earhart - and she does it in this really over-dramatic and cheesy fashion, but in reality Weaving would probably make a great Amelia Earhart. And speaking of this - my favorite line in the whole movie is when she says "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for Amelia Earhart!" with such gusto. I almost spit out my drink because that is exactly how delusional actors are and it's hilarious how she makes fun of it. I also laughed when they showed her weird sitting/standing move in the limo so that she doesn't wrinkle the dress. But back to how awful the rest of this movie is - it's somehow two hours long, which is absolutely unnecessary. It's been a long time since I haven't been able to finish a movie, but this is just so long and so boring that I had to stop it about 1/2 way through and watch the rest the following morning. It literally put me to sleep. The plot is basically Marry Me, with a few changes, but somehow that movie is far superior to this. I like Eugenio Derbez and the rest of the cast (oh I forgot Marisol Nichols is also in this! I love her), but he has sort of three love interests in this, but he is far too old for all of them! Stop doing this, Hollywood. I hate it. 

Thoughts on 5 New TV Shows

1. Obi-Wan Kenobi - I can't believe that I watched all three of the prequels (for the first time!) only to have this series begin with a complete recap that was better than all three movies combined. What a waste of 6 hours, but what's done is done. I put off watching them for as long as possible because they just looked horrendous and I'm sorry but Hayden Christensen can NOT act and I don't know why there seems to be this overwhelming love for him currently?!? What the fuck is happening? Is everyone ok? Maybe take a nap or something? Anyway, I do really like all the new Star Wars side-stories that we've been gifted with lately - The Mandalorian is great, The Book of Boba Fett has its moments, I actually really loved Rogue One, and Solo is fun. This, so far, has been satisfying. The third episode has been the strongest, but there have been great moments in all of them, so far (5 eps in). I still hate the use of de-aging techniques and the fact that James Earl Jones likely did not record any new dialogue for this. I just think it's weird and it reminds me of the movie The Congress (which just gets closer and closer to reality everyday and I hate it. And I think actors should be terrified...). I read some of the criticism about Moses Ingram as Reva, and while most of it boils down to racism, some seemed to genuinely dislike her performance (valid criticism), however I find her chilling from the very first episode. I like how her story has progressed. The only criticism I would have is with the dialogue, which is sometimes...rough, but also true to Star Wars in general. Also, the little girl is the perfect child version of Leia, because...um...Princess Leia is...um...super annoying (sorry internet, don't hate me 😬). I could totally do without Hayden, but he's very minimally relied upon acting-wise, so it's not so bad. And Ewan is great, as expected. 

2. 5. Under the Banner of Heaven - I watched the first episode and practically fell asleep. It's sooooo slow and boring. How do you make a show about a grizzly murder that fucking mind-numbing??? But I persisted, and am now on the 4th or 5th one, and it's gotten slightly better. I really like the cast a lot - Andrew Garfield can be really great sometimes (not always), and I love that he's had a resurgence this year. I also like that he's taking a break for himself. I always get nervous for people when they have a tragic event happen (his mom died recently) and then they overwork themselves as a way to "forget" instead of heal. Dude needs a break. Plus, Daisy Edgar-Jones, Rory Culkin, Gil Birmingham, AND Sam Worthington (someone I used to really like but has been in so much garbage that I thought my original opinion was wrong and he's actually a terrible actor, but GUESS WHAT?! I was right! He can act. He just needs smaller, more dramatic roles like this! Casting the right person for the right role is important, people!). Anyway, this is also created by Dustin Lance Black, someone I am a big fan of, so I guess I just had expectations that were too high. It's not a bad show, but there's nothing of note about it, and with so much content overwhelming us, a show like this just gets lost nowadays. I enjoy the scenes with Daisy the most because I like her rebellious character - she's brave in questioning things, but also tries to be respectful. She comes off as really endearing, honest, and sweet - which is the goal, I think. I do struggle with her accent, though - first, I actually thought Daisy was Irish because of Normal People so I thought her Irish accent was peaking out a bit, causing this weird American/Irish hybrid accent. But then I looked it up and SHE'S NOT IRISH. So, what the fuck accent is this? There is another actress on the series that has an Irish accent so maybe she let it bleed into her own attempt at a Utah/Idaho/Iowa accent (sorry I can't remember where she's supposed to be from, but to a New Yorker - those are all the same state...). I like that it shows the sinister nature behind the LDS church and Mormonism (and...um...all religions, really), while also showing that there are good people within this...uh...cult. And Garfield does a great job at being the moral compass while displaying this conflicting idea about this...uh...cult. I'm definitely interested to see how it all ends, but it's been a big chore to get there. 

3. Roar - This series is really kind of out there, and I think that I love it? Some episodes are miles better than others, but overall I dig what it's doing. It's an anthology series telling different stories of womanhood, mostly taking a literal take of a cliché or idea (like "the trophy wife" episode is about a woman literally sitting on a shelf like a trophy so that her husband can adore her all day long, obviously that doesn't go so well), featuring a spectacular group of actresses - Issa Rae, Nicole Kidman, Betty Gilpin, Cynthia Erivo, and MY FAVORITE, Merritt Wever! Also, they are only 30 minute long episodes, which is a dream, and so much easier to binge. There's no filler, the pace is quick and concise, etc. I just prefer it overall than something so stretched out that I find myself questioning the importance of every second (*cough* Stranger Things *cough*). Out of the 5 episodes that I've watched so far, my favorites are the one mentioned above, which stars Gilpin, and the Meritt Wever one, so I'm going to talk about those two for a quick second. I think I like the "trophy wife" episode so much because it didn't end with any sort of certainty, which I feel like is true to life - feminist thought is kind of messy and it means different things to people (an example is that once I had this woman flat-out tell me that I'm not a feminist because I watched Game of Thrones - because of the mostly female nudity. And when I told her that I didn't have a problem with nudity in films and tv, she got even more upset with me). I think a lot of women look down on other women who choose a more domestic lifestyle, and even more so if they are wealthy. But honestly, I don't think there is anything wrong with not having or wanting a career if your partner makes enough money to support you both? Who the fuck chooses to...work? Why are we built like this? So when he tells her "you never have to worry about anything ever again" and "all you have to do is sit here and be loved", that sounds like a fucking dream to me. It all goes south, of course, and turns into a story about inserting your independence. But the episode gets really interesting once she throws herself off of the shelf - Gilpin's performance is extraordinary as she relearns the world with this physical rag doll walk that is clumsy and perfectly choreographed. Then it all comes full circle with an interesting feminist precaution about beauty standards, being objectified, and this internal struggle that so many women have about their looks. I sort of love the obviousness that it showcases while also offering absolutely zero answers. The 5th episode is really unexpected - because it starts off really cute about a talking duck, but then it quickly goes full-crazytown with Wever's character falling in love with said duck. I couldn't really figure out where it was going, but when it got there, I almost cried at how perfect it is - as it's a story of how incredibly easy it is to suddenly find yourself in an abusive situation - whether it's emotional or physical, I guarantee you that most women don't catch the early signs (and the early sign in this is that he's overly supportive and convinces her that her relationship with her sister is hurting her mental health), until it's too late. While I think these two episodes are superb, two others are strong - with the first being about a successful black woman who still remains invisible among her peers, and the other about the struggle to juggle both motherhood and a successful career (and also about doctors ignoring the concerns of women...). The only episode that is not good is the one featuring Nicole Kidman - completely boring and forgettable. I think the series, overall, is super cool and I hope they keep doing more seasons (similar to how Black Mirror just keeps going). 

4. Pachinko - I've watched the first two episodes so far, and overall I think it's a bit confusing. The timelines aren't very clear and there are too many stories being told - and I'm not very well-versed in Asian history, so I don't feel like I'm getting the intricacies of the plot that I should be getting. BUT...it's absolutely beautifully made and just gorgeous to look at. The opening credits with them dancing among the Pachinko machines are just so joyful and fun. I could watch that on repeat for hours. I love that it is in both Korean and Japanese - and it distinguishes between the two languages with different color subtitles. I don't have much to say about it, yet, but I'm still certainly invested, and am hopeful that the different plots will become more clear with each episode. 

5. Anatomy of a Scandal - I had this at the top of my list, but then my mom texted me about how much she loved it and how great the acting is, and I moved it down a few notches (my mom has terrible taste in television - the only show she's ever loved that was actually good is Mad Men). Honestly, it's basically a copy of the UK series A Very British Scandal (or A Very English Scandal - I'm confused at the title because it's listed as both on Amazon Prime). Except each season of that is based on a real scandal, and I think this one is fictional (although a scandal is a scandal - and they are usually about political people cheating so fiction and reality blur with these types of shows). So far, I think it's...okay. It's certainly not terrible and is definitely elevated by the performances. I'm a big, big fan of Sienna Miller, but also of Michelle Dockery. I don't believe that anyone would cheat on Sienna Miller but it happened in real life (Jude Law is beautiful, but also a dummy), so I guess I will go with this plot even though my brain tells me it makes no sense. The first episode is pretty underwhelming because it's already so cliched that cheating doesn't even feel scandalous anymore - as one of his supporters says "that doesn't even qualify as a storm". So it is satisfying that it ends more disturbingly with the rape accusation. I don't like the way it shows him lifted in the air as if being literally punched in the gut (such an odd choice for such a serious show - and each episode ends this weirdly for...no reason at all). I'm definitely more interested in the scandal now, and in the moral questioning of the "believe all women" mantra that has seemed to overwrite "innocent until proven guilty". It also questions the subtleties of consent, as in, is it rape if there was never an explicit "no"? I'm interested to see how deep it goes. 

Thoughts on 5 Films

1. Italian Studies - So fucking boring I almost had to turn it off. Vanessa Kirby makes it somewhat watchable, but just barely. There isn't really a plot or a strong narrative at all - this woman meanders through the streets after losing her memory and then she writes about her experience, but it jumps back and forth in time (but is never really clear about which timeline it is in). It doesn't really make sense, either, because if you suddenly forgot who you were, you would seek help via hospital and/or police station instead of going into convenience stores and stealing food or going to hotels and trying to trick them into giving you a key to a room. It's just so...dumb. I think the worst part, though, is definitely any scene featuring the students. They are all just really annoying and they say "like" repeatedly - it made my brain hurt (I say "like" a lot, too. It's very natural for a valley girl, but it's also extremely irritating so I try my best to pay attention to it when I'm speaking so that I don't annoy the fuck out of everyone around me - it's called courtesy, people!). Nothing they say holds any value, it's just random conversations that make no sense. Also, why is Maya Hawke in this? She feels above this to me. Vanessa is definitely above this, but at least she's the star?! Hawke only has a handful of lines - and if you blink you might literally miss her. 

2. The Fallout - I really wasn't prepared enough to watch this. I think I watched it about a week before the school shooting in Uvalde, but it's so heartbreaking to think about how relevant this story is and how many children and teenagers can relate to it. Just devastating that this is...normal. I truly watched this for Jenna Ortega. If there's one good thing I can say about getting sucked into the dumbest show on the planet (You), it's that, at least, Ortega steals the show with every one of her scenes. I was also interested to see Maddie Ziegler in something that wasn't offensive. Both actresses excel this story into something so personal and emotional, it's really satisfying to witness. I think when it comes to tragic events like this, the focus is often on the victims and their families, but it's such a traumatic thing to survive something like this - it effects your entire life from that moment on. It's devastating that the expectation for these kids, is just to go back to school (the place of the tragedy that they witnessed, like having their friends murdered) and just pretend like everything is okay? I think this movie does a really great job at showing how people handle tragedy differently - for some it's debilitating and they shutdown, but for others it will motivate them to take action, and neither of these things are wrong or right. I also really like the relationship that is formed between these two girls - nothing more than acquaintances in different circles at school. It felt very real (often I feel like teenage girls are portrayed as either cliquey or as enemies, but often it's just like "this girl I know from school"). But it turns into an undeniable bond between two people who don't feel like they can connect to the rest of the world. There are some really brilliant little moments too - like when Maddie's character goes to open the door and she pretends like she's not waiting impatiently for her new friend to arrive by stomping her feet towards the door. I also like that it feels a bit directionless, because it mirrors their lives now. This is definitely one of my favorite movies from this year (I'm including it as 2022, even though it was released at SXSW in 2021 - it took a whole year for a wide release. I usually go by IMDB U.S. release dates, but the pandemic really fucked that system). 

3. Firestarter (2022) - Absolutely pointless. I recently rewatched the original because I also recently read the novel, and I wanted to compare. I'm a big fan of the original - it's not a great movie, exactly, but I have a lot of nostalgia for it and it is the first horror film that I remember vividly watching. I'm not sure if I think this remake is such a disaster because the original is so fresh in my mind, or if it is just that much of an actual disaster (although other reviews seem to point to complete disaster, so it's not just me). First, they changed SO MUCH. And they cut SO MUCH. And they do nothing to update or modernize it in any way, which is why my initial reaction is that it's pointless. I think having Zac Efron in a dad role is probably really hard for a lot of people in their mid-30s (I was too old for the High School Musical craze, but I get it). I'm actually a big fan of Zac (it surprised me too - but he's super charming in everything I've seen him in), but he is miscast in this role. The young girl is fine, I guess, but she's no Drew Barrymore (hard shoes to fill, but not impossible). As for the changes, none of them are for the good of the film. I think it's very confusing - if I didn't already know the story, I'm not sure I would understand what was happening. Also, why on Earth do we need a sympathetic Rainbird, and WHY did they give him powers?? He was TERRIFYING in the original and in the book - his obsession with this little girl is unnerving and so disturbing, but in this, I'm supposed to understand his motives? Fuck that. But the absolute worst part, that is also completely unnecessary, is that she kills a cat...ON PURPOSE. I guess it's not really on purpose but at this point she has more control over her powers and still uses her abilities to SET A CAT ON FIRE. Why would any producer/filmmaker think "yeah...that will win over audiences"? How does this person still have a job? 

4. Ambulance (or AmbuLAnce if you prefer, but it's a total copy of SouthLAnd...) - It's a Michael Bay heist movie, what's not to love??? I, for one, will always love Michael Bay. Always and Forever. And he's discovered DRONES! LOL. I know this is a lot of people's version of Hell, but I absolutely dig it. Plus Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II,  AND Eiza Gonzalez??!! The plot is absolutely preposterous and the actual bank job wasn't really thought out very much - just horribly planned from day one. It reminded me of the time when I lived in Philly and someone robbed the bank across the street from my work and he just tried to walk out the front door with the money in an open bag on a very windy day. Money was just flying everywhere and the crowds of people trying to grab at it all was just absolute chaos (hilarious, though). Anyway, it's also really convenient storytelling that this guy is in desperate need of money so he hits his brother up the exact day that he's planning a bank robbery! And obviously it's ridiculous because it's not like you can walk up to a hospital and pay a hospital bill with cash from a bank robbery - he would have to launder it somehow first. WHERE ARE THE PLANS, PEOPLE?! But, it's still a highly entertaining action movie with some wildly chaotic performances - especially from Jake, who just gets more and more unhinged with every performance (I love it!). I can see how the camerawork can be a distraction for some, but for the most part I enjoy all of the overly complicated and completely unnecessary shots (the drones, but also the oddly placed circular shots). It's peak Bay, even if it's not one of his best. 

5. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers - I think I was led to believe that this was much better than it actually is, but it is super cute and very nostalgic. However, the pop culture references are overwhelming. It's just too much - and the audience (i.e ME) becomes too focused on figuring out every one of them, so the story gets lost. There are just too many references and cameos it's such a distraction. The only one that was really laugh out loud funny is ugly Sonic. I have no idea how they pulled that off, but it's absolutely genius. Actually it's amazing how they pulled all of this off - if you search the wiki page for all of the references, it's mind-blowing - and to think of the years of work that people had to do in order to get permission for all of this! And for that, I definitely have an appreciation for it. OF COURSE I watched Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers when I was a kid. It was never among my favorite cartoons, but I definitely fell into the nostalgia trap of this "reboot". But, objectively, it's not actually a good movie - the story is so bland and it's very long. I do like the different animation styles used together, but ultimately it's an average animated film. Not something that will stick with me at all.